The Bikes

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.

It seems in some ways like a kind of Stockholm Syndrome, the way we honor our machines. We love them to a point that lies well beyond obsession. Upon these machines upon we endure endless suffering, but also find an unending pleasure. The rhythm, the harmony between rider and machine, the outdoors, the wind in our faces and air in our lungs.

The Bikes is devoted entirely to our machines. Ours, The Keepers, and yours, the Community. It features articles devoted to our bikes, and proves a forum for uploading photos of your own machines for discussion. We will be harsh, but fair; this is a place to enforce and enhance our observation of The Rules.

If you’d like to submit an article about your own beloved bike, please feel free to send it to us and we’ll do our best to work with you to include it.

  • Rule #12 and the Cascade EffectRule #12 and the Cascade Effect
    That is a very reasonable opening salvo for the Rule about bike ownership. Three is good and certainly a minimum, and we are talking road bikes here, if there was any doubt. They naturally become ordered: the #1 is ichi-ban, top dog, go-to bike for every and all rides. #2 was the old #1, ...
  • Guest Article: Black Is Not The New BlackGuest Article: Black Is Not The New Black
     @kogalover is singing my song here. Bikes are beautiful. ’nuff said. VLVV, Gianni With all those posts on riding in winter and being visible, either by putting Eyes of Sauron or other car melting devices on one’s steed, or by even considering a YJA instead of donning plain black kit, it was about time to finally get ...
  • Dialing in the StableDialing in the Stable
    This was going to be an article about Rule #45. It is amazing how much time is wasted and matches burned when professionals stop for that second bike change to get back on their #1. With all the jigs available to team mechanics it would seem they could set up five bikes exactly the same. And ...
  • Matching the drapes to the rugMatching the drapes to the rug
    As a longtime titanium bike owner, I’ve always been jealous of a beautiful painted frame but Ti and carbon frames don’t need paint like a steel frame needs paint. But I want some painted beauty. It’s like buying a white car; I can’t do white, need some color. So between a Ti frame and a ...
  • Festum Prophetae: Waiting for the HourFestum Prophetae: Waiting for the Hour
    Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. – Mike Tyson The one thing everyone should always plan for is that however well-conceived a program might be, things will never go to plan. The high level plan for my Festum Prophetae Hour Ride was as follows: Have a custom Hour Bike built by Don Walker. Because reasons. Reasons like custom ...

15,871 Replies to “The Bikes”

  3. My saddle creaks, it is something about where the rails meet the base, and there is nothing I can do about it.  Happens pretty much every pedal stroke.

  4. @DerHoggz

    I squirted some lube into where the rails insert into the saddle and finally cleared up a creak that I was beginning to think was a poltergeist.  Not sure if that applies to your current sitchyation.

  5. @all (especially @oli who seems to be missing lately): I’m working on this older steel tandem and I can’t seem to get one of the seat posts out. Steel frame, steel seatpost. I can’t even twist it out with a pipe wrench. Looking for suggestions.

    Here’s the story behind this (the kids involved are very sweet): http://www.columbian.com/news/2013/jan/11/tandem-cyclists-plan-donate-bike-blind-school/

  7. @Weldertron if that’s yours then please allow me to say Fuck You Very Much!!!

    Strong adherence to Rule #12 happening there…how would you ever choose which one to ride?

  8. Sadly no, was going through some pictures on another blog and came across it. I figured any words or caption would be lost on the awesomeness.

  9. @Weldertron sadly indeed, do have to wonder whether it’s someone’s collection or perhaps a shop display…either way, me want!

  11. @scaler911

    @all (especially @oli who seems to be missing lately): I’m working on this older steel tandem and I can’t seem to get one of the seat posts out. Steel frame, steel seatpost. I can’t even twist it out with a pipe wrench. Looking for suggestions.

