The Mirror

Winner on the road, loser in the mirror. Photo: Gian Mattia D'Alberto
Winner on the road, loser in the mirror. Photo: Gian Mattia D’Alberto

Have you ever been told to take a good look at yourself? Usually it infers that you need to smarten up your ideas, get your shit together, shape up or ship out. If Viagra eyedrops had an advertising campaign, (or indeed existed), their tagline would be: “Take a long, hard look at yourself.”

Most Cyclists need to take a long hard look at themselves. Ourselves. We could do a lot better in the public relations sphere if we took more care to use our playgrounds, ie the roads, as road users rather than pseudo-racers. And we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves every time we kit up and head out the door for a ride. Because what you see in the mirror is what others see also, and we should present ourselves as smart, tidy and sensible, rather than walking fluoro billboards or wannabe Pros.

The mirror is one of the most overlooked pieces of a Cyclist’s kit, and one that needs to be looked into a whole lot more than I suspect it is, going by the rolling messes I see out on the roads on every ride. Of course I’m not endorsing a Rule #66 violation, no sir. Offensive attire isn’t exclusive to the slovenly who go shopping in their tracky pants and Crocs, or the mostly smartly-dressed professionals who top off their neat-pressed pants or skirts with a fucking sleeping bag. You’re not George Costanza, so don’t bother.

It shouldn’t be necessary to tell you how to dress for the ride; you should know that yourself. That’s why The Rules were forged; to educate, yet sometimes to berate is necessary. If you are too clueless to put a helmet on your head level, to wear clean and matching kit, or to buy a pair of socks that don’t expose your fucking ankles, you’re either a hopelessly sloppy individual or a completely lost cause. These are the type of people who go out to dinner with their partner or take long haul flights while wearing rolled-up denim shorts, boat shoes and a t-shirt. Even if you have such little respect for yourself, you, as a member of society, should at least show some for those who have to encounter you.

Let’s smarten things up people. I know for the main part I’m preaching to the converted here, but it’s our duty to spread the knowledge and help ourselves by helping others within our ranks. It’s easy. Pick and choose kit carefully, pre-plan well in advance so you don’t end up just throwing whatever isn’t dirty on, and make sure it’s all adjusted properly. And if you’re in with a show of winning a Monument, straighten up that goddamn helmet!

 

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140 Replies to “The Mirror”

  1. @Rom

    @wiscot

    @Ron Cargo pants? Don’t get me started on those!I had to wear a tie in 1st grade. I was 4 years old. I learned how to tie it back then. And the guys who wear cargo pants with a jacket and tie? The jacket is at least a couple of sizes too big as is the collar of the shirt. I’ve had to keep my mouth shut in stores as I see a wife/girlfriend give “sizing advice” to her man. “Oh yes dear, the cuff of the jacket should extend past your knuckles when your arms are straight so that it pulls back when you bend your arm. Yes, a 46″³ jacket is just right for your 5″² 6″³155lb frame.” Maybe some people should stick to sweats . . .

    And the problem is?

    Second attempt

  2. @unversio

    Those gloves… I’ve been wearing dem’ straight palm time-trial’n gloves simply because there is no closure at the wrist and no padding. Those gloves allow my to feel the road “” all of it. And they look subtly refined.

    I’ve got Giro Zeros (black and white, my wife has straight black, no camo so far!) — also no closure and no padding on the sheepskin palms.  Love them.

  3. @andrew

    @unversio

    Those gloves… I’ve been wearing dem’ straight palm time-trial’n gloves simply because there is no closure at the wrist and no padding. Those gloves allow my to feel the road “” all of it. And they look subtly refined.

    I’ve got Giro Zeros (black and white, my wife has straight black, no camo so far!) “” also no closure and no padding on the sheepskin palms. Love them.

    Since riding the stones in Roubaix I have sworn off gloves. My hands, and some other guys’ too, were pretty destroyed half way through the ride. It was from gloves that otherwise seemed fine. Boonen doesn’t wear them either. With the quality of today’s tape they don’t seem necessary and it was quite a nice change going without. Haven’t worn them in a couple years now.

  4. @Marko

    @andrew

    @unversio

    Those gloves… I’ve been wearing dem’ straight palm time-trial’n gloves simply because there is no closure at the wrist and no padding. Those gloves allow my to feel the road “” all of it. And they look subtly refined.

    I’ve got Giro Zeros (black and white, my wife has straight black, no camo so far!) “” also no closure and no padding on the sheepskin palms. Love them.

    Since riding the stones in Roubaix I have sworn off gloves. My hands, and some other guys’ too, were pretty destroyed half way through the ride. It was from gloves that otherwise seemed fine. Boonen doesn’t wear them either. With the quality of today’s tape they don’t seem necessary and it was quite a nice change going without. Haven’t worn them in a couple years now.

