The Bikes

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.

It seems in some ways like a kind of Stockholm Syndrome, the way we honor our machines. We love them to a point that lies well beyond obsession. Upon these machines upon we endure endless suffering, but also find an unending pleasure. The rhythm, the harmony between rider and machine, the outdoors, the wind in our faces and air in our lungs.

The Bikes is devoted entirely to our machines. Ours, The Keepers, and yours, the Community. It features articles devoted to our bikes, and proves a forum for uploading photos of your own machines for discussion. We will be harsh, but fair; this is a place to enforce and enhance our observation of The Rules.

If you’d like to submit an article about your own beloved bike, please feel free to send it to us and we’ll do our best to work with you to include it.

  • Rule #12 and the Cascade EffectRule #12 and the Cascade Effect
    That is a very reasonable opening salvo for the Rule about bike ownership. Three is good and certainly a minimum, and we are talking road bikes here, if there was any doubt. They naturally become ordered: the #1 is ichi-ban, top dog, go-to bike for every and all rides. #2 was the old #1, ...
  • Guest Article: Black Is Not The New BlackGuest Article: Black Is Not The New Black
     @kogalover is singing my song here. Bikes are beautiful. ’nuff said. VLVV, Gianni With all those posts on riding in winter and being visible, either by putting Eyes of Sauron or other car melting devices on one’s steed, or by even considering a YJA instead of donning plain black kit, it was about time to finally get ...
  • Dialing in the StableDialing in the Stable
    This was going to be an article about Rule #45. It is amazing how much time is wasted and matches burned when professionals stop for that second bike change to get back on their #1. With all the jigs available to team mechanics it would seem they could set up five bikes exactly the same. And ...
  • Matching the drapes to the rugMatching the drapes to the rug
    As a longtime titanium bike owner, I’ve always been jealous of a beautiful painted frame but Ti and carbon frames don’t need paint like a steel frame needs paint. But I want some painted beauty. It’s like buying a white car; I can’t do white, need some color. So between a Ti frame and a ...
  • Festum Prophetae: Waiting for the HourFestum Prophetae: Waiting for the Hour
    Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. – Mike Tyson The one thing everyone should always plan for is that however well-conceived a program might be, things will never go to plan. The high level plan for my Festum Prophetae Hour Ride was as follows: Have a custom Hour Bike built by Don Walker. Because reasons. Reasons like custom ...

15,871 Replies to “The Bikes”

  2. For some reason I have this photo saved as “Marcus.jpeg” on my computer

  3. @Godsight
    I can only guess that JiPM’s malicious recommendation arises out of his deep sense of insecurity given that my Look 595 looks better than his one. Combine that with my wearing of the black jersey this week, the state of the US economy, along with Cadel’s victory, and you get a very frustrated Dallas-based Velominatus

    @minion
    As for you, the fact that have you saved such a picture, regardless of its nomenclature, was at first disturbing to me. But then I remembered your nation’s long held love affair with the species ovis aries.

    I am guessing you have hundreds of photos of sheep in various positions on your hard disk? So I guess the name Marcus had to get used sooner or later.

    Seriously Mr New Zealander – a sheep joke?! From a kiwi? Something about pots and kettles springs immediately to mind.

    Oh yeah, that dog looks a lot like Footrot Flats. You sure he isn’t a kiwi?

  4. @Godsight

    Just gotta watch out for all the folks with the funny accents, be it Aussie, Kiwi, or heck even Canadian. Can’t trust those crown colony subjects.

  5. @mcsqueak

    @Godsight
    Just gotta watch out for all the folks with the funny accents, be it Aussie, Kiwi, or heck even Canadian. Can’t trust those crown colony subjects.

    “subjects!!!”. I shall have you know, sir, that Australians have not been considered British subjects since the Australian Citizenship (Amendment) Act 1984.

    Given the Chinese and Japanese own most of the US debt, when you guys default next week, will you be subjects of both countries, or just one?

  6. @minion
    Isn’t that photo from the NZ “Everyday Guide to Love Making Positions” or the “Baa Baa Sutra” as it’s more commonly known over there?

  7. @Marcus

    Ah, my bad! I have to admit, I haven’t kept up with Australian law much since “Men at Work” dropped off of the single’s chart here. So what you’re saying is that 1984 is the year that everyone in the penal colony was released and given citizenship?

