The Bikes
The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.
It seems in some ways like a kind of Stockholm Syndrome, the way we honor our machines. We love them to a point that lies well beyond obsession. Upon these machines upon we endure endless suffering, but also find an unending pleasure. The rhythm, the harmony between rider and machine, the outdoors, the wind in our faces and air in our lungs.
The Bikes is devoted entirely to our machines. Ours, The Keepers, and yours, the Community. It features articles devoted to our bikes, and proves a forum for uploading photos of your own machines for discussion. We will be harsh, but fair; this is a place to enforce and enhance our observation of The Rules.
If you’d like to submit an article about your own beloved bike, please feel free to send it to us and we’ll do our best to work with you to include it.
- Rule #12 and the Cascade Effect
That is a very reasonable opening salvo for the Rule about bike ownership. Three is good and certainly a minimum, and we are talking road bikes here, if there was any doubt. They naturally become ordered: the #1 is ichi-ban, top dog, go-to bike for every and all rides. #2 was the old #1, ... - Guest Article: Black Is Not The New Black@kogalover is singing my song here. Bikes are beautiful. ’nuff said. VLVV, Gianni With all those posts on riding in winter and being visible, either by putting Eyes of Sauron or other car melting devices on one’s steed, or by even considering a YJA instead of donning plain black kit, it was about time to finally get ...
- Dialing in the StableThis was going to be an article about Rule #45. It is amazing how much time is wasted and matches burned when professionals stop for that second bike change to get back on their #1. With all the jigs available to team mechanics it would seem they could set up five bikes exactly the same. And ...
- Matching the drapes to the rugAs a longtime titanium bike owner, I’ve always been jealous of a beautiful painted frame but Ti and carbon frames don’t need paint like a steel frame needs paint. But I want some painted beauty. It’s like buying a white car; I can’t do white, need some color. So between a Ti frame and a ...
- Festum Prophetae: Waiting for the HourEveryone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. – Mike Tyson The one thing everyone should always plan for is that however well-conceived a program might be, things will never go to plan. The high level plan for my Festum Prophetae Hour Ride was as follows: Have a custom Hour Bike built by Don Walker. Because reasons. Reasons like custom ...
@Nate I’m partial to Arundel Gecko Grip and it just so happens that I have an extra box in white in the tool chest.
The robot dog is a carry-over from an old research project for my doctorate that we were trying to use as a remote sensor platform. Now he lives in retirement wandering around my house and running out of batteries. The rubber mallet was for freeing the vintage 3T quill stem as it uses an expansion plug to fix the quill instead of a wedge expander and so tends to get stuck.
@atomicmanatee I’d consider an older DA crank. As I mentioned above, I plan to run a full DA7900 Group-san with an older DA7400 crankset on the steel 3Rensho.
@EricW
Awesome! 3Renshos are sick. Did you consider getting a second set of rivnuts put in the Colnago?
@DerHoggz
Thanks! Pretty stoked about getting it built up. I did not consider getting the Colnago drilled for 3 reasons:
1. I am a mere mortal and will be probably be struck down by the cycling Gods if I were to deface Ernesto’s sacred steel.
2. The Prophet rode Colnagos of similar vintage and only needed one cage.
And most importantly
3. I would have less reason to buy a 3Rensho n+1.
@EricW I should have realized you are good enough with computers not to need a rubber mallet in that toolset.
@Rom
I would be in on this but Felt is in the same dirty boat.
My Moda Echo with Velominato Name Badge vinyl decal… One took the “apply with alcohol” a little too literally and ended up with a missing “t” and “i”. May I suggest a new word for the Lexicon – Velomina : Man who cannot apply decals when drunk!
Um…if your surname is “Killing” I don’t think anyone will mock you for missing the t & i.
@Ron It is Ron, but only in name, never in nature. :)
@VeloJello
Most of my name is missing from the decal, I think my mad guads ripped it off. I am also missing the dot of the “i”.
@DerHoggz Then I am in esteemed company… I do wonder how long they’ll hold up. I’m geographically above Belgium, in the north East of England, UK and our winters are shocking! Still, looks great for now :)
Just ordered a set of Ambrosio Nemesis rims laced onto Campagnolo Record hubs as my everyday summer wheelset, to say I’m excited is just a little bit of an understatement!
Now, what tyres… I’m thinking Dugast Paris Roubaix’s, but the tread life is very short(they claim 3000km on their website). Any others I should be looking at around the same price?
@campbellrae1 Sounds like you are on the right track; also in that category are Vittoria Pave, Veloflex Arenberg/Roubaix, and FMB Roubaix. All outstanding tires that are both tough and supple, but neither these nor any other proper high end tubulars are made to maximize treadlife. Because that would turn them into something like a garden hose, and they would defeat their own purpose.
@DerHoggz
@VeloJello
Odd, mine is 110% in tact after almost 2 years on the roadie. the one on my MTB is a bit messed up since I must have gone down at somepoint(its in the seat tube)
@RedRanger
Mine is applied on powdercoat, so there may be some adhesion issues vs. a smooth surface. I do hit my legs off the top tube occasionally so I may have peeled them off.