    Here’s the story behind this (the kids involved are very sweet): http://www.columbian.com/news/2013/jan/11/tandem-cyclists-plan-donate-bike-blind-school/

    I’m gonna say soaking in WD 40. Because it’s steel on steel heating and cooling won’t work, AFAIK, so get as much WD 40 into the seatpost as you can, leave to soak overnight, and get a vice. Put the seatpost in the vice, bike upside down, and twist, using the frame for extra leverage. (PITA by the sounds!) if you are happy to destroy the seatpost, vertically cut the post, (might need to cut the clamp off) crush it and remove.

    If it’s totally stuck, someone suggested to me once that cutting the seatpost and inserting another smaller seatpost inside might work depending on the ID of the one in the frame.

    You have loosened off the seatpin right? Because hte frame’s steel you can use a screwdriver to pry the metal away from the frame close to the seatpost, to get more lube/antisieze/whatever in there.

  14. @minion

    @scaler911

    @all (especially @oli who seems to be missing lately): I’m working on this older steel tandem and I can’t seem to get one of the seat posts out. Steel frame, steel seatpost. I can’t even twist it out with a pipe wrench. Looking for suggestions.

    Here’s the story behind this (the kids involved are very sweet): http://www.columbian.com/news/2013/jan/11/tandem-cyclists-plan-donate-bike-blind-school/

    I’m gonna say soaking in WD 40. Because it’s steel on steel heating and cooling won’t work, AFAIK, so get as much WD 40 into the seatpost as you can, leave to soak overnight, and get a vice. Put the seatpost in the vice, bike upside down, and twist, using the frame for extra leverage. (PITA by the sounds!) if you are happy to destroy the seatpost, vertically cut the post, (might need to cut the clamp off) crush it and remove.

    If it’s totally stuck, someone suggested to me once that cutting the seatpost and inserting another smaller seatpost inside might work depending on the ID of the one in the frame.

    You have loosened off the seatpin right? Because hte frame’s steel you can use a screwdriver to pry the metal away from the frame close to the seatpost, to get more lube/antisieze/whatever in there.

    You’re supposed to loosen the seat pin?

  16. @Weldertron

    Sadly no, was going through some pictures on another blog and came across it. I figured any words or caption would be lost on the awesomeness.

    That’s a shop called Pavé in Barcelona.

  17. Big rant from the VMH last night involving my obsession with “That Fucking Bike” when she sussed how much my bombproof new wheels are going to cost – we’re back to “fine” to today – never a good sign.

  18. @the Engine

    Big rant from the VMH last night involving my obsession with “That Fucking Bike” when she sussed how much my bombproof new wheels are going to cost – we’re back to “fine” to today – never a good sign.

    “Fine”. Scarier word is never spoken.

  19. @the Engine

    Big rant from the VMH last night involving my obsession with “That Fucking Bike” when she sussed how much my bombproof new wheels are going to cost – we’re back to “fine” to today – never a good sign.

    Oh dear, time to ask yourself that important question…

    Do you like her, really ?

  21. @snoov

    @the Engine Oooo, what’re you getting? Not the cold shoulder, the round cycling related things.

    DT Swiss or Reynolds hubs and an LBS build is as far as I’ve really got – ask me again next week.

    The statement that I was also getting a workshop stand and Garmin 800 didn’t go down well either but I figured it was best to get it all out there in one go.

  22. @ChrisO

    @the Engine

    Big rant from the VMH last night involving my obsession with “That Fucking Bike” when she sussed how much my bombproof new wheels are going to cost – we’re back to “fine” to today – never a good sign.

    Oh dear, time to ask yourself that important question…

    Do you like her, really ?

    She’s doing support for London – Edinburgh so enlightened self interest will likely prevail.

  23. @scaler911

    Don’t bend the seat post clamp or the frame too much as it will most definitely make the frame ugly or destroy it.Hang up the bike ,remove the bottom bracket, place the bike upside down and apply WD 40 or penetrating oil through the seat tube and let it slowly move its way up.I use Kruipolie but I’m not sure if you can find it in the US.I can send you some but I’m not sure about the shipping policies of this shit.

    http://www.tooltopper.nl/product_info.php?products_id=26709&redirect=google_shopping&gclid=CLz268zs5bQCFUON3godllYAwA

    Let it sit overnight reapplying few times and see what happens.The next step would be mounting seat post in the vice and twisting the frame ,however since it’s a tandem it might be more difficult than with a normal frame.Most of the times sacrificing the seat post is worth to save the frame.

