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Reverence: Malteni

Reverence: Malteni

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Cyclists can (and usually do) go on for hours as to why they ride their bikes, and most of their reasons can sound, well, a bit flakey to anyone not enamored with shaved legs and being done up in lycra. “I do it to keep fit”, “It keeps me slim”, “I’m a competitor, I love to race”, “It’s the freedom it gives me, an escape from the day to day”. Ok, maybe a few of those are somewhat justifible, but we all know why we really ride; so we can drink beer. And if you are tutting and pffting at that statement, then you probably don’t belong here. Cycling and beer are kindred spirits, inseperable, like Moore and Cook, Hall and Oates, Fränk and Andy, Gunderson and lying.

You need look no further for proof than Belgium. It’s where both beer and cycling were invented (I don’t know if that’s actually true, but the Belgians do both better than most so I’m running with it). Any Cyclist or beer drinker worth their malt will always look to Belgium for the very best of their craft. We’re talking Merckx, Duvel, Van Looy, Leffe, Boonen, Chimay, Museeuw and Malteni. Try and tell me any of those names don’t conjur up greatness.

Malteni, you ask? Why yes… this has to be one of my favourite Belgian beers, and not only because there is an almost endless supply of it catered for on Keepers Tour. You could offer me all the Budweiser at the ToC or Vic Bitter at the TDU that I could drink, and I’d probably choose to go dry. But at the end of a day of being pummeled by pavé or crushed by kasseien and bergs, a cold Malteni is the proverbial icing on the cobbled cake. Got a long day of spectating ahead on the Oude Kwaremont? A backpack full of the malted goodness will keep you in fine fettle and make the frites even tastier. We tested it on real live Flandrians and all were suitably impressed (then suitably disappointed when we refused a chaser). The kicker? Its gluten-free, which means it will make you live longer the more of it you drink. And there’s no hangover. Believe me, we tried.

As cycling isn’t about just riding, beer isn’t about just drinking (or drinking to get drunk, a concept largely lost on anyone swilling Bud, VB or Tui). It is about the senses; the effects we get from both riding a finely tuned bicycle and imbibing a quality ale are quite similar. Bikes and beer both look good, they smell good, and they provide us a cerebral and physical euphoria that at once relaxes and stimulates us. Enjoying both activities, in tandem, in the motherland is like reaching the cyclists’ nirvana. Yes, I’m looking forward to meeting up with old and new friends and riding the storied roads of the Monuments with The Lion this April, but if there were no Malteni at the end of each day, then the Belgian experience just wouldn’t be completely and genuinely Belgian.

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// Belgian Affirmations // Keepers Tour // La Vie Velominatus // Reverence

  1. It’s beer time in Hawaii.

  2. @Harminator Yep. For the what, second or third fattest nation on earth Australians are fucking great at working up a thirst. Decades of beer ads and sitting on your arses watching cricket have effectively brainwashed the lot of you into thinking you’re sunburnt outback he-men when the reality seems to swerve the opposite way.

    It’s also fascinating that most Aussies consider the rest of the country apart from the bit they live in a shithole. Telling.

  3. @minion am guessing that over your way things are pretty light on the dinner party invitation front?

  4. @Gianni you are lucky – its 2:30 on a Monday arvo here. Shithouse.

  5. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” — Ben Franklin

  6. @minion

    Maybe this would suit you:

  7. @Gianni

    It’s beer time in Hawaii.

    I hope that’s Malteni or at least something Belgian or you will incur a horrible curse!

  8. @minion

    @Harminator Yep. For the what, second or third fattest nation on earth Australians are fucking great at working up a thirst. Decades of beer ads and sitting on your arses watching cricket have effectively brainwashed the lot of you into thinking you’re sunburnt outback he-men when the reality seems to swerve the opposite way.

    It’s also fascinating that most Aussies consider the rest of the country apart from the bit they live in a shithole. Telling.

    According to the 2012 OECD obesity report Australia comes in 5th in obese adults and a disappointing 12th in the kids’ ranking. Of course the US are #1 and #2 in those categories – and little old NZ comes in at #3 and #5.

    Have the kiwis have gotten fat because they have worked out how to train the sheep not to run away?

  9. I’d like to remind all you antipodeans that B-list celebrity G’rilla will be in Melbourne on the 19th-24th of this month.

    At minimum, I’ll show up to Cafe Racer at 6am on Saturday and hope that Marcus isn’t training for a triathlon that day.

  10. @marcus

    i dont have a dog in this fight, but it does seem they’ve got one over on you if they have you believing they train the sheep to do stuff…

  11. @gaswepass
    I expect the sheep are smarter than the kiwi farmers and have worked out that if they push back it ‘s all over more quickly.

  12. @Marcus

    @minion am guessing that over your way things are pretty light on the dinner party invitation front?

    Unfortunately not. Public servants.

  13. @G’rilla

    I hope that’s Malteni or at least something Belgian or you will incur a horrible curse!

    Maui made IPA (drinkin’ local) so this curse can line up behind all the others hanging over the doomed Gianni family name. What’s one more? 

  14. @Harminator

     We’re a basic bunch. We don’t sip pints, we sink piss.

    Australia is fucking hot and fucking dry.

    @Marcus

    sheep… 

    @Harminator

    …sheep…

    And this sums it up. Self-proclaimed not-too-bright, fat pissheads living in a self-described hot shithole drinking self-admitted shit beer whose total range of humour starts and finishes with sheep jokes. But I’ll give you this, you are the best in the world at that

  15. @brett

    Shouldn’t that “you” be a “we”?

  16. @Harminator

    @gaswepass
    I expect the sheep are smarter than the kiwi farmers and have worked out that if they push back it ‘s all over more quickly.

    Guffaw ……..   incredibly humerous ……….  stop it, I like it !! ….

  17. @Marcus

    @brett

    Shouldn’t that “you” be a “we”?

    Maybe…

  18. Talking to a cyclist at a Super Bowl party in Seattle:

    “If you like cycling and beer, there’s a country you should visit.”

    “Holland?”

    “Umm…no. Cycling AND beer.”

    “Oh, Belgium!”

  19. Further to the Aussie thread here I’m lucky enough to be living in Tassie, so it’s not too hot, our hops, barley and water are excellent and we can brew a beer.

    If it’s not the mainstream Cascade & Boags, try a 2 Metre tall, a Moