A Study in Casually Deliberate: Wait Properly

Casually Deliberate" src="http://www.velominati.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Reporters_adab0bcf0e6a70670.jpg" alt="" width="620" height="508" />
Photo: Reporters Magazine

We spend a small enormity of time waiting. We wait for lights to turn green. We wait for riders to arrive to the ride. We wait for riding partners to finish repairing a flat or mechanical. Due to various practical considerations including the perceived notion that armchairs don’t stuff well into jersey pockets, we generally find ourselves doing our waiting astride our machines rather than more customary accommodations.

Like all Cycling activities, waiting must be undertaken with utmost attention to style and class, with the principles of Casually Deliberate applying in spades. This presents a number of technical challenges, however. Noting that we are clad in full-body spandex, ballet slippers, and what amounts to a hollowed-out coconut on our heads, the matter of looking cool is complicated not insignificantly when seeking to appear at ease perched upon the crossbar of our bikes, a device more likely to be used to provide sterility treatment than comfortable seating.

Take, for example, this photo of Faboo, Burghardt, and Huevo Rancheros. Motorcus and Burggie are using my preferred method of extending the right leg while resting the topmost portion of the hamstring on the top tube just fore of the seatpost. I prefer this technique not only for its obvious casual nature, but for its numerous functional qualities. First, having the right leg, not the left, extended ensures we don’t inadvertently apply the Cat 5 Tattoo. Second, it ensures our hamstring doesn’t become a hamstrung should the right foot suffer unexpected slippage.

Huevo, in contrast, is using an entirely unorthodox approach adopted, I’m assuming, from riding his skuut. Knowing he’s had some work done in the region, I suspect it might be more comfortable for him than for anyone not similarly unaltered and it is with that consideration that I strongly recommend this approach be avoided.

A broad glance at the riders in this photo reveals myriad examples of Waiting Properly while employing subtle differences in execution. The similarities are clear, however:

  1. Under no circumstances is one to look straight ahead or focus on a single object, however interesting that object may be. Instead, always look up or down, or try looking thoughtfully into the distance; just because you’re a Cyclist doesn’t mean you’re not also concerned about world issues.
  2. Just like in band photos, never smile unnecessarily. Sure, you enjoy cycling, but your bike isn’t telling amusing anecdotes. Also don’t frown, because that’s depressing. Accepted facial expressions include keeping a straight face or grimacing because of how hard you just drilled it coming up to the light.
  3. Decide what to do with your hands. Rest your elbows on the tops of your bars, lean with your hands on the hoods on locked elbows, or sit upright with your hands loosely draped in your lap. Experts may mix and match.
  4. Waiting at a café while sipping an espresso and perusing the morning paper may be done while leaning against the toptube of the bicycle, but risks include having the bicycle roll to the right or left unexpectedly, resulting in the obvious undesirable effects.
  5. Waiting at a café may also be undertaken while the bicycle has been lovingly leaned against a nearby wall. In this case, however, one must be careful to read a French daily.

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131 Replies to “A Study in Casually Deliberate: Wait Properly”

  1. Actually, if one learns to go counter intuitive by unclipping the left foot then the matter of the Cat 5 tattoo is circumvented entirely.

  2. Cancellara does have style, but hey, a Swissman with Italian heritage – that makes sense.

    I like when you are sitting on the top tube or trying to make a small adjustment and the bike rolls. “Would you stay the f*$# still?!” Oh wait, a bicycle is kind of meant to move…

    I also enjoy how Burghardt is happy as, Fabian is smiling, and Lance is pissed off.

  3. @Ron
    I think the applause is for introductions of some kind. It looks as if Faboo just said some joke similar to Frank’s about a certain someone sitting oddly as a result of being a testicle short. That explains Burghardt’s outright laughter, Fabian’s smirk, and Lance’s seeming disinterest.

    @Frank
    Has the first photo of that 4 photo spread from Reporters Magazine been enlarged into a poster in your garage in order to display cycling under the Dutch flag? If not, it should be.

  4. great one frank, as usual

    The Casually Deliberate ‘waiting’ is perhaps the task that I have had to stuggle with the most. I am patient, no doubt, but this waiting is different than our good virtue of ‘patience’. Like for instance race day above, ‘waiting’ is very very difficult. I find myself nervous the night before, nervous the morning of, and by race time there is so much nervous energy pinned up, waiting is nearly impossible. The first moment a break takes, you jump, you respond, the peloton holds on…and your back together…but that wasn’t the plan. Again, another, and one after another, and as a novice you learn….waiting is worth it. The break may go, but for the most part, not many stick and in the end (as metallica said) thats all that matters crossing the line.

