Festum Prophetae: The Impossible Hour
Update: You can watch the live stream (assuming it works from the velodrome) on the Velominati channel at USTREAM. When you log in, you’ll first see my little test video of my puppy eating grass. Please disregard me yelling at it. That never happened.
I have always considered myself to have a good imagination, something I attribute half to my genetics, half to my upbringing, and half to Lego. Despite this supposed creativity of mine, I am utterly incapable of conceiving how much I will suffer on Festum Prophetae. It might be that I’m too much of an optimist, but more likely is the explanation my darling VMH gives: I’m an idiot.
An example that comes to mind prominently would be my trilogy of efforts up Haleakala. I too easily forget the suffering, despite the videos and photos that speak quite plainly on the subject. And that actually happened. I experienced it. Still, the pain fades quickly and right now I feel like having another go.
I also rode a one kilometer Pursuit on the track in Gent on Keepers Tour (twice). Just the kind of good, non-competitive fun that lets you go so hard you suffer minor convulsions afterwards. Granted, a one-kilometer effort is about the worst event you can imagine for an old diesel like me, who doesn’t start heaping coals on the fire until I’ve been in the saddle for a good number of hours. Two minutes nearly killed me, so I should try doing the same thing for three orders of magnitude longer. (Pedant alert: The times were well under two minutes but that makes the math much more complicated and the suffering no less significant.)
The Hour Record has fascinated me more than any other event. I read about the records set by Coppi, Merckx, and Moser, but missed experiencing them in real time (Steep Hill.tv didn’t exist yet, and also I wasn’t alive for two of those.) I was, however, lucky enough to live through the Hour Record’s Golden Age in the 90’s when the widespread use of EPO and the wholesale negligence of the UCI meant frame builders were at liberty to design whatever speedy abomination they wished, and riders were willing to saddle up and lay the hammer down ad infinitum. Lets see who’s blood vessels pop first!
The doping is exaggerated; Boardman might have been clean and was probably just stupid. Obree was definitely clean and certainly stupid. Indurain was definitely doped, definitely not stupid. Rominger was dirty as a Wall Street Mortgage Broker, and a semi-genius. The game was afoot, and back and forth they went: New record! Record falls…New record! Record falls…It was fantastic. In my memory, I was much more enamored with the Hour than I was with the Tour.
I had the ambition to honor last year’s Festum with an Hour Ride (I won’t call it a Record), but factors outside my control (last minute panic to organize time on a track after leaving it too late) conspired against the effort. This year, I planned ahead a bit more.
In honor of what I consider to be the standard-setting Hour Record by The Prophet on what amounted to little more than standard track equipment at the time – not to mention, without the aid of genetics-altering drugs – I will be flogging my guts out for 60 minutes on the Alpenrose Track at 3pm on Saturday, June 15. Mark at Veloforma will be loaning me a Pista Pro for the ride, seeing as I have no track bike (or experience to speak of).
Anyone who wishes to come see a tall fat guy ride a bike badly for 60 minutes is welcome to come down and watch. I understand @scaler911 will be documenting the event. There is even a rumored appearance of my VMH who is a bit of a Snuffleupagus around these parts. If she attends, I will have her fill the role of Ole Ritter’s wife in The Impossible Hour and step forward for every lap I’m ahead of schedule and step backward for every lap that I’m behind schedule. She’s a strong woman not accustomed to walking backwards, but I’m sure she’ll do fine.
Merry Festum Prophetae, one and all. Vive la Vie Velominatus.
I have always liked a good reason to drink before 10am sunday and this is it. I just tested the link and we are good to go, I will send much “V” in your direction as i relax in my easy chair drinking a good amount of recovery beverages with Scaler911 and G’rilla. That is if there drinking while filming. Did i mention my guns were burning so bad today i felt like a sailer two weeks out of Thailand.
Hey Toothless Fränk, time to get up and ride the doughnuts!!!
Can’t wait to watch the sufferin, have buckets o’fun!
sheeit, this thing’s still another 9 hours away? I may as well go to bed then…
I woke up this morning primed for enjoying some cycling entertainment over dinner this evening (best of luck, Frank). But now I’m worried that you’re going to feel compelled to run a 52×14, and your poor little guns won’t be able to endure it. And we’ll have a Triplets of Belleville-type spectacle in front of us, of you struggling over the handlebars.
@Steampunk I really hope his string of bad luck is over. Best of luck mate.
@Steampunk
That sounds like the best show I could possibly put on!
@frank
For God’s sake Man, get your priorities straight!
@Buck Rogers
FUCK! My daughter just hit the keyboard as I submitted and it deleted the first lines of my post!
I was saying what are you doing typing on the computer? Aren’t you supposed to be receiving a transfusion right now while eating a Spanish steak and watching The Impossible Hour over and over again??? Save that typing energy for the track!!!
@Buck Rogers. Buck, can you put me down for a 39.03 please. Just realised deadline is looming.
@Frank. Give it loads and enjoy it when it’s over. Best of luck.
I’ll be watching from the UK. I think i’ve worked out that The Hipsters Republic of Portlandia is either 7 or 8 hours behind so i think @frank rolls at 10pm or 11pm. Anyone know for sure?
