Festum Prophetae: Waiting for the Hour

Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.

– Mike Tyson

The one thing everyone should always plan for is that however well-conceived a program might be, things will never go to plan.

The high level plan for my Festum Prophetae Hour Ride was as follows:

  1. Have a custom Hour Bike built by Don Walker. Because reasons. Reasons like custom bikes are cool and last time I rode a Festum Hour, a rode an off-the-peg frame two sizes too small, plus three.
  2. Have custom Go-Fast track wheels built by Café Roubaix. Because more reasons. Reasons like track bikes look super cool with Go-Fast wheels and Dan builds incredible wheels.
  3. Get less fat.
  4. Get more in shape.
  5. Train on the track and ride rollers from May 1 onwards.

Suffice to say things did not go exactly to plan. The frame “needed” to be repainted because it got scratched by TSA coming back from NAHBS and my OCD kicked into full swing wanting to have it painted in VLVV colors. And Dan was having a hard time sourcing the hubs and rims he had spec’d for the wheels. Delays ensued. I may also have gotten distracted and lost track of the prescribed schedule and dependencies like having the frame in-hand in order to accomplish point V above. The frame made it back to me on Friday of last week and the wheels are in my flat as I write this, waiting for a final layer of glue before having the tires mounted.

I got less fat and in better shape before falling off the training wagon last week due to a tight work schedule. I quickly became more fat due to a wholesale refusal to reduce my alcohol intake to compensate for not training as hard as I should be. We call this phase of training “tapering”.

Since the bike isn’t even assembled yet, it follows that I haven’t done the time on the track, although @Haldy and I have used his crazy voodoo spreadsheet to determine a good gear choice based on my super-secret personal distance goal. As far as the rollers go, well those were sent by Keeper @Marko just as the weather started to get too good to justify riding indoors, so I’ve only spun on them a handful of times instead of the @Haldy-prescribed 2 hour sessions, twice a week. But I really couldn’t be bothered with that when I was laying down mad tanlines. (Rule #7 tends to be a priority when you live in Seattle. The struggle is real, people.)

Life is boring when things go as planned; chaos makes for interest. So here’s my new plan for tomorrow: Show up to the track early, get a feel for how fast I’m supposed to go, get used to holding the pace and get over the nearly irrepressible fear of falling off the track before diving head-first into the Pain Pool at 2:05. Try not to blow out the guns before the starter pistol goes off.

So head on down to the Jerry Baker Velodrome at 2:05 and heckle me. @Packfiller is driving over from Spokane to commentate (i.e. take the piss out of me) and we will be streaming the ride live at http://ustre.am/10hJX.

Special thanks to Don Walker, Café Roubaix’s Dan Richter, and fizik’s Nicolò Ildos for their support and sponsorship in provide the bits and pieces.

Eddy, may your strength flow through me and compensate for what a twunt I am for not Training Properly. Vive la Vie Velominatus, and may you each suffer on Festum Prophetae as the Prophet did for us.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • I don't look at HR in either the TTs or general races. It's something to look at later or use in certain training sessions. The only time I would look at it in real time is on a long climb where I want to settle in to a pace.

    I did a 25 the other week and it was moderately warm - not cold anyway. I was on the Trinity which has rear-mounted cages and hit a bump which sent the bottle jumping out. This was after about 8 of the 40km. It was a partial lap course and I seriously considered stopping to pick it up but by then I would have been two thirds of the way through so I just kept going.

    On anything less than an hour or so I think food and hydration is more mental than physical.

  • @Randy C

    My daughter is racing this weekend at USAC Jr Road Nat’ls and wanted to run a GPS w/HR. I can’t wait to see what that looks like after the race… 220+bpm ? I have no idea but I’m guessing something approaching a hummingbird’s rate.

    Cheers

    Good luck to your daughter!

