Oversharing on the Group Ride

A bunch of new friends rolls along, getting to know one another.

My dog greets every dog on the street as though it were her long lost best friend. As soon as the customary butt-sniffing has been sorted out, the two dogs will wrestle each other endlessly, stopping only after an owner-forced separation. Any human that falls within her gaze is a viable candidate for a new home and they are accordingly inspected with a pit-wiggle (pitbull owners will know what I’m talking about), jumping, bark-speaking, and – if she can get close enough – licking and mouth hugs.

Imagine, for a moment, if adult humans greeted one another in this way.

By and large, adult humans tend to be a fairly antisocial lot. We weren’t born this way, it is a learned behavior. Boys at the playground tend to select their friends based on whether they are approximately the same size, like the same sorts of toys, and whether they appear to be interested in kicking sand on the same group of girls. Girls use a similar but less sand-kicky method of selection. There doesn’t appear to be an enormous amount of personality analysis that goes on; as we grow up, we learn to be guarded towards strangers and to perform a deeper assessment of someone’s personality before we decide whether or not to become friends.

The bicycle is the great neutralizer of this defense, providing an immediate foundational building block of friendship between strangers. Rolling along in a group of near total strangers, the conversation flows easily. But this also presents a risk of oversharing, delving casually into territory that should really be saved for closer friendships. The following are a loose set of guidelines to help keep things classy on the group ride.

Rule #43 holds court over all else. We roadies already have a reputation for being snobby and exclusionary; help break the reputation by being fun and welcoming.
Keep the conversation light and friendly. No politics, no religion except Rule Holism, and, if you are single and have more than two, try not to reveal how many cats you have.
Ask more questions than you answer. No one really cares that you’re getting a liver transplant or that your roommate’s boyfriend is an asshole. Those things should really only come up if the either the liver or the asshole boyfriend did something mean or stupid to someone’s bike.
When in doubt, ask your companion how they find their bike. Ask about any other bikes they might have. Ask about their wheels, their bars, or that embarrassing stack of spacers under their stem. But don’t ask about their saddle bag until you know each other quite a bit better because thems be fightin’ words, believe it or not.
If at any point you find yourself discussing your saddle sore, don’t.

Rinse and repeat the above for every rider in the bunch you find yourself alongside.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Ray says:

Mar 3 2016 at 11:45 am

and: KTFU
Oli says:

Mar 3 2016 at 12:31 pm

Brett half-wheeling Frank and a very messy paceline behind. Perhaps we should be talking about that in the bunch?
DavyMuur says:

Mar 3 2016 at 12:35 pm

I have a Labrador cross, which for years I couldn't for the life of me figure out what she was crossed with. Then I learned of the pitbull wiggle. The penny dropped. Her tail is like a Godzilla tail, smashing everything in its wake.
Teocalli says:

Mar 3 2016 at 12:51 pm

For some reason this reminded me of two kids in a hotel some years ago. From memory they must have been around 4 or 5 maybe less. An English kid was playing with some toys and a German kid came up and also started to play with the same toys. Both spoke and for a moment they stopped and looked at each other realising they couldn't understand each other. Then they just got on playing and talking quite happily somehow managing to understand how to work together. Dogs of course do that too - adults would have apologised and moved on.
Haldy says:

Mar 3 2016 at 1:39 pm

It looks to me like @frank is taking a flyer from the group? Perhaps someone started discussing a saddle sore?
Chris says:

Mar 3 2016 at 1:42 pm

Does the pitbull would mean that they wag their back end with their tail?
JohnB says:

Mar 3 2016 at 1:58 pm

My mutt Mavic treats every dog he meets in the same way! One day he'll sniff and wrestle with one who doesn't want to be sniffed or grappled and get seriously snapped at or worse.

I think back to that first Scottish Cogal in Callander back in October 2012 when a small group of strangers gathering in an empty town centre, met up by virtue of us visiting this site and one of us was wearing hallowed witte V kit (was he one of the Keepers? I thought) and by the time we left the cafe to start the ride it was as if we had known each other for years and simply had a bit of catching up to do!

There will never be another first Cogal, cherish the memories!
chris says:

Mar 3 2016 at 2:14 pm

@Oli

Brett half-wheeling Frank and a very messy paceline behind. Perhaps we should be talking about that in the bunch?

Putting on my new coach's cap on, I'd have to agree. My bunch were much tighter than that at the weekend despite the crosswind.

In my defence, at the time the group was disintegrating in the lead photo, I was off the back trying to zone out, find some rhythm and embrace the pain.
frank says:

Mar 3 2016 at 2:32 pm

@chris

@Oli

Brett half-wheeling Frank and a very messy paceline behind. Perhaps we should be talking about that in the bunch?

Putting on my new coach’s cap on, I’d have to agree. My bunch were much tighter than that at the weekend despite the crosswind.

In my defence, at the time the group was disintegrating in the lead photo, I was off the back trying to zone out, find some rhythm and embrace the pain.

Sorry, you were in the group. That photo was from right after we did the second secteur, everyone was trying to reassemble but struggling because Brett and I were oblivious to how much stronger we were than the broken souls behind.

@Ray

and: KTFU

You lost me there...
chris says:

Mar 3 2016 at 2:52 pm

@frank

You may well be right but given that those are are the only two pictures in existence of me looking half decent on a bike, I'll take any opportunity to post them.

It doesn't change the fact that my students can ride in a tighter bunch. "I didn't realise how strong I was" doesn't cut it, the front of the bunch has as much responsibility for keeping it tight as the middle and the back. British pursuiting is a good example of that.