The Rule #5 Talk
Have a look around to see who you find occupying your immediate vicinity. Presently, I am surrounded by a pleasant-seeming bunch. Some are even going so far as to appear happy or at least not displeased; all of them are pale and none of them fit. My attention is drawn, however, to a a portly mustached gentleman who strode into the hotel lobby with an enormous degree of self confidence and who as such feels justified in wearing an ill-fitting t-shirt bearing a phrase which asserts that real men wear orange. While I have no reason to disagree with the assertion, I assume he is optimistic that through wearing said t-shirt, he will be mistaken for a “real man” and is not in fact attempting to disprove the point through contrast.
I’m not picking on this gent not because I’m harboring any sense of ill-will towards him, nor for the fact that he strode into the hotel lobby carrying a twelve pack of Yuengling Black and Tan. I’m picking on him mostly because I have come to understand that “real men” are capable of crushing things like soda cans and their opponents’ Will to Live, while from the looks of it, the only thing he’s crushed lately was a ham sandwich whose remnants I’m fairly certain I spotted on the front of his bright orange t-shirt.
Surprisingly, our Orange Hero isn’t even the most disappointing case in the room I’m occupying. The guy in the camouflage, knee-long shorts and flip-flops is an example at least two degrees worse; if he harbors hopes of blending in to anything – most of all foliage – I suggest he spend some time outside to brew himself up a tan that goes beyond TV Translucent (I’m not sure what the pantone value is for that). He should also try lifting his computer some time, to build muscle mass, rather than wheeling it about in a trolly. But worst of all by a considerable gap is the skinny-fat chap with carefully disheveled hair who is presently chastising the bartender – who is serving free drinks to hotel patrons – for not having his preferred brand of vodka on hand. If this guy took half the time he spent worrying about his hair and invested it in not worrying about his free drink, he’d be three-quarters less of a douche. (My dad would call this guy a zacht gekookt ei, or soft-boiled egg.)
All this to say that as a society we have, by and large, become soft. While I want to be careful not to paint too broadly with that brush as no one is to say what hardships people have been through, on balance we seem to expect to take more and to be asked to give less in return. Our ancestors worked harder than we did, in worse conditions, for less reward but found satisfaction in a job well done and an honest day’s work. Yet today, we are overly dependent on t-shirts to send a message about who we are rather than our actions. We fill our conversations with sentiments of entitlement and rights, when in fact we are entitled to nothing and we have the right only to the things we find within ourselves.
As Cyclists, however easy our lives may be, the bicycle brings us some degree of hardship and struggle. For many of us, our easy lives are what draw us to the bicycle in pursuit of a harder life. This is, of course, in stark contrast that to the riders who came before us, the legion of Fausto Coppi, Rik van Looy, and even the comparatively well-off Eddy Merckx who chose the bicycle as a means of escape from a harder life into an easier one. But nevertheless, it sets us appart. The lessons the bicycle teaches us can be applied to the rest of our lives, and may be used to guide the uninitiated.
Our pets go untrained because we are too busy, distracted, or stressed out to show them the discipline they crave. Our children scream as our dependence on secondary care blurs the boundary between parent and friend. Society’s BMI is pushed ever upward as our appetite for a meal grows inversely with our willingness to exercise. By and large, our dependence on the material is fueled by the immaterial.
No child is too young, no adult too old. This is the time to Obey the Rules, Lead by Example, and Guide the Uninitiated. But most of all, this is the time for us to set an example and have The Talk. The Rule #5 Talk. And remember what Will Fotheringham refers to as Rule #5.b: Eddy Never Complained.
VLVV.
@sthilzy
I remember those odometers – lots of kids had them and they were invariably broken. I also got jealous when kids with better off parents bought them 10 speed bikes that inevitably ended up as piles of rust from being stored in the garden under all that lovely Scottish weather. They’re all overweight accountants who drive Hondas now and look ten years older than me – pays to take the long view sometimes.
From Fignon’s autobiography:
@Oli
Its been three days and you still can’t let it go. You are unbelievable and the only reason this thread is “sullied” is because you keep shitting on it.
I wish @frank would just delete all your useless posts. Stick to what you know: inane cycling facts.
