The Bikes
The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.
It seems in some ways like a kind of Stockholm Syndrome, the way we honor our machines. We love them to a point that lies well beyond obsession. Upon these machines upon we endure endless suffering, but also find an unending pleasure. The rhythm, the harmony between rider and machine, the outdoors, the wind in our faces and air in our lungs.
The Bikes is devoted entirely to our machines. Ours, The Keepers, and yours, the Community. It features articles devoted to our bikes, and proves a forum for uploading photos of your own machines for discussion. We will be harsh, but fair; this is a place to enforce and enhance our observation of The Rules.
If you’d like to submit an article about your own beloved bike, please feel free to send it to us and we’ll do our best to work with you to include it.
- Rule #12 and the Cascade Effect
That is a very reasonable opening salvo for the Rule about bike ownership. Three is good and certainly a minimum, and we are talking road bikes here, if there was any doubt. They naturally become ordered: the #1 is ichi-ban, top dog, go-to bike for every and all rides. #2 was the old #1, ... - Guest Article: Black Is Not The New Black@kogalover is singing my song here. Bikes are beautiful. ’nuff said. VLVV, Gianni With all those posts on riding in winter and being visible, either by putting Eyes of Sauron or other car melting devices on one’s steed, or by even considering a YJA instead of donning plain black kit, it was about time to finally get ...
- Dialing in the StableThis was going to be an article about Rule #45. It is amazing how much time is wasted and matches burned when professionals stop for that second bike change to get back on their #1. With all the jigs available to team mechanics it would seem they could set up five bikes exactly the same. And ...
- Matching the drapes to the rugAs a longtime titanium bike owner, I’ve always been jealous of a beautiful painted frame but Ti and carbon frames don’t need paint like a steel frame needs paint. But I want some painted beauty. It’s like buying a white car; I can’t do white, need some color. So between a Ti frame and a ...
- Festum Prophetae: Waiting for the HourEveryone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. – Mike Tyson The one thing everyone should always plan for is that however well-conceived a program might be, things will never go to plan. The high level plan for my Festum Prophetae Hour Ride was as follows: Have a custom Hour Bike built by Don Walker. Because reasons. Reasons like custom ...
@Marcus
If you put a magnet on every spoke then you’d need a Machmeter – unless, of course, you were still using Spinergy wheels in which case you’d only go four times faster.
@snoov
Leonard Zinn recommends fishing magnets attached to the oposite spokes. My Zipps have this effect on the work stand, but I’ve only noticed a slight effect on perfectly smooth tarmac; doesn’t seem to be an issue of any significance unless you’re looking for an excuse to ride slower.
@the Engine
My VMH must be right about me being on Asperger’s Scale.
In my defence, what I said about the shaking on the work-stand and I thought the magnet was to be put on the opposite side so it didn’t affect the computer.
I didn’t buy the mag so will have to read it again. Seems such and obvious and old joke I didn’t think anyone would get the ‘letter of the week’ for that one.
@frank
I knew you’d have noticed it. I suppose these are adjustments that would make such a minimal improvement they’d not be worth the time.
Oh no I’ve lost the ability to post
@Ron
Cable tension for the shifting. More tension if downshifts fail, less if upshifts fail.
@snoov
So you were serious? What a shame Engine gave the game away so soon. We could have gone for hours.
BTW, if you really had Aspergers you would probably know that it falls at the “mild” end of the Autism Spectrum. No such thing as an Aspergers Scale. Am sure you meant no harm but it aint cool to make light of ASDs.
@Marcus
No offence intended, she works in the field and mentions it regarding my behaviour, especially when I fail to notice a joke. I apologise for using the wrong terminology.
@snoov
No worries – ask her if she has got any clues on how to get a 6yo kid with autism to sleep so his dad doesn’t have to kill time at 3:58am by posting crap comments on a cycling website.
@DerHoggz
Fantastic! All the flavor of an Ealing comedy without the laughs. Being British, they did, of course, avoid the use of the word nipple when escribing how the wheels were made. I kept thinking “lightweight” must have been a relative term – those bkes had to weight 30 lbs! No health and safety in those factories either! I’m sure everyone was told to stop smoking during filming.