  • @wiscot

     

    Congratulations! That’s a great ride. What were the conditions? How would you describe the course profile? You take a bottle for a 10? How hot was it? I’m going to put down the ride to a few things: it’s July – you’re getting fit. The course and weather were right. Your messed up warm-up and distress at forgetting your bidon got the adrenaline going. With no HR monitor you were focussed on pure racing, not looking at some numbers. I’d say try it again going purely on “feel.”

    It felt good - but I'm sure I can go faster.

    Conditions were blustery, slightly rainy and not that warm. Typical Welsh summer conditions really.

    The course is the R10/17, you can look it up if you want. It's not pan flat, there are a couple of drags you need to be aware of. Got a ride on the R10/22A in a couple of weeks which is flatter, so I'm hoping for one of those still, dry, warm days I've heard about.

    I don't drink while I ride but I like to get energy drink in just before the start. I remember being on the start line thinking 'this is going to be a shambles' but by 2k in I could just feel I was going well. It's such a buzz when it goes well.

    I caught my minute man just after the line which was a great feeling as he's quite a strong rider and usually beats me. I think feel makes more sense, in the absence of a power meter.

  • @chris

    @Randy C

    My daughter is racing this weekend at USAC Jr Road Nat’ls and wanted to run a GPS w/HR. I can’t wait to see what that looks like after the race… 220+bpm ? I have no idea but I’m guessing something approaching a hummingbird’s rate.

    Cheers

    Good luck to your daughter!

    The young lady raced the road race and crit in the 13-14 age group. The races this year and next are in Louisville, KY and she raced as 13 yr old so this year was essentially a practice run, get a feel for the courses and more importantly, see how she stacks up against national competition before getting to race as 14 yr old next year. It was her first time racing at this level of competition.

    She did well placing 13th and 14th in each of the races (interesting coincidence there I didn't catch until typing) out of 27 person fields. A couple of 13 yr olds placed in front of her though this age group will catch the ladies at degrees of development and the 14 yr olds were strong.

    A crash in the crit resulted in 20+ riders going down ahead of three to go. These young ladies are so tough. About 50 feet past the start/finish line where the crash happened was the neutral pit and the girls all collected there to shake off the falls and get the bikes straightened out and take advantage of the free lap. And with only one exception all of the athletes jumped back in the race. Like I said, very tough.

    According to the Strava profile of the young lady that won on Sunday she'd already totaled over 2900 miles training ytd 2016! Even at this early age the Nat'ls competition is for real and there are some committed athletes that are impressive. I'm guessing my daughter had less than 500 though fortunately for her, much was races and included a spring season of mtn bike racing that helped her to be in the mix despite so little time on bike. For her though, much time is also spent at soccer, basketball and just playing. And that's certainly not a bad thing either at this age.

    Cheers

  • @Randy C

    Strong work by your daughter! Those are great results and it sounds like it was a great experience for her.

    Close to 3000 miles at that age is an astounding amount of training. My son has done a similar amount of miles to your daughter this year and whilst he always says he wants to do more, it's not always easy to kick him out of bed in the morning before school and there's a million other things he needs to get through when he gets home from school before he can ride. He probably needs to get more focused and work to a plan but at this age it's got to be about enjoying it as much as anything else. We're also treating this years racing to build experience (he's also 13 is developing and some of the 14 year olds are huge and indistinguishable from the under 18s.

     

     

  • @chris

    At these ages it's gonna be the rare kid that wants to specialize on a sport and hammer out these kinda miles. Some kids will of course and they'll have special results. I'm pretty confident that for most kids, letting them try everything, and just play, they'll be better set up for the long haul. And really, look at the ages that cyclists really peak. Just having fun before 16 is perfect start to lifetime of enjoying cycling and fitness. And I'm with you on the experience side, pinning on the bib # and lining up goes a long way. Cheers

  • @Veritas

    When will this guy get a bike that fits?

    I know! The bars are too high; I need to switch back to the 17 degree I had on their originally.

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