New Rule: 52 (Plus a Guest Reverence)
With the writing of our first book supposedly well underway (but in reality being discussed ad-nauseum in the Boardroom rather than actually committed to text), The Rules have at least been getting some form of attention from The Keepers. When deciding which Rules each of us were to curate, no-one really had much idea what exactly was in there; ask me what Rule #64 is, and I’m giving you a blank stare.
So a list was drawn up, and we found some deadwood hiding away, dry and rotten and ready to be tossed into the fiery cauldron atop Mt Velomis. Yep, time for a burnin’. We get a good number of suggestions for new Rules weekly, some are pure gold, some warrant a sternly-worded rebuttal, but all are usually forgotten quickly as we are just too damned useless to actually commit them to the Canon Of Cycling Etiquette. Which is why this one comes from within our ranks; it’s easier than looking back through dozens of old emails.
Without further ado, we present the newest Rule, slotting in at #52, replacing one that if any of you can recall what it was, then you deserve accolades (or sympathy) for committing such nonsense to memory.
Rule #52 // Drink in Moderation.
Bidons are to be small in size. 500ml maximum, no extra large vessels are to be seen on one’s machine. Two cages can be mounted, but only one bidon on rides under two hours is to be employed. Said solo bidon must be placed in the downtube cage only. You may only ride with a bidon in the rear cage if you have a front bidon, or you just handed your front bidon to a fan at the roadside and you are too busy crushing everyone to move it forward until you take your next drink. Bidons should match each other and preferably your bike and/or kit. The obvious exception is the classic Coca-Cola bidon which by default matches any bike and/or kit due to its heritage. Coca-Cola should only be consumed flat and near the end of a long ride or all-day solo breakaway on the roads of France.
There you have it. Let the discussions/arguments/bitching begin.
In the meantime, nutcase Aussie/esteemed community member @harminator gives us his take on the humble (and definitely small) bidon.
Yours in Cycling,
Brett
—
REVERENCE: THE BIDON.
The history of cycling is punctuated by technological advancement. Some developments come in giant leaps while others evolve more slowly. Either way, the march of progress is well resourced and never tires. It seems like every second week there’s a new gadget, composite material or design innovation which is absolutely necessary. I mean who could possibly continue to exist without a laser-etched, co2-filled tyre lever forged from West Flandrian unobtanium. Right?
The bidon is the forgotten cousin in the technology family. Back in the day, transporting water away from its source was pure genius. We take it for granted now, but it’s the bidon that makes endurance bike riding possible. Without it we’d be limited to riding around tracks, beside streams or from the billabong to the waterhole. Just imagine the indignity of Moser slurping from a puddle Bear Grylls-style, or a Grand Tour with Evian mountain-top drinks breaks?
But for me, the real fascination of the bidon lies with two paradoxes. Regardez-vous:
The first relates to value. On the surface they seem absolutely critical. The team necessarily commits a couple of riders to work all day on the bottles: Drop back to the car, cram one in every available jersey space, toil back up to the bunch, distribute, repeat. But the bidon itself is worthless in comparison to its contents. To the Pro, it’s a glorified bar wrapper. Drink then discard. For the average Velominatus Budgetatus, the decadence is exhilarating. I can only imagine the moment in a young Pro’s life when he first gets to fling an empty to the side of the road. There must be no clearer sign that you’ve hit the big time.
Further, when the bidon gets tossed aside, it becomes infinitely valuable again. Spectators who go nuts for all the crap thrown out by the caravan have been known to trample their own ailing Grandmothers for the things. They salute as if they’ve won the fucking Stage when they souvenir a grotty piece of cheap plastic dripping with Belgian Toothpaste. In the world of the bike race spectator, the bidon is the ducks nuts.
The second paradox centres on its use. The bidon has become part of the glorious realm of cycling gamesmanship. A rider’s use of the bidon should not give anything away about his or her level of suffering. Many of us have felt the total demoralisation of inhaling wasps, trying to hold on to the group, when the rider in front takes a drink as if they’re sipping a Mojito by the pool. Don’t get played. It’s a standard show of strength and often all bluff. The bottle is probably empty. Conversely, if you’re about to expire from dehydration, it’s critical not to show it by guzzling lustily. You might as well announce that you’re suffering badly and that now would be a good time to attack.