We on the West Coast are 8 hrs behind you Motor City ( who I always thought was from Detroit for some reason..like the moniker). So Fronk rolls at 11pm for you.
Even if it’s too late for an official guess I will say…..37.65 ( but I hope he goes over 40)
@girl
You’d have to be 29hrs ahead of the West Coast which means you’d be living somewhere in the near future.
How did Frank do?
Behold the flat screen in the studio. This has displayed some of this season’s greatest masters of the V. May there be one more later today? Fuckin’ wants to be….
Just arrived at the velodrome with Frank and Scaler911. Starting in an hour!
Wow!
15 minutes until picks end!!! Mike_P and paolo, I have yours. Get ’em while they are hot!
Too much! That rig looks da bomb, pissing rain on the otherside of the planet perfect excuse to watch the madness, now if only we could be heard yelling abuse from this far…
@G’rilla
Conditions? Air temp? Wind? Clouds? For God’s sake, Jim, we need details!!!
Went to the link and saw the “pre game show” of Frank getting into the kit. Very cool we get to watch!
Ride well Frank and thanks G’rilla and Scaler.
40.4
Go well, Frank.
@G’phant
For fuck’s sake, you guys are KILLING me here. ErikdR already picked 40.4. Change it quick, man!
40.44
Go well. Frank.
@G’phant
Chapeau!
Cyclops, you one-eyed monster, you are the only one with a duplicate pick at this point. 4 minutes until Game On!
@G’phant
Sorry ’bout that, Buck. That one ok?
@G’phant
Yes! Good-to-go! Two minute warning for any others out there.
I can’t it to stream on my phone!!!
@Buck Rogers
We crossed. Thanks. Nowdid only I could get that video to stream on my iPad… (Anyone know when the next Google balloon is scheduled to fly past?)
Let’s GET It ON!
Picks closed!
Name
Distance
Sauterelle
34
V-olcano
35
Russ
35.55
Hashola
36
ped
36.2
Brett
36.666
Velovita
36.84
Mikael Liddy
36.85
Ron
36.9
kixsand
37.07325
Spun Up
37.15
actor1
37.256
ten B
37.3
Rob
37.4
Giles
37.43
the-farmer
37.5
Jamie
37.6
paolo
37.65
Nate
37.7
starclimber
37.777
Skip
37.9
lordmoos3
37.9895
Wookie
38.0878
RedRanger
38.1
cal
38.123
strathlubnaig
38.16
TBONE
38.2
piwakawaka
38.25
buck rogers
38.42
Deakus
38.43
il ciclista medio
38.47
BarTapeMummy
38.56
moondance
38.6
Marcus
38.7
Smith
38.79
titirangisi
38.91
mcsqueak
39
Mike_P
39.03
mouse
39.11
eenies
39.25
snoov
39.3
grumbledook
39.37
gaswepass
39.42
oneninefiveninesix
39.5
PeakingInTwoYears
39.6
Tobin
39.7
Chris
39.99
Cyclops
39.99
minion
40
Andrian
40.01
itburns
40.05
Don Amedo
40.25
Nero
40.35
ErikdR
40.4
G’phant
40.44
El Mateo
40.47
motor city
40.55
Steampunk
40.73
JohnB
40.774
Engine
40.9
seemunkee
40.9
scaler911
40.95
Lukas
41
mlambert1us
41.295
freddy
41.35
midlife-cyclist
41.4
Patrick
41.46
niksch
41.555
sthilzy
41.6
girl
41.65
JACD214
41.71
Gianni
41.87
eightzero
41.9
anotherdownunder
42
xyxax
42.23
Dan_R
42.336
wiscot
43.5
ChrisO
43.7
G’rilla
DNF
Gear choice: 47×16.
Live stream starting soon.
@G’phant
I’ve got the stream site up and I am logged into it on my home computer but it does not seem to be steaming???
Fark…if I hit refresh maybe it will show…
@G’rilla
Ahhhh, tracking.
24°C, clear. Slightest breeze.
no stream screen yet, only the pregame show of the bike. is this the same for anyone else?
Starting the stream. Hopefully the battery lasts!
Other track racers here say he’s crazy, and his position looks pro, like Olympian Bobby Lee.
Correction…starting in 20 minutes at about 3:20pm.
He is crazy…
@G’rilla
He’s starting in 20 minutes or the streaming is starting in 20 minutes?
He’s adjusting the gearing…needs a bigger gear.
Beautiful day. Other track racers are trying to talk him out of it.
@G’rilla
Being an ornery cuss, this will presumably only motivate him.
okay ready to go now and que the rider
Other trackies are little girls?
Switching to 47×14.
14!
Guys, has this been published? Where is the stream?!
I’m as interested (more than) the U.S. Open which is also running this weekend. Currently making pro’s look like amateurs.
Thanks
Praise the Prophet, now he has a shot…
@G’rilla why was he ever considering anything else?
Eddy Merckx and the Hour Record. … Indeed, after a few test laps he decided to gearup from his 52X15 to 52X14. (Only Jacques Anquetil had used a higher …
@Bespoke
Check this link.
I can’t see a streaming feed yet, only a practice video.
@Gianni
Thanks Gianni!