    I saw Boonen without, and it’s really interesting to hear that experience.  I can’t stand padding, and have to confess fingerless gloves were just one of things that I got when I started road biking, as it was part of the standard picture.  I haven’t had any problems — or ridden more than a couple of km of bad roads at a time — but I’ll give it a shot without.

    There is a small, nagging thought of leather-palmed gloves making a hard landing a little bit less damaging, but I guess I’d have other problems at that point, anyway.

  5. @andrew Just being “what you do” is probably part of it. People just associate glovelets with cycling. Bar tape is so much better these days though compared to the old linen stuff. Good thing there’s no Rule about it.

  6. @Rom

    @Rom

    @wiscot

    @Ron Cargo pants? Don’t get me started on those!I had to wear a tie in 1st grade. I was 4 years old. I learned how to tie it back then. And the guys who wear cargo pants with a jacket and tie? The jacket is at least a couple of sizes too big as is the collar of the shirt. I’ve had to keep my mouth shut in stores as I see a wife/girlfriend give “sizing advice” to her man. “Oh yes dear, the cuff of the jacket should extend past your knuckles when your arms are straight so that it pulls back when you bend your arm. Yes, a 46″³ jacket is just right for your 5″² 6″³155lb frame.” Maybe some people should stick to sweats . . .

    And the problem is?

    Second attempt

    Ron, stop trying to make sense of all of this! David Byrne and Rab C. Nesbitt – two fine Scots sartorialists gracing the electronic pages of Velominati at last.

  7. @andrew

    @Marko

    @andrew

    @unversio

    Those gloves… I’ve been wearing dem’ straight palm time-trial’n gloves simply because there is no closure at the wrist and no padding. Those gloves allow my to feel the road “” all of it. And they look subtly refined.

    I’ve got Giro Zeros (black and white, my wife has straight black, no camo so far!) “” also no closure and no padding on the sheepskin palms. Love them.

    Since riding the stones in Roubaix I have sworn off gloves. My hands, and some other guys’ too, were pretty destroyed half way through the ride. It was from gloves that otherwise seemed fine. Boonen doesn’t wear them either. With the quality of today’s tape they don’t seem necessary and it was quite a nice change going without. Haven’t worn them in a couple years now.

    I saw Boonen without, and it’s really interesting to hear that experience. I can’t stand padding, and have to confess fingerless gloves were just one of things that I got when I started road biking, as it was part of the standard picture. I haven’t had any problems “” or ridden more than a couple of km of bad roads at a time “” but I’ll give it a shot without.

    There is a small, nagging thought of leather-palmed gloves making a hard landing a little bit less damaging, but I guess I’d have other problems at that point, anyway.

    I don’t wear gloves except for cold and racing, but it is important to have a nice snug fit so it doesn’t wiggle around.  I also prefer no padding, and my long fingered gloves with padding cause me to hold the bars differently.

  8. @andrew

    @unversio

    Those gloves… I’ve been wearing dem’ straight palm time-trial’n gloves simply because there is no closure at the wrist and no padding. Those gloves allow my to feel the road “” all of it. And they look subtly refined.

    I’ve got Giro Zeros (black and white, my wife has straight black, no camo so far!) “” also no closure and no padding on the sheepskin palms. Love them.

    When I wore the Giro (previously available) Lusso (white) gloves, my fingers went to sleep.

  9. Speaking of Boonen, have you seen this.

    How can someone have so much style and class on the bike and so little off it.

  10. @ChrisO

    Speaking of Boonen, have you seen this.

    How can someone have so much style and class on the bike and so little off it.

    He said that he gave an artist free rein for a charity cause.  I pray to the LORD that he did not actually ask for dolphins and his faced airbrushed onto it!

  11. @ChrisO

    Speaking of Boonen, have you seen this.

    How can someone have so much style and class on the bike and so little off it.

    Looks like Jesus didn’t like the paint job either and gave him a flat…Voir l'image sur Twitter

  12. Speaking of style, taste, and premium all-matching kits for all weathers, may I present one of the locals (not my photo, not my ride!)

    I like Rapha and have a few bits, but there’s Good Rapha, and there’s Bad Rapha.

  13. @andrew

    Speaking of style, taste, and premium all-matching kits for all weathers, may I present one of the locals (not my photo, not my ride!)

    I like Rapha and have a few bits, but there’s Good Rapha, and there’s Bad Rapha.

    If the level of V he inflicts on above ride approaches superhuman, I’m fine with it.

