The Bikes
The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.
It seems in some ways like a kind of Stockholm Syndrome, the way we honor our machines. We love them to a point that lies well beyond obsession. Upon these machines upon we endure endless suffering, but also find an unending pleasure. The rhythm, the harmony between rider and machine, the outdoors, the wind in our faces and air in our lungs.
The Bikes is devoted entirely to our machines. Ours, The Keepers, and yours, the Community. It features articles devoted to our bikes, and proves a forum for uploading photos of your own machines for discussion. We will be harsh, but fair; this is a place to enforce and enhance our observation of The Rules.
If you’d like to submit an article about your own beloved bike, please feel free to send it to us and we’ll do our best to work with you to include it.
- Rule #12 and the Cascade Effect
That is a very reasonable opening salvo for the Rule about bike ownership. Three is good and certainly a minimum, and we are talking road bikes here, if there was any doubt. They naturally become ordered: the #1 is ichi-ban, top dog, go-to bike for every and all rides. #2 was the old #1, ... - Guest Article: Black Is Not The New Black@kogalover is singing my song here. Bikes are beautiful. ’nuff said. VLVV, Gianni With all those posts on riding in winter and being visible, either by putting Eyes of Sauron or other car melting devices on one’s steed, or by even considering a YJA instead of donning plain black kit, it was about time to finally get ...
- Dialing in the StableThis was going to be an article about Rule #45. It is amazing how much time is wasted and matches burned when professionals stop for that second bike change to get back on their #1. With all the jigs available to team mechanics it would seem they could set up five bikes exactly the same. And ...
- Matching the drapes to the rugAs a longtime titanium bike owner, I’ve always been jealous of a beautiful painted frame but Ti and carbon frames don’t need paint like a steel frame needs paint. But I want some painted beauty. It’s like buying a white car; I can’t do white, need some color. So between a Ti frame and a ...
- Festum Prophetae: Waiting for the HourEveryone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. – Mike Tyson The one thing everyone should always plan for is that however well-conceived a program might be, things will never go to plan. The high level plan for my Festum Prophetae Hour Ride was as follows: Have a custom Hour Bike built by Don Walker. Because reasons. Reasons like custom ...
Mrs Engine needs her own @Mrs Engine log in. She makes me laugh.
And I need to remember to read her posts with a Scottish accent in my head.
@girl
Yes! Me too!
In our house “Bike bits” = arched eyebrows and new shoes. “Upgrades” = totally acceptable.
It’s all about the messaging.
@Spun Up
@Russ M
@the Engine
@Giles
Easy solution to all this. Dont let your missus anywhere near your cash or a fucking bank statement. You need to manage your situations better.
Disclaimer: my missus inspired this so I havent got things fully under control.
@Marcus & all
Good ones. I snuck in a bespoke hand built wheel set last year, under the twin guises of there were several other sets sitting around not on bikes and they wouldn’t be noticed, along with she would never have guessed how much they cost in the first place. That worked, but now I need to tell her I’m on the waiting list for a custom frame, which I won’t be able to hide, and will need to spend several evenings in the man-cave building up.
@Weldertron
Wow, just wow.
Gentlemen, there is an easy way to handle this. You buy her a handbag, and fill it up with a campagnolo groupset or whatever your heart desires. give her the handbag and when she discovers the odd bits inside, offer to return both the bag and the parts. If she’s anything like my ex’s, youll be golden.
@Nate
good luck with that mate.
@roger Nice i like that,
@Nate
so what’s the problem?
@Marcus
Spoken like a true, single man. Did the testes come back as part of the divorce settlement? Heard that will help with the weight loss, racing, and the “bitch tits”, so to speak. BTW, did you finally remove that recorder from my living room? It sounded uncomfortably familiar…
@gaswepass the only time I have ever had a financial discussion with my wife is to show her how much more fiscally fucked she would be if she kicked me out of the house. The GFC has kept us together.
@Marcus
the power of GFC vs TFB. It’s like batman and the Joker- they need each other!
Brilliant gentlemen! As long as my VMH gets the CX rig she wants this summer, I am golden. Then again she is letting me open the studio, hell she even took a weekend wrench course at the university.
The most important part of the VMH’s new bike = red.
Anybody on iClics ever snap a cleat in half? The one I always unclip at stops with (driveside) was starting to get worn down, and the non-driveside one broke part of the back retention nub and walking outrigger deal right off. It didn’t crack through the bolts, so it wasn’t overtorqued.
@gaswepass
Right now, there isn’t one. It’s off in the future somewhere, so it doesn’t actually exist yet.
@DerHoggz yup, although with mine it was the dismount cleat & they were pretty worn already at that point. Sounds similar though, snapped one of the back corners off it…
@DerHoggz Not me personally but I have heard of that happening with the 1st generation cleats. The “cafe” version are a lot more robust and have the non-slip stabilizers that assist with this as well. I have sheared off a few bolts though and not through being over torqued. Shit quality bolts. I’ve replaced all with s/steel since.
Time are bringing out an upgraded version of the iclic’s this year (if not already?) which are even more robust BTW.
@Dan_R I like the way your wife thinks. Red is always the answer.
@Nate
Which builder? How was the process? My titanium CX dream machine is being welded as we speak.
@Marcus
And get stuff shipped to your office rather than home. Makes life so much simpler.