I’m old enough to remember having to file down cotter pins to get them to fit. What a pain in the ass! The last bike my parents bought me was a friggin HUGE Peugeot that was basically made the same way as those in the film. 100% steel too. Gradually replaced various bits with alloy until I got a slightly less huge Holdsworth. Then a smaller Raleigh. Then a Colnago. All steel frames of course.
@snoov
I worried about wheel balance when I recently tried gluing tubs for the first time and couldn’t get them quite as centered as I thought would be necessary. When I popped them back on the bike and spun the rear up to speed I thought the work stand was going to fall over. Had me wondering whether the whole tub thing was going to be an expensive mistake. Thought I was going to have to pull them off and do it all again. Never felt a thing on the road though.
@frank
Yeah I think having no weight on the bike allows vibrations to propagate through to the stand easily. Of course while riding your weight is pressing everything down again the tarmac and helping to deaden any vibrations.
At least that’s my theory…
@Mikael Liddy
I may have mentioned it before, but when stuck on the trainer, the sufferfest is hard to beat. It gets pretty engaging and adminsters a good beating, you even get to pick what kind. The hunted combines mostly a muscular endurance deal with some intervals. Some are just intervals- different kinds. The website is pretty clear what you’re buying. The narrative and the footage and the absence of repeat closeups of drivetrains and watching some other dude on a trainer are a welcome change.
nice article:
http://www.sbs.com.au/cyclingcentral/road/news/36411/A%20freshly%20painted%20ride%20for%20Voigt%20at%20the%20Amgen%20Tour%20of%20California
@smithers
\\ Thanx Smithers — very nice article.
@Campagnolo Vince!
you, Mr Vince!, are most welcome.
the shut up legs bit is great – I am not convinced by the use of the Wolf, myself. trying too hard, just there…you know, I’m a tiger / leopard / badger / squirrel (replace ad infinitum with whatever preferred scary creature alter-ego…). It’s a bit …alan partridge.
@smithers
Finishing a 60 mile ride — caught up with a friend of mine that had checked out earlier, and within that final quarter mile I pedaled as smoothly as possible. I knew that neither my hubs or drive-train would make a sound. I came right up behind him (right off the wheel) and leaned forward to whisper, “I’m The Phantom…” right into his ear and Wholla-SHIT!! he jumped off his saddle and shook the bars and grabbed for control — Ohh shit! Thankful he did not go down. But that day (on my silent bike) I was The Phantom… it was a bad idea. He loved it though, the fact that I could come up within half a foot — without a sound.
@Campagnolo Vince!
i dont care what they say about you , Mr Vince! – I think you’re great.
This random and, lets face it, tenuous-at-best interlude : gold.
@smithers
What are they saying — what’s been said ??
@Campagnolo Vince!
Use metric.
@DerHoggz
Does that mean always use metric (universally) ?? Did You Know: concerning web graphics and Photoshop, that 72 dpi refers to 72 dots per inch. 72 pixels makes an inch. 36 pixels a half-inch.
I will concede to use metric when building and upgrading the bike, because it is in metric already. But local road signs and town limits are still telling me miles. How about miles and metric, since they both are relevant to cycling ??
@Campagnolo Vince!
Rule #24 already contains all the discussion required on this subject. Case closed. If you’re so worried about how Americans do things, I suggest you pick up (American) football, baseball, or basketball.
@frank
\\ Case not open. Question: Do you carry a pocket calculator to multiply your miles by 1.61 ?? Or do you sense your distance. I ask as though you (do not) have a cycle-computer mounted, which I do not. I do sense distance and ride time. But I don’t multiply by 1.61 in my head. And assuming that references to distance occur while in the saddle — not off. I don’t count the miles that I have finished — only the miles that I am riding that day. Frank you forgot to add a Period.
@frank
Those are three pretty lame sports. Oh wait: now I follow you.
@Campagnolo Vince!
What kinds of roads are you riding with distance signs on them? Would suggest you find quieter roads; the riding will be more pleasurable. And you won’t be caught up looking at the road signs (and avoiding the traffic). Me: I just ride. I could care less how far I’m going, so long as I know how to get home…
@ChrisO
on similar note, Specialized Armadillos….pish. Had 2 sidewalls blow out and a third with a bulge, which once I looked inside the tire, I found a delaminated section.