@The Boomstick
Do you think more of yourself as The Fixer or The Czar?
@The Boomstick
Fatuous contribution there. Aaaagh! “Somebody’s wearin’ a lot of perfume around here! Must be that time of the month!”
@niksch
Absolutely!
Man, we’d give soooo much shit to the Air Force guys that were flying us into a hit calling them air taxis and stuff, and we would make fun of the Marines that we fought side-by-side with calling them “Jarheads” and such, right before rolling on target with them. But, at the end of the day, we were literally ready to die with them and for them. Same shit with the Canadian’s and especially the Aussies we were with. I guess the difference is that once you have all been together through a bunch of shit, you can pick on each other.
But, that being said, God help any “outsider” (non military member) that said shit about anyone one of us (Army, Air Farce, Jarheads, Water Taxis, Sheep Fuckers, or Mounties) because we’d all come together in a heart beat. Sounds all chest thumping, etc, but it is real.
@The Boomstick
A fucking +1
I used to actually be interested in his comments. More and more, he’s just comes off as a serious prick whose contributions are not significant enough to outweigh the personal mud slinging he seems so invested in. Jebus fucking christ it’s getting old.
@Oli
Word of advise from a former admirer: when you start down that path and won’t let things go, you detract from content that people are actually interested in. No one cares about your ego except you.
@TheStraightBlock
“I needed both those post like I need a shotgun blast to the face!!”
@TheStraightBlock
Easy guys. Oli is a really great guy. Maybe he got a bit invested in the latest “discussion”, and it is probably more tongue-in-cheek than we realize, but it is not worth getting too bent out of shape over.
And now for something completely different:
Well, supposed to have a great Monty Python link here but cannot figure out how to load the fuckin thing on my ipad!!! God damn Apple!
@The Boomstick
Velomiwookie \ will tear your arms off if he can’t win — a civilized cycling discussion. Or can’t win a race. The Boomstick and The Straight Block (name better mean 11/21 or change it) and brethren.
@TheStraightBlock
A really egotistical statement. Proof your work before submitting.
@minion
@frank
Jimmy Chamberlain is a great drummer for a junkie.
Danny Carey is the best I’ve seen though, with honourable mention to Mudhoney’s Dan Peters.
And just because it’s awesome… Dennis “Machine Gun” Thompson.
Riding today (50km) solo, realized how much respect and disrespect we bend toward people (here) we have not met. Some will remain hell-bent. What’s good though is finding that I now take some of the Velominati issues with me on the ride(s) nonetheless. Cycling insight poured over my brain and works to sharpen my weapon — my form, my bike, my style, and foremost my demeanor (me). So thanx Frank for giving us all this completely “public cycling diary” to write some of the best and senseless stuff. Very cool.
@brett
cheers brett. i totally love MC5, or should that be MCV?
Have you seen the true testimonial documentary? I think it still hasn’t been released properly yet but i think you should be able to download somewhere. Its very very good.
Gosh, Rik looks proper in that scan! So sweet.
Danny Carey – incredible! I see TOOL live as often as I can. Amongst a band of very good musicians he stands out. He’s stunning.
Good albums – they’ve gone pear shaped these days, but I remember when a friend gave me Spoon’s “Kill the Moonlight.” That is a pretty solid album from top to bottom and when I first heard it, and when I hear it now, I’m pretty impressed.
@The Boomstick
You might be surprised to see how few posts were left if only “useful” ones were allowed. I’m happy to admit I can be a dick at times, but at least I admit that. At the end of the day it’s just some comments on an internet forum, and I’m sure you’ve seen far worse than mine even here on this forum. You just need to chill out a bit and ignore me if you don’t like me.
@TheStraightBlock
I don’t really care if you do or don’t like me; I am what I am, and I’m old enough and ugly enough to accept that I won’t be all things to all people.
What I am though is someone who speaks from the heart – sometimes I get it right and sometimes I get it wrong. Usually if I get it wrong I’ll apologise, but I’m not going to in this case as I feel that my points were valid. Sure, I could have let it go, but I don’t see why I should.
I also don’t feel I should have to restrict myself to ‘inane’ cycling facts to participate around here – the discussions that go on around these parts often stray wildly, and that’s the fun of conversation. I wasn’t retorting to troll or to make anyone angry, just to get my point across after Frank had totally twisted my words – it’s a given that some will agree with my stance and some won’t.
