The Keepers

Cycling is a mighty sport with a rich and complex history. Every company, racer, piece of kit, and component has a legend, a story behind it; in many cases it also has a personal and nostalgic connection to our lives.  While this particular sport is steeped in tradition, it is also fiercely modern, a fact that serves only to deepen its complexity.

All these factors combine to provide an unique atmosphere and breeds devoted and loyal disciples of our great sport. We are of a peculiar nature; we seek out the highest mountains and the roughest roads on which to worship at the altar of the Man with the Hammer. Our legs are what propel us; our minds are what drive us. We refer to our shaved legs in the third person – the legs – and speak of distance in kilometres and measure sizes in centimetres regardless of what country we are in.  We adhere strictly to the Canon of Cycling’s Etiquette: The Rules.

A Velominatus is a disciple of the highest order. We spend our days poring over the very essence of what makes ours such a special sport and how that essence fits into Cycling’s colorful fabric.  This is the Velominati’s raison d’être. This is where the Velominati can be ourselves. This is our agony – our badge of honor – our sin.

I have a unique way of looking at bicycles. A good bicycle and it’s components are beautiful things to me. I’m not just talking about appearance, but also how the frame and components show the dreams of those who made them.

– Gianni Bugno, Hardman and Italian cycling legend

Perhaps we are too wrapped up in the past, but the Velominati don’t believe that to be the case.  After all, the greatest lessons can be learned from the past and those lessons can then be applied to the present and may then allow us to more fully experience the future.

The Keepers:

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The Community:

Velominati.com is less about the articles and more about the conversation. Those of you who read more and poster more, become an integral part of the discussion and help carry the momentum forward. There are several levels of Velominatus*:

Level 4 Velominatus: The casual observer and occasional poster.

Level 3 Velominatus: The regular reader and casual poster.

Level 2 Velominatus: The devoted reader and regular poster.

Level 1 Velominatus: The most committed of reader and poster.

Gray, Black, and Orange Order Velominatus: Once having passed Level 1, the inducted among the Order wear three color badges, based on their rank.

Conduct:

We strive to foster an open, fun, critical, and censure-free environment. Any criticism of our writing, spelling, grammar, or intelligence is welcome and nothing said will ever get you suspended from the site. That said, the code of conduct is governed by Rule #43 and the Piti Principle. Members consistently exhibiting behavior that falls outside these parameters will be warned to check themselves; should warnings go unheeded, we may elect to issue a suspension. The first offense will result in a one-week suspension, the second in a two week suspension, and the third in a three week suspension. A fourth offense will result in a lifetime ban.

Velominati reserves the right to edit posts with the express interest to preserve the spirit of the conversation and the community. Regarding posts that address a grammatical or typographical error, Velominati may elect to take their input, correct the error in the articles where appropriate, and editing posts that point them out. This editorial action is not to serve as a censure entity, but to preserve the spirit of the conversation. That said, we endeavor to only edit those posts that point out a minor issue and only in the event that we make the edit before the post has yielded further discussion. Furthermore, when possible, we will strive to acknowledge said poster for their correction.

Want to contribute a story to the Velominati? Tell us why.

*Levels are calculated based on the previous year’s activity.

1,213 Replies to “The Keepers”

  3. Everyone should put a pick of their bike up for critique….like standing in front of a mirror naked.  No where to hide.

  4. @zipper

    Everyone should put a pick of their bike up for critique….like standing in front of a mirror naked. No where to hide.

    Most have, that’s what the ‘Bikes’ page is all about…

  6. I do believe in the spirit of Rule #74 but I primarily use the edge 800 to follow routes I haven’t done before without needing to stop.

  7. @El Segquill I think quill stems like that have so much class; it’s a shame that modern road bikes have these ugly MTB-style attachments now.

  11. Question for the keepers on etiquette of the road.

    On a recent ride i met up with 2 non roadies that made me question life.

    1.  I was riding and wanted to turn left into a road (Canada) so crossing traffic, a MTB “cyclist” was in the pedestrian lane and crossing, he saw me and proceeded to go anyways. i hammered to cross him and I “gently” yelled you aren’t a pedestrian.

    was that ok?