‘Only’ 26 squigglies each. Now using Schwalbs which I picked up in LBS for £13 a throw, all good (so far….)
Otherwise known as the worst tyre on the face of the planet. If I sat down and tried to design a worse tyre I couldn’t. It adds the insult of being so fricken expensive when you know that cheaper alternatives would have been so much better. Pieces of crap.
@smithers
Custom “paint job”? Looks like they just made up some decals and slapped em on… poor Jens, gets no respect.
@Steampunk
\\ Mr. Steampunk (remembered reverence) Always looking for “green” county signs or town limits. I do care how far I’m going on the given day — then it’s done — over — gone. It adds up, if it adds up. Keep riding my friend.
@minion
Specify your worst “tyres” please.
@Steampunk
\\ Steampunk… I don’t like you (Esqueleto voice)!
@Campagnolo Vince!
Delurking to warn you: there are a number of countries around whose names don’t start with “The United States of” and end with “America”. Stop sniffing your Star Spangled underpants, you self-important prick.
I also note that you distinguish yourself by posting poorly articulated comments about how tough you are (sometimes many times on many threads, for our collective amusement, no doubt), and how far beyond all this “Rules” business your are, and represent the only person here who places so much stake in their own worth that they announce their grouppo in their screen name and follow it with the exclamation point that only you believe your deserve.
This, in context of a list of Rules which number 91 in length and have no less than ONE-HUNDRED FIFTEEN PAGES OF COMMENTS. How many people is that? And you stand out in that crowd as being the most self-centered, self-important, and idiotic. Surely that’s worth a prize. @frank, can you make him a badge that looks like a phallus?
Sorry Keepers, delete if you must. I could not keep quiet any longer.
@Campagnolo Vince!
Sorry that was a response to Strathlubnaig (What the hell is that?) on the Speccy Armadillos. Everyone has a least favourite tyre and that is mine for sure, vittorias which are half the price are twice as good. They actually grip, stick in the rain and don’t cut up and THROUGH the bloody casing that is a selling point of the armadillos – I had to toss them after a couple of hundred ks cos the cuts (which I never got otherwise, on any other tyre) were too big to boot. Fuckers.
You sure bring something out in people, huh?
PS I like Campag Vince. Without a good shakeup every now and then, the best of communities can turn into crotch sniffing circle jerks.
@The Boomstick
\\ Campagnolo Vince! is a commemorative tradition that honors the winner of the Tour that was sponsored by Campagnolo. It’s a Campagnolo exclamation — they promote their punctuation! It is only part of cycling history. The “idiotic” part that you added only encourages others here.
\\ I am just doing the job that Frank hired me to do. Dang!
@minion
Oh hell — now we have to determine Campy Vince! Campa Vince! Campag Vince! I may take The Vow of Silence — Serious Seriousness Silence. I like the sound of it anyway.
@The Boomstick
Welcome and good effort, though @minion is right and we need a prick to help the rest of us look less prickish.
And I commend your taste, good sir, in the Army of Darkness reference carried through from @brett’s latest article.
@ Campagnolo Vince!
O, now I see. Phew. Sorry. I’ll be good. Period.
@frank
I’ll take the stoning.
@The Boomstick
Kudos! I needed that deliverance.
@Campagnolo Vince!
Mega-Quote!
This is what I was referencing when you asked what people were saying. Just having some fun.
@DerHoggz
Campagnolo Vince! Phew.
@frank
Campagnolo Vince! Relegated.
@minion
Loch Lubnaig is a body of water just round the corner from here and Strath Lubnaig is the area surrounding it – sort of. Lubnaig means “crooked or bent” in the ancient tongue of these parts. On my satnav its marked “here be dragons” – although I suspect “dragon” is the Gaelic word for banjo. Hope this clears things up.
The other day I said that Campagnolo Vince! may be a Turing Machine – what I should have said is that he may be a Turing Machine applying the Turing Test to us.
Some serious bike handling (video)
The end times – streetstrider
It’s been fun, but this is better than a bicyle. They wouldn’t lie just to sell some crap – Better than a bicycle
Thanx for those kind words.@minion
@the Engine
Awesome, that’s a great name! I like it like Scaler likes leathery chicks
@The Boomstick
Gruppo is correct.