The Bikes

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.

It seems in some ways like a kind of Stockholm Syndrome, the way we honor our machines. We love them to a point that lies well beyond obsession. Upon these machines upon we endure endless suffering, but also find an unending pleasure. The rhythm, the harmony between rider and machine, the outdoors, the wind in our faces and air in our lungs.

The Bikes is devoted entirely to our machines. Ours, The Keepers, and yours, the Community. It features articles devoted to our bikes, and proves a forum for uploading photos of your own machines for discussion. We will be harsh, but fair; this is a place to enforce and enhance our observation of The Rules.

If you’d like to submit an article about your own beloved bike, please feel free to send it to us and we’ll do our best to work with you to include it.

  • Rule #12 and the Cascade EffectRule #12 and the Cascade Effect
    That is a very reasonable opening salvo for the Rule about bike ownership. Three is good and certainly a minimum, and we are talking road bikes here, if there was any doubt. They naturally become ordered: the #1 is ichi-ban, top dog, go-to bike for every and all rides. #2 was the old #1, ...
  • Guest Article: Black Is Not The New BlackGuest Article: Black Is Not The New Black
     @kogalover is singing my song here. Bikes are beautiful. ’nuff said. VLVV, Gianni With all those posts on riding in winter and being visible, either by putting Eyes of Sauron or other car melting devices on one’s steed, or by even considering a YJA instead of donning plain black kit, it was about time to finally get ...
  • Dialing in the StableDialing in the Stable
    This was going to be an article about Rule #45. It is amazing how much time is wasted and matches burned when professionals stop for that second bike change to get back on their #1. With all the jigs available to team mechanics it would seem they could set up five bikes exactly the same. And ...
  • Matching the drapes to the rugMatching the drapes to the rug
    As a longtime titanium bike owner, I’ve always been jealous of a beautiful painted frame but Ti and carbon frames don’t need paint like a steel frame needs paint. But I want some painted beauty. It’s like buying a white car; I can’t do white, need some color. So between a Ti frame and a ...
  • Festum Prophetae: Waiting for the HourFestum Prophetae: Waiting for the Hour
    Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. – Mike Tyson The one thing everyone should always plan for is that however well-conceived a program might be, things will never go to plan. The high level plan for my Festum Prophetae Hour Ride was as follows: Have a custom Hour Bike built by Don Walker. Because reasons. Reasons like custom ...

15,871 Replies to “The Bikes”

  4. This product is one of the reasons for weird Dutch geometry, and probably for Frank’s bike setup. I spotted at a store up in Washington state last month, probably special ordered on Frank’s request:

  5. @mcsqueak
    Fine Dutch red wine? Red tulips, sure. But wine? What do the Dutch know about wine? I’d give this a wide berth if I were you. Chocolate, yes; wine, yes. Combined? Not so much.

  6. @Steampunk

    I agree, it seems a rather ‘suspect’ beverage. They don’t even capitalize “dutch” in their label, so they must not be very proud of it.

    Though, they don’t specify where the wine is from, just the chocolate. So it could be the taste of dutch chocolate and fine French wine, for all we know.

    What I’m mostly thinking, though, is that it pairs well with scented candles and V-kit packing.

  7. @mcsqueak
    They would have called it “fine French wine” if it was French (note the capitalization), so I’m inferring it’s probably the finest wine the Dutch have to offer.

    Good thinking on the Candlegate connection, though: this could be my ticket to receiving two LS jerseys if the candles and the wine leaving Frank seeing double. Here’s hoping for a good start to 2011…

  8. Kiwicyclist:
    @Steampunk
    Ok – here’s one of my more interesting bikes. My cruiser for tooling around the neighbourhood with Mrs Kiwicyclist and the brood:

    Its a Malvern Skidstar GT – late 60s/early 70s era – 3 speed T shifter (with optional handlebar shifter included) – now with a brooks saddle. Bought in mostly fully restored condition as pictured.
    Its like riding a couch.

    Absolutely gorgeous. You are to be commended for keeping that bike alive and in service!

  9. The first track bike I rode was a Pogi then a Romic and Windsor Professional and that was in the 70’s. Even ripped the cleat off my shoe when slamming to a stop from 30mph and didn’t get hit by the bus.

