The Quick Zip Salute

Diego Ulissi did us all a service on stage 4 of the Giro. Not only did he win in the best way possible for a rouleur with a sprint – by not having to sprint – he timed his attack so perfectly that he only had time for a split-second salute, and an even quicker jersey zip-up before the line. The textbook precision of his winning routine should be the blueprint for all Pros:

  1. Attack over the top of the last short climb. Take a quick look behind. Shit, it worked.
  2. Do the Top-Tube Pedal Squat on the descent. This does bugger all to help the advantage, but looks like you’re doing all you can to stay away. One of these days someone is going to get this spectacularly wrong.
  3. Don’t look back again. This usually means you are flagging and almost expecting to be caught. The chasers use it as extra motivation to get across.
  4. When that line is in sight, take a quick peek, realise you’ve won, and zip up that jersey with a sleight of hand that would do Maradona proud.
  5. Get those arms out to the side, nice and wide, and hit the line flying. Rule the world.

This technique is perfect for so many reasons, but the most important one is it doesn’t allow any spare time for “Finishing Straight Fuck Arounds”. No hundreds of metres of looking to the sky, pointing to the sky, realising you’re on Team Sky and not actually winning, rocking babies, shooting guns or arrows, shooting guns or arrows at babies, pointing at your bony chest for some reason, and a dozen different arm movements that make you look like one of those blow up things that flap about outside used car lots and garden centres having a sale. Just get to the line, then lay down your simple, classic Jesus Christ Pose. Because if you’ve won a stage of the Giro, you are God. If just for one day.

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68 Replies to “The Quick Zip Salute”

  1. I’ve always been a fan of the 1 handed fist pump.  It says “i don’t have the energy to raise my body up cause i just left it all on the road….and if i let go completely i might crash”

  2. The Slight of hand  Maradona reference is perfect. I wonder how many Napoli fans named there sons Diego in the 80’s

  3. Best observation this year.  I’m so over the over elaborate,  contrived victory salutes. Get rid of those and coloured bib-shorts and we’ll be approaching something approaching a happy equilibrium. And pink bar tape.

     

  4. Why so much love for those blow up things that flap about outside used car lots and garden centres having a sale, on here, these days?

  5. @anthony

    I think I heard Ciro Scognamiglio mention that Diego Ulissi’s father was a Maradona fan hence he named his son after him.

  6. @frank, great finish to the stage, agree, including a facial expression of joy that even Thomas Voeckler couldnt contrive.

  7. @Phillip Mercer

    @anthony

    I think I heard Ciro Scognamiglio mention that Diego Ulissi’s father was a Maradona fan hence he named his son after him.

    Yeah I heard that as well. He was named after Maradona according to Ciro. Just made me think there is probably a lot of Diego’s in Napoli around his age.

    Cheers

  8. Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed the haze that seems to float around the finishing straights at this year’s Giro?  It could be an interplay of cameras and lighting, sure, but I prefer to think it’s a fog of V left behind by our champions.  They are giving us an exceptional show so far this year, aren’t they?

  9. @anthony

    @Phillip Mercer

    @anthony

    I think I heard Ciro Scognamiglio mention that Diego Ulissi’s father was a Maradona fan hence he named his son after him.

    Yeah I heard that as well. He was named after Maradona according to Ciro. Just made me think there is probably a lot of Diego’s in Napoli around his age.

    Cheers

    Please, no one post that awful half Tinkoff half Napoli jersey.

     

  10. @brett

    It was no doubt a deliberate omission on your part (to save readers from the horror), but amongst all the arrows, skyward finger points and baby rocking, using a prop is far far worse.

    Kind of respect the leather-banded watch though. Carrying that and a dummy up a mountain stage shows something. What, I don’t know.

    Carlos Sastre pulled his baby's "dummy" (pacifier) from his pocket and put it in his mouth as he won the Tour de France stage at Ax-3 Domaines in 2003.

  11. @Marcus

    @brett

    It was no doubt a deliberate omission on your part (to save readers from the horror), but amongst all the arrows, skyward finger points and baby rocking, using a prop is far far worse.

    Kind of respect the leather-banded watch though. Carrying that and a dummy up a mountain stage shows something. What, I don’t know.

     

    Take cover, everyone: I’m going to try to embed a YouTube video (The Internet will most probably be broken irreparably). I’ll admit that I’m stretching the reference almost to the snapping point here – so sorry for the hijack, but I couldn’t resist this opportunity to pay tribute to one of the greatest (and most unrecognized) blues guitarists that ever walked this earth. For your entertainment (Crank up for maximum result)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5EkHK6fi7E

  12. Zounds… Ah well; at least I hope the link works. (FYI: it should bring you to a live recording of “Cradle rock” by Irish guitarist Rory Gallagher and band, from his 1974 Irish Tour)

  13. @ErikdR

    Steps

    1.  Login on V

    2.  Go to You Tube tab

    3. Click Share – Embed – Copy the string there (blue strip below)

    4. On the V site click on the Film Strip above the posting box

    5. Paste the string from You Tube.

    Voila (oh and don’t use Explorer)

  14. @Teocalli

    Cheers – here goes, then. (Not sure whether to cross my fingers or cover my eyes with my hands – may try to do both at once…. But here goes.