  14. @andrew

    Speaking of style, taste, and premium all-matching kits for all weathers, may I present one of the locals (not my photo, not my ride!)

    I like Rapha and have a few bits, but there’s Good Rapha, and there’s Bad Rapha.

    Sweet baby Merckx.

    @barracuda See, that’s what I’m talkin bout.

  15. @Nik

    If the level of V he inflicts on above ride approaches superhuman, I’m fine with it.

    No doubt, but he has set himself an awfully high bar.

  16. @andrew

    @Nik

    If the level of V he inflicts on above ride approaches superhuman, I’m fine with it.

    No doubt, but he has set himself an awfully high bar.

    Agreed.

  17. @andrew

    Speaking of style, taste, and premium all-matching kits for all weathers, may I present one of the locals (not my photo, not my ride!)

    I like Rapha and have a few bits, but there’s Good Rapha, and there’s Bad Rapha.

    This really looks wrong — the stance too.

  18. @wiscot

    Excellent stuff! Looking good should be as important as a well-maintained machine. It’s really not that difficult to do a bit of coordination – you simply buy clothing/gear based on a few colors/patters, etc.

    This extends beyond the bike. I regularly wear a suit and tie and feel damn comfortable doing so. Whether “smart” or “casual” well-fitting clothes are comfortable. I hate the excuse that baggy, formless shit is “comfortable” if worn in public. No, it’s just lazy. Many airport users never fail to stun me with their slovenliness. To paraphrase David Sedaries who was talking about an American couple on the Paris metro, “Never visit someone else’s country dressed as if you’ve come to mow the lawn.”

    Agree completely- although I am a late convert to this line of reasoning- A backpacking trip to Greece convinced me of the slovenliness in the USA.  My friends and I were woefully underdressed most evenings- cargo pants and t-shirts. We were often embarrassed to go out in the evenings amongst the locals who were always sharply dressed, but we were too cheap to buy a nicer set of clothes.  It was most apparent when we flew back in and had a layover in Dallas. The horror of what we saw walking and waiting around there is seared into my memory.

  19. @unversio

    @andrew

    Speaking of style, taste, and premium all-matching kits for all weathers, may I present one of the locals (not my photo, not my ride!)

    I like Rapha and have a few bits, but there’s Good Rapha, and there’s Bad Rapha.

    This really looks wrong “” the stance too.

    @unversio

    @andrew

    Speaking of style, taste, and premium all-matching kits for all weathers, may I present one of the locals (not my photo, not my ride!)

    I like Rapha and have a few bits, but there’s Good Rapha, and there’s Bad Rapha.

    This really looks wrong “” the stance too.

    What’s happened to his head, hands and feet in picture #3? They look like they’ve become very swollen. Looks painful . . .

  20. @ChrisO

    Speaking of Boonen, have you seen this.

    How can someone have so much style and class on the bike and so little off it.

    When riding and see that, it makes me want to swerve and hit it.

  21. @PeakInTwoYears

    @ChrissyOne

    @Mike_P

    I’ve just noticed the rider second in line behind @ChrissyOne, adjusting his Oakley’s for the photo. Good job you didn’t feather your brakes Chrissy.

    I know it’s difficult to tell, as we’re all looking so Casually Deliberate, but we’re moving along at a healthy clip here – a good 30 kmh at least. Panic braking would have meant certain disaster.

    If you’d been there, you would’ve decided that with this group there was nothing problematic being done in that photo. The guy behind Chrissy had fantastic bike handling skills, and Chrissy wasn’t about to do anything squirrelly. It was a Good Ride.

    I’m not complaining. Merely making an observation on what I see.

  22. @Buck Rogers

    @ChrisO

    Speaking of Boonen, have you seen this.

    How can someone have so much style and class on the bike and so little off it.

    He said that he gave an artist free rein for a charity cause. I pray to the LORD that he did not actually ask for dolphins and his faced airbrushed onto it!

    Yeah, sounds like it was done to raise awareness of theMove to Improve charity, which is supported by Boonen. It’s also the beneficiary of  his Boonen and Friends cyclocross race in the winter. http://www.movetoimprove.be/

    So I’ll let him off as it’s for a good cause. And as he says, it doesn’t see much street action.

  23. Might I suggest that the issue is less the wonky lid and more that he went out of the house in a Bongo Hat in the first place? It’s depressing how many Freds are turning up in these things these days, ditto that Specialneeds abomination – Terpstra is literally the first person I’ve seen carry off the look without looking like an extra from a B-movie.

  24. @sthilzy

    @Ccos It’s the real deal!

    Well Cippo got paid to wear his kit.

    Cippo can wear Whatever TF he wants.  Doesn’t get any cooler….ever! He can even wear white (also known as ‘never’ for us mortals!

