La Vie Velominatus: Lean Properly

Bikes leaning at the gite, waiting to hit the cobbles on Keepers Tour 2013.
Bikes leaning at the gite, waiting to hit the cobbles on Keepers Tour 2013.

There are always at least two ways to accomplish any task: properly and improperly. Drinking beer from a glass, not the bottle; carrying a full umbrella instead of a miniature fold-up; stirring your gin martinis, not shaking them; wearing french cuffs with a suit, not button cuffs. The Velominatus, of course, is drawn towards doing things Properly, even when doing so comes at the expense of convenience.

While its true that doing something correctly may not always be the same as doing something the easy way, when it comes to the practice of leaning one’s bicycle against a wall, doing so properly is is maddeningly easy. Bicycles have wheels and wheels are what enable the mode of forward locomotion that brings us such pleasure. The fine print indicates, however, that these wheels are not biased towards forward motion. On the contrary, wheels are quite happy to roll in any direction they please, provided gravity or an external force provide ample reason to do so. And, despite being more than sturdy enough to bound down a cobbled farm track at high speed, bicycles are rather delicate things not suited for rolling off unsupervised. Derailleur hangers are easily bent, paintwork is easily scratched, and bar tape and saddles easily scuffed when wheels start unexpectedly rolling and steeds fall over.

For this reason, it is critical that one practices safe leaning:

  1. When leaning your loyal steed against a well, care must be taken to lean the bike by its saddle and by its inside hood. There are several reasons for this including the notion that neither the saddle (made of lightly padded leather) nor the hood (made of rubber) are as wont to slip as is the frame. Leaning it by the hood also ensures the front wheel is pointing parallel to the wall, not away from it, offering an additional bit of insurance against an errant roll-away. Should one be leaning their bicycle against something too low to make saddle contact, the rear wheel and hood makes for a viable alternate.
  2. Lean the machine with the mechanicals facing out. This will help avoid inadvertently crushing the derailleur against the wall and bending the rear derailleur hanger. That said, among Keepers polled, only one (who, in order to protect Brett’s identity, shall remain anonymous) made the case that keeping the mechs facing inward protects them from being brushed up against. Use your discretion here, but if leaning in, make sure ample space is left to prevent contact with the drivetrain and the wall.
  3. When leaning a group of bikes against the wall, lean them all in the same direction such that the front wheel of the bike to the left overlaps with the back wheel of the bike to the right. This allows for a compact stacking of machines, prevents tangling of bars or other forms of damage-inducing fraternization between bikes, and allows any of the bikes to be removed from its place in the line without moving adjacent machines. While point two allows for the choice of facing in or out, when leaning groups of bikes against the wall, care will be taken to lean them all in the same direction and in this case facing mechanicals out will help prevent accidentally catching a wheel in a derailleur.
  4. If leaning a bike against something smaller than a wall, the safest way to do so is to lean it only by the rear wheel, ensuring ample lean is given and that the orientation of the bicycle is chosen to minimize likelihood of the machine suddenly making a break for it. Leaning it against just the saddle is also an option should a stable leaning point be available. Under no circumstances is one to lean the bike by any part of the frame.
  5. If your bicycle should begin to fall or to move in any way, you are to drop whatever you are  doing and use your own or a nearby companion’s body to arrest the fall and prevent damage of any sort to the machine. You should be willing to sacrifice personal injury by way of means to this end. Be it your child or your bong, drop that thing and make haste to rescue your machine. Rule #4, fucktards.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

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184 Replies to “La Vie Velominatus: Lean Properly”

  1. @Ron

    Damn, I’d only thought about the weight issue, never the wind issue, for you tall lads. Cycling is the one sport I’ve pursued where I’m perfectly happy to be the size I was dealt.

    The Gesink photo on the Giant brings up a question I’ve had – have ISPs faded away (never caught on?)? It seemed like there used to be more of them.

    I’ve got an ISP – kinda restricts Merckx like fine adjustment but otherwise does the job. I think some manufacturers are using the seat post for shock absorbing (again) and I’ve also noticed that the current incarnation of my Damocles (the Fenix) doesn’t have an ISP as an option.

  2. @Ron

    Damn, I’d only thought about the weight issue, never the wind issue, for you tall lads.