    2. Same ride surprisingly….A crazy looking guy riding a “vintage” road bike was riding down a steep hill in my direction, so in the wrong direction, came right at me and put his hand down for a low five. i put my head down and ignored him like an ass his was.

    whats you take on this? have you seen this before? It was a very odd ride for me.

  12. @thebaron

    Anyone riding on the wrong side of the road is insane. We are part of traffic, we are not pedestrians. I don’t know why a pedestrian would walk against traffic either, but that is another subject.

    But this comes down to Rule #2, Rule #3, and definitely Rule #43. Yelling at anyone – traffic, pedestrians, what have you, will do nothing but make people hate you (more). Be polite, be kind, and calmly explain that what they did was dangerous.

    I’ve yelled at people and wound up in a yelling match where everyone left angry and unchanged. I’ve also knocked on the window of a driver at the next stoplight and explained calmly how them pulling out in front of me on a rainy day was really dangerous and I was barely able to stop. In that case, the driver was mortified and seemed to take home the message.

    Leading by example and guiding the initiated (uninformed) is the best way to have impact here. And Rule #43 is always a good route to go in any event.

    And don’t low-five anyone ever anytime for any reason.

  19. Hey all

    I´m new in here but I can see that there is much discussion about fine mechanical tolerances and debate about optimising riding position.

    I am wondering if any one has experience with cleat hight adjusters – ie. stuff under the shoe cleats to compensate for the differing leg lengths that most humans have?

  20. @Roger Ramjet

    Hey all

    I´m new in here but I can see that there is much discussion about fine mechanical tolerances and debate about optimising riding position.

    I am wondering if any one has experience with cleat hight adjusters – ie. stuff under the shoe cleats to compensate for the differing leg lengths that most humans have?

    Welcome. I think you’ll find all kinds of discussion on that stuff over at Cycling News (Forums)and VeloNews. Dig around and you’ll find stuff. Not that Velominati don’t have feelings on the matter, we just prefer to discuss the merits of gold bar tape, camel toed prancers and Frank’s crazy assault on the hour record!

  21. @Roger Ramjet

    Hey all

    I´m new in here but I can see that there is much discussion about fine mechanical tolerances and debate about optimising riding position.

    I am wondering if any one has experience with cleat hight adjusters – ie. stuff under the shoe cleats to compensate for the differing leg lengths that most humans have?

    Had a bike fit where the fitter put shims between my cleats and shoes to perfectly align my feet with the pedals. Made a noticeable difference.  I would assume compensating for leg length, if needed, would also be beneficial.

  22. Grey (Gray) Order now, feel honoured and a little nervous with the perceived power of wearing the coloured badge.

  23. @Barracuda

    Grey (Gray) Order now, feel honoured and a little nervous with the perceived power of wearing the coloured badge.

    Congrats. Have you had your initiation date through yet? You will need a nuclear/chemical bio suit, some dishwasher salt, a clown wig and a large bag of peanut M&M’s. Enjoy!

  24. @meursault

    @Barracuda

    Grey (Gray) Order now, feel honoured and a little nervous with the perceived power of wearing the coloured badge.

    Congrats. Have you had your initiation date through yet? You will need a nuclear/chemical bio suit, some dishwasher salt, a clown wig and a large bag of peanut M&M’s. Enjoy!

    You forgot the Honey.  I still bear the mental scars from mine!

  25. @meursault

    @Barracuda

    Grey (Gray) Order now, feel honoured and a little nervous with the perceived power of wearing the coloured badge.

    Congrats. Have you had your initiation date through yet? You will need a nuclear/chemical bio suit, some dishwasher salt, a clown wig and a large bag of peanut M&M’s. Enjoy!