    Also what Minion mentioned might work too.Tubing on tandems is usually thicker to accommodate and support two people so seat post is thicker too.Depending on the size you can cut it flush with a seat tube and insert smaller size seat post inside.The old seat post would become a shim for new smaller one.Good luck.

  24. Any truth in story that I’m getting on Twitter that if COTHO had coughed in full USADA would have allowed him to keep the first five tours because of the Statue of Limitations?

    Or does everybody know this and I just missed the meeting?

  25. @ChrisO @the Engine @scaler911

    @the Engine

    Big rant from the VMH last night involving my obsession with “That Fucking Bike” when she sussed how much my bombproof new wheels are going to cost – we’re back to “fine” to today – never a good sign.

    Oh dear, time to ask yourself that important question…

    Do you like her, really ?

    The true dark side of our sport is not doping, but a disgruntled spouse…

  26. @scaler911

    @the Engine

    Big rant from the VMH last night involving my obsession with “That Fucking Bike” when she sussed how much my bombproof new wheels are going to cost – we’re back to “fine” to today – never a good sign.

    “Fine”. Scarier word is never spoken.

    Almost like the dreaded “go for a bike ride if you want to….”

  27. @the Engine

    Any truth in story that I’m getting on Twitter that if COTHO had coughed in full USADA would have allowed him to keep the first five tours because of the Statue of Limitations?

    Or does everybody know this and I just missed the meeting?

    They did ask him to talk to them earlier with everyone else.  He was not the focus, rather the whole culture of doping was.  By not talking he made it about himself as well.  I had not heard about keeping the first five, but what is his end game if he would have been able to do that and not lose them all, what did he expect?

    Good luck with the VMH.  I’m young enough  that I don’t have to worry about that, although I do catch some flack from my mom, “You could have bought a car for how much that bike cost!”

  28. @DerHoggz

    @the Engine

    Any truth in story that I’m getting on Twitter that if COTHO had coughed in full USADA would have allowed him to keep the first five tours because of the Statue of Limitations?

    Or does everybody know this and I just missed the meeting?

    They did ask him to talk to them earlier with everyone else. He was not the focus, rather the whole culture of doping was. By not talking he made it about himself as well. I had not heard about keeping the first five, but what is his end game if he would have been able to do that and not lose them all, what did he expect?

    Good luck with the VMH. I’m young enough that I don’t have to worry about that, although I do catch some flack from my mom, “You could have bought a car for how much that bike cost!”

    Refer your Mom to Rule #25 to avoid further argument.

  29. @the Engine

    Big rant from the VMH last night involving my obsession with “That Fucking Bike” when she sussed how much my bombproof new wheels are going to cost – we’re back to “fine” to today – never a good sign.

    Shit! You are not out of the wood yet….there are serious brownie points still to be earned.  How were you so slack as to let her find out?

    This puts me in mind of my teenage years….a loooong time ago, I had been arrested (D&D) and let off with a caution, my old man turned up back from Germany (his posting at the time) gave me 200 cigarettes and said hello.  I gave him the low down and this was met with……silence……..shit I would rather he shouted at me than give me the cold shoulder.  At that point I knew I was REALLY in trouble!

  30. @mouse

    @G’rilla

    @Dan_R I’m going to Melbourne Feb 17 if that helps.

    Yeah, with like 10 sets of Haleakalas. Don’t worry, that’s less than 10kg. You could take them as carry on.

    Of course it would if I had the hubs in already….is it just me, or does it cost everyone a divorce worth of cash to ship to Australia or the UK? WTF, I have ordered stuff from the UK and it didn’t cost a bundle.

  32. The offending seat post has been removed. But not without struggle and almost destroying a rare Peugeot Tandem.

    The bike:

  33. @Dan_R  if you would of only cropped the top of the shot, one would believe they were looking at Heaven !