    Aerodynamic nightmare, or Aeromare for short.  Lash me and the bike to the mast of catamaran and you could probably win the fucking America’s Cup or whatever they call it now.

    But a tail wind, ah, I just unfurl the spinnakers and get a taste of what you fast guys feel.  Love it.

  3. @mouse@strathlubnaig

    @mouse I see where you are trying to go with this, but yes, Millar, despite being jockinese, was acting like a knob too. I understand your angle, but tools should not be abused either, regardless of your métier, be it an abseiler or a pro cycist. It does not make anyone look good.

    Yes, they are throwing hissy fits, not being cool. Even Millar has learned to see the light, leaning his bike properly just prior to collapsing in a heap.

    Regardless of your craft, losing your temper and throwing a fit is unprofessional, whether or not you also happen to be trying to win something.

  4. @Mikael Liddy

    @frank I see what you’re getting at here, but using a guy who is known for basically being unable to stay on his bike for more than 2 consecutive days (Gesink) probably won’t help your argument about your fit leading to better balance…

    Espresso snorted! You’ll pay for that eventually!

    @Alex

    @frank you could add in another, a personal favourite of mine…

    http://drunkcyclist.tumblr.com/post/11394812640/edwig-van-hooydonck-won-the-tour-of-flanders-twice

    For the record I’m 6’5 and half Dutch. I reckon I know more about the wind than any short cyclist ever will.

    We had a fucker of a wind every day on Keepers Tour. The line behind had a nice draft.

  5. @Ron

    The Gesink photo on the Giant brings up a question I’ve had – have ISPs faded away (never caught on?)? It seemed like there used to be more of them.

    Seems to be going away – very stiff and it turns out that the seat pin is not always a good place to have stiffness. I opted against the ISP on my new gravel rig mostly because it would never fit in a bike case.

  6. Oh the fucking humanity! You give a guy a set of wheels to test and he takes pictures of them like they are second rate redheaded stepchildren!

    Really well put. Do things properly. It is the finishing touches, the details, the pedantic, the precision, the effervescence of the V. Verve.

    Full proper umbrella with wood carved handle purchased in Montreal from an Italian. Still ‘ave it too.

    Oli has been around, or at least he is still posting comments on my FB.

    And speaking of doing thing properly & Oli

    https://m.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=330327633756637&id=219609484828453&set=a.252430468213021.56768.219609484828453&__user=1393430968

  7. I’m going to argue against French cuffs with a suit.  Save them for black tie and the higher-ups of Wall Street.  Looks out of place otherwise.

    Also, I’ve always been fine with only the saddle as a contact point for leaning.  I don’t have quite the height of @frank or @xyxax, but being on the tall side, I often feel like a fucking sail flopping around in the wind.

  8. @frank

    @mouse, @strathlubnaig

    @mouse I see where you are trying to go with this, but yes, Millar, despite being jockinese, was acting like a knob too. I understand your angle, but tools should not be abused either, regardless of your métier, be it an abseiler or a pro cycist. It does not make anyone look good.

    Yes, they are throwing hissy fits, not being cool. Even Millar has learned to see the light, leaning his bike properly just prior to collapsing in a heap.

    Regardless of your craft, losing your temper and throwing a fit is unprofessional, whether or not you also happen to be trying to win something.

    There’s a big difference between leaning your bike properly with great  reverence after it’s carried you to a silver medal in the world championships and suffering mild plot loss when your bike fails in a potentially winning position. It may not be right or look good but it’s completely understandable.

    What do you want, a bit of uncontrolled passion or sportsmen in the mold of the other famous Scot, Misery Fucking Murray who’ll just mumble and moan cliched crap about not being on his best form?

  9. @Chris

    @frank

    @brett

    Just goes to show that just cuz you run a bike shop doesn’t mean you know fuck all about bikes.

    @TBONE

    It should be noted that I’m rolling with cufflinks and my locally made full size umbrella today. One of my coworkers asked me ‘Who spends $80 on an umbrella?’ I shot back with ‘Someone without two kids.’ The topic was never broached again.

    Good man. Here’s mine, a gift when I moved to Seattle.

    Do you have to wear a hat and a special suit with that? You must look a right twot walking into the office with that in your commuting kit.

    I do like a good brolly. Unfortunately, I keep leaving them on trains.

