Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2012
We are proud to announce a change to the Velominati Super Prestige moving forward: sponsorship. We are delighted (if a little surprised) at the interest our partners showed in this endeavor, despite the short notice we gave them. Four sponsors will be gracing the sides of our team bus for this year’s race: fi’zi:k is our Super Domestique Sponsor (think Big George without the shoe covers because who’d want to cover those beauties up), while the leadout train is being rounded out by DeFeet, Pavé Cycling Classics, and Malteni Beer. As we all know, fizik gets a lot of love around here as the Contact Point Supplier, and for good reason. So we thought now is as good a time as any to announce that DeFeet has agreed to come on board as Flandrian Best Supplier, the Pavé boys, our trusted guides over the stones and bergs, and Malteni Biere which fills our bidon and keeps us making bad decisions like teaming up with the Pavé boys.
So what does Super Domestique Sponsor mean? Free shoes to the winners – that’s what it means, dillwhips. Free R3’s, yup the Aristocrats, to the three winners of the VSP: TdF GC Winner and the two Stage VSP’s. As you watch this year’s race, look for the likes of Jeremy Roy and Richie Porte riding the R3’s in complete Rule Compliance. As Leadout Sponsor, Defeet is providing a full Flandrian Best Kit including a base layer, Armskins, Kneekers, and Slipstream Belgian booties for the VSP: Tdf GC second place as well plus two pairs of D-Logo socks to each runner-up of the Stage VSP’s. The Pavé boys (also Leadout Sponsors) are putting up a limited Pavé Cycling Classics wool jersey awarded to third place. We can’t ship Malteni (also Leadout Sponsors) legally, so you’ll just have to wait until you’re in Belgium to guzzle some of that lovely nectar or join the Pavé boys for their Worlds Weekend tour with Johan Museeuw where they’ll get you stupid(er) on the stuff.
Gianni’s Ruminations
Finally, the date has arrived. We have all done our training through the winter, contested the Spring Classics, The Ardennes Races, Romandie, Oh the Giro, The Dauphine, Tour de Swiss. Not all were in the VSP schedule but I know most of you wrote down your picks for the others and tucked them under your pillows. It’s training. There has been time to taper down before Saturday’s prologue start in Liége, Belgium. A young neo-pro, The Fish, is leading in points. The hardened veterans have seen these youth come and go, the season is long. A touch of wheels, a moment of youthful idealism, Vladimir Karpets is picked to podium, The Fish goes down, he panics and by the time he is back up he will never see the front again. Or he will continue to mock us all with his astute choices and lead all the way to Lombardy.
I have staked my claim on the yellow kit ownership some time ago and still see this as an epic Cadel-Wiggo battle to the death and if not death, until one of them sits up. But this year might be the time the youth start to fill up the other three places in the top five.
The Shack’s team car has been crashing into every static object all spring and now Bruyneel has been yanked out of the driver’s seat. The ride can only get smoother but with the reluctant leader Frank Schleck staring at over 100km of prologue and time trialing, as was said in the bunker, they are going stage hunting. I could go on for hours about the 2012 TdF but we have other Keepers who need to vent.
Please check the VSP page for the rules, keep an eye on the awesome VSP countdown timer, don’t Delgado your picks. Here is the start list.
I have to give a shout out to a brave group of Velominati who are heading to the Vermont/Canadian border to draft behind a massive dump truck full of Awesome all the way to the Massachusetts state line. It’s a Cogal only deranged people would attempt and as luck would have it, we supply them here. I hope they get their picks in soon as they may be in no kind of shape on Friday to think about such important things.
Brett’s Misconceptions
It’s all about Fränk. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to hold him back. Deliberately sucking all year so far, crashing and quitting, a hint of form, Bruyneel slinks off to deflect attention (and suspicion), Fränk suddenly can time trial and a couple of Pharmy style attacks later he wins in Paris by two minutes, taking the sprint on the Champs Elysees for good measure. Maybe not the last bit. Fränk will, however, finish in lil bro’s favourite position. Or suddenly leave with a stomach bug.
Cadel will take this. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to worry about in the mountains. Deliberately almost sucking so far, but not. Hints of form, staying low, deflecting attention. Look after the time trials and command the mountains. Safe, not exciting. Or he’ll step on someone else’s dog, breaking his elbow and decapitating the dog.
Wiggo could take this. It’s perfect. A lot of form. A lot of km’s against the clock. Not too many big hills. Too tall socks. Cav left to fight alone. One bad day is waiting there though, the sort of bad day that not even winning the final TT by 2 minutes can alleviate. Or he’ll crash in the first week, breaking both elbows after getting a sideburn caught in his crazy bio pace chainrings.
Sagan will win the first twelve stages, then leave with a stomach bug. Gossy will gratefully step into the vacant green in the greatest heist since Gerro won San Remo. And the Rug Salesman will be all spotty, due to getting in a long break and not sucking as much as even he expected. That’ll help him to 5th and Zubeldia level evanescence.
None of this may actually come close to happening, but whatever does I hope it’s an exciting race. Good luck to those battling hard for three weeks in the VSP race too, it could just turn out to be the main point of interest a couple of weeks from now.
Marko’s Reckoning
The Fish loses two spots on the G.C. but manages to eek out a pair of R3s in a sub-VSP as G’phant peaks in le Grande Boucle and walks away with le Grande Bouprize. Sad thing is, G’phant is legend but nobody remembers him because he only shows for races, not group rides anymore. Fausto rides a calculated, if not boring, race to move up a spot but just misses out. Gianni gets a glimpse of the podium going into the 16th stage and the Tourmalet but drowns in a lactic acid and caffeine soaked bath in that stage’s VSP. Marko Delgados virtually the entire event while he continues building his family a house in direct violation of Rule #11, which is more than we can say for Brett and Frank who were last seen going in the opposite direction with Bruyneel in a Radiotreksanshack team car dragging a muffler through Liege on its way to a USADA hearing near Austin.
In the meantime, two dudes from the Commonwealth – one with sideburns approaching muttonchops and another with an ass on his chin – duel it out in France. There will be some Italian, Spanish, and Russian dudes there too in an epic the likes of which hasn’t been seen in years. Fuck Yeah people, Vive le Tour.
Frank’s Delusions
It happens every single time. I get all weepy-eyed about the Giro and how it’s the Velominatus’ choice for a Grand Tour. Less crazy, better terrain, a comparatively weaker field usually yielding a closer race. But come the Tour, I get all starstruck as the big names line up in the best form they could muster for the season.
I also had decided to pick Twiggo for the big win, but now I’m not so sure. I love that the guy is tall and can get over a mountain, but there is one irrefutable fact that I can’t get over. He looks much too much like Gianni’s avatar, only not as well-kept. The sardonic look on his face along with those whispy sideburns are just too much for me to take. I’m back to rolling with my heart and my questionable sensibilities to favor Grimpelder this time round, now that he’s out of the shadow of his little brother and will be able to put the swivelnecking energy into the pedals instead of looking behind him.
The good news is that the racing always winds up being awesome. And that’s what its about: panache. So long as Wiggo doesn’t pull an Indurain and take 6 minutes on an early TT, I’ll be happy.
Epilogue
Pick carefully, don’t Delgado, and think twice about those rest day swaps; they come at a heavy price and there are some nice prizes on the line which make the Velominati Shop Apron look like a Schleck’s chamois during the descent of the Peyresourde.
The Fine Print: each contestant is of course encouraged to enter all VSP events, but everyone is eligible to take the prizes on only one VSP. If a contestant takes more than one VSP event (GC or Stage) the prize for that VSP will then be awarded to the player with the next highest score. In the event of a tie we’ll do our best to find the fairest way to break the tie. If something doesn’t make sense, please ask; we’re making this up as we go along.
Get your picks in by the time the countdown clock goes to zero, and good luck. Vive le Tour.
Culprit responsible for the tacks found:
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/bradley-wiggins-targeted-by-wile-e-coyote-2012071634368
Am I just missing the articles, but has the whole Di Gregorio thing gone very quiet? Elephant in the room no-one wants to talk about? Updates anyone?
@wiscot
I haven’t seen anything new on that story in five or six days.
@Dr C
I wake up this morning to read what seems to be a veritable ejaculation of your nationalistic fervor over these pages.
Being someone who has from time to time espoused the virtues of my own glorious nation, I feel I owe it to you to take the bait and give you something back. Just for shits and giggles.
Some of your attempts to play the English gent talking down to all others (especially the Aussies) are kind of amusing. Until I realise that if you were saying them, you would presumablty be doing so with an Irish accent? Then it’s not so funny (other than the Northern Irish accent itself, which always amuses).
You know that despite you Unionists believing you are part of England, the English just see you as another source of tax revenue, albeit minimal. Kind of like we look at Tasmania, but worse.
And this always confuses me about Northern Ireland. Who will you be supporting at the games, GB or Ireland? I am guessing both – which diminishes your claims.
Your comments on Froome are stupid beyond belief – he is 23 (and a Kenyan) – so no, he would not have much in the way of team leadership experience – and if you get asked enough questions about team leadership, sooner or later a reasonable response would be to say that in the future he hopes to have the favor returned. But he will one day be Africa’s greatest ever cyclist, not Britain’s.
I feel quite close to Sir Les Patterson. Whilst Sir Les is a Sydney-based character, as a boy, Sir Les (not Barry) did attend my school for 1.5 terms, before being expelled. And as Sir Les says,
“What’s the best place to hide someting from a Pommy?”
“Under a bar of soap”.
You know Wiggins would think you are a Northern Irish wanker.
@Marcus froome typo – 27!
@Marcus
British grandfather, British father. Merely born in Kenya. British.
Bit like two of my kids. Born in Sydney. British parents. British. or at least until they show some sporting prowess when they promptly be offered Aussie passports.
@harminator
No they didn’t. Goss was never in that race.
@Chris
Merely born in Kenya? Fair go!
Riased in Kenya and South Africa, schooled in Johannesburg. Represented Kenya in 2006. Saffa accent.
@Chris
You serious? You heard Froome’s accent? Wiggo is definitely a Pom, although your logic makes him Australian – or is the Chris System of International Identification somewhat Judaic, where the dam is the determinant?
Froome was born in and grew up in Kenya, then lived and schooled in South Africa, and has ridden for Kenya at an international level. My understanding is that he only signed up under a British cycling licence in 2008 due to some difficulties in getting licenced as a pro.
Froome is about as English as Davide Rebellin is Argentinian.
@harminator, @Marcus
Since when has the location of the school you attended had any bearing on your nationality? By that logic half the worlds dictators would have British kids.
Likewise accents, does that make Kiwis Aussies and Americans Canadian?
I’m sure Wiggo could be an Australian if he wanted to be with an Aussie dad. My understanding is that he ended up a pom because he stayed with his mum when his parents split up.
As for representing Kenya, if Froome was born there and grew up there he’s probably got right of abode which might qualify him to represent Kenya. If not, it’s not as though countries get terribly picky when someone with a bit of sporting talent makes themselves available. Look at the Kiwi rugby team.
I was born in Hong Kong and grew up there. I’m sure that if I was up to it I wouldn’t have had any problems representing HK at sport. I never thought of myself as being anything other than British though.
@Marcus
Top hole sir, pip pip whato.
@Chris without getting too carried away, I think you are shaping concepts of nationailty to suit yourself – which is very British of you.
The mention of school was just saying Froome lived in Kenya and eventually moved to South Africa during his school years. Doesn’t appear he spent any time of substance in England?
Your parents’ nationality is just that, their nationality, not yours. Quotes from Froome:
“My mother was born in Kenya and my father was born in the UK, but they both spent most of their lives in Kenya. My father’s now moved down to Johannesburg and my mother passed away in 2008.”
“It’s really hard for Africa riders to get to Europe. The visa is a very huge issue.”
So Froome had a Kenyan-born mother, does that change your view?
On your logic, every child of an immigrant actually has the nationality of the country that their parents left? Does that sound right? Or does it extend to grandparents too? If so, woohoo, Stephen Roche and a shitload of Spaniards won a lot of cycling races for my country, er countries.
@Marcus You are right – nationality is a difficult thing to pin down. (1) PharLap, Pavlova, Crowded House. Each technically a New Zealander. Each claimed to be Australian. To the annoyance of Kiwis everywhere. (2) Joh Bjelke-Peterson, Russell Crowe, GST. Each tecnically a New Zealander. Each claimed to be Australian. To the anoyance of Australians everywhere.
@G’phant
You forgot Brett and Minion.
@Chris
cos I’m at heart a smartarse with nothing of value to contribute to this conversation, here’s my 2 cents:
Noo Zild Accint; purse your lips together and ingore vowels. I is the most important letter in the alphabet because it replaces A, E, O and U. See this hilarious explanation, c/o Harminator? Someone?
Strine’ Accent: Ignore Consonants; they are framing devices for the letter EEEEEEE and something has to precede the letter O. Best examples are found in Queensland, where despite living in the Australian version of paradise, the ability to communicate without the other person stabbing themselves in the ear with a pencil doesn’t exist.
As to your claims about the mighty New Zealand rugby team, I should point out two things: New Zealand is a Polynesian country, Maori are Polynesian and the largest Polynesian city in the world is in Auckland. If you’re referring to players with Polynesian names playing for the All Blacks, check their accents. There are Polynesian families in NZ that have been here for generations. New Zealand’s domestic competition allows a large number of players from the pacific islands to play professional rugby, and earn a living from it, and they then play for their national teams.
@Marcus
Careful there Dorothy, I could end up being the next Russell Crowe, owning your sports teams and throwing phones at hotel staff. Better be nice to me, when I’m fat and rich, and everyone assumes I’m Australian, you’ll regret taking the piss out of kiwis.
@minion
So you are an actor ?? Wonderful.
@versio
Or a musician, who can forget Big Russ’s awesome musical stylings via 30 Odd foot of Grunt and Ordinary Fear of God?
@minion
Ah feck that was supposed to have a video in it. it was Murray from flight of the Concords swearing at brett.
@Buck Rogers
Awesome Tweeter Sagan quote:
Chris is probably a bit confused about the accent. Don’t forget it’s summer there and many ‘English’ cricketers have been on television who make Chris Froome sound like Terry Thomas.
VN has an article on Wiggos ride. A Pinarello with a group-san? WTF?
@mouse
That self satisfied smirk says it all:
“This tour is exhausting. I’ll just fuck two tonight. Maybe even one at a time…”
@eightzero
thats what they always ride. looks fine to me. Europcar runs Colnago with Shimano and those bikes looks awesome.
@ Dr C, @Chris, @minion, @G’phant, @Marcus,
The whole lot of you are Commonwealthians ruled over by the same queen, so what difference does any of it make?
@Buck Rogers
don’t u have site verification? albeit still not the same…
@RedRanger
The Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys run Gruppo, as is correct with those lovely Colnagos. Trust me I double checked.
@RedRanger
http://www.cyclingnews.com/tour-de-france/stage-11/photos/231086
Nah they’ve switched to running Gruppo Super Record this year.
@Daccordi Rider
yeah what he said…
@Mikael Liddy
And last year as well. The Tongue is a Gruppo man.
re Froome, attributed to the grand old Duke of Wellington “being born in a stable does not make one a horse.” For what it’s worth I always pegged the Iron Duke as a Mick but Froome does seem to have more credibility as a Brit than many wearing the colors for cricket and the Union game. If his Mum was born pre 1963 in Kenya then she would also be British, given that Kenya wasn’t independent until then iirc.
Ho hum and the King of the Mods as an Aussie Belgian, heaven forfend!
@Buck Rogers
True to his Italian progression, he signs with ones in the leopardskin easyoff dress – rockstar
@Daccordi Rider
I always thought Voeckler should change his surname to Lelangue.
@Nate
All far too complicated for me – I prefer to merely align with whoever is doing well at any particular moment in time, and adopt the appropriate accent to carry that off – I am thus currently English, as I was born in Kent
@Marcus
Not so much shaping concepts of nationality to suit my own purposes as basing my argument on a brief and cursory amount of internet research and a certain amount of experience.
Most countries base their laws governing nationality on a couple of legal concepts known as a mix of the law of the soil and the law of the blood or more commonly a mixture of the two. The law of the soil is acquisition through place of birth whilst the law of blood is acquisition of nationality of his or her parents. (There are Latin terms for these but using those would probably be like introducing calculus to kids who’ve just mastered their number lines.)
Froome’s parents may well have lived in Kenya but his father was British as was his grandfather so the following applies:
British citizenship may descend to one generation born abroad. So if you were born outside the United Kingdom or qualifying territory and one of your parents was a British citizen otherwise than by descent, you are a British citizen by descent. If you were born before 1 July 2006 you may not qualify if your parents were not married at the time of your birth.
@huwge‘s point about his mother is also a good one.
As for your point the children of immigrants retaining their parents original nationality, they do in most cases but the eligibility of their children is not guaranteed.
@ChrisO Summer? You’ve obviously not been communicating with your wife much. It’s been pissing it down here since October last year and it’s cold and windy enough that I’ve been heading out for rides sporting a gillet, woollen arm warmers and socks.
@minion Queenslanders truly are a breed apart (an in-breed apart for those who live up in the hills away from the coast).
As far as the Kiwi rugby team goes i was referring to players who represented New Zealand after playing for other teams like Samoa, the likes of Stephen Bachop who started his international career playing for Samoa, then played five games for the All Blacks before deciding he didn’t like it and returning to Samoa for another 12 matches. (oddly enough his brother managed to play for NZ and Japan). Pat Lam and Va’aiga Tuigamala would also be good examples.
@Marcus
apologies for awakening you to the sight of my ejaculation
regarding the Olympics, I’ll be supporting some sailing mates who are Irish, but otherwise I’ll be supporting GB and Northern Ireland (official title for olympics) – I will of course be rooting for the Jamaicans in the track sprinting, and of course, Nathan Outteridge in the 49er, because he is such a nice chap (and a hot favourite of course)
Not that you really wanted an answer (best to leave off the question mark with rhetorical statements)
:o) …… just to annoy Frank
@Chris I learnt Latin at Sir Les’ alma mater. I tend tomore basic concepts – born in Kenya, grew up in Kenya, res ipso loquitor, Kenyan.
You Poms may claim him just like you claim Kevin Pietersen – but u know the truth…
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Cadelephant
2. Valverde
3. Wiggins
4. Nibali
5. Menchov
@Marcus
What can I say……
I’m sure this doesn’t change your assertion regarding your comment about his maturity…… ahem…
@Marcus You accuse me of shaping concepts to suit an argument and then take a phrase commonly used in the law of negligence and apply it to nationality? I don’t think you’ve taken this beyond the concept of prima facie. The terms you need are Jus soli and Jus sanguinis.
@Marcus
A classic case of being provided with the tools but not knowing what to do with them.
Out of interest, where in Sydney did you go to school?
@motor city
we had a quick look at it but Just think it is too hard to get there with all the road closures. Thinking of opting for Combe Lane, small climb followedwicked steep descent with hairpin bend.
Let me know if you find a better spot.
@Chris
@Dr C
This is getting a little more interesting. Whilst Sir Les is a Sydney character his Uncle (a priest as I recall) arranged for a young Les and his brother to receive a Jesuit education in Melbourne – at Xavier College.
I guess my misuse of the Latin (it’s about the only phrase I remember) is why I no longer practise law. Then again I always found the Latin scholars to be singularly lacking in their ability to be effective commercial lawyers. They were invariably Protestants who still considered themselves to be English.
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Cadelephant
2. Valverde
3. Wiggins
4. Nibali
5. Menchov
@Adrian
Jeepers, sorry, that was a bit English, I meant, jaysus, saints presorve us, top of the morning to ya, but if you keep talking about this I am going to have to join you for the Olympic Road Race……just looking at flights now – I assume one could cycle to the chosen venue easily enough, or will I be refused entry by a Taliban Security Guard on the outskirts of London?
@Marcus This explains a lot about your character: Educated by God’s Marines and believes in fictional characters as well as the Second Coming of Good Cadel.
Latin in terms in law seem to be no more than titles by which legal doctrine is known.
@Adrian
@Dr C
If I could give you any Olympic advice – get to every event you possibly can. The cost and inconvenience of getting there will be readily forgotten. The memories of the events will never wane.
@Dr C
Haven’t got a Scoobies to be honest. Am on holiday at my parents house which is near the course. My Dad said we’ll try to go see the race but neither of us really have a clue about where and how?
@Chris
“As far as the Kiwi rugby team goes i was referring to players who represented New Zealand after playing for other teams like Samoa, the likes of Stephen Bachop who started his international career playing for Samoa, then played five games for the All Blacks before deciding he didn’t like it and returning to Samoa for another 12 matches. (oddly enough his brother managed to play for NZ and Japan). Pat Lam and Va’aiga Tuigamala would also be good examples.”
http://www.3news.co.nz/Born-here-to-play-there-RWC-2011-squads-chocker-with-Kiwis/tabid/1534/articleID/224687/Default.aspx
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Twiggy
2. Cuddly
3. Sharky
4. Vandenbrockty
5. Gaysinky
@Marcus Agreed. You’ll never forget it. I was in Sydney for the 2000 games, amazing experience. Despite all the predictions of total meltdown of public transport and the like the whole thing went very smoothly. Atmosphere in the city was awesome, felt like everyone was out for the entire two weeks.
You may want to get down to the course before the Tour ends though.
@G’phant ha, yes saw that when I was making up, sorry, researching, the stuff about the Bachops. Chose to ignore it as it didn’t really fit with what I was saying.
I’m sure that when pickings are slimmer, the balance will swing back towards import rather than export.
I’m not really complaining, the Islanders play with a such brutal style and panache that I’d never tire of. Playing against them was a different matter, that always hurt.
If they weren’t all ten feet tall and 200kg, they’d make spectacular cyclists.
@Chris
You wrote a lot without making a point. Those were amateur players as well, which means no one gave a flying monkeys who they played for.
@G’phant
Beat me to the punch. I’m pretty sure that was the point I made earlier. While I never tire of posting the following video, the details aren’t important but the sentiment is.
Christ on a bike things are rough when a pair of lawyers (Apparently ex, currently practising, pretend – hard to tell but the grasp of Latin is impressive ) are infinitely more entertaining than the tour itself.
Is it just me -or has the tour been virtually snuffed out by dull contemporary english domination tactics not a liftle reminiscent of the rugby ? win at all costs doesn’t matter how ?
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Wiggins
2. Nibali
3. Froome
4. Evans
5. Valverde