    As to your query, I’ll take Japan, arigato gozaimasu (deep bow inserted here).

  8. @mcsqueak
    Yep – pardons all round. It was our reward for winning the Americas Cup in 1983.

    As to Men at Work, they lost a big case last year for ripping the flute riff from “Down Under” off an old Aussie song called “Kookaburra Sits on the Old Gum Tree”!

  9. @Marcus
    Dallas based? I’m in Houston! PetroMetro–get it? Petroleum? As for Dallas, that’s where I was born and raised. Austin is where I went to college and hung on there as long as I could and wish I could go back but I can’t right now. Fuck me runnin’.
    @Godsight

    @Jeff in PetroMetroHavent been lurking here for long enough to know why i shouldnt trust roadie like marcus. dont mind to explain ?

    Nothin’ left to explain. Marcus is just a big ‘ol teddy bear. With big sharp claws. And big sharp teeth. (Dammit. I can’t find the face-eating drop bear pic. Minion–help!)

  10. Ok, back to the bikes… all this sheep and convict talk is ‘distracting’ me…

    Look what turned up yesterday…

    Oh. My. Merckx.

  16. @mcsqueak

    @Marcus
    So what you’re saying is that 1984 is the year that everyone in the penal colony was released and given citizenship?
    As to your query, I’ll take Japan, arigato gozaimasu (deep bow inserted here).

    (They tell them they’ve been released. Really they’re still in the clink. If you do want to visit Australia, I suggest visiting one of the other great commonwealth countries and get caught stealing something. First class one way ticket, all yours!)

    And the America’s cup, is this one yours as well?

  17. @Jeff in PetroMetro
    I do love drop bears – last month when in Vegas I had some guy from Seattle believe me that they were real. “Wait a minute, you mean you guys have, like, ninja koalas? I thought spiders and snakes were the dangerous things down there!”.

    But truth be told, NEVER go near a koala in the wild. They will fuck you up.

  18. @minion
    You mean all I have to do is go to Canada and steal a pack of gum and they’ll ship me to the penal colony? I doubt it. They’ll just say, “Sorry, ay. Would you like to pay for that, ay? No? That’s okay. Sorry abooot that. Have a nice day, ay.”

  19. @brett

    Ok, back to the bikes… all this sheep and convict talk is ‘distracting’ me…
    Look what turned up yesterday…

    Oh. My. Merckx.

    F’cken A. Decided on your build kit yet?

    My FuGios/Gugi is slowly becoming more and more Italian. Am on the lookout for a deda 27.2 seatpost (pref Silver) and then might start looking at the drivetrain.

  20. @Marcus

    But truth be told, NEVER go near a koala in the wild. They will fuck you up.

    We only have ’em in the zoo. They’re always asleep. And slow. Like sloths. Which we also have at the zoo.

    I wonder who would win if a sloth and a koala had a bike race?

  21. @Jeff in PetroMetro

    @minion You mean all I have to do is go to Canada and steal a pack of gum and they’ll ship me to the penal colony? I doubt it. They’ll just say, “Sorry, ay. Would you like to pay for that, ay? No? That’s okay. Sorry abooot that. Have a nice day, ay.”

    You can do that – but if you do, as soon as you arrive down here you need to find the meanest-looking bloke you see and stick him with a shiv. If you don’t, before nightfall you will most certainly be somebody’s bitch.

  22. @Marcus
    I know a good joke about that and it’s so distasteful I can’t even share it on Velominati.com. But I’m laughing my ass off. Wish I could tell it.

  33. @brett
    Given he was US champ in 2000 and 2001 and rode for Domo 2001-2, he was only in normal Domo livery post the 2002 US champs. However the photo above was from the 01 US Pro champs…

  37. @Godsight
    Funny, I used to have a Marinoni in the late 80’s just before my Concorde.
    I wouldn’t have expected too many people outside of eastern Canada to know what they were.

    @Brett
    Mercx, Museeuw and JaJa those are some beautiful bikes.

  38. @Marcus

    But truth be told, NEVER go near a koala in the wild. They will fuck you up.

    So true it could be a Rule.