    Aaahhhhh  incredibly humorous.  You forgot to mention disinfectant, large garbage bags and a red billiard ball.    Can I bring the wife, she loves to watch

  27. Gentlemen and Ladies,

    I’ve been surreptitiously enjoying the site for some time now…

    At some point recently I began to feel some discomfort at my lack of manners – voyeuristically receiving while giving nothing in return.  Luckily, I have been able to rationalize this turn of events by blaming the lot of you…for being so eloquent in your musings…ruthless in taking the piss out of one another and by virtue of knowing very little about this terrific sport.

    However, I now feel compelled to say hello.  Hello!

    I live in Toronto.  I bought my first proper road bike near the end of last summer And since that first day in my local bike shop my thoughts, dreams and waking moments have been consumed with thoughts of cycling.  I rarely run anymore.  I’ve taken the summer off from squash.

    From the beginning I’ve tried to do things right – to be respectful of the culture and tradition of the sport – NOT to be an asshole.  My entry point was Full Carbon & 105 – The bike fitter directed me to a Specialized Tarmac.  I’ve since spent a ridiculous amount of money on Dura-Ace wheels that may possibly feel slightly quicker than those they replaced but look awesome and make me FEEL good!

    The Rules resonated for me instantly.  They ring true to what lives in my heart.

    I will now go back to skulking about.  Carry on if you would.

    D.

  28. @kixsand

    No squash? That’s almost as bad as @brett’s vegetarian business.

    Welcome, from another recently-arrived.

  30. Dear Keepers of the cog,

    I have a possible inclusion for the lexicon. When a rider unzips their jersey and reveals a full thatch of chest hair it is referred to as “Darwin’s base layer”. I’m sure the owners of such a fine crop of hair are breaking any number of rules but said base layer does come in handy when the temperature drops (as its prone to do in these parts).

    Love the work you are doing, keep it up.

    Dominic.

  31. Living life to the V. New supermarket opened up recently. Now can shop at your supermarket too!

    [dmalbum: path=”/velominati.com/wp-content/uploads/readers/fatsprinter/2013.06.28.07.56.53/1/”/]

  32. (Try again with photos?)

    Living life to The V. New supermarket opened up recently. Now can shop at your supermarket too!

  33. V Markt Photos at last (what an idiot – of course you have to resize them before you post them)

  35. Wow….I never even knew you could get demoted…..

    I am going to have to send Frank a bag full of used notes now just to keep my position!

  36. @meursault

    @Deakus I think if your level of posting goes down so does your badge.  Once I had a black cog, but when my temporary V cog went after six months it went back to grey.  I figured I’d not been posting as much.

  37. @snoov

    @meursault

    @Deakus I think if your level of posting goes down so does your badge. Once I had a black cog, but when my temporary V cog went after six months it went back to grey. I figured I’d not been posting as much.

    Having been protected by the KT12 badge and then a contributor cog I have been protectively keeping up a stream of inane drivel just in case… bet nobody could tell.

  38. @ChrisO

    @snoov

    @meursault

    @Deakus I think if your level of posting goes down so does your badge. Once I had a black cog, but when my temporary V cog went after six months it went back to grey. I figured I’d not been posting as much.

    Having been protected by the KT12 badge and then a contributor cog I have been protectively keeping up a stream of inane drivel just in case… bet nobody could tell.

    Sounds like a good tactic, problem is, my best stuff is inane drivel.

  41. So how did I end up here?

    I think I surfed in here while doing a search about epic rides, I think I was trying to figure out the hardest baddest stages ever etc… and next thing you know I was reading Rule #5….

    A little about me …  I recently turned 40, I celebrated that by getting myself a Pinarello..  and man it is a sweet ride…

    But lets go back and see where it all started …  one day in 1977 or 1978 I threw my leg over a 16″ CCM Swinger (Imperial Blue colour) for the first time.  From that time on my bike became a key fixture in my life …  I think from age 5-15 if someone asked me what I did I would have said “rode my bike around”….   It was just what we did EVERY day…  a brief stint at BMX racing, a large amount of mt. biking and then something changed…  I was a cross country runner in high school, and one day I watched the Ironman on TV…  the next morning I was out on my dads Raleigh Record ripping up the roads, probably running about a 50 cadence in the largest gear, I never looked back.  I did some triathlons, rode my bike and then it happened one day in the fall I went out for a ride in THE RAIN.  Something happened out there on those roads that evening and I have never been the same.  I road and it rained, and  rode and it rained more, so I rode more and faster, I am only now beginning to understand what happened