  35. @scaler911 How’d you end up getting it out? Looks like it’s had the chop and a bit of heat…that seatposts absolutely fucking filthy innit.

    BTW, am I the only one round here holding up the end for committed and avowed potty mouths? When Frhonk’s regularly posting he makes my posts look like they were written by 19 virgins ho couldn’t THINK about a bad word without being exiled to the badlands. When he’s not here I’m swearing like a sailor with tourettes.

  36. @scaler911 As I lay in bed trying to get to sleep last night I thought about this problem and was gonna say that you could’ve removed the BB and sprayed WD-40 into the seat tube from there if there was a hole.  Glad the problem is resolved.  How did it go?

  37. @minion hey I was all shouty & sweary on Saturday morning when one of the guys we were riding with snapped his chain through lack of maintenance & got me in trouble on the home front…

  38. @Mikael Liddy But just lets say the guy really did try and find the source of the problem, it drove him crazy and he took the Fuck it route.  Just in case you want to help him achieve silencio, one difficult click I’ve diagnosed was coming from a cracked seat tube under the FD clamp where it had been over tightened, not by me I might add.  Hope you’re back in the good books at home.

  39. I have recently encouraged my LBS to change their DBA on the credit card statement to “Hookers and Blow,” because I’m certain that my VMH would give me less grief for spending thousands on drugs and ass than bike components.

  40. @minion

    @scaler911 How’d you end up getting it out? Looks like it’s had the chop and a bit of heat…that seatposts absolutely fucking filthy innit.

    BTW, am I the only one round here holding up the end for committed and avowed potty mouths? When Frhonk’s regularly posting he makes my posts look like they were written by 19 virgins ho couldn’t THINK about a bad word without being exiled to the badlands. When he’s not here I’m swearing like a sailor with tourettes.

    Well let me fucking tell ya. It was a total pain in my ass. I had to chop the top of the post off to remove the metal bit that holds the bars for the “stoker” then soaked it all night in WD40. Put a pipe wrench on it with a longer piece of pipe for leverage and hoped for the best. Was pretty sure I was going to twist the actual seat tube, and then I’d be ‘proper fucked’. But it moved a little, and after a couple hours, out it came.

  43. @Spun Up

    I have recently encouraged my LBS to change their DBA on the credit card statement to “Hookers and Blow,” because I’m certain that my VMH would give me less grief for spending thousands on drugs and ass than bike components.

    Awesome!

  44. @scaler911

    @Spun Up

    I have recently encouraged my LBS to change their DBA on the credit card statement to “Hookers and Blow,” because I’m certain that my VMH would give me less grief for spending thousands on drugs and ass than bike components.

    Awesome!

    Isn’t it funny that way, you can pull a couple of hundred out for what ever and catch no grief when the financials  come throught that month. Just let her see the LBS on that statment and all hell breaks loose and i’m sleeping with my other  N1 for the night.

  46. @snoov nah I doubt it, he’s never really been one for paying thorough attention to his bike…

  47. @scaler911

    @Spun Up

    I have recently encouraged my LBS to change their DBA on the credit card statement to “Hookers and Blow,” because I’m certain that my VMH would give me less grief for spending thousands on drugs and ass than bike components.

    Awesome!

    Told that one to the VMH, got a good hearty laugh. Won’t help my case tho- she doesn’t look at the statements. But she subtly notices the gear from time to time. Line drawn at a TT rig. So its clipons and a different seat/post to achieve that function on the road bike…

  48. Ugh, what’s with all the women complaining about how much you guys spend on your “obsession”?  I’d love to find a guy who’s as obsessed with cycling as I am.

  49. @Sauterelle

    Ugh, what’s with all the women complaining about how much you guys spend on your “obsession”? I’d love to find a guy who’s as obsessed with cycling as I am.

    Mrs Engine (not me!!!) wants to know how many children you have of school age? She also says you can come to Scotland and take me off her hands. This may be a result – I’m not sure. Obviously I won’t have any money just a bike, my best (only) cycling plaid and brogues.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.