Monikers of the Giants

Der Jens, putting the 'V' in 'Voigt'.

It only takes the most cursory glance through the Lexicon to realize that we have a special love for nicknames here at Velominati. I’m not sure what it is that compels us to call things by some made-up name instead of the actual ones; it almost seems like we’re bragging that we know something well enough to screw up it’s moniker. Which, of course, is ridiculous since in most cases we have no idea what we’re talking about.

We’re not alone in this absurd practice, however. People the world over rush to attach a nickname to riders; The Cannibal, the Badger, Le Professeur, Il Pirata, Der Kaiser; fans seem frenetic in their quest to give their favorite riders a more meaningful label. Sometimes the names stick, and sometimes they don’t. Miguel Indurain is one of the riders with whom monikers didn’t seem to agree; iteration after iteration passed by with the adherance of Teflon, and really only after his career ended did the name “Big Mig” start to take purchase.

There definitely seems to be a correlation between the toughness of a rider and our desire to attach a label to them. Fabian Cancellara is a good example of this, and his nickname of “Spartacus” is rather fitting. By that logic, however, I struggle to understand why we don’t have a better nickname for Jens Voigt, commonly considered the hardest man in cycling. Look at this picture: he’s dribbled Rule #5 concentrate all over his leg. The closest we’ve come to a nickname is “Der Jens”, and – although I’m not arguing against gravitas of meriting a pronoun – I’m surprised that we seem to be better at coming up with nicknames for the objects he runs into than we are at coming up with one for him.

Maybe he’s just a little too mystical; a little too hard, a little too nice, to have a nickname stick. In any case, I can appreciate the symbolism that his last name starts with the V.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Cyclops says:

Sep 7 2010 at 3:23 pm

KÃ¶nig des Leids
Gillis says:

Sep 7 2010 at 3:52 pm

As far as Jens Voigt is concerned, his name alone stands for toughness and R5. There is just no nickname fitting because nothing is as tough as him. To associate something, say like diamonds, to Voigt is just saying that diamonds are the toughest stone in the world.

In the future, if there is ever another rider nearly as tough as Jens, that rider may be blessed to get the nickname Voigt, or some variation thereof (The Voigt, etc).

I am curious as to why LA never really picked up a nickname that stuck. I know there are some that do exist, but most of those include "doper" in them. And "Big Tex" or the Texan are just lame. I try to forget that he comes from there.
Punish the pedals says:

Sep 7 2010 at 4:03 pm

Does Jens really need a nickname? He would just DROP it anyway :-)
Steampunk says:

Sep 7 2010 at 5:00 pm

Punish the pedals :Does Jens really need a nickname? He would just DROP it anyway :-)

Brilliant! Or rephrased for the Lexicon: Jens has had multiple nicknames, but he attacked each one and dropped them.

WWJD
Brett says:

Sep 7 2010 at 5:41 pm

I must say, despite the high chance of retribution and scorn, that I'm not a subscriber to this whole 'Jens is hard' notion.

I mean, he whinged like a baby about the cobbled stage 3 at the Tour, he whined about no race radios last year, I've never seen him race Paris-Roubaix or Flanders (or at least figure in any action there) and he has that annoying girly German voice that makes me want to throw up.

So he rode a kids bike a few km's and dribbled on his leg... not the stuff of a real hardman. Having said that, he'd still grind my skinny ass into dust.
Marcus says:

Sep 7 2010 at 5:57 pm

@Brett
Somewhat agree with you. Reckon his "hardness" is definitely overdone. To my mind Vino is far harder and tougher - and he wins BIG races. Though Jens probably has his measure in the "team man" stakes - as well as not being a convicted doper.
Marcus says:

Sep 7 2010 at 5:59 pm

@Gillis
In his earlier days, wasn't COTHO known as "FedEx" because he had a somewhat insatiable appetite for the ladies? FedEx as in when you "positively, absolutely have to have it overnight".
That is a cool nickname.
Steampunk says:

Sep 7 2010 at 7:25 pm

@Brett @Marcus

I think there's a certain admirable cachet that comes with the role of domestique that Jens has come to typify. He started out as a breakaway specialist, but more recently he's been more restrained. That, and he is hard as nails. It wasn't the kid's bike, but getting up after a crash at 70kph, and racing to get back to the pack on a kid's bike. That wasn't his first crash. He is also wonderfully outspoken, entertaining, and humble. This last characteristic is, I think, important when combined with hardness. He will do more than his turn at the front and suffer not for himself, but for his teammates. His anger after Stage 3 had to do with losing his charge to injury. Frankly, I like his passion for cycling. Better yet, Jens in his own words:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UncELpyKQLU (see especially 2:21 in)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-SH05G7vAs

And, finally, because it's a classic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2GXeHbsG40&feature=related
ben says:

Sep 7 2010 at 7:49 pm

Ahem, its JENS! not "Jens".

Anyway, JENS! appears selfless, committed, inscrutable, loyal. That, to me is admirable - perhaps even foolish - in a PROfession, any profession. It also makes him a tragic, yet classically beloved character, the one who cannot achieve the highest of highs, yet flogs himself in the service of others, and he knows it. He is comfortable with it. He is himself and no other. He is JENS!

Hard or no, whinging or defending his boys, he has managed to create something new in a sport as long-storied as cycling.

Go on, say his name. Say it.
frank says:

Sep 7 2010 at 8:34 pm

@Steampunk
++1, my man.

Stage three was all about loosing his boy (and mine) to the stones, not for his own fear. He suffers for the sake of suffering, for the life of the bike - for La VieVelominatus - not for the glory. He suffers because that's what you do as a cyclist. I love the hardmen of the classics as much (or more) as anyone, but to suffer to the extent that Der Jens does for the sake of others...shit, that's hard.