    Speaking as an English man that is a very fine Brolly

  10. @frank

    @mouse, @strathlubnaig

    @mouse I see where you are trying to go with this, but yes, Millar, despite being jockinese, was acting like a knob too. I understand your angle, but tools should not be abused either, regardless of your métier, be it an abseiler or a pro cycist. It does not make anyone look good.

    Yes, they are throwing hissy fits, not being cool. Even Millar has learned to see the light, leaning his bike properly just prior to collapsing in a heap.

    Regardless of your craft, losing your temper and throwing a fit is unprofessional, whether or not you also happen to be trying to win something.

    He’s doing it wrong. Mech side is against wall.

  11. @Ron One thing about ISPs is that they increase the cost of freight considerably because you need to ship a bigger box. Had that with Fuji Track Pros in NZ for a couple years when the Al frames had ISPs, and they were too expensive to bring into the country. Matters less to companies like Look and Time, which might still do it, but for mass producers of frames, you need a more compelling argument for it.

  12. @DerHoggz

    I’m going to argue against French cuffs with a suit. Save them for black tie and the higher-ups of Wall Street. Looks out of place otherwise.

    Do you also keep lots of pens in your shirt pocket?

    It’s fine if you’re going to wear a shit suit but if you take a bit of pride and your suit isn’t made out of man made fibres then not sporting double cuffs is a bit like spending a fortune on a bike and heading out in trainers and running shorts or drinking a decent wine from a plastic cup.

  13. @Chris

    @DerHoggz

    I’m going to argue against French cuffs with a suit. Save them for black tie and the higher-ups of Wall Street. Looks out of place otherwise.

    Do you also keep lots of pens in your shirt pocket?

    It’s fine if you’re going to wear a shit suit but if you take a bit of pride and your suit isn’t made out of man made fibres then not sporting double cuffs is a bit like spending a fortune on a bike and heading out in trainers and running shorts or drinking a decent wine from a plastic cup.

    Correct – although you must remember not to show your cuffs…

  14. @the Engine

    @Chris

    @DerHoggz

    I’m going to argue against French cuffs with a suit. Save them for black tie and the higher-ups of Wall Street. Looks out of place otherwise.

    Do you also keep lots of pens in your shirt pocket?

    It’s fine if you’re going to wear a shit suit but if you take a bit of pride and your suit isn’t made out of man made fibres then not sporting double cuffs is a bit like spending a fortune on a bike and heading out in trainers and running shorts or drinking a decent wine from a plastic cup.

    Correct – although you must remember not to show your cuffs…

    Around 1.5cm of finest linen cuff should show

  15. @the Engine It’s a personal choice but I’m in the show some cuff camp. Ideally, match the amount of cuff to the amount of shirt collar you’re showing above your jacket at the back.

    It’s a tricky one to get right if you don’t get your shirts made to measure along with your suits, suit sleeve length and width are just as crucial as the shirt’s dimensions. Watches can also fuck up the whole effect if they’re too big for the cuff. I can’t afford the bespoke route but you can get pretty close to a good result with decent quality and fitting shirts.

  16. @Chris

    @the Engine It’s a personal choice but I’m in the show some cuff camp. Ideally, match the amount of cuff to the amount of shirt collar you’re showing above your jacket at the back.

    It’s a tricky one to get right if you don’t get your shirts made to measure along with your suits, suit sleeve length and width are just as crucial as the shirt’s dimensions. Watches can also fuck up the whole effect if they’re too big for the cuff. I can’t afford the bespoke route but you can get pretty close to a good result with decent quality and fitting shirts.

    …and a double Windsor knot of course – not forgetting to bull those shoes…

  17. @the Engine

    @Chris

    @the Engine It’s a personal choice but I’m in the show some cuff camp. Ideally, match the amount of cuff to the amount of shirt collar you’re showing above your jacket at the back.

    It’s a tricky one to get right if you don’t get your shirts made to measure along with your suits, suit sleeve length and width are just as crucial as the shirt’s dimensions. Watches can also fuck up the whole effect if they’re too big for the cuff. I can’t afford the bespoke route but you can get pretty close to a good result with decent quality and fitting shirts.

    …and a double Windsor knot of course – not forgetting to bull those shoes…

    what are you on about ? I must move in the wrong circles.

  18. @ped

    @the Engine

    @Chris

    @DerHoggz

    I’m going to argue against French cuffs with a suit. Save them for black tie and the higher-ups of Wall Street. Looks out of place otherwise.