If we’d been sitting around having a beer together the debate could have been the same, but the rancour you seem to feel most likely wouldn’t exist. That’s the curse of the intertubes. I can argue till I’m blue in the face about things, but it will be with a smile and a twinkle in my eye and (most importantly) without any expectation of anyone agreeing with me…
Anyway, no hard feeling here so let’s all go on about our day and enjoy this cool but sometimes imperfect gathering place.
Cheers, Oli
@Buck Rogers
Thanks Buck.
Unfortunately I’ve seen your work from a PC as well, and I think its a bit of a generous statement to blame the iPad. Problem Exists Firmly Between Chair and Keyboard, my man.
Not a big fan of the iPad either, though. Handy device for some things (mostly consumption, not creation), but it is not hammer and this site is definitely a nail. Or its a hammer and this site is screwed. Something like that.
@brett
I can’t express how glad I am that no one cited Neil Pert as being a good drummer. He is, of course, but he’s the Lance Armstrong of drumming. No feel, no art, just precision.
@Buck Rogers
Fair enough. You clearly know him better than I, or have a different cost/benefit analysis. It’s just something I had to get off my chest because I honestly think it affects the site for the worse. I guess I also hoped that Oli would at least hear that some people find his tone really inappropriate. I do find it interesting that he can communicate his personal insults (and if you take a bit of time to review, they do become very personal and they’re not as infrequent as you may think) with little repercussions from the community. But, wow, if someone calls him out on it, you sure hear about it. Ok, I’m done (breathe).
Apologies, @versio
You’ll have to find someone else to shout at! I do find you amusing.
@Oli
Think we crossed posts. Again, fair enough. I do think you become overly personal and aggressive (for some reason, especially against Frank), but evs. I guess that’s between you and whomever you’re choosing to insult at the time. Just like you, had to communicate my thoughts.
@versio
The Velomiwookie has to be someone who is a Velominatus in every sense except they can’t manage to shave their cannons, no?
@TheStraightBlock
Fair enough to you also, but to call Frank on his reading comprehension when he’s just totally mangled my words (again) to mean something utterly different (again) isn’t what I consider personal abuse, just frustration. Perhaps I could be more diplomatic at times, granted. I will essay to work on that distasteful aspect of my personality.
@Oli
To Oli’s gracious explanation, when we deserve none, I was thinking specifically about Oli when the thoughts of “undeserved disrespect” came to mind during the solo ride today (50km). And here is a case of unknowing disrespect that comes The Boomstick world — you don’t really know Oli. Nor do I.
@TheBoomstick
Hell I had to wait and pass Level 1 before I became a jackass
@versio
Cheers. Thanks for that. All I take from this is that at least people are passionate. However ugly the baby is, if it gets us on our bikes, thats enough for me.
@brett
I see your MCV and raise your Rage Against the Machine. Those guys know how to rock a riff.
“Velominati.com. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.”
@frank
Must listen to Testify at least same day before any ride starts.
@TheStraightBlock
That’s your uncle talking.
@frank
Ha! How much do I owe you for those computer consulting fees again? Must be tens of thousands at your rate by this time!
@frank
I’d raise you a Flogging Molly clip bit I’d probably end up with a Golden Girls scene and it just wouldn’t be the same. Saw Flogging Molly at Austin City Limits last night with the VMH. Holy FUCK, they are awesome live!!! Definitely go see them if you ever get the chance. Last night was the second time we have seen them and they do not disappoint!
@Oli
All that’s fair enough and a very heartfelt response. But I have to add, if I were to allow myself the luxury of getting bent out of shape anytime someone twisted my words or took from them a meaning I didn’t intend, I can assure you that Velominati would not exist.
Take this post, on a subject about people standing up, taking responsibility for their lives, and setting a good example about trying to be a stronger individual: of the (currently) 328 posts, the majority twisted or misinterpreted the intent. And, aside from Camogate which added virtually no value, from that twisting of words and different interpretations came a whole new dimension of the way people look at the world that I could never have added myself.
That is the unspeakable beauty of this site: people read, digest, twist, add their voice and interpretation and from it all is created something richer and better than originally existed.
