Going against the grain is something I think I’ve been doing with some degree of success for a good portion of my existence. A lot of people look at my life with a kind of disdain, mixed with a hint of envy and a dash of bemusement; how could I not have a wife/kids/mortgage and get to ride my bike whenever I want, and get paid to do it? Why am I the one flying around the world while they have to perform a daily drill that not-so-remotely mimics that of Winston Smith?

For one who has made a life of not conforming as much as the Illuminati would decree, and who was seen as a serial non-conformist, being a conspirator of a cult-like group based on a set of tenets and with a name that mirrors that of an elite ruling class seems almost bizzare. “Rules are meant to be broken” was a mantra of my youth which now is the antithesis of what I espouse here. And being that guy, means that one or two of the very creeds I’ve coined are routinely broken. And if you think others don’t pick up on that and call me out for it, you’d be well mistaken.

My usual response to such examples is “I make the Rules, I can break them”. Sounds a little authoritarian, I know, but it also demonstrates that I, and you, can do whatever the fuck we want. Listening and learning and drawing inspiration is fine, and recommended, but blindly doing as you’re told (especially by those in extreme positions of power and through mediums we use every day) equates to nothing more than rolling over while you’re being repeatedly poked with a sharp stick and asking “please can I have some more”.

In some cases, there are caveats and post-scripts to virtually every Rule written, and circumstances are varied enough to warrant them. Which is why I’m running a frame pump on the $5 MBK that my father procured recently. A classic bike from the 80s that bears little resemblance to a modern bike (ie it looks way cooler), with components that definitely speak of the era from which they are borne. We weren’t rocking C02 or mini-pumps back then, and we didn’t piss around when it came to road-side inflation. In fact, I was rocking the frame pump until the early 2000s, when my frame tubes were still straight enough to accomodate the long pump without a bowed gap between alloy and plastic. It was the advent of carbon that killed the aesthetic, and then the application, and finally the whole concept.

On this bike though, it’s almost as if it’s mandatory. It looks right, and goddamn if using it isn’t the most liberating experience in my recent Cycling history. What a pleasure to feel significant gulps of air being moved into the tube with long, satisfying strokes, the positive resistance at the bottom of each stroke as the spring gives way to the rubber bumper, the way your whole hand can wrap around the grip and you don’t look like you’re stabbing your other hand with a toy knife. It makes fixing a flat an almost enjoyable, curse-free and, most importantly, brief experience.

It reminds you that in many cases, the past had it right and while we think that everything now has to be smaller and lighter and gives the impression of enhancing our lives, sometimes the tried and true is exactly that.

Brett

Don't blame me

View Comments

  • @Brett

    Nonononononono. I try to adhere to the rules and even ditched my original framepump on my 1982 steel -straight frame tubes- Koga Miyata and exchanged it for a minipump in my jersey pocket. So you're suggesting that was all a waste of effort? Nonononononono.

    @Teleguy57 "I leave it on there so I don’t forget it."

    I keep all my Rule #83 stuff in a small bag together: toolkit, inner tubes, patches, minipump, quick link etc. I only need to think about this bag, nothing more.

  • @pistard

    The frame pump came about mainly because I'm in Aussie, didn't bring any spares, and this is what's here... and yeah, it looks like it got painted somewhere along the line. I'm searching for a Silca as we speak... maybe run one on the Jaegher! (Ducks for cover.)

    I think the B screw could do with an adjust, but it probably won't get it this trip. When the bike is in Welly in the future, it'll get a 39t ring (42 now) and a 12-27 cassette (11-21 now). Thank god it's flat as fuck around here.

    @KogaLover

    I'm not suggesting anything. Just doing what I'm doing, working with what I've got, and I'm kinda liking it... back to the old school is a pretty sweet trip.

    @Uncle V

    Took her out today for a easy 40 or 50km, seatpost is too short for proper extension, the brakes need an invite before they turn up, the saddle was a bit heinous, but boy does that frame ride nice. And downtube shifters are rad, they made me feel like the Prophet, Kelly, LeMond rolled into one.

    @piwakawaka

    yep.

    @EBruner

    I'll just repost this because it's SO FUCKING SWEET!

    (Needs a frame pump though)

  • @Brett But my sincere compliments for the pictures, I cannot even detect the strings or the air-hooks that you used to keep your bike so straight. Honestly, how do you do that?

    Maybe put the saddle a bit more aft and tilt the bars a bit more level?

  • @oligali

    @sthilzy

    …… when my frame tubes were still straight enough to accomodate the long pump without a bowed gap between alloy and plastic. It was the advent of carbon that killed the aesthetic, and then the application, and finally the whole concept.

    As demonstrated here;

    Couldn’t Joe fit a couple of CO2’s in the EPMS? And missing a Noodle Box.

    he keeps his noodles attached to the wheels, thus needs no box.

    ...and the bike computer magnet on the front wheel is in the shape of a tiny man.

  • First there was @frank's sock cuff/booty overlap and now there's @brett sporting a frame pump. Mark my words, we'll be nailing posters to the lbs door and having to go on a diet of worms if this carries on.

  • What a pleasure to feel significant gulps of air being moved into the tube with long, satisfying strokes, the positive resistance at the bottom of each stroke as the spring gives way to the rubber bumper, the way your whole hand can wrap around the grip and you don’t look like you’re stabbing your other hand with a toy knife. It makes fixing a flat an almost enjoyable, curse-free and, most importantly, brief experience.

    THIS!

    Also you do not look like a monkey masterbating when you use those abismal mini pumps, just saying.

    God I miss Silicas...

  • @frank

    @Puffy

    That’s a bloody Zefal!

    This. A Silca would be one thing; I don’t even have to read the article to know that spending time in Tazmania made @Brett grow a second fucking head.

    An excommunication or exorcism is in order, I think.

    FFS.

    I must have mild dyslexia, I misread this as "...spending time in Tazmania made @Brett grow a second fucking beard."

    Which would be about the right level of abuse for writing an article about such an ugly desecration of a rather nice looking bike.

  • I think this is the ticket right here: Silca Mini Pump. Purchased in 1991, to replace Silca frame pump, and still going strong. It is a crucial one inch shorter than the Lezyne minis, enabling a stealthy visual as it does not stick out of the jersey pocket. Over the last 24 years, this baby has probably saved me $2k in CO2 cartridges alone.

  • @RobSandy

    @oligali

    @sthilzy

    …… when my frame tubes were still straight enough to accomodate the long pump without a bowed gap between alloy and plastic. It was the advent of carbon that killed the aesthetic, and then the application, and finally the whole concept.

    As demonstrated here;

    Couldn’t Joe fit a couple of CO2’s in the EPMS? And missing a Noodle Box.

    he keeps his noodles attached to the wheels, thus needs no box.

    …and the bike computer magnet on the front wheel is in the shape of a tiny man.

    You know, I think it would (or should) be perfectly legit to walk up to owner of this bike and say, quietly and firmly, "I'm sorry, you don't deserve this bike. You don't respect this bike. I'm rescuing it and giving it a good home." Or at least offer to swap it for a Wal Mart "mountain bike."

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