@Chris
Except my office is in my home
@the Engine Awkward but it should at least improve your chances of intercepting packages.
At least you can do turbo sessions whilst holding strategic planning sessions.
@Chris
Actually with a wireless headset its amazing what you can do during conference calls.
Count me in for the CX Championships in Louisville! Tickets purchased, VMH coming along, never been to KY.
I know VeloVita is going, hope to meet some other Velominati out there!
@the Engine I have thought about sneaking in some roller sessions when working from home but the thought of being called into a conference call at short notice and being doing nothing more than huff, puff and cough has put me off.
@il ciclista medio
I have the iClic 2, and the black cleats, which superseded the black and red as far as I can tell. Oh well, I was needing to replace them anyway.
@Ron
Nice! we’ll have to figure out how to meet up.
@gaswepass
I had this today…I came home from a “browsing trip” to the LBS with a pair of light winter gloves and 2 new bottles cages. The distraction was I also hoved in to view with an Arione test saddle.
The challenge was “You have not bought a saddle have you?!!!!”…my answer “No it is a test saddle, free to try for 2 weeks, you don’t honestly think I would buy a purple saddle with test on it for a black and red bike do you?”
She said “O that’s ok then” completely missing the gloves and bidon cages!!!..Result!
@Deakus
Nice bait-and-switch there sir! Well done.I had a pal in the Inverclyde Velo who bought a new TT bike and tried to tell his wife it was just a respray paint job of an existing bike. Not sure if he got away with it!
@wiscot
My challenge will be when I try to explain why the N2 winter trainer is suddenly up and running again in May..(for my son to ride). The reason will be the new N1 will have a brand new gruppo of centaur black and red on it….this one could be a challenge.
Anyway…going for a light spin first ride on my Virgin….I give you….the N1! (forgive the gauche purple test saddle!)
@Deakus
Very nice indeed. As a black-badged Velominati, how could your wife have thought, for even a second, that you would put a purple saddle on such a fine rig as that on anything other than a temporary test basis? Even Johnathan Vaughters would acknowledge it looks wrong and god knows he’s not the best judge of sartorial harmony.
Deakus – I love the purple saddle! Then again, purple is my favorite color, which is one reason I have a purple bike. Also dig Prince’s music, he digs purple too, and we share the same birth date. I’d ride a purple saddle on any/all of my bikes.
VeloVita – Yup, would be nice to meet up with ya! Fun to move beyond the virtual friend world. I’ll be there Friday night through Monday. Frank has my e-address so we can get in touch beyond here. And discuss maybe a mini-CX cogal, not sure if a Cross-Cogal has happened anywhere yet?
@Sauterelle
Mrs Engine has failed miserably in her attempts to register thus far – I’m trying to sort this out but its very difficult with paws.
@wiscot
The first trip out was a bit of a farce. Work got in the way, I left late, the light was fading, I forgot lights, pump, tubes, multitool and phone, the whole fucking shebang so I only did a quick circuit 10kms, however the bike felt lovely, the ankle was bombproof and I am back in love with my arse (Arione seemed pretty good, need a few longer rides but good first impression).
Back out tomorrow for another longer ride!
@Deakus The fizik test program is great. I was worked my way through their saddles in the summer before buy a custom coloured braided Antares.
I was lucky with the shop, a local triathlon emporium, when I mentioned that I was pretty sure that the Antares was the one to go for but it was a shame that I hadn’t had a chance to get a long ride on it as I would like to have made the purchase before going off on holiday for three weeks to France – they were quite happy for me to take the test saddle with me.
@G’rilla
Dave Kirk. On the waitlist for maybe late spring? Brazed steel. The wait is killing me.
@Chris
Come to think of it, I did receive the wheelset at the office.
@girl . I’ve now registered. Be afraid, be very afraid!!
@the Engine
Mrs Engine is now live and dangerous. Hello Ladies!!
@Mrs Engine
And thats just the men.
@Mrs Engine
Welcome Mrs Engine!
Welcome, Mrs. Engine!
Welcome, Mrs. Engine!
@Mrs Engine
Welcome!
@Mrs Engine
Welcome! We’re happy to have…wait a minute…if this becomes a trend and all our respective VMH’s join, we’re fucked!
@VeloVita
A-Merckx to that….the cat is out of the bag and potentially the lunatics are about to take over the asylum….wedge…thin end….
However if the VMHs in question are true Velominati they will understand all that is written here and see the wisdom and sense in all that we say!
@Mrs Engine See you out on the roads.
@Deakus
This is a good point. I often refer to my wife here as my VMH, but that isn’t accurate. In her defense, she takes no issue with me buying whatever I want for my bike; has traveled with me out of town to watch pro races; has come out to watch me race CX; and would generally prefer to watch cycling over any other sporting event I put on the television. She also pushed an old Fuji racing bike with flat tires about 3k home from where someone has tossed it in the trash because I was already carrying another bike. Basically, she’s extremely supportive of my cycling. All that said, she doesn’t ride and has no interest in riding. In the 7 or so years we’ve been together she’s been on a bike one time and that was for a 1k journey to the ice cream shop, during which she smoked a cigarette (she’s since quit) and upon returning home complained about how hard it was. Point being, I really shouldn’t refer to her as my VMH because she technically isn’t a Velominata.
@VeloVita
+1 here, neither is mine. We need a new word in the Lexicon refering to “other halves” that are not cycling orientated i.e. wierd!