In the world of the amateur group ride, the bidon can be a measuring stick for rider competency. You can tell a lot about a rider by the way they take a drink. When the new guy in the group keeps his eyes ahead, makes a clean pickup, drinks modestly, and re-cages surely, all the while observing Rule #59, you know they’ve got their shit together. But if they throw an empty to the side of the road, prepare to hang tough – things are be about to get very messy.
[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/[email protected]/bidons/”/]
Et voilà , the obvious.
No idea if this has been covered, but a bidon rule must include the requirement that once empty, a bidon must never be thrown away. The only exceptions are if the bidon is thrown directly to a roadside fan, collection point or helper; or at a rival sprinter/passing vehicle that has cut you up*
*known as the Tom Steels principle
@frank
Precisely. Not to go all weight-weenie, but one less bidon is roughly a pound of water. Not too shabby considering people will spend hundreds of dollars (or more) on lightweight crap to cut grams and kgs from their bike.
@Jarvis
If Cipo didn’t have two bidons he couldn’t have drilled the moto twice.
How about that Boonen photo Harminator picked out! Holy smokes, maybe by Carrefour de l’Arbe, he is killing his last bottle, he has a gap and it’s crushing time. Fantastic. Rider of the year.
Also, is it permissible/acceptable to match the bottle to the gruppo?
@mcsqueak
http://www.velominati.com/the-rules/#24
I think you mean 500 grams or half of a kilo.
@frank
Indeed, and like Anquetil its important to move that bidon from its cage and into your jersey pocket to make the bike lighter.
Can someone let me know which 500mL bidon is best for transporting beer? Beer in the bidon season is almost upon us. It’s probably already started in some parts of the northern hemisphere.
@eightzero
+1.
@Kyle
It’s that time of year. We’re having our annual lube & chain discussion, now bidons, next socks.
@TBONE
Probably. It is certainly not acceptable to mis-match.
In “The Rider” it was mentioned that Jaques Anquetil would move his bidon to his jersey pocket when climbing. It was also explained that the photographs of Anquetil that showed him climbing with the bidon on the bike were clearly lies; the story is always the truth.
It is self evident that this new rule is correct, but I would suggest that putting (the one 500ml) bidon in the jersey pocket when climbing should be viewed as being more than acceptable.
It is also evident that what we are actually photographed doing (driven by necessity or whatever) is completely irrelevant; it is the aspiration which important.
@James good point
@TBONE
Yah…to converty from metric, you double it and add 30. So 500mls is like 1030 metric ounces. That;s um how weez do it in ‘merica.
@Nate
Beer in the bidon season has no beginning or end.
@TBONE
I want to see you open those after riding some cobbles
@TBONE
Those do not appear to be bidons.
@VeloVita
After the cobbles, they won’t be in the cages anymore.
@TBONE
Also, per the new Rule #52, I wonder would it be frowned upon to carry a a 750ml bottle of say Duvel or Chimay as opposed to two smaller bottles…
@Nate
I assume you mean because they would be ejected into the Belgian countryside and not because TBone would have already downed them. They don’t look a tight fit as it is – hence my recommendation for the Duvel. I just looks like it would fit perfectly in the bottle cage…
@TBONE
Drank New Castle to start out the first group ride of the season. Perfect nutrients!
Have a look here…
http://vimeo.com/42674279#
@mcsqueak
1 litre of water weighs exactly a kilo – that’s why we use the metric system it makes it easy for people like me to work things out
@TBONE
Bugger – someone already made that point – that’ll teach me to read things obsessively rather than go out and earn money
@James
I got used to placing the extra bidon in a jersey pocket (especially during a race) because it was easier to reach back for it there and safer (my opinion) to slip it back in there too. One time (during a race) reaching for the down tube bidon the bidon hit the top tube slightly as I brought it up and I lost the water altogether. Luckily I found a willing soul to hand off another to me in the feed zone.
As I’m huge 750ml bidons look normal on my bike.
500ml bidons make me look like a giant
1l bidons would, of course make me look smaller
Also – when do bidons cease to become bidons and turn in to water bottles?
When #1 Mini Engine “borrows” a bidon to take to water polo it becomes a water bottle and when I take it back, wash it carefully, fill it with jet fuel and it goes back on the bike it becomes a bidon again – at what point does this magical transformation take place?
@VeloVita
I was thinking ejection on the cobbles, yes.