  11. Alright – one more from the Dan O garage. This was my Frankenstein Cannondale constructed from various sources…

    Frame was a NOS deal off eBay, the ’07 police model – same as the Furio frame, but mounts for v brakes or disks. Plus fender mounts and room for 3 bottle cages. Kind of a handy frame for various use. It could be the old school XC bike or mutant touring/commute bomber.

    It originally arrived with the Headshok suspension fork. Pretty cool and light to old school XC me. It however blew up in short order. Kind of a Headshok lobotomy. It was replaced with a ’04 Fox Talus fork, using a Cane Creek headset that sleeved down the 1.5″ diameter head tube.

    Running gear was ’99 era XTR, with Mavic ceramic rims. All pulled from my ’99 Ellsworth Truth that I retired. Add in the Thompson setapost, Flite saddle, carbon LP ‘bars. The Fox forked lived on the Ellsworth as well.

    When complete, was fun to go back to a hardtail after 10 years of dual suspension. You get the crap pounded out of you at times, but the snappy hardtail feel is fun in its own way – as is using your brain a bit more to pick smoother lines. Some bikes fit better then others, this one fit spot on after I dialed it in. Old school XC setup: lower bars, longer reach and bar ends in play. Yes please.

    I rode this Cannondale from ’08 to ’10 as my main mountain bike. I’ve since pulled everything off to build up a cool bike for my 11 year old son to ride and race. The frame now hangs in the garage for future projects. I’ve since moved on to a 29er hardtail and I’m digging it.

    Bike pictured on my local trails. Let the seat bag mocking commence. When it comes to mountain biking, I’m still old school – meaning I wear roadie kit – not baggy mountain bike shorts and Camelback. I drink from muddy water bottles as nature intended. At times with jersey loaded with rolled up jacket, camera, food – no room for spare tube, patch kit, levers – hence the bag. Bouncing around singletrack at speed with all that wedged into pockets ain’t cutting it. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking with it…

  12. @Dan O
    Best thing you could ever have done, ditching the frikkin’ Headshock. The early ones were heinous, in their action and reliability. A mate of mine had (has) one and it was either in the shop, on it’s way to the shop, or being taken from the shop so it can be ridden and then have to go back to the shop. He gave up on ever having a rebound damper that worked, so he’d just pogo down the trail until it drove him to virtually give up riding altogether.

    That 950(?) series XTR was very cool, and still looks awesome compared to some current high-end stuff. Your son is gonna have the bitchinest bike in whatever grade he’s in.

    I think you’re safe on the seatbag, at least it matches your saddle… and your grips, and tyres. And bottle.

  13. @Brett
    I knew from prior research the Headshok had issues, but I always thought it was a cool design for short travel XC use. The frame/fork was a good deal off eBay, so I gave it go.

    At first the Headshok felt decent and I dug the top mounted lock out knob. The fork was pretty light as well. It didn’t last long though, less then a year of use – then kaput. Since this was a eBay sale, no warranty. I contacted Cannondale for the hell of it, they said no way. The Headshok fork now sits in my garage leaking oil, waiting for a rebuild or trip to the dumpster.

    That era of XTR was really cool and well made. My set has now lived on three different bikes, including my son’s bike pictured below. Details….

    I picked up a 14″ Access frame from Performance for $99. 3.5 pounds, disk and v-brake mounts. From the Cannondale – moved over the XTR shifters, derailleurs, brakes – and wheels that include XTR hubs and Mavic ceramic rims – plus the Fox fork. New Shimano chain, LX crankset/BB and Cane Creek headset off eBay. New SRAM cassette from Craigslist. Sette stem and ‘bars from Price Point. Ibis seatpost and Fizik saddle I had laying in the garage, along with the grips that magically match. New cables and it was rolling.

    Turned out to be a killer bike for cheap dough, since I already had the parts – especially for a 10 year old (now 11). The Performance Access frame turned out to be much better then expected – especially for $99. When he out grows this frame, will purchase the next size up for $99, then swap the parts over. Could then sell the smaller frame for $50 or so. It’s like a free upgrade. The way he’s growing, he’ll fit the 18″ Cannondale frame stored in the garage soon or later. Not a bad way to keep him riding decent stuff for low dough. We’re doing the one paycheck family gig, doing what I can to keep the wheels rolling.