    Do you also keep lots of pens in your shirt pocket?

    It’s fine if you’re going to wear a shit suit but if you take a bit of pride and your suit isn’t made out of man made fibres then not sporting double cuffs is a bit like spending a fortune on a bike and heading out in trainers and running shorts or drinking a decent wine from a plastic cup.

    Correct – although you must remember not to show your cuffs…

    Around 1.5cm of finest linen cuff should show

    sorry lads, try this place http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/style

  19. @E

    @Chris

    @frank

    @brett

    Just goes to show that just cuz you run a bike shop doesn’t mean you know fuck all about bikes.

    @TBONE

    It should be noted that I’m rolling with cufflinks and my locally made full size umbrella today. One of my coworkers asked me ‘Who spends $80 on an umbrella?’ I shot back with ‘Someone without two kids.’ The topic was never broached again.

    Good man. Here’s mine, a gift when I moved to Seattle.

    Do you have to wear a hat and a special suit with that? You must look a right twot walking into the office with that in your commuting kit.

    I do like a good brolly. Unfortunately, I keep leaving them on trains.

    Speaking as an English man that is a very fine Brolly

    If it wasn’t for my habit of leaving umbrellas on trains, I’d quite fancy one of these.

  20. @strathlubnaig

    @ped

    @the Engine

    @Chris

    @DerHoggz

    I’m going to argue against French cuffs with a suit. Save them for black tie and the higher-ups of Wall Street. Looks out of place otherwise.

    Do you also keep lots of pens in your shirt pocket?

    It’s fine if you’re going to wear a shit suit but if you take a bit of pride and your suit isn’t made out of man made fibres then not sporting double cuffs is a bit like spending a fortune on a bike and heading out in trainers and running shorts or drinking a decent wine from a plastic cup.

    Correct – although you must remember not to show your cuffs…

    Around 1.5cm of finest linen cuff should show

    sorry lads, try this place http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/style

    Or here.

    This is a little dated but has some gems (as with cycling the basics are timeless) such as positioning of buttons for braces:

    I recommend that you follow my example and have the buttons for the braces on the outside of the trousers at the front and on the inside at the back. If, like me, you remove your jacket when driving, you will find that this arrangement spares the leather seat of your Royce.

    and zip flies:

    A zip is a nasty thing, redolent of cheap suitcases and brightly coloured tents. A bespoke suit should have a button fly.

    There is even a rules section.

  21. @the Engine

    Correct – although you must remember not to show your cuffs…

    @the Engine

    …and a double Windsor knot of course – not forgetting to bull those shoes…

    You work from home, don’t you?

    A Windsor is fine if you’re wearing a regular weight tie and you’re skinny. If you go for a heavy tie your likely to end up with a knot size worthy or a premier league soccerist or an Essex estate agent. If you’ve got a fat neck like me, you’ll just end up with a tie that comes down just below your nipples. A half Windsor is much more forgiving to both tie weight and neck girth.

  22. @Chris

    @the Engine

    Correct – although you must remember not to show your cuffs…

    @the Engine

    …and a double Windsor knot of course – not forgetting to bull those shoes…

    You work from home, don’t you?

    A Windsor is fine if you’re wearing a regular weight tie and you’re skinny. If you go for a heavy tie your likely to end up with a knot size worthy or a premier league soccerist or an Essex estate agent. If you’ve got a fat neck like me, you’ll just end up with a tie that comes down just below your nipples. A half Windsor is much more forgiving to both tie weight and neck girth.

    I work from home but am forced to regularly meet with clients in their premises – therefore I have to obey the Sartorial Rules in order not to be considered a hippy douche. One always wears a tie in which a double Windsor can be tied elegantly.

    I enjoyed the Rule about keeping a portable telephone in the glove box in case one’s Royce declines to proceed.

  23. @the Engine That was, perhaps, a slightly mean jab.

    You must have a cyclists neck. Mine has retained it’s shape from my rugby playing youth. Whilst it limits the knots available to me, there are advantages to it, such as not having it snap so easily when carrying out high speed inverted dismounts from a downhill bike.

  24. @the Engine

    @Bespoke

    @the Engine

    Holy Public Sector Workers Batman – that’s my shoe and bib combo right there

    How the hell can you tell from that photo that those are your bibs? Please don’t say it’s because you recognize the chamois.