  25. @andrew, @Nik, @ChrisO, @universio

    I’m really interested to understand what you see as the main crime being committed by the ‘Bad Rapha’ fella above. Don’t you like the pink jersey? Or is that OK but the matching oversocks make it too much? Or is it the Rapha shorts & knee warmers? Or is it the too-conservative black helmet, when a pink Kask would be a better match?

    Would you consider that look to be OK in another colour – say chartreuse, white, V orange?

  26. @scaler911

    @Rules Be Damned

    I do get a laugh sometimes with earnestness shown by many on this site around the importance of The Rules. Trust me Brett, no one in their car thinks about what we cyclists wear beyond “lyrca” and the last thing that Kristoff should be thinking about during a sprint finish for a Monument is whether his helmet or any other part of his kit is up to Velominati standards. Lighten up and ride more. The ride is always greater than the kit.

    Well, Niki managed to keep it straight, and he FUCKING KILLED IT the last 6K last Sunday.

    Thank the sweet baby Jeebus for Scaler. After wandering dangerously through the minefields of bowties, trackie dackies and cargo trousers, the Velominati decided to commit mass – satorial – hari – kari by string singlet. And then, BOOM Scaler does us all proud. No-one gives a shit about what labels, brands, the mud, whatever, it’s the combination of all the right components in just the right way. It’s the ineffable elements of style that we’re trying to find but by definition can’t grasp.

  27. @Geraint

    @andrew, @Nik, @ChrisO, @universio

    I’m really interested to understand what you see as the main crime being committed by the ‘Bad Rapha’ fella above. Don’t you like the pink jersey? Or is that OK but the matching oversocks make it too much? Or is it the Rapha shorts & knee warmers? Or is it the too-conservative black helmet, when a pink Kask would be a better match?

    Would you consider that look to be OK in another colour – say chartreuse, white, V orange?

    For me it’s “too much”. Gilding the lily is the phrase that comes to mind.

    Part of that “too much” is the colour I think. One of those pieces might work if the rest was all black, or white but the totality is just horrific.

    There’s another dimension which is I just don’t think the individual can carry it off. Like the difference between the guy in front of his garage door in the zebra suit compared to Cipollini.

  28. @Geraint

    @andrew, @Nik, @ChrisO, @universio

    I’m really interested to understand what you see as the main crime being committed by the ‘Bad Rapha’ fella above. Don’t you like the pink jersey? Or is that OK but the matching oversocks make it too much? Or is it the Rapha shorts & knee warmers? Or is it the too-conservative black helmet, when a pink Kask would be a better match?

    Would you consider that look to be OK in another colour – say chartreuse, white, V orange?

    Even Rapha on their website hasn’t managed to photograph anyone actually looking good all  in hot pink.  Black with pink highlights, yes, but not like this.  Chartreuse is just a fancy name for hi-viz fluoro yellow and isn’t any better.  This is just ostentatiously loud.  As Nik wrote, if he can ride everyone off his wheel like Cipo on a good day, great, but he doesn’t have Cipo’s lion-like presence to carry it off vaguely well even then.

    It sort of fits one of my theories about Germans. They don’t like change much, but if they decide to get into (or out of) something, they will do it to the absolute nth degree.  Cheesy pop music?  They have the cheesiest.  Declining interest in bike racing following doping scandals?  It’s like a media black-out.  Quality control for breweries?  World’s oldest still-valid purity law.  Matching bike kit?  See above.  I think it’s what makes them stereotypically good engineers.

    Anyway, time for an espresso and a bike ride.

  29. @Mike_P

    @PeakInTwoYears

    @ChrissyOne

    @Mike_P

    I’ve just noticed the rider second in line behind @ChrissyOne, adjusting his Oakley’s for the photo. Good job you didn’t feather your brakes Chrissy.

    I know it’s difficult to tell, as we’re all looking so Casually Deliberate, but we’re moving along at a healthy clip here – a good 30 kmh at least. Panic braking would have meant certain disaster.

    If you’d been there, you would’ve decided that with this group there was nothing problematic being done in that photo. The guy behind Chrissy had fantastic bike handling skills, and Chrissy wasn’t about to do anything squirrelly. It was a Good Ride.

    I’m not complaining. Merely making an observation on what I see.

    Yeah, I’ve seen that dude pull a no hands track stand at a traffic light. Bit of a real deal right there.

  30. A long weekend in the hills meant I missed this one.  Perfect sentiments.  This photo pretty much captures it all….and not a team or brand name in sight!

  31. Mr Gruber takes a fine shot of how a cap n helmet should be worn!  Tro-Bro Leon winner does it in style

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