The New V-estament
During the birth of The Rules, just like the Big Bang, there was a flurry of new activity, too much expanding and not enough contracting; certainly not enough thinking. It’s hard to keep the throttle back when divining the Word of Merckx in real time. The interweb tubes whistled with new Rules shuttling back and forth, beers consumed, genius conferred, make it so, make it so. We were young, carefree, we would live forever.
Now, with a small bit of introspection and a looming book deadline, the Keepers are actually re-reading these things. Yes, some should go, some should be mashed together, and thanks to our brilliant community, some new ones should go in. For example, Rule #48 and Rule #49 – both about saddle position and not even addressing height.
“Hey I got another one, keep your saddle level.”
“Ha ha ha! Yeah, can you believe people ride with the nose way up or way down? People are such dicks.”
“Oh, Oh, Oh, I got another one, slide your saddle back, can you believe how people ride with their saddle way forward?”
In a less beer-fueled world, those might have become one Rule, dealing with two connected yet dissimilar concepts. Now they will become one Rule, both addressing saddle position.
Rule #48 // Saddles must be level and pushed back.
The seating area of a saddle is to be visually level, with the base measurement made using a spirit level. Based on subtleties of saddle design and requirements of comfort, the saddle may then be pitched slightly forward or backward to reach a position that offers stability, power, and comfort. If the tilt of the saddle exceeds two degrees, you need to go get one of those saddles with springs and a thick gel pad because you are obviously a big pussy.
The midpoint of the saddle as measured from tip to tail shall fall well behind and may not be positioned forward of the line made by extending the seat tube through the top of the saddle. (Also see Rule #44 and Rule #48.)
This opens up Rule #49. Lord Merckx has decreed that all the Rules don’t switch one position if one is eradicated or subsumed. That would confound the universe and force one of Lord Merckx’s minions to write a lot of code. And that minion is the only minion capable of code writing because the other minions are dumb fucks.
Rule #49 // Keep the rubber side down.
It is totally unacceptable to deliberately turn one’s steed upside down for any reason under any circumstances. Besides the risk of scratching the saddle, levers and stem, it is unprofessional and a disgrace to your loyal steed. The risk of the bike falling over is increased, wheel removal/replacement is made more difficult and your bidons will leak. The only reason a bicycle should ever be in an upside down position is during mid-rotation while crashing. This Rule also applies to upside down saddle-mount roof bars. (Thanks to Donnie Bugno.)
This wise bit of advise comes from Donnie ‘Donnie Bugno’ Wiley. Donnie sagely added “I take this so seriously I am unable to offer any assistance or slow down no matter how much distress the rider may be in.” Donnie is wise. He is one of us.
Similarly to the above stated Rules, we have Rules #21 and #23 pertaining to cold weather gear and shoe covers. If memory serves us correctly, or not, someone back in the early days (it was surely one of the five of us who were the only ones reading the site at the time) asked what the fuck Hincapie was doing wearing shoe covers all the time. Regardless of how pro George ALWAYS looked otherwise, there had to be a Rule in there somewhere about shoe covers. Since we only had 22 Rules at the time, Rule #23 was decreed. But since hindsight is 20/20 it is time to redact Rules #21 and #23 into one Rule. Therefore:
Rule #21 // Cold weather gear is for cold weather.
Knickers, vests, arm warmers, shoe covers, and caps beneath your helmet can all make you look like a hardman, when the weather warrants their use. If it isn’t wet or cold, save your Flandrian Best for Flemish weather.
So what of the space vacated by the shoe covers in Rule #23, you ask? Well, we’re filling that space with what we’re calling “the Tuck Rule”.
Rule #23 // Tuck only after reaching Escape Velocity.
You may only employ the aerodynamic tuck after you have spun out your 53 x 11; the tuck is to be engaged only when your legs can no longer keep up. Your legs make you go fast, and trying to keep your fat ass out of the wind only serves to keep you from slowing down once you reach escape velocity. Thus, the tuck is only to be employed to prevent you slowing down when your legs have wrung the top end out of your block. Tucking prematurely while descending is the antithesis of Casually Deliberate. For more on riding fast downhill see Rule #64 and Rule #85.
But we’re not finished there, no siree… A couple of other Rules needing to be combined are 18 and 19, pertaining to sensible choice of kit for road, mountain biking and cyclocross racing. Basically, don’t mix that shit up.
Rule #18 // Know what to wear. Don’t suffer kit confusion.