Try to remember that what’s important is the conversation and what we can learn from each other. It isn’t important who said what, or who is right, or what got twisted. That stuff is just a bunch of people pissing into the wind.
@frank
But Frank, if that were entirely true you would never have responded to my initial post – how come it’s okay for you to respond but not for me?
Anyway, that’s a rhetorical question really. Oli out.
@frank
No, you can’t raise me… That’s like seeing my Prophet and raising me a COTHO.
I do love Rage though, but they (and you) missed the mark there I’m afraid. (And I bet the majority of that crowd wouldn’t know that was a cover or that the MC5 even existed.)
@brett
Did you just call yourself the prophet? Or MCV The Prophet? I’m a little confused, because as far as music is concerned, these guys are The Phophets – and indeed I raise you the best song ever.
WTF is going on around here with Vince, versio, Boomstick, and StraightBlock?
@DerHoggz
I have no idea. I’ll be back when things settle down.
@Oli
Good work. Missed the point again. For someone who hates having their words “twisted”, you’re sure good at “selective interpretation” yourself.
@DerHoggz, @RedRanger
The Giro hits Lombardia tomorrow; a lot of good riding and racing has happened there. Lets hope Velominati absorbs some of that energy. Cheers.
@The Boomstick, @TheStraightBlock
Welcome to the community. Courageous, if rocky start. Hope you two stick around and add some content in the future. The community can always use more outspoken voices.
Cheers.
@frank
Sounds good. Ill be sure to tune in if I can find a stream.
As for great albums, if you can stomach Hardcore then I would highly recommend Refused-The Shape of Punk to Come. Only Hardcore punk album I know of that close to an hour long and must be listened to from start to finish.
In my older age my taste in music has slowed down but I give this one a spin several times a year.
youtube link to the entire album
@RedRanger
+1 Even I’m keeping a safe distance.
Only a picture of the Assos girl applying nipple lube could rescue this thread. [Wistful sigh]
@frank
I was comparing MC5 to Rage… I was stating that it’s like comparing the Prophet (who is not me, but thanks!) to COTHO.
And if you want to make calls as to who the real Prophet in music is/was, I’d say it would be this man…
@RedRanger
Refused are (were) fucking awesome, I discovered them in my own punk/hardcore band days, and they stood out among the sea of cool bands and a lot of pretenders. (Obviously not THE Pretenders, who were awesome in their own right.)
I like the live versions of Nick Cave’s grinderman and Abbatior Blues songs – I once described it to a friend as like being inside a building that’s falling down, and he didn’t have any clue why I would want to listen to something I described that way. Moron.
Not wanting to add to the any ungenerous sentiments that may be circulating, but this thread might be due to be closed? There’s racing going on after all (Frere Frhonk, delete this if you disagree)
@frank I didn’t miss the point at all – I just did to you what you keep doing to me, by taking some of what you said and twisting it to my own ends.
@frank
I would suggest that when it’s important to you it’s important, but when it’s important to me it’s apparently not. Your condescension is highly ironic to me. If you want me to shut up stop insulting me by suggesting I don’t understand you, when it’s clear you don’t understand me.
Anyway, I’ll catch you all later. It’s clear I have worn out my welcome here, so I’ll depart. Thanks for the good times, of which there were many, and hopefully I’ll see some of you out on the road. Cheers, Oli
@Oli
A shame really.
@Oli
Oh don’t do that Oli, I imagine you capable of many things but not flouncing ;-)
Maybe some King Lear retribution… Goneril and Regan, we know who you are.
Close pent-up guilts,
Rive your concealing continents, and cry
These dreadful summoners grace. I am a man
More sinn’d against than sinning.
@frank – brilliant post. My comment would be that yes, the discipline cycling breeds can be a moniker stamped on life elsewhere but, on a deeper level, it is the obstacle, the suffering and (sometimes downright) savagery presented by cycling that calls out to the too many of us in the West who lead comfortable but otherwise innocuous lives.
I’m glad you’ve articulated the point – it seems to me (as a mere peripheral observer/fan of the community) that it embodies the very essence of vvlv and, of course, Rule #5.
@Oli
That’s bollocks, Oli. Get back in.