    Since this picture was taken, the stem was swapped upside down to lower the ‘bars. I left the fork steerer long for future frame swaps. He’s grown some and the seat has been raised also. The bike has seen numerous fun rides, a mountain bike race or two, plus a full cyclocross race series this fall – where he placed 6th overall for the series in his class. Not bad for the mail order frame, garage built special, eh?

    If interested, more pics here:
    http://yoeddy.blogspot.com/2010/04/project-access-ready-to-roll.html

    My son in action on it. Riding and racing with your kids is the coolest thing ever….

  14. Velominati, this is bike number 4, my Timetrial bike. I hope you’ll excuse the rule violations. The yellow tape is going when I get home (the bike is currently at my parents house), I will endeavour to find a more elegant solution for the computer, and the whole ungainly look of the cockpit is why I’m posting here.

    The bike is a Giant MCR (now outlawed by the UCI… I don’t think highly of them…). Giant were the only manufacturer big enough to take on the monocoque carbon design and actually manage to turn a profit. Needless to say, I’d never have afforded one of these beautiful machines, I was given it by a friend who was unable to race anymore. Anyway, it left me, a mediocre tester on one of the fastest bikes in the bunch (good job the CTT in the UK aren’t UCI affiliated). The problem is, the most aero position is way to far a reach for me, and the design of the stem means that to raise it it brings the bars back (hence the ugly position its in now).

    So I’m thinking I need a shorter stem, shorter tri bars and to ram the saddle forward… any ideas? I’m also on a pretty tight budget.

    [album: http://filemanager.dutchmonkey.com/photoalbums.php?currdir=velominati.com/content/Reader Galleries/431296244194/|width=595|height=512]

  15. I finally remembered to take a picture of my ride while out on a ride yesterday. It was kind of chilly so I didn’t spend to much time setting up. Sorry if the cranks are in the wrong position but they are what is holding the bike up on the sprinkler pipe.

  17. @3cross

    Rad, another Velominatus on a BMC and SRAM. That there’s a big boy frame. How do you like the Pro Machine? And is that the Air Force Academy behind your bike? Sweet.

  18. @Rob
    The position of the wheels was just luck. I didn’t even think of that.

    @Marko
    The Pro Machine rides great but I have riden a Cannondale R400 for years so it is quite a change. Yes it is the Air Force Academy in the background. The Academy provides some great local riding especially in the winter when other roads have patches of ice and sand. There is also a 13 mile off road loop on the Academy which has a couple of challenging sections.

  20. this is my ride for a few weeks – at least it has a view (sigh)

    I will be in Stuttgart now for two years. My old xc giant is on its way (all packed up) and I was planning on driving up to Koblenz and buying a Canyon to troll around on while I am here.
    I would welcome any better ideas though …

  27. This is me and my VMH on a REAL bike. Why don’t you all you lycra clad fanboys just admit that you’ll never be as fast as the big dogs and get on something that’s truly efficient?

  29. @BentLuvr
    Nice effort on the horrific photo! So many visually disturbing items – the visors, the non-cycling glasses, the mirror, the matching Yellow Jackets of Authority – not to mention the (tandem!) recumbent itself! Congratulations.

    But isn’t that a rather inefficient recumbent – don’t you guys usually ride around with your arses a lot closer to the ground?

    And where is your orange flag?

  30. @BentLuvr
    I’d rather smash my nuts off with a jagged rock than be caught astride such an abomination. Calling that a bicycle is akin to calling a bowler an athlete. I’m sure you’ve “burned a lot of matches” on that thing and got your taint sweaty and everything huh?

  31. @Marcus No need for an orange flag, cars get one look at a ride that bad ass and they back the fuck up.

    @Cyclops, I highly doubt you have nuts to smash off anyway. You want to see a real man?

    Check the tan line. You don’t get that sitting in your basement typing on internet forums about how “hard” you are and proper leg-shaving technique. You get that duking it out on the road. BENTS 4EVAH!