    When I first started triathlons all I wanted was my name in the results, and a good finish line photo… if Facebook was around I would have been a slave to updating my status and profile pictures.  LOOK AT ME!!  LOOK AT ME!! now not so much…  lets go F$%king ride man…

    After that one ride in the rain it was different.  I wanted to ride, I wanted to ride hard, I wanted to suffer .. 20 years later I still ride, I still suffer, I wouldn’t be caught dead  in a triathlon, I refer to those as the “dark years”.

    I think I have reached a level that I can’t quite describe, I ride along hard and think about very deep thoughts like:

    1 – in the n+1 calculation what really makes a bike an “n”?  does it have to be rideable that instant or is there a minimum time cut off to get it on the road (1hr perhaps)?  When your VMH says but you already have 5 bikes!, I don’t think a frame and box of parts really counts?  comments or advice anyone? is there an established threshold?

    2 – the jewellers like to tell us that 2 months salary is a good guideline for an engagement ring.   So is one month salary (pre-tax of course)  a good bike guideline? thoughts?

    I had a friend drive by me the other day while I was riding, at the destination he said he saw me.  I had to ask him – Did I look pro?  And I really meant it, I spend more on kit I am wearing now than I did on my first bike (note – I also rode that bike faster than I have ever ridden my Dogma).  Again it appears that all you here understand this…  I do have a job and a family and when I am allowed the bike does come first, luckily my boys appear to have the “V” gene and are into riding.  the best part of that once the y get bigger will be disposing of bikes to them and getting new ones for me.

    This is a wonderful community you have here and I look forward to being a part of it.

    Note I have done away with the under seat saddle bag and have begun to follow the rules and lead by example.  Interestingly my LBS has the tire label /valve stem thing taken care of already…..  good for them

    Cheers

  42. @GogglesPizano Wow…a lengthy introduction but good background…now you need to show us your “mochine”

    I was getting more and more disturbed with your references to triathlons and you had me gagging for a chunder until you quite rightly inserted your “Dark Years” statement…you could have done that earlier and saved me a lot of bile!

    You did ask a question though

    2 – the jewellers like to tell us that 2 months salary is a good guideline for an engagement ring. So is one month salary (pre-tax of course) a good bike guideline? thoughts?

    I think you know the answer to this…..lie to her!

    One months salary is nowhere near enough…..but you are wise enough to know that she needs to think that your bike/s cost less than her engagement ring.   This is a re-occuring theme here in V-land and there are many wiley tactics discussed.

    What is more funny are the tales told when one of us gets “rumbled”..

    Welcome to the site…enjoy your stay…

  43. I don’t know if it’s a generational thing or maybe I’m turning into an old curmudgeon, but I encountered something on my last ride that I think needs to be addressed in the Rules.  It could be either an amendment to #84 or perhaps a new rule.

    When, on a training ride and you come upon a fellow rider on the side of the road in the midst of a technical issue, you should be morally and legally (according to the Rules) obligated to at least slow down and offer any assistance, even if they seem to have everything in hand.

    This is akin to the rules of the sea where any vessel (commercial or otherwise) are legally obligated to answer and respond to another vessel in distress if able.

    My situation was I experienced a flat.  No problem, I pulled out my new spare tube, but discovered it too had a hole or holes (as it turned out). – this is where I out myself as a breaker of Rule #31 – I then for some reason could not find my patch kit in my (albeit tiny) saddlebag, which I swore I always keep fully stocked and on hand.  I was in a bit of a bind when I saw a fellow rider (young guy) approaching, then blow past me without a glance.  Fortunately, another ride (much older) offered assistance and donated a couple of patches, then went on his way. I discovered that the tube I patched continued to leak, so I applied the second, which subsequently led me to discover a third hole (I don’t think I will ever buy another Axiom tube again!).

