Reverence: Baxter Aftershave

Reverence: Baxter Aftershave

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Baxter Aftershave is one of the most important cremes I have in my arsenal, aside from the testosterone rub, the alcohol swabs I use before injecting my EPO, and Butt Butter or whatever my chamois creme is called. At $15 a pop, it’s not particularly cheap, but the addition of moisturizers and antiseptic keep irritation at a minimum.

Not only does it have a pleasant smell and refreshing feeling, it opens the pores after a good, close shave to help moisturize and revitalize, leaving  your skin clean and smooth with no bumps or rash.  Just the other day, a neighbor remarked that my shave was magnificently smooth and close.  I couldn’t have done it without Baxter.

Oh, and before you start thinking I’m some kind of sissy, know this: I never use this shit on my face.  No sir, the good stuff is for the legs only.

// Accessories and Gear // Reverence

  1. Oh, well then. If you don’t use it on your face, your manliness is restored, certainly!!

    Btw, beautiful photograph.

  2. So right now there are two guys in Australia and one guy in the States supposedly on a cycling blog but in reality swapping notes on fucking after shave balm for one’s legs.

    Think a collective Rule #5 revision class is in order.

  3. Normally, I don’t suggest that I said something in a better way than another. I tend to use too many words. But, Marcus, I think I can reduce your comment very accurately to four words: harden the fuck up. Given my propensity for more words, I might say, as I did, “Jesus Christ. Harden the fuck up, frank.”

  4. @david
    I’m not the nancy-boy who waxed lyrical about a “beautiful photograph” of an after shave bottle.

    David, I contend that right now that you yourself don’t quite meet the definition of “hard as a cat’s head”.

  5. Fuck Marcus, you have exposed me.

  6. On principle, I cannot bring myself to enter into this discussion.

  7. Damn it Frank, publish my manifesto. My credibility as a founder of Rule #5 Fundamentalism is really suffering here.

  8. Where is Brett when we need him?

  9. Just bought some ‘Baxter’ on the internet. I feel dirty.

  10. I wager Brett is the one who recommended Baxter to frank, although I may be wrong.

  11. @Marcus Heheheh! &^$&^$!

  12. @david Fuck, I almost choked even on my water-thin Coors Light after that one, Marcus.

  13. Thinking about this, Frank does have more cajones than most, I think other men (myself included) would have a squeamish hesitation about broadcasting these intimate details or he is just more in touch with his feminine side?

    But Frank if I go back to shaving (and since my peaking schedule has been successful and the guns are looking like Big Bertha- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Bertha_(howitzer) – with an awesome tan line I am toying with the idea) thanks for the tip, it sounds like great stuff.

  14. @david
    We’ve kind of been here before, but how can you recoil in horror at Bazters worship while not have an at least equally violent reaction to Coors Light? Or is that the reason for the choke? (And, speaking of choking, anyone want to lay odds on “Chokingdoush” as an addition to the Lexicon by the time we reach the Champs Elysee … ?)

  15. @Geof Good Lord, geof, it’s hard for me to understand that. Coors Light: easy to drink, clean, crisp, cheap, and unpretentious. How’s that related to a grown man using some high-end embrocation after shaving his legs? I don’t see it.

    I’ll stick by my pick of Mark Cavendish for the Green. It’s not hard. He’s the best sprinter out there, and he’s been working hard to become a green jersey rider. He may not win it, but he certainly won’t choke. Manx Missile, all the way!! “Speed talks.”

  16. I don’t use Baxter, nor am I one.

    After I’ve shaved my balls with a cut-throat razor, I slap on a handful of Pedros Syn Lube to get that sheen that the ladies love…

  17. @brett – there you go, shaving made manly.

    Mark me down as a hippie douch on the way to critical mass ;) Although, as I have been dishing out a little pain recently, I might just slip through the loophole for compliance…

    @David – Coors Light is an abomination against beer and should only ever be used as a recovery beverage when the only alternative is water and brackish water at that….As the man said, it’s like making love in a canoe.

  18. @Joe ++1

    Oh and ignore David when he talks about “Coors” – we’ve been through this already, he is just trying to get a rise out of us because of his deep subconscious issue as an infant having to do with breast feeding issues and an insecurity as an adult over economic reality i.e. if you drink piss water then the money you save will be returned to you in the equivalent weight of Shamwows (for non US don’t ask it’s too embarrassing) – or something to that effect because of the late night TV you end up watching after you go to the bathroom for the 3rd time because if you had drunk excellent Belgium Beer you would have slowed your rate down and increased your subtle understanding of the beauty of the Rules and life in general and then you would not be confused the next morning.

  19. @new readers
    As a keeper of the cog and author who contributes to this great site, I encourage you to briefly skim this article and skip the comments all together. Though the author of this article and the velominatus’ who’ve posted here may seem a bit out of hand on this one, I assure you they are sane men who ride bikes hard and are disciples of the purest aesthete of this sport. Go enjoy some archived articles. Thanks

  20. @brett
    Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that I shave my leggs with a Bowie knife and use gorilla blood as my shave creme. I thought that would be implied.

  21. @david

    Damn it Frank, publish my manifesto. My credibility as a founder of Rule #5 Fundamentalism is really suffering here.

    At this point, I’m not sure there’s hope. Best lay low for a while. Both of us, probably.

  22. Oh, forgot – I used to shave with a chain saw and use clorox for aftershave but I like Bretts technique (real Rule #5) and that Pedros thing is sweet!

    @frank I’m not sure I would use the word “lay” and “low” in the same sentence right now when talking to another, well, uhmm, ahh – hardman?

  23. Marko :@new readersAs a keeper of the cog and author who contributes to this great site, I encourage you to briefly skim this article and skip the comments all together. Though the author of this article and the velominatus’ who’ve posted here may seem a bit out of hand on this one, I assure you they are sane men who ride bikes hard and are disciples of the purest aesthete of this sport. Go enjoy some archived articles. Thanks

    Too late, Marko… laughing a lot here, while I drink a belgium beer, of course.

  24. @Rob Wow! What a post, Rob. Just for you, once again, I’ve started on a six-pack of Fat Tire. Honestly. But, I was disappointed to find that it’s only produced by New Belgium and not made in New Belgium or for that matter in Old Belgium. At any rate, I hope it meets with your approval.

    Psychoanalyze me all you wish, but you could not hurt me more than by saying I take the money I save buying Coors Light to buy late night consumer crap. Ouch. All the extra money I have goes into bike parts, clothing, etc.

  25. @all I have no idea what the string of posts for Frank’s article on Baxter looks like to anyone not drinking beer while posting, but when it going on it was rip-roaring fun.

  26. It’s best to only shave with a good, strong, Irish whiskey. Your discipline with the razor becomes pretty crisp when you slap on 80 proof deliciousness as aftercare.

  27. “Ah, fuck, it’s awful. … Stop it! Stop it!” – Johnny Rotten, 1979 (“The Great Rock n Roll Swindle”).

    By no means a favourite band, person, album, genre or period of mine. And it may well be the only thing Wee Johnny ever said with which I wholeheartedly agreed. But as a quote I find it has application and utility well beyond its original context. Such as now.

    Just, like, stop it.

  28. @Rob
    “But Frank if I go back to shaving (and since my peaking schedule has been successful and the guns are looking like Big Bertha…with an awesome tan line I am toying with the idea) thanks for the tip, it sounds like great stuff.”

    Unleash the Howitzers on those Long Island low weeds! Shave ‘em up and Baxter ‘em down, put on The Kit and haul ass. Do it man, do it. Then report back to us.

    @all Settle down gawd damnit. Bless ya Frank. Can’t a man post about his favorite cycling related things and not hear too much moaning about it? Don’t make me invoke Chopper Reid or wait for it…Fred Dagg.

  29. John: “Can’t a man post about his favorite cycling related things and not hear too much moaning about it?” I’ll not begrudge a man any post about cycling related things. Mmmhh. But Baxter aftershave lotion is cycling related in what way??

  30. @david
    It’s his fookin’ guns were talking about here man. His damn neighbors even admire them! Frank takes excellent care of the twin motors whot power the R3 up the road. How else can I explain it?

  31. Sean Kelly quote for the day: “Cherry lager, what a foul idea.”

  32. @Marko
    I rather liked “Menchov appears to still be upright.”

  33. @Canarypunk
    That and “Armstrong is on Menchov’s wheel, not sure if he wants to do that.”

  34. @Marko
    Yes: that was very good.

    Back on topic: my problem is my guns are so huge that by the time I finish shaving the second one, I need to get started on the first one again (trying””feebly””to restore some faint semblance of masculinity to this thread…).

  35. john :@Rob
    “But Frank if I go back to shaving (and since my peaking schedule has been successful and the guns are looking like Big Bertha…with an awesome tan line I am toying with the idea) thanks for the tip, it sounds like great stuff.”
    Unleash the Howitzers on those Long Island low weeds! Shave ‘em up and Baxter ‘em down, put on The Kit and haul ass. Do it man, do it. Then report back to us.

    This is where life gets complicated – If I shave then I am going to want to race and if I race I will feel that I have to train and if I train then the wife will leave and then I'll have more time to train – what would you guys do??

  36. @Rob
    It’s not complicated. Shave your guns. End of. The rest will follow.

  37. The wife, the guns, the bike, the kids. Baxter: for all your shaving needs.

  38. @frank Crap, I knew you’d say that… decisions, decisions.

  39. I was getting pretty scared until I read the last paragraph. Whew! That was close.

  40. @frank

    Just the other day, a neighbor remarked that my shave was magnificently smooth and close.

    Does the VMH know that your neighbours have been caressing your legs? If you hadn’t replied to my post with a link to the Baxter article the question would never have been asked!

  41. Baxter makes other nice products. On the suggestion of someone here (I forget who), I bought a Philips Norelco Bodygroom Pro. It doesn’t achieve the silky smooth shave of a razor, but it doesn’t slash my legs either.

    A dab of Baxter Razor Bump gel and my guns are looking better than ever.

  42. I’m a Gillette foam/Mach 3 kinda guy. Never a nick, only by a BIC!

    This was my tuning point to go from Schick to Gillette;

  43. I shave by scraping a brick down my legs until all the hair is gone or I can’t see any hair for the blood. Rather than use some fancy smelly ointment to sooth the shave I just get my wolf to bite me in the face to take my mind off it. Once I’m done I ride 500km to my work as a lumberjack.

  44. @marshy

    I shave by scraping a brick down my legs until all the hair is gone or I can’t see any hair for the blood. Rather than use some fancy smelly ointment to sooth the shave I just get my wolf to bite me in the face to take my mind off it. Once I’m done I ride 500km to my work as a lumberjack.

    And to think I was going to comment on the manly smell and the restorative properties of tea tree oil.

  45. One of my cycling buddies just told me that he uses this…

    http://veet.ca/en/index.php

    It’s kinda shaped like a brick…

  46. Savages.

    A gentleman uses this.

  47. I think today’s stage and the reactions to it show a lot about how different racing is compared to the past.  Everyone is shocked that a GC contender would put in such a risky move instead of a largely more defensive riding into the mountains.  The climbs seem to be the only place anything happens, because you can’t really follow numbers but have to think and pace much differently.  All the other teams were saying things along the lines of “We weren’t expecting it.”  Well jeez, something unexpected in a race?  Better just pull out, already planned the whole Tour and that just messes it up.  Apparently this was a spur of the moment decision by Saxo, without having the DS feed them their parts.  Combined with Contador’s solo last year in the Vuelta it shows a really complacent mindset within the peloton.  “How could this succeed? Just let it go.”  Seems like tactics have taken a backseat to numbers in many respects.

  48. Ah shit, wrong article.

  49. I have a question regarding the shaving of the guns. Should this rule not include a note stating that this applies only if you actually have guns to shave? As interest in cycling increases, a lot of people dress up in full gear even though it does not make them look deliberately casual, cool or anything like it. Shaving a set of guns in worse condition than those used in the first world war should not necessarily be mandatory.

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