    It is indeed because I recognise the chamois…

    I hope you were wearing Assos F1.UnoS5 shorts then, as your chamois memory is brilliant. (memory foam?)

    Shoes are Bont A1 if you were wondering!

  25. @simonsaunders

    @the Engine

    @Bespoke

    @the Engine

    Holy Public Sector Workers Batman – that’s my shoe and bib combo right there

    How the hell can you tell from that photo that those are your bibs? Please don’t say it’s because you recognize the chamois.

    It is indeed because I recognise the chamois…

    I hope you were wearing Assos F1.UnoS5 shorts then, as your chamois memory is brilliant. (memory foam?)

    Shoes are Bont A1 if you were wondering!

    Both items exactly the same as mine and you made the sort of gag of which I’d be proud…did you ever meet your real parents?

  26. @Chris

    @strathlubnaig

    @ped

    @the Engine

    @Chris

    @DerHoggz

    I’m going to argue against French cuffs with a suit. Save them for black tie and the higher-ups of Wall Street. Looks out of place otherwise.

    Do you also keep lots of pens in your shirt pocket?

    It’s fine if you’re going to wear a shit suit but if you take a bit of pride and your suit isn’t made out of man made fibres then not sporting double cuffs is a bit like spending a fortune on a bike and heading out in trainers and running shorts or drinking a decent wine from a plastic cup.

    Correct – although you must remember not to show your cuffs…

    Around 1.5cm of finest linen cuff should show

    sorry lads, try this place http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/style

    Or here.

    This is a little dated but has some gems (as with cycling the basics are timeless) such as positioning of buttons for braces:

    I recommend that you follow my example and have the buttons for the braces on the outside of the trousers at the front and on the inside at the back. If, like me, you remove your jacket when driving, you will find that this arrangement spares the leather seat of your Royce.

    and zip flies:

    A zip is a nasty thing, redolent of cheap suitcases and brightly coloured tents. A bespoke suit should have a button fly.

    There is even a rules section.

    And if you are wearing your suit jacket, and it’s a 3 button single breasted, English worsted, bespoke suit, as all gentlemen should wear, never ever on any account fasten the third, or lowest button.

  27. @Chris

    @strathlubnaig

    @ped

    @the Engine

    @Chris

    @DerHoggz

    I’m going to argue against French cuffs with a suit. Save them for black tie and the higher-ups of Wall Street. Looks out of place otherwise.

    Do you also keep lots of pens in your shirt pocket?

    It’s fine if you’re going to wear a shit suit but if you take a bit of pride and your suit isn’t made out of man made fibres then not sporting double cuffs is a bit like spending a fortune on a bike and heading out in trainers and running shorts or drinking a decent wine from a plastic cup.

    Correct – although you must remember not to show your cuffs…

    Around 1.5cm of finest linen cuff should show

    sorry lads, try this place http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/style

    Or here.

    This is a little dated but has some gems (as with cycling the basics are timeless) such as positioning of buttons for braces:

    I recommend that you follow my example and have the buttons for the braces on the outside of the trousers at the front and on the inside at the back. If, like me, you remove your jacket when driving, you will find that this arrangement spares the leather seat of your Royce.

    and zip flies:

    A zip is a nasty thing, redolent of cheap suitcases and brightly coloured tents. A bespoke suit should have a button fly.

    There is even a rules section.

    There is so much fucking Awesome in there, I don’t know where to start or stop.

    Curious how cuff length is affected when holding a BFG.

  28. @the Engine

    @Chris

    @the Engine

    Correct – although you must remember not to show your cuffs…

    @the Engine

    …and a double Windsor knot of course – not forgetting to bull those shoes…

    You work from home, don’t you?

    A Windsor is fine if you’re wearing a regular weight tie and you’re skinny. If you go for a heavy tie your likely to end up with a knot size worthy or a premier league soccerist or an Essex estate agent. If you’ve got a fat neck like me, you’ll just end up with a tie that comes down just below your nipples. A half Windsor is much more forgiving to both tie weight and neck girth.

    I work from home but am forced to regularly meet with clients in their premises – therefore I have to obey the Sartorial Rules in order not to be considered a hippy douche. One always wears a tie in which a double Windsor can be tied elegantly.