  5. My favorite Casually Deliberate photo of all time:

    Sweat band: check. Big ass Oakleys: check. Huge Guns (upper and lower I might add) check. Chillin, thinking about who’s legs Davis is gonna tear off: check.

  6. @Cyclops That is how I do it too. Since my right leg is stronger it just makes since to me to have it set at 2 o’clock ready to jump when the light turns green.

    @frank got to admit though that the Cat5 Tattoo looks damn sexy on that calve!

    fasthair

  7. @Marko
    An argument, perhaps, for the Armstrong stance: accentuating the guns. Cancellara’s look pretty fierce, even in a more relaxed pose. And to offer a counterpoint on Lance: I think the insouciance is really him taking in the moment, which he seems to be enjoying. After the number of pre-start events he’s clearly sat through, I think that’s actually pretty cool.

  8. @Oli
    Millar, the king of Casually Deliberate. Dude is all class, all the time.

    Not to mention that he’s got a proper amount of post showing.

    I also admire a guy who’s willing to spray Fine Champange on a pretty girl while looking like a jackass. Pleased to see him rocking the cycling cap on the podium, by the way.

    I’ll make a final comment on his Big Ring

    and leave you with this thought:

  9. @Cyclops

    Actually, if one learns to go counter intuitive by unclipping the left foot then the matter of the Cat 5 tattoo is circumvented entirely.

    Adopting Frank’s recommended right hammy on top tube would be a pretty neat trick with the left foot still clicked in, no?

  10. @frank
    Goodness knows I like Millar, being a Scot and all, but where’s that photo of him, T-Bone and JV looking like they got dressed at Goodwill in the dark. You know the one I’m talking about. Fucking disgraceful way to be dressed in public. Classy sometimes, yes; all the time, no.

  11. I need a ruling from The Keepers on the Cat V tattoo. Would a permanent one (representing 55 teeth) be Cool or Not Cool? I know the V-Cog tattoo is Cool, as @marco has clearly demonstrated, but how about a facimile cut into the guns for real? Or maybe a 48 tooth version representing the numbe of teeth the Prophet pushed to the hour record?

  12. Huevo actually looks as though he is taking a sqaut, and the toptube is getting in his way.

  13. @Souleur

    great one frank, as usual
    The Casually Deliberate ‘waiting’ is perhaps the task that I have had to stuggle with the most. I am patient, no doubt, but this waiting is different than our good virtue of ‘patience’. Like for instance race day above, ‘waiting’ is very very difficult. I find myself nervous the night before, nervous the morning of, and by race time there is so much nervous energy pinned up, waiting is nearly impossible. The first moment a break takes, you jump, you respond, the peloton holds on…and your back together…but that wasn’t the plan. Again, another, and one after another, and as a novice you learn….waiting is worth it. The break may go, but for the most part, not many stick and in the end (as metallica said) thats all that matters crossing the line.

    Excellent observation, and nice working folding in a Metallica reference!

  14. @Marko

    What Pharmstrong lacks in testes he makes up for in guns. Holy cripes. And Burghardt rockin the Yellow Princesses and a BMC is my boy. But help me out here, who’s the Garmin rider in green? That doesn’t add up.

    That’s Millar for getting second in the prologue. I now realize that @Oli wasn’t saying that Millar exemplifies Casually Deliberate (he does) but answering your question. Oli, use the fuckin’ reply button! You’re confusing tiny brain!

  15. @Marko
    Marko,

    The Garmin rider is Millar. Likely Stage 1 or 2 of the 2010 Tour. By Stage 3 Petacchi was wearing green but Millar wore on stages one and two.

  16. @eightzero

    I need a ruling from The Keepers on the Cat V tattoo. Would a permanent one (representing 55 teeth) be Cool or Not Cool? I know The V-Cog tattoo is Cool, as @marco has clearly demonstrated, but how about a facimile cut into the guns for real? Or maybe a 48 tooth version representing the numbe of teeth The Prophet pushed to the hour record?

    That would be 52, not 48, but I did see a woman racer with a real cat 5 tat and I thought it was fucking hilarious. I say rock it.