No baggy shorts and jerseys while riding the road bike. No lycra when riding the mountain bike (unless racing XC). Skin suits only for cyclocross.
Which leaves Rule #19 open. The Keepers have experienced the annoying practice of riders joining groups unannounced at an increasing rate of late. This brought about a Rule suggestion being raised in the Boardroom, and a timely post by community member @specialk reinforced our own beliefs that a little common courtesy goes a long way. We are not against riders joining a group, but you wouldn’t walk into a restaurant, sit down at an occupied table and start eating, so why just latch onto a stranger’s wheel and claim a free lunch?
Rule #19 // Introduce Yourself.
If you deem it appropriate to join a group of riders who are not part of an open group ride and who are not your mates, it is customary and courteous to announce your presence. Introduce yourself and ask if you may join the group. If you have been passed by a group, wait for an invitation, introduce yourself, or let them go. The silent joiner is viewed as ill-mannered and Anti-V. Conversely, the joiner who can’t shut their cakehole is no better and should be dropped from the group at first opportunity. (Thanks to specialk)
And so we have spoken. And the disciples shall digest these new Rules, and they shall Obey. Prophet V.V
@foghorn leghorn
I could be wrong but the Keepers, while getting the terminology incorrect, were referring to the act of escaping, i.e. pedalling so fucking fast that the peloton is watching your fat arse disappear, rather than actually achieving escape velocity?
@Marcus
Yes. Why should some muppet have a 30% easier ride than me when we both know that they have no chance in hell of being able to take a pull? Do I look like a charity? If I let enough people suck my wheel can I claim it on my taxes?
Not in a long time. In fact, I prefer to hang 5-6 metres back.
People hop on my wheel quite a bit, I can think of a few areas in town that it happens to me all the time on. It drives me nuts when I’m out, busting my hump all alone and lo and behold I’ve got a stowaway. I don’t like strangers on my wheel and I don’t do it to strangers, unless invited.
@TBONE
There may be no recourse other than to lead by example. Not sure what the example should be for any given cyclist.
I’m not concerned about wheelsuckers.
Why would I want training to be easy?
@Nate
I had a group pass me several weeks ago, very slowly (maybe 2 minutes for 5 riders). They were possibly going 1 km/h faster than me, but i do not slow down to open a gap, i maintain cadence and pace. About 20 seconds after the last rider passed, he let out a big rocket.
So i ask, when you are passed by a group, do you slow to give them a gap, or do you let the passers rev up a little and create their own?
@Marcus
And I can’t believe you care what other people’s preferences are. Do you care that I also don’t like to wear green, by any chance?
If you don’t know me, how about you ride up next to me and chat for a bit instead of latching on to my wheel like a silent ghost?
It’s not about being anti-social. I’ve met some awesome strangers out riding. But those people introduce themselves.
Perhaps we’ll chalk this one up to social norm differences? I also don’t like it when people walk RIGHT behind me either…
@Winelli
What if I go hard all the way home?
@Nate
@Deakus
That’s certainly a better explanation than the idea that I was just zooming along too fast. I also considered that he was probably at mile 98 of an Imperial Century (or kilometer 160.9 if you prefer) and thus in need of a hop-based recovery drink.
Deacon Bikes is officially open for business. I hung the last of the sheet rock today and built a bench. Now I need to build myself a CX rig and I got a few people in line already but I hope to taking orders by Jan. 1.
Then I decided to “decorate” a little bit…
Got the graphics and the paint sourced out already…
…so I’m pretty stoked.
Skin suits only! Where do I buy two V-suits?
Further Rule proposal: “When you’re the form rider, be generous with your energy. This doesn’t apply to races.”
You know what it means. Reflect on it if you don’t, or consider any experience in which you’ve progressed over time from the weakest to the stronger/est person in the bunch, then you will. It should be added. Tell me to shove it if I’m wrong.
@Cyclops Very cool, mate! Nice clean set up, can’t wait to see what it looks like after you’ve been working it for a couple of years.
@Deakus
I agree, but I immediately thought of escaping from those sorry souls that you have just dropped on the climb and then had to bear witness to your demonstration of moving sur la plague.
@foghorn leghorn
Escape Velocity is a more colorful descriptive term, despite not being technically correct.
So let it be written. So let it be done.
@unversio
Well of course I lead by example. I am sworn to uphold the rules, which clearly state that no one likes a wheel sucker.
@Marcus
A fucking +1.