    I enjoyed the Rule about keeping a portable telephone in the glove box in case one’s Royce declines to proceed.

    And the gum chewing one. Gum, in my opinion, should be outlawed.

  29. @Mike_P

    @Chris

    @strathlubnaig

    @ped

    @the Engine

    @Chris

    @DerHoggz

    I’m going to argue against French cuffs with a suit. Save them for black tie and the higher-ups of Wall Street. Looks out of place otherwise.

    Do you also keep lots of pens in your shirt pocket?

    It’s fine if you’re going to wear a shit suit but if you take a bit of pride and your suit isn’t made out of man made fibres then not sporting double cuffs is a bit like spending a fortune on a bike and heading out in trainers and running shorts or drinking a decent wine from a plastic cup.

    Correct – although you must remember not to show your cuffs…

    Around 1.5cm of finest linen cuff should show

    sorry lads, try this place http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/style

    Or here.

    This is a little dated but has some gems (as with cycling the basics are timeless) such as positioning of buttons for braces:

    I recommend that you follow my example and have the buttons for the braces on the outside of the trousers at the front and on the inside at the back. If, like me, you remove your jacket when driving, you will find that this arrangement spares the leather seat of your Royce.

    and zip flies:

    A zip is a nasty thing, redolent of cheap suitcases and brightly coloured tents. A bespoke suit should have a button fly.

    There is even a rules section.

    And if you are wearing your suit jacket, and it’s a 3 button single breasted, English worsted, bespoke suit, as all gentlemen should wear, never ever on any account fasten the third, or lowest button.

    All suit jackets should be double-vented as well. I take most of my sartorial advice from James Bond.

  30. @frank

    @Mike_P

    @Chris

    @strathlubnaig

    @ped

    @the Engine

    @Chris

    @DerHoggz

    I’m going to argue against French cuffs with a suit. Save them for black tie and the higher-ups of Wall Street. Looks out of place otherwise.

    Do you also keep lots of pens in your shirt pocket?

    It’s fine if you’re going to wear a shit suit but if you take a bit of pride and your suit isn’t made out of man made fibres then not sporting double cuffs is a bit like spending a fortune on a bike and heading out in trainers and running shorts or drinking a decent wine from a plastic cup.

    Correct – although you must remember not to show your cuffs…

    Around 1.5cm of finest linen cuff should show

    sorry lads, try this place http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/style

    Or here.

    This is a little dated but has some gems (as with cycling the basics are timeless) such as positioning of buttons for braces:

    I recommend that you follow my example and have the buttons for the braces on the outside of the trousers at the front and on the inside at the back. If, like me, you remove your jacket when driving, you will find that this arrangement spares the leather seat of your Royce.

    and zip flies:

    A zip is a nasty thing, redolent of cheap suitcases and brightly coloured tents. A bespoke suit should have a button fly.

    There is even a rules section.

    And if you are wearing your suit jacket, and it’s a 3 button single breasted, English worsted, bespoke suit, as all gentlemen should wear, never ever on any account fasten the third, or lowest button.

    All suit jackets should be double-vented as well. I take most of my sartorial advice from James Bond.

    More Connery awesomeness

  31. @frank

    @Mike_P

    @Chris

    @strathlubnaig

    @ped

    @the Engine

    @Chris

    @DerHoggz

    I’m going to argue against French cuffs with a suit. Save them for black tie and the higher-ups of Wall Street. Looks out of place otherwise.

    Do you also keep lots of pens in your shirt pocket? It’s fine if you’re going to wear a shit suit but if you take a bit of pride and your suit isn’t made out of man made fibres then not sporting double cuffs is a bit like spending a fortune on a bike and heading out in trainers and running shorts or drinking a decent wine from a plastic cup.

    Correct – although you must remember not to show your cuffs…

    Around 1.5cm of finest linen cuff should show

    sorry lads, try this place http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/style

    Or here.This is a little dated but has some gems (as with cycling the basics are timeless) such as positioning of buttons for braces:

    I recommend that you follow my example and have the buttons for the braces on the outside of the trousers at the front and on the inside at the back. If, like me, you remove your jacket when driving, you will find that this arrangement spares the leather seat of your Royce.

    and zip flies:

    A zip is a nasty thing, redolent of cheap suitcases and brightly coloured tents. A bespoke suit should have a button fly.