  32. Back at ya biyotch!

    BTW, that’s yours truly in the front duking it out with real cyclists. Notice that there are no panzy-ass guys on Lazy-Boys with wheels with their mom on the back in the image.

    You’re funny. I like you.

  33. @Cyclops My mom? As if. That’s my VMH and she’s a total freak. Bent Girls do it better. You know why there’s no guys on recumbents in that race? Because the UCI banned them. They’re TOO FAST. You roadies are free to fill your bodies with all the steroids and amphetamines that they can handle, but if you road a bike that was too fast that’d be cheating. You probably wish you looked like this guy…

  37. @BentLuvr

    Your fishing expedition seems to have landed a couple, congratulations. The bait now appears to have been left in the sun far too long & has gone quite rancid. Toss it away & then continue on into the sunset.

    Almost funny though! PTHN

  38. @BentLuvr
    Are we measuring the efficiency of a bike by the uninterupted length of of the top tube or is it just the number of links in the chain?

    I have to admit, however, that I admire your courage posting a picture of you and your lady looking that scared. On the other hand, I’m impressed that you look only that scared. I’ve ridden recumbents and they are terrifying. I can’t begin to imagine how unstable that thing is when you get a speed wobble going. Strong work. Although I suppose a speed wobble is only theoretical. Until someone goes fast enough to create one.

    One last thing: while I love the energy of your posts (while you are clearly mocking us, you also somehow seem to capture what we do here, and that’s good enoug for me), the picture of that “doping” cyclist is very unrealistic. None of the drugs in cycling are used to make our upper bodies bigger. Obviously.

  40. @frank
    Frank, I’m terrified that you’ve ridden “recumbents.” That’s more than one. That’s unholy recidivism. Repent.

    I think BentLuvr is hilarious. That guy’s got ‘nads to come play in this sandbox.

  42. @Frank I can put some serious speed on. Just the other day I passed someone on a regular diamond frame, and as hard as they tried they couldn’t keep up. To be fair, the rider was a woman, but that’s really no excuse as my VMH is CLEARLY a woman and those legs of hers put out some serious power, both on and OFF the bike ;). But I digress. That woman, no matter how hard she pedaled, just couldn’t keep up with the aerodynamic power of the recumbent. Judging by the angle of the pink handlebar streamers and her pigtails blowing in the wind she had to be going at least 14mph. If it wasn’t for those extra wheels on the back maybe she could’ve caught me as we went up the hill but she was clearly too fat to climb.

  43. I love trolls that seem to have a sense of humor. Between you and me I think Bent is awesome. I only hope he’s not serious because then it would be sad.

  44. @BentLuvr
    That thing is flippin sweet. It’s like attaching a Herman Miller Aeron Chair to a greenmachine. Makes sense too that your VMH is behind you. Every recumbent man needs a VMH as his stoker. The only problem I have with the picture is you two are riding in the little ring, which surprises me for two reasons. 1) I wouldn’t think little ring is in your vocab, and 2) why even bother making a recumbent with a little ring? Fucking inspirational overall though, I’ll take one of each.

  45. @Marko Thanx for the support. Too many haters out there. RE: the little ring…we had to slow down to be photographed.

  47. Velominati: Here’s my one and only picture, so far, of my new Look 595. My only camera right now is my Palm 755p cell phone, so this will have to do. Note–I’ve got the same cages as Julian Dean.

    Marcus, you’re in the Southern Hemisphere, yes? As the power of the V is always balanced in the Universe, the cycling gods must have bestowed upon us 595’s, within hours of each other, to spritually bookend the Earth, so to speak. Too much V on one side might throw us all off axis.

    It’s all so clear to me now.

  49. @Jeff in PetroMetro
    Nice, very nice.

    Am a few hours away from having my last race (for some time I expect) on my (now superseded) steel Baum, so am a little choked up.

    I see you have opted for the “hard ride” elastomer insert?

  50. @mightyninja
    Thanks! I really didn’t expect anything like this to come my way. If the weather would cooperate, I could get out and learn so much more about this exquisite beast. But, it’s wet outside and now it’s freezing. As I type, it’s -1C.

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