For rides under two hours and to maintain proper aero efficace I suggest forgoing the bidon altogether…
Most hold under 200ml, so I’d go for something 80 proof or better…
THe “one bidon placement” part is all wrong. Both photos of pros tendered above show the front cage to be the first preference. Clearly, it is easier to get to the front cage when on the rivet.
As for stopping to fill rather than taking enough, to paraphrase The Disciple, “why would you stop ?”
The level of effeteness in some of the logic about spotlessly clean bikes and perfect bidon behaviour would seem to indicate a Princess Index reading in the range of seriously need to HTFU.
@strathlubnaig
Being one of the six in said photos, in my defence, one big bottle was still half full after the 5 hours plus I did need 2 roadside comfort breaks so both unsightly and non matching bottles were unneccessary. Clearly I was worried my inaugural Cogal may be too tough for me and needed a wee safety net to accompany my unused emergency gel? You are correct though, small bidons look better and would not have been ejected from the cage on the particularly rough early descent (safely caught between calves and returned while keeping eyes ahead). V bidons get my vote and international shipping charges will ensure they are never discarded roadside.
In the same pictures set you’ll see my 750ml one’s are near empty and I finished them both. In the comfort of my own bathroom after the ride I made the non-scientific observation that my urine (that’s a posh word for piss if you’re reading this in Australia) appeared to be at “not particularly well hydrated” levels – don’t forget we also picked up 500mls of coffee half way round from Mrs Engine.
I’ve noticed that I’m quite thirsty rider and occasions when I forgo a drink tend to be the ones followed by a mind bending attack of cramp.
If you look carefully at the pictures of my Ridley you’ll see I’ve got the “pave proof” Elite Pria cages with the tightening thingy and know you know why.
@eightzero
This.
The Rule states to not carry two bidons, not to drink less than two. Thirsty? Pull over, refill. Most rides under two hours aren’t taking you far from civilization, and even a four hour out-and-back should see you passing at least one tap (unless you live in the fucking desert… oh right, @Chris O!).
@Pedale.Forchetta
Cool, but the Kiwis did it first! (And I wouldn’t want to be having to drink some of those beers on the Vimeo!)
@brett Ahah! Great!
@brett
Nothing involving sheep? I’m calling BS on that.
One can only assume the keepers prefer their post ride leak to be of the same amber hue the post-ride recovery ale they consume…
And the shot of Boonen is boss. I love the way he is just dispensing it over the shoulder. It’s business time…..
Go to 3:13
That’s Cycling!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3nSwnIt8-k&feature=relmfu
While we’re at it, can we argue over the correct hand posture (over vs under) whilst drinking from a bidon?
@Nate
I crush beers like I crush tryfags. However being Canadian I am obligated by the Charter to drink Quebecois beer to help their economy.
@Pedale.Forchetta
Good one. For some reason I remember a watercarrier blasting a cap off on his quill stem, but maybe that’s from one of the other old movies. Or maybe I missed it.
@TBONE
All these pictures and videos of beer are making me thirsty.
@the Engine
and @JohnB …. hey dudes, I never named names, you guys must be feeling guilty or sumthin’
@TBONE
Holy mackinaw…. 8 freaking percent ! Crisse ostie…… Maudit est juste!
Refer to Rule #5 and ride farther and harder. Giant bidons may not look too pro, but a bunch of jackasses standing around a convenience store in their lycra is about the furthest from it I can think of.
Any rules about Looking Fantastic that interfere with laying down V are automatically out, in my book.
@Nate it’s not here, but you remember right!
All this talk of needing V-bidons and V-caps is suspiciously like Overmatching Your Kit.
Yeah, it’s a light beer but it still gets the job done, eventually.
Is there a rule about these things?
@San Tonio
Do you need to ask? Jesus…
@Ken Ho You don’t seem to get it at all, are you sure you’re even in the right place?
@brianc
I considered suggesting a preferred method but decided it wasn’t my place…
But since you want to argue…
First priority is to keep your eyes ahead and observe Rule #59.
Second, be discreet – you’re not at a party, you’re at work. Be quick, sip small, tilt the bidon more than your head.
Third – Don’t change your grip. If you un-cage with your thumb pointing at the road, don’t switch.
There…
@Pedale.Forchetta
Ha, funny you posted that right after my comment. Hard to argue with an Italian photographer on the subject of style!
Brilliant thread! Love the Tommeke photo! Wallpaper picture right there.
@Balexander Agreed.
I’d ride with water balloons strapped to my helmet if it helped me drop someone.