    There is even a rules section.

    And if you are wearing your suit jacket, and it’s a 3 button single breasted, English worsted, bespoke suit, as all gentlemen should wear, never ever on any account fasten the third, or lowest button.

    All suit jackets should be double-vented as well. I take most of my sartorial advice from James Bond.

    I had an impulse to reply with my views on the etiquette of shaving (faces not guns) as we’re being all grooming conscious, but have managed to restrain myself as I’d bore the living daylights out of you all.

  32. @frank A-Merckc to that. I’d like to think that neither Eddy or Bond would lower themselves to the stuff. Singapore has got it right – drop your gum on the ground over there and you can expect to be birched.

    My kids have started asking if they can have it. Tricky one, you can get away with a simple no most of the time but an outright ban might make it more attractive. Hopefully they’ll work it out that they’ll look like idiots when they’re wandering round with a constantly moving jaw looking as though they can’t manage joined up thought without moving parts.

    Maybe I should tell them that I’ll be more lenient with underage drinking if they don’t chew gum.

  33. @frank

    @sthilzy

    @Dan_R

    Anything better than a crate full of FMB?

    Ah, Westvleteren, the finest of all the Trappists. Exceptionally strong work!

    Had a tasting of this fine brew last Saturday evening, where it came up second against a 2007 Samichlaus. The Samichlaus is allegedly both the world’s strongest lager and the ‘world’s rarest beer’, which might be a good thing, given the Ministry of Silly Walks impression I inadvertently executed after drinking two of them in quick succession. Probably a poor choice for beer in the bidon.

  34. @Mike_P

    I had an impulse to reply with my views on the etiquette of shaving (faces not guns) as we’re being all grooming conscious, but have managed to restrain myself as I’d bore the living daylights out of you all.

    Ahem.

  35. @PeakInTwoYears

    @Mike_P

    I had an impulse to reply with my views on the etiquette of shaving (faces not guns) as we’re being all grooming conscious, but have managed to restrain myself as I’d bore the living daylights out of you all.

    Ahem.

    Brilliant. Took me a few secs to connect the dots on that pic.

  36. @Chris

    @Dr C

    Thanks @nickleggs – for me, this confirms Wiggo as the coolest person on the planet currently

    Currently. But it wasn’t always so.

    I had  a young cadet patient this morning who had never heard of John Hiatt so I played him this song as I could not let him go through life without knowing it and it instantly made me think of this bike throwing thread. 

    Seems very apropos:  John Hiatt’s “Perfectly Good Guitar”.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5begHSoQ1s

  37. @strathlubnaig

    @the Engine

    @Chris

    @the Engine It’s a personal choice but I’m in the show some cuff camp. Ideally, match the amount of cuff to the amount of shirt collar you’re showing above your jacket at the back.

    It’s a tricky one to get right if you don’t get your shirts made to measure along with your suits, suit sleeve length and width are just as crucial as the shirt’s dimensions. Watches can also fuck up the whole effect if they’re too big for the cuff. I can’t afford the bespoke route but you can get pretty close to a good result with decent quality and fitting shirts.

    …and a double Windsor knot of course – not forgetting to bull those shoes…

    what are you on about ? I must move in the wrong circles.

    I don’t think you have to be camp to show your cuffs?! However, for the coolest of looks, the bull on the shoes must be smooth enough to see your face in it, and a similar effort on the outer side of the heel pieces shows added class.  I personally lie a half windsor too, to prevent the tie being too short for one’s torso – a little reminiscent of 70’s cop shows. Flaccus

  38. @Flaccus

    I don’t have to tell anyone that no tie has been made that’s long enough for me to do a full windsor, though I’ve dabbled in them when wearing a sweater as the sweater masks the fact the the tie is basically a bib at that point.

    I find that with a cyclist’s build, a basic four-in-hand on a semi-narrow tie tied such that you have a dimple in the center gives a nice slender look with enough length (the tip of the tie goes to mid-buckle when *gasp* wearing a belt). When I was heavier, I always did a half windsor in order to make sure there was enough volume in the knot to make my neck look normal.

    @pistard

    Fantastic.

  39. @Frank –  I thought it was just the legs you were long in !

    Anyway, I appear to have accidentally stumbled into the wrong forum, mistakenly thought this was for cyclistes. ‘scuse me…

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