  17. Of course Millar. Thanks you guys. For the life of me I couldn’t remember that and my cursory search of the interwebs didn’t provide me the answer (unless of course I count you all as a part of the interwebs, in which case it did, but you’re so much more than interwebs to me). I’d forgotten he wore green last year briefly. Thanks.

    And yes, that dude is casj del to the max. More importantly, his attitude and quotes are casj del. I also think (especially in the podium shot above) he bares a resemblance to Dennis Quaid in the greatest cycling motion picture feature of all time, no?

  18. @frank
    Millar was 3rd in the prologue. Martin was 2nd at 10 secs behind Faboo. Millar was 10 secs behind wee Tony. Martin likely wore white. Sorry to be such a pedant, but hey, I’m not the first around here to be so nit-picky!

  19. @frank

    @eightzero

    I need a ruling from The Keepers on the Cat V tattoo. Would a permanent one (representing 55 teeth) be Cool or Not Cool? I know The V-Cog tattoo is Cool, as @marco has clearly demonstrated, but how about a facimile cut into the guns for real? Or maybe a 48 tooth version representing the numbe of teeth The Prophet pushed to the hour record?

    That would be 52, not 48, but I did see a woman racer with a real cat 5 tat and I thought it was fucking hilarious. I say rock it.

    Now I gotta find a 52 tooth campy chainring to take to the artist…

  20. @Marko
    Finishing sentences with no makes one sound more EuroPro and probably more intelligent too, no?

    Maybe there should be a rule about this, no?

    See what I mean, no?

  21. @Frank As always a cracking article that really strikes a chord with the velominati’s. I submit a couple of examples in my current screensaver.

    Hugo

    Merckx

    Kelly

    Anquetil / Poulidor

    Bartali / Coppi

  22. @huffalotpuffalot
    What brand of bike is Kelly riding? A Quattro Ass? He just doesn’t look right riding clipless . . .
    Anquetil’s Ford jersey is truly one of the great jersies of all time.

  23. @wiscot

    @huffalotpuffalot
    What brand of bike is Kelly riding? A Quattro Ass? He just doesn’t look right riding clipless . . .
    Anquetil’s Ford jersey is truly one of the great jersies of all time.

    Very well spotted, Quattro Assa indeed although I prefer Ass. It is an awesome shirt I am big fan of Tom Simpsons shirt with the Union Jacks on the shoulder. I am getting one in a couple of months so looking forward to that.

  24. While it may appear that Faboo is clapping, he’s actually gently cupping a tiny white dove, and preparing to set it free.
    They just spontaneously appear in his hands on account of his devout purity…

  25. @huffalotpuffalot

    @wiscot

    @huffalotpuffalot
    What brand of bike is Kelly riding? A Quattro Ass? He just doesn’t look right riding clipless . . .
    Anquetil’s Ford jersey is truly one of the great jersies of all time.

    Very well spotted, Quattro Assi indeed although I prefer Ass. It is an awesome shirt I am big fan of Tom Simpsons shirt with the Union Jacks on the shoulder. I am getting one in a couple of months so looking forward to that.

    Quattro Assi

  26. @eightzero

    I need a ruling from The Keepers on the Cat V tattoo. Would a permanent one (representing 55 teeth) be Cool or Not Cool? I know The V-Cog tattoo is Cool, as @marco has clearly demonstrated, but how about a facimile cut into the guns for real? Or maybe a 48 tooth version representing the numbe of teeth The Prophet pushed to the hour record?

    I know a courier who had one of those tattooed into the back of his calf.

    I say go for it.

    Just don’t blame me for doing the stupidest fucking thing I could possibly imagine. When you say cat five tattoo you mean getting amateur stripes tattooed into the back of your leg right?

  27. I’m with Minion. A chainring tattoo says three things: 1) I don’t know how to keep my drivetrain clean, 2) I’m such a noob I don’t know how to stop from getting the filth all over me, and 3) I’m actually proud of these unco character traits.

  28. @minion

    @eightzero

    I need a ruling from The Keepers on the Cat V tattoo. Would a permanent one (representing 55 teeth) be Cool or Not Cool? I know The V-Cog tattoo is Cool, as @marco has clearly demonstrated, but how about a facimile cut into the guns for real? Or maybe a 48 tooth version representing the numbe of teeth The Prophet pushed to the hour record?

    When you say cat five tattoo you mean getting amateur stripes tattooed into the back of your leg right?

    Amateur stripes?