I am pretty sure this bunch is noncompliant with several of the Rules; but if they put a Malted Recovery Beverage in there, maybe we could give them a pass. Still, sucking on a tube just seems wrong……..attribution is from the FlexR Sports website.
@HMBSteve I’m intrigued at how the Tri-tards are expected to reach that nozzle half way along the top tube…
@Mikael Liddy – looks more like a deposit tube…………recycling??
@HMBSteve
Er, that is quite unbelievable. Given the amount of piss that ends up being deposited on the top tube during an event like an ironman, placing a drink tube (how the fark do you use that one by the way?) underneath would certainly obtain a small level of fluid re-circulation.
@HMBSteve just noticed the bottle under the bars too, where’s its tube? Also, how long is this TT that it requires 4 bottles?
Can’t they get enough of a drink while nearly drowning at the beginning?
@HMBSteve No offense to Cervelo riders but I thought it was impossible to make the P4 look more hideous than it already did.
I was wrong.
@Mikael Liddy – maybe the one under the bars is a water cannon for warding off canine attackers
@Mikael Liddy
I’m guessing it is expected to swap the one on the downtube out? Knowing tritards bike handling abilities I can only hope there are regular pit areas with mechanics to suss it out for them. At the very least I believe a stop is mandated for their own safety.
@DerHoggz a long time ago on this website, it was agreed to stop using the ‘tard suffix. Many people find it extremely offensive.
@HMBSteve That cannot be real, or has to be a piss take…. Why why why?
@RedRanger I’m fairly confident it will hold up on my carbon frame, it looks pretty solid. Just wish I hadn’t drunk so much alcohol when applying! Time for a cup of “ti” instead…
@EricW
It’a P3 carbon
@VeloJello
You need recovery Tea. As you will know we Brits fix things by drinking Tea, what is not fully understood is that said Tea does not always originate from China.
In fact a while back an American friend could not believe it when I ordered a pint of Tea in a pub – till it turned up.
@Marcus
Ah, sorry.
@Teocalli Yum, along with Hobgoblin this is a favourite.
@Mikael Liddy
I think it unclips to go straight up their assholes.
I’m a Cervelo rider and that thing is a fucking abomination that should be in a crusher!!
@Teocalli In toon, we drink broon :)
@VeloJello
Great place – went to Uni there. After 2 years decided I needed to sober up and go and get a degree somewhere! Great times. In those days it was a challenge to have a pint in every pub on the Haymarket and make it back to the Uni bar – now it’s all just that city motorway junction. Though personally I preferred the Amber.
@Mikael Liddy
Giving credit where credit is due, the ITT that these guys are doing, if full distance, is 180 k’s (112miles) long. Not that I am suggesting anyone violate Rule #42. Just saying.
But yes, I have to say that it still looks fuckawful no matter how much the function might help.
@TommyTubolare
The colors made me temporarily illiterate.
@Teocalli
That’s brilliant.
Help an ignorant Yank. Does one pronounce “Newcastle” as “Newk’s’l”?
@PeakInTwoYears
Ha ha, for a Yank you are close! The VMH comes from up there and she always says it should be Nyukassl (with a hard, short u more like “uh”) or in fact Nyuhkassl.
@PeakInTwoYears @Teocalli Unless you’re from Northumberland in which case its pronounced “knew-carsal” in ones poshest accent possible :)
@Teocalli Interesting. So the “ass” in “castle” does get voiced to some degree.
@PeakInTwoYears you kindoff go straight to the s without much of an a. In Sunderland nearby it’s even worse (if that’s the right term without causing offence). My brother in law is from there and we always say they don’t have vowels at all – “Snlnd”
@PeakInTwoYears
Though the ones that amuse us most with you guys are places like Worcester – “Wooster”
@VeloJello
That’s usually the differentiation for Newcastle-under-Lyme though!
@Buck Rogers the 180k is no reason to weigh down your bike with 4 bottles. They hand out replacement bottles on long course and ironmans. If they didn’t, you would need to carry a lot more than 4!
@Marcus
Really? It’s just a short way of calling someone a retard
@Teocalli ha very true. And you I know its not Sunderland but Mackem town…
@Teocalli Wooster, ha ha ha. I lived and worked there for 15 years. LEE-O-MINSTER was another favourite mispronunciation…
@Chipomarc
Ponder your own sentence and you will be enlightened as to why it’s offensive.
@Teocalli
Here in New England, it’s Woosta
@Teocalli
I almost cited that one, but I thought it might be too cliché–or “clichéd,” for any dumbasses lurking at the moment.
Although, I must note, if you wiki “Worcester” you get the pronunciation “Wooster,” and if you wiki “Worcestershire” you get the pronunciation “Werchstersh’re.” I guess I think that your pronunciation rules [sic] are even more fucked up than ours.