Just ride. If someone gets on your wheel and you don’t drop them, chances are they may eventually take a pull. If not, who cares. Just keep riding. Life is all about give and take. Be generous.
@mouse No way! Why the shit should I change my pace to drop some parasite, even assuming I could (if they caught me up they’re probably quicker than me)? I’m plenty fucking generous, but this is just about manners.
Only sketchy clowns with no dignity hop on random strangers wheels. FACT.
@Oli you taken angry pills today – Mouse wasnt recommending a change in speeds – just a relaxed attitude. Yes, the follower should be courteous and say hi/check its ok, but sometimes that is impractical (say on Beach Rd in Melb where there are riders everywhere).
They should yell a thanks when turning off though.
If you are in the middle of nowhere, and somebody ends up on your wheel and says nothing, then yes, that is rude, weird, creepy and there is a good chance you will be murdered.
@foghorn leghorn
Yes!
@Marcus
@mouse
I’m with McSqueak on this, and perhaps it’s a regional thing. I’m not saying you can’t hitch a ride. Just ask, or nod or smile or something. A little reach around before the free ride. I’ll hop in a faster bunch when they pass, but I always say Hi and ask. But passing a guy when I’m alone, no acknowledgement when I pass, (you know, you look right (or left? down under) they are “eyes front” no “G’Day” or anything) then he’s on my wheel a few clicks up the road drives me bat shit. It happens on two popular routes here all the time. Marine Dr, and Skyline.
Just be polite is all I’m saying, ’cause I’m a otherwise nice guy I think.
Rule #19. Beach Rd Melbourne Victoria, Australia. The natural habitat of the silent joining, flouro jacket wearing, lunchbox under the seat, long tights festooned, non-matching pro-team gear modelling, woollen beanie under a peaked helmeted, yellow lensed glass wearer on a sunny day wheezing turd.
@Cyclops
Nice looking shop mate! Can’t wait to see the rigs that come out of there!
@keepers: with all due respect, Rule #23 is bullocks. I tuck up and two things happen. 1: I save energy by not pedaling, which I’ll use to crush you later. And 2: I go downhill like this:
And I weigh 70Kg. It’s fun.
@VeloVita
Methinks this bike needs some Rule #45.
@VeloVita
@scaler911
Think you have got your wires crossed. The Keepers aren’t talking about how you prefer to “tuck in”.
@RM2RIDE This post got tagged to the wrong photo – meant to be the Ridley “Flandrian” photo…
@farzani
Last year during the Keepers Tour our group of maybe 15 riders, was out with Museeuw cruising around Belgium. A local jumped onto the back of the group and rode along for maybe 15 minutes and eventually peeled of. Most of the group didn’t know he was back there and the mystery rider didn’t know he was riding with Museeuw. No problems.
@Gianni
I have no problems with someone hopping onto the back of a group, generally. It’s a group ride; the group just has an extra member.
I feel a solo ride is a little different. I’m out for a ride by myself, but then the number doubles to two, or three, or four etc. I don’t want to think about the guy behind me as I dodge a pothole. I don’t want to signal that I’m stopping or that there’s a car parked on the roadside. But I kind of feel like I should, as I’m his eyes, just as I would be leading the bunch. It’s a different mindset on solo days for me.
But other days I want the company and it’s all fine.
I presume Eddys tablets aren’t caffeine suppositories??? OUCH
@Blah Solo is the scenario I thought we were discussing? Not group rides, not pacelines and not on Beach Road (we don’t have one of those in Wellington).
@Marcus Not angry, just stating my case strenuously, as I’m wont to do. It’s funny how rude you can be whenever you feel so inclined, yet pull me up almost every time I resort to terse language. I’m me and you’re you, so how about we deal with the message not the perceived tone?
In Welli random wheelsuckers only seem to appear when I’m rolling along happily on my own. If they say something I’m usually fine about it but, as I say, I’m fucked if some silent freak is going to pierce my bubble just so I appear “generous”.
Not relevant to the thread – just a shout-out to any and all Stateside Velominati currently battening down the hatches and contemplating conditions which appear to have gone a bit beyond typical Rule #9 ones. Hope you’re all safe and sound.
@G’phant Well said, kia kaha East Coasters.
@Oli
@Marcus
@Blah
Yeah, for the record, I was talking of Beach Road. For those who don’t know, its a 30(?) some km stretch of bayside road here in Melbs that gets a RIDICULOUS amount of cyclist traffic on the weekends. Someone will little doubt correct me on this, but it’s in the order of several thousand riders per day.