  39. @Jaja

    @Chris A couple of months ago I built up my number one bike with a second hand 10speed record groupset – except cranks which are sugino/stronglight unbranded. Obviously new chain, cassette and chain rings. It developed a bit of a creak on the right hand crank after about 300k. This, I thought, was because I was trying to use a camapg ISO BB with a JIS crankset and I couldn’t tighten the crank enough. Changed the bottom bracket – noise gettting worse. Perhaps I’d damaged the cranks so changed them – still noisy. Came to the conclusion that the bottom bracket non fixed cup didn’t have a close enough grasp on the body of the BB – fitted more expensive bottom bracket and rechased the threads while I was at it. Eventully realised that current noise was now quite different from the original click, more or a creak, only occuring under pressure. I still think the original ckick was BB/crank interface related, but it had taken me a while to realise I now had a new problem – if only I’d spotted these posts sooner. Went though changing pedals, seat post shims as possible sources. No luck. By now I was concerned the frame might be the source. I put on an old wheel with a 9 speed cassette on it and the noise went away – obviously I could only use two gears though. Put the 10 speed wheel back on rode around a bit more thinking about the wheel and cassette and it became apparent that the noise was worse in the middle of the cassette. Last night I changed over the chain and the creaking, at least on the way to work this morning has stopped; although the chain is a bit noisy as one would expect as the cassette probably had about 600k on it by now. I’ll swap the cassette tonight and see if the rule of silence is observed once more. Record chain, centaur 13-29 (shameful I know, but it was for Mt Ventoux – 12-25 going on tonight).
    What’s going on? Is this normal for campag 10 speed – presumably not? But it never ran as quietly as 9 speed. Was I just unlucky. Might be cheaper in the long run to get the shifters converted to 9 speed. Should I try a different brand of chain in the future? What do you lot run on 10 speed campag?
    All very frustrating as my much loved, but quite frankly neglected 9 speed steel tourer that I usually commute on is still as quiet as a belgium beer brewing trappist monk after many 1000k.

    Thank for the tip although it is all slightly academic now, the rear derailleur sheared of on Sunday and the chain got slightly mangled in the process. The damage was further compounded whn I shortened it to run the bike as a single speed to get home.

    I’m hoping the derailleur will be warantied but I’ll still be left with the cost of a new chain, cable and two huge paint chips in the frame (two months old).

    Fingers crossed that when it comes back it’ll be silent!

  40. @jaja

    Ignore last bit of previous post. What i changed last night was the cassette, not the chain. You can see how all this drive train noise is affecting me. Out for an hour tonight and creak is gone. So it looks like my cassette had had enough after about 600k. What do they make them of? Some kind of steel/butter alloy? Mind you I am now wondering if there isn’t a bit of a click coming from the bottom bracket now, drowned out in the previous racket. I am on the road to the lunatic asylum.

    Fuck. Just read this. Will have to see how it goes when I get it back. if I get a new cassette I my have to V up and get one with less teeth!

  41. @Marcus
    Awesome photo… I remember seeing video of that race, Merckx-knows-where, but there was a cool helicopter shot of the last bend, a right-hander, and Freddy just stomped it across to the right side and blew Georgie and (was it Moninger?) away…

  43. @grumbledook

    Talking about old Campa. This is our local bike shop. They have plenty of pretty old Campa parts :)
    But I prefer modern gear.

    Now you’re just showing off. Merckx I love Europe.

  44. You are right. I’m sorry. … On the other hand, I am the one who could be jealous. You may have realized that my #1, #2 and #3 are based on US-made Ti and steel frames. A lot of the components are also made in USA. And I guess I paid almost twice for all this than you would have. But I love Chris King! (Funny enough, AFAIK in the US it’s the DT Swiss hubs that are selling well.)

  45. Is that your LBS or a fashionable clothier? Er, might be a combination. Slick shops that cater to real roadies are few and far between. Oh well, it’ll keep people from jumping on the bandwagon. Oh wait, high mileage V-riding already does that…

  46. This is one of the two shop owners. He could tell you something about high mileage V-riding …

  47. @grumbledook

    This is one of the two shop owners. He could tell you something about high mileage V-riding …

    Trondheim-Oslo in 14hs14min

  48. Speaking of high end, niche bike kit, I recently trademe’d a Thomson stem off of Matt Archbold, the trackie whose name I need help spelling, and holy moley. It’s amazing. And it’s a stem. Who’d have thunk it that something that seems so simple could be so well done. Why oh why don’t they make bars?

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