As a cycling fan, I find that it is easy to neglect some of the physiological particularities of our sport. In my mind, Faboo and Jens are giants””not merely Giants of the Road, but enormous men with enormous legs and broad shoulders, quite literally ready to carry the weight of the team. Typically, we see cycling’s rouleurs only in comparison to each other, and so deep are my impressions of the imposing directors of the peloton that when I see them standing in all of their glory on the podium looking the picture of a 12-year old boy next to the high-heeled and (thankfully) be-skirted podium models, I am convinced that the organizers of Grand Tours have found and begun to exploit a tribe of beautiful Amazonian ogres somewhere deep in the forests of the Ardennes.
And then, you see photographs like this, and you remember that while these men are men, they are by and large small, freakish men by the standards of most modern athletes.
It’s 2003, and the directors of the Tour de France invite a legend of the Streif to kick off La Grande Boucle. Coming off a nearly year and a half of rehab after a motorcycle accident nearly cost him his leg, a trim Hermann Maier makes a mockery of the of the “harmonious integration of man and machine” that defines our sport. The man sprinkles The V and nails on his Wheaties and motor oil in the morning, but he is a meatstick of a man built for downhill speed. He seems to swallow the rear wheel between his ham-hock thighs, and his saddle has been lost somewhere in the vagaries of muscle and grundle. With every pedal stroke, you can hear the bike scream for mercy, but with three Crystal Globes for the World Cup Overall in his pocket and one looming on the horizon in 2004, Hermann Maier doesn’t make a living as a merciful man. His stroke is smooth enough””it has to be, lest he cleave the bottom bracket in two””but he looks at any moment like he might simply break the bike in half like the wishbone of a strange flightless bird.
I was saying something about the men of the peloton? Hardmen, indeed, but I’m pretty sure Maier’s left forearm just ate Frank Schleck.
And so, in honor of the World Cup Opener in Soelden this weekend, I submit to you the Herminator, en bici. At 1’18 out in a 6.5k time trial, he didn’t exactly light the cycling world on fire, but to be 15% off of the world’s best time trialers when there’s 20% more of you than there is of them, well…chapeau. For his next trick, the Man with the Crystal Globes plans a record-setting ski trip to the South Pole. Which he will probably eat.
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@frank
You covet the loose sleeve? They are the bane of my existence. If the sleeves on my jersey aren't sufficiently tight, I spend a goodly portion of the ride adjusting them to maximize my Rule 7 adherence.
@michael
The loose sleeve is merely a function of the jersey. If Le Petit Frere Grimpeur were wearing Lance's jersey as pictured, it would look like a shark swallowing a herring. Schleck's arms are probably half the size of Lance's. I never thought Lance succumbed to the triggy arms of the pure climbers.
@pakrat
I'm always 2 months from racing weight, I'm surprised you had to ask.
But seriously, I started riding in late June after a 13 year hiatus, I'm trying to get close to my racing weight as quickly as possible before serious training starts and I have to be more careful to eat enough to recover and not bonk the next day. I have 5kg to go and I just gained 25mm in thigh girth (equal to 1kg) so it's a long give and take process.
@Collin
Lance looked way leaner this year than any other time I've seen him, its probably age related, he'll be one of those skinny old men, unlike most of us.
Looking at US pro racers photos it is always obvious at a glance by the arm girth that they aren't the Europros. I too aspire to have the build of a Europro, but not the extreme arm to sleeve ratio displayed above, nor flapping sleeves.
Ah, back to the weight discussion. It never seems far off when cyclists start chatting, does it?
I'm glad I don't look EuroPro since off the bike dudes that skinny look weird. Wait, they look weird on the bike too. As it is, I already get asked why I'm so skinny by people I haven't seen in awhile. Most of my college friends have packed on 15, 20, 30 pounds by now while I've lost about 15. (played college sports and had to lift weights a lot)
Very interesting point raised about the link between use of EPO and weight - running on drugs alone.
@michael
Thigh girth??
@Steampunk
Thigh: the part of the leg between the hip and the knee
second joint: the upper joint of the leg of a fowl
Girth: a measure around a part of the body or extremity
@michael
That part I got; I just wasn't sure what, how, where, and why you were measuring. I can't imagine there is any performance-related rationale, so just a means of gauging weight loss while increasing muscle mass? But wouldn't some kind of body-fat analysis be more accurate? This is my larger beef about cycling, which seems to have a heightened sense of unhealthy body perspectives. Summer's passing and I'm revisiting my cognoscentus roots, but just ride!
@Steampunk
I was measuring as part of my weight loss program. A few years ago I was over 18 kilos heavier and just measured and weighed as an obsessive compulsive way to track progress as I lost. This June, I decided to get down to my "racing weight" which was 13 years ago and 5 kilos from here. I also took some measurements for the same obsessive compulsive reasons. I've been very carefully cutting only a couple/few hundred calories a day in an attempt the be very reasonable about the weight loss, also knowing full well that I'd probably put on 3-5kg of muscle. A couple weeks ago, I gained weight despite 11+ hours of riding and cutting calories and measured as a means to determine where it came on. My thighs were larger, my waist was smaller so it must have been muscle. Sure some sort of body-fat analysis would be more accurate, but my overall goal is to get to my racing weight however I can get there.
Re: unhealthy body perspectives, maybe you can understand my case because I was once a total of 27 kilos overweight, I swore I would never be fat, and I don't want to get back there. Even at "racing weight", or 5 kilos less that that, you would never look at me and say I was near Europro body composition.
Today I put away the doppler loop and just rode in observance of Rule 5 and Rule 9, which is what I intend to do despite my other goals.
Two things strike me about this video. First of all, you have to be very comfortable in your masculinity to do a tribute to "Beat It" in your race suit, and secondly, the fact the Aksel Lund Svindal is dancing around in his heavy ski boots like they are ballet slippers.
I love reading some of the old articles, it is great distraction from the endless discussion over Voldemort. But this paragraph is very special.....I would call it poetry rather than prose....so Joshua...wherever you are...thanks!
" The man sprinkles The V and nails on his Wheaties and motor oil in the morning, but he is a meatstick of a man built for downhill speed. He seems to swallow the rear wheel between his ham-hock thighs, and his saddle has been lost somewhere in the vagaries of muscle and grundle. With every pedal stroke, you can hear the bike scream for mercy, but with three Crystal Globes for the World Cup Overall in his pocket and one looming on the horizon in 2004, Hermann Maier doesn't make a living as a merciful man. His stroke is smooth enough"”it has to be, lest he cleave the bottom bracket in two"”but he looks at any moment like he might simply break the bike in half like the wishbone of a strange flightless bird."