Often I’ll pass groups who will be goung slower than me, but from time to time, I do get pilot fish who just hang on; and on…
I used to get upset about it but now I just use it to reinforce my head. It does my confidence a world of good when I drag 3 or 4 wheelsuckers for 30km. Makes me push harder, thus makes me stronger.
As to what they’re doing behind me, that’s their issue. I pay no attention.
@mouse That’s the way to do it. Even in racing I don’t let the burglars worry me. That’s between them and their conscience. I’ll get stronger and smoke them the proper way. Certainly yelling at them never seems to work even though the same people try it week in week out.
@Oli sorry champ – didn’t mean to upset you. I can still call you a wanker cunt and you can call me a wankspanner though?
@Gianni yes it is SO NORMAL here to just jump right in.. If one can’t keep up, then you get dropped! If you dont’ want a wheel sucker than you either speed up or slow down and pull off…not rocket science.. :)
@Marcus I wouldn’t have it any other way.
@farzani Then we come back to me having to adapt my behaviour because someone has jumped on my wheel? It should be thatthey drop back or speed up, not me.
A group ride is a whole different thing, but solo I can’t abide the silent wheelsucker.
@Oli suggest you dont move to Belgium or you will be very frustrated…
@farzani Ok, I should say that I would adapt to local custom. I can only talk about my experience and how I feel about it. If people are fine with it then good luck to them – I just object to being told I’m not generous or am somehow socially deficient because I like to be left alone when I’m riding alone.
@Oli understandable….I think the big difference is that we live HERE in a cycling culture. bikes have a definite rile here for transportation, recreation and SPORT! people recgognize this and know the “rules of the road”.
If you are riding along the canal, and “peleton” of older folks going about 12k an hour are there they will pull over to the right to let you pass.. If I am riding and see a guy up ahead and can accelerate and get on his wheel, it is ok. If he doesn’t want me there he will speed up. If I am riding and a guy does the same to me, I have no problem. If I am doing “acclerations” then he will either follow or not!
Yesterday a small group came by me and I jumped right in. They had no problem as I could easily keep their pace…However when I accelerated to go over the “canal overpass” I felt the egos of these men start to explode as WOMAN was pushing the pace! hahahha, all in fun and it was the little motivation I needed to get my heartrate up…At the top of the little rise, they went left and I peeled right….all in a day’s fun!
you got to remember we bike for fum, yes???
@Jay
I think it is more a case of the fact that Escape Velocity should remain in the Lexicon, just not the description that has been appended to it. I mean these are rules….so surely they should be accurate, many people need to read them and receive enlightenment so why build in potential confusion.
Suggested Lexicon Entries (and this should transfer into the relevant rules)
Terminal Velocity = Use the current wording for Escape Velocity
Escape Velocity = The forward momentum required to ride away from the peloton (real or imagined). This is most dramatic when climbing but can be at any time. You know you have achieved it if you are now in a “Break Away” or if anyone trying to follow can be described as “needing to Bridge”.
I think the rule is a good one, more that the Lexicon could do with some amending…
@Oli
If I could gather a wheel sucker I would be the happiest man out that day….it would mean I would be going fast enough for someone to feel my wheel was worth sucking….I would be able to go home that day and say “Today I rode like a Lion” (which sadly does not happen). Regardless I would not dream of jumping on to someone elses wheel without a courtesy nod…or dribble of respect, hoping they would look in to my bloodshot eyes, smile sweetly and concede that they could do a little good today by showing me some love….
@Deakus Maybe that’s why I feel they are freaks – I’m lucky to be pushing 28kph on a good day and still they want to sit there!
Um, did anyone notice that Rule #19 says “introduce yourself”, not “don’t wheelsuck”? The whole point is, if you’re going to latch on, say hi, can I join, and then do your share. Don’t just be a silent leech. Our group has often invited riders to join us, especially if there’s a killer headwind (always likely in Welli) and they are struggling along solo. So it can go both ways… but the bottom line is; say something, or stay the fuck out.
@farzani Growing up in Wellington in the 70s it used to be a surprise to see a cyclist I’d never seen before there were so few of us! We’re slowly gaining a small approximation of a cycling culture but we’ve got a very looooong way to go, especially with unsociable bastards like me around…
And this is getting a bit weird, but @Oli and I have been agreeing a lot in the last couple of weeks.
@Cyclops congratulations. Look forward to following your journey.
@brett Yes, but EVERYONE thinks Marcus is a wankspanner.