Categories: Defining MomentsEtiquetteRacingRantings from the V-Bunker

The First Weak

Black eyes and yellow jersey go together like wine and pasta.

Three days in, and it’s already been a brutal opening week of the Tour. I’ve never heard of the Tour neutralizing part of the stage unless a Schleck was involved, but I was relieved to understand that the reason for the neutralization had more to do with how many doctors were available for the second crash than it did with the riders’ safety. That’s a load off; for a second there I thought the sport was going soggy on us.

Fabian broke his back for the second time this season, which makes me wonder what his plans are for the rest of the year. Appenzeller and blackouts seems like a good place to start; I don’t think he needs any more memories. Nibbles and Quintannaroo missed the split on Stage 2 and lost over a minute. Froome humped a lightbulb like a maniac up the Mur de Huy to take some more time on everyone but J-Rod. My Merckx, Chris can make a bike go batshit fast but fuck me if he doesn’t make it look absolutely horrendous. If everyone looked like him, I don’t believe I’d ever have gotten into the sport.

All this is to say that the opening week of the Tour de France sets it apart from every other Grand Tour; the large field, the level of competition, and the nature of the windy, mostly flat opening stages makes for chaos and chaos makes for crashes. How many riders have lost their chance at the Tour’s GC in a moment of inattention during the first 7 days on the bike? Even Hinault did a face-plant during the stage to Saint Etienne in 1985, although only he knows why he would be so reckless as to contest a bunch sprint in the first few days of the race.

Froomedog looks very good. On paper anyway, he looks horrible on the bike. I mean, look at him. He looks Nibbles in 2014 strong. Nibbles looks fit but seems a bit inattentive. Quintana looks overwhelmed. Contador looks fit tired. Everyone but Froome is looking for their peak; the only question on Froome is whether he’s peaking too soon. Remember that l’Alpe d’Huez comes on the Saturday before Paris.

The first signs of weakness are exposed in the first week of the Tour. And tomorrow we ride the cobbles. Fuck yeah cobbles.

Vive le Tour and Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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frank says:

Jul 9 2015 at 4:04 pm

@Skel

This.

Indeed. Very, very cool moment! And he's a tall fucker, too.
Meanie says:

Jul 9 2015 at 4:16 pm

@Matt

@Teocalli

@Matt

@WindDrifter

Race interview with Nibali:

When asked if he would continue, he drew a loud round of laughter when he said, “We’re cyclists, not footballers.”

If I didn’t have a crush on Nibbles before he dropped that line, I definitely do now.

Absolutely fucking gutted for Der Panzerwagen though. That broke my heart to watch.

You don’t suppose he is reading this and saw @barracuda‘s post?

I am certainly going to believe that he was browsing the V-Mobile site and saw said post.
brett says:

Jul 9 2015 at 6:01 pm

@Teocalli

Rugby – a sport designed for hooligans and played by gentlemen

Indeed. Drunk, pissing, raping, bashing gentlemen.
brett says:

Jul 9 2015 at 6:02 pm

@Matt

@Teocalli

@Matt

@WindDrifter

Race interview with Nibali:

When asked if he would continue, he drew a loud round of laughter when he said, “We’re cyclists, not footballers.”

If I didn’t have a crush on Nibbles before he dropped that line, I definitely do now.

Absolutely fucking gutted for Der Panzerwagen though. That broke my heart to watch.

You don’t suppose he is reading this and saw @barracuda‘s post?

I am certainly going to believe that he was browsing the V-Mobile site and saw said post.

What/where is said post?
Matt says:

Jul 9 2015 at 7:08 pm

@brett see below

@WindDrifter

Race interview with Nibali:

Nibali added, “you always hurt yourself” in a crash, no matter how trivial it might appear. When asked if he would continue, he drew a loud round of laughter when he said, “We’re cyclists, not footballers.”

:-)
Matt says:

Jul 9 2015 at 7:10 pm

@brett scratch that, see @barracuda's #50
Matt says:

Jul 9 2015 at 7:17 pm

@chris

Like a damn razor blade.
Teocalli says:

Jul 10 2015 at 1:10 am

@brett

Post 50 above. Surprised you missed it as it didn't require (much) reading.