    YAAHAAAHHH…!! Thanks, @Teocalli! Thou art, verily, a gentleman and a scholar.

  15. PS: And yes – this is the music I listened to in the 70’s – and still do today. I saw Gallagher ‘Live’ a couple of times, too. Memorable experience, I assure you. Happy days…

     

  16. @Barracuda

    Cheers – It was already burnt into my retina, I was just trying to spare others. Definitive proof two wrongs don’t make a jersey.

  17. Thinking back to all the finishing straight choreography I’ve seen over the years, it’s true: there has never been a good one.

    From a commercial point of view, the only decent one was a couple years ago when Luca Paolini pulled off a brilliant solo win in the Giro and pointed to his Giro Air Attack helmet, as if it played a big part in the breakaway. Well, I guess he couldn’t point to the coke.

  18. @anthony

    @Phillip Mercer

    @anthony

    I think I heard Ciro Scognamiglio mention that Diego Ulissi’s father was a Maradona fan hence he named his son after him.

    Yeah I heard that as well. He was named after Maradona according to Ciro. Just made me think there is probably a lot of Diego’s in Napoli around his age.

    Cheers

    Right.  So do we need to give Diego Ulissi the moniker “Hand of God” now?

  19. But when all is said and done, this, for me, is the greatest Giro winning salute that I have ever seen.

     

  20. @fignons barber

    Luca did that at the end of Gent-Wevelgem as well. He’s pointing to his chest and head in both salutes. I always read that as taking “Head, and Heart” to win. Impeccable tactics, or spirited riding on it’s own may not necessarily always win. The two together however make a great recipe for success.

  21. When Sagan was winning regularly he had some pretty good ones. Cheeky, I believe the other English speaking nations would call them.

  22. @Owen

    I wish that Sagan would ride the Giro!!!

    Damn that “other” upstart race that decided to run at the same time as the Giro.

  23. Man, I watched the state live and didn’t even notice the jersey zip up.

    On another note, I have a crappy old t.v. that was given to me. I’ve had “Used Cars” stuck in it for around 5 months. Rented the movie, have never seen it in full, and the dvd player won’t kick it back out. I had to buy it from the shop. Could be worse, a pretty damn funny movie.

  24. @Ron

    Yes, I saw a still of that, and was deeply offended. A clear Rule #95 violation, and Rule #80 for good measure. Now I can’t watch the highlights video without spoiling my day.

  25. @ErikdR

    Zounds… Ah well; at least I hope the link works. (FYI: it should bring you to a live recording of “Cradle rock” by Irish guitarist Rory Gallagher and band, from his 1974 Irish Tour)

    No fucking way. I put Irish Tour on the stereo for the first time in fucking years yesterday. Cradle Rock. Fuck yeah. That is all.

  26. @RobSandy

    @ErikdR

    Zounds… Ah well; at least I hope the link works. (FYI: it should bring you to a live recording of “Cradle rock” by Irish guitarist Rory Gallagher and band, from his 1974 Irish Tour)

    No fucking way. I put Irish Tour on the stereo for the first time in fucking years yesterday. Cradle Rock. Fuck yeah. That is all.

    Yesss…. Good on ya! Isn’t it funny how that works, sometimes? Couple of months ago, I shot a mail to a guy that I do a lot of work for; he’s an Englishman, in his mid-forties, and I wrote that something about the working situation of the day had made me decide to play “Walk on Hot Coals” by Rory Gallagher at high volume – to clear the mind, as it were… And he replies: “Rory who?”

    I’ve been “educating” him a bit on the subject ever since – and am sort of rediscovering the late, great R.G. myself in the process. Which I like. A lot. Amazing how well the man and his music have stood the test of time, methinks.

  27. @Buck Rogers

    @anthony

    @Phillip Mercer

    @anthony

    I think I heard Ciro Scognamiglio mention that Diego Ulissi’s father was a Maradona fan hence he named his son after him.

    Yeah I heard that as well. He was named after Maradona according to Ciro. Just made me think there is probably a lot of Diego’s in Napoli around his age.

    Cheers

    Right. So do we need to give Diego Ulissi the moniker “Hand of God” now?

    I don’t no if he quite ready to take that from his name sake, but it sounds awesome!!

  28. @ErikdR

    Peter Green and the original Fleetwood Mac, less is more – before he blew his mind – or at least before he had it blown for him by some dubious group in Germany.

  29. @Buck Rogers

    But when all is said and done, this, for me, is the greatest Giro winning salute that I have ever seen.

    Yes, FULL STOP, no more correspondence need be entered into !

  30. @Teocalli

    How they used to do it – See Pollentier at 1:04

    Holy Fuck! There is some total gold in there. Such aviators, maximum luft!

  31. @ErikdR

     

    I’ve been “educating” him a bit on the subject ever since – and am sort of rediscovering the late, great R.G. myself in the process. Which I like. A lot. Amazing how well the man and his music have stood the test of time, methinks.

    Great work my friend. My dad saw him live in the 70’s and was completely blown away, and when he thought I’d get it he played me the ‘Rory Gallagher’ album. I rate Rory as the best British blues guitarist, think he was better than that Clapton bloke.

    The guitar solos in Tattoo’d Lady are just fabulous.

    I could bang on about Rory for days- don’t get me going…

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