    I was now feeling in dire straits when another rider came by (young female) and she too just whizzed past.  Fortunately, I refused to believe that I didn’t have a patch kit, and discovered the tiny kit (camoflaged in dark grease) stuffed in the very back of the bag. I finally repaired the original flat and was putting everything back together when a fourth cyclist (older gentleman) slowed to offer assistance.

    I’m not sure if the younger generation just don’t understand cycling ediquette or so self absorbed they are oblivious to others, but it was interesting that the older riders were the only ones to offer assistance.

    I have been helped and have provided help to other riders.  I find it unconscionable that a rider would pass by a fellow cyclist in (apparent or not) distress (roadie or otherwise) and not offer assistance.  This brings up another point:  1) make sure you have everything you need to get you back on your bike, but have enough to offer others.  I carry a pair of tire irons in my kit even though I don’t personally need them, just in case someone requires them.  This is also why I prefer hand pumps as opposed to CO2 cartridges.

    May the V be strong!

  44. @gottago I think you spotted the common theme….ignorant youngsters.  No they are not all like that but with the lessening popularity of cycling clubs and more and more people just buying a bike and getting out on the road, fewer and fewer people understand elements of cycling lore that would just be idoctrinated in to those who found there way through cycling with a club.

    Having said that manners and common sense are not the exclusive preserve of mature cyclists, these fuckwits should understand that someone might be in need of a little help.  If I saw someone do this I would refuse to ever ride with them.

    Now…on a slightly different note, you made several references to your EPMS and I would like to introduce to you the Masturbation Principle

    Finally by all means send these ignorant twits to this link for educational training!

    http://www.velominati.com/racing/rule-43-dont-be-a-jackass/

  45. @GogglesPizano Is this were we go to do the introduction shtick? I’ve found a negative correlation between the length of my nonsense and the amount of readers I get, so I’ll keep it short.

    A friend of mine asked if he could date my ex-girlfriend. “Of course, what’s it to me?” Inside, though, it was everything to me. We would, of course, never be friends again and I would avoid him for as long as we both lived. But on the surface, I played it cool. When I received a notification on facebook asking me to support his dream of competing in a triathlon, it immediately became my dream.

    I “competed” as a tridork for 2 years until 1 day, after bringing in the Cervelo P3 that I lovingly labored over for countless hours, my wrench and now training partner said to me, “when are you going to get a real bike? You know you need a real bike to race in a real race, right?”

    I was hurt at first – most trilosers take themselves way too seriously. But slowly, the post-it note Mike gave me started calling my name louder and louder from my wallet until that March day when I went to Bikereg.com and signed up for 10 races at once (in triathlonopia, if you don’t sign up months in advance, you get closed out). A team noticed me, I became addicted to the sport and the rest, as they say, is history.

  46. Love the t shirts, but when is the black tshirt with simply the words ‘Harden the F*** Up’ with a small v logo in the bottom corner going to be released?

  47. On a totally unrelated note, is anyone else having a problem with “the rules” page. When I click it, just the picture  of Merckx and de Vlaeminck comes up. No  rules, no comments, no song, no nothing. All the other pages  work fine. I am still  trying to memorize all the rules so I need to see them for my meditation. Any suggested solutions?

  48. @dancollins

    On a totally unrelated note, is anyone else having a problem with “the rules” page. When I click it, just the picture of Merckx and de Vlaeminck comes up. No rules, no comments, no song, no nothing. All the other pages work fine. I am still trying to memorize all the rules so I need to see them for my meditation. Any suggested solutions?

    It’s working on this end. Try clearing your history?

  50. @dancollins

    On a totally unrelated note, is anyone else having a problem with “the rules” page. When I click it, just the picture of Merckx and de Vlaeminck comes up. No rules, no comments, no song, no nothing. All the other pages work fine. I am still trying to memorize all the rules so I need to see them for my meditation. Any suggested solutions?

    I was getting a blank white page when clicking the rules page. All others opened fine. This only occurred on my PC. I’ll clear history and try again later.

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