  29. Great piece again frank and highly amusing. Appropriate band photo BTW with Joey showing just a hint of a smirk.
    The casually deliberate pose while waiting is always at the back of my mind. Red traffic lights? An opportunity to wait properly whilst deliberating the current state of world economies yet still slightly annoyed frown showing, as having to wait instead of laying down the V. Does that make me a SNAC (sensitive new age cyclist)?

  30. @wiscot

    @frank
    Millar was 3rd in the prologue. Martin was 2nd at 10 secs behind Faboo. Millar was 10 secs behind wee Tony. Martin likely wore white. Sorry to be such a pedant, but hey, I’m not the first around here to be so nit-picky!

    I love it! You’re coming into your own!@Oli

    @frank
    Okay, okay!!

    As a matter of course, I meant to say “Oli, use the fuckin’ reply button! You’re confusing my tiny brain!” – I was trying to insult myself, but insulted you instead. Call it instinct.

  31. @minion

    @eightzero

    I need a ruling from The Keepers on the Cat V tattoo. Would a permanent one (representing 55 teeth) be Cool or Not Cool? I know The V-Cog tattoo is Cool, as @marco has clearly demonstrated, but how about a facimile cut into the guns for real? Or maybe a 48 tooth version representing the numbe of teeth The Prophet pushed to the hour record?

    I know a courier who had one of those tattooed into the back of his calf.
    I say go for it.
    Just don’t blame me for doing the stupidest fucking thing I could possibly imagine. When you say cat five tattoo you mean getting amateur stripes tattooed into the back of your leg right?

    @Oli

    I’m with Minion. A chainring tattoo says three things: 1) I don’t know how to keep my drivetrain clean, 2) I’m such a noob I don’t know how to stop from getting the filth all over me, and 3) I’m actually proud of these unco character traits.

    @eightzero

    @minion

    @eightzero

    I need a ruling from The Keepers on the Cat V tattoo. Would a permanent one (representing 55 teeth) be Cool or Not Cool? I know The V-Cog tattoo is Cool, as @marco has clearly demonstrated, but how about a facimile cut into the guns for real? Or maybe a 48 tooth version representing the numbe of teeth The Prophet pushed to the hour record?

    When you say cat five tattoo you mean getting amateur stripes tattooed into the back of your leg right?

    Amateur stripes?

    That’s three wins in a row. IPA through-the-nose gold!

    New favorite, by the by, is the Seattle Two Beers Evolutionary IPA. In cans, of course, I try not to drink beer packaged in bottles anymore, if I can help it. Cans, poured into a V-Pint: tastes just like from the tap.

    @wiscot, @huffalotpuffalot
    Kelly with four asses and clipless pedals! Wrong wrong wrong!

  32. @huffalotpuffalot

    I think this is my all-time favorite cycling photograph, and I thought about using it as the main photo, except I can’t find a big enough version of it. The Phophet, of course, but look at it all. Perfect, model Cash Del going on, perfectly manicured and drilled-out machine, brake levers positioned perfectly, gorgeous wheels. He even has the lazy levers set to the most elegant position possible. And, you know that saddle was adjusted once or twice on the ride over.

    I’m just not sure why he bothered with the little ring; surely it got little use.

    Byt that brings up another thought I’ve had kicking around for ages. I catch a lot of shit for how low my bars are, but check out the drop on his bars. That’s not a compact or shallow-drop; those are some old-school deep-drop bends.

    Looking at the photo, if I were to match up a scale-model of my own bike to his, I bet the tops of the bars would be way higher than mine, the hoods a bit higher, and the bottom of the drops at about the same height. Maybe I’ll try to photoshop something, but I’d feel dirty besmirching that photo with an overlay of my bike(s).

  33. @eightzero

    @minion

    @eightzero

    I need a ruling from The Keepers on the Cat V tattoo. Would a permanent one (representing 55 teeth) be Cool or Not Cool? I know The V-Cog tattoo is Cool, as @marco has clearly demonstrated, but how about a facimile cut into the guns for real? Or maybe a 48 tooth version representing the numbe of teeth The Prophet pushed to the hour record?

    When you say cat five tattoo you mean getting amateur stripes tattooed into the back of your leg right?

    Amateur stripes?

    Amateur stripes = grease marks on the back of your calf from bumping the chainring into your leg while trying to look casually deliberate. And it had better be your right fucking leg. If it’s on your left leg, well, there ain’t nothing anyone can do for you. Best go find that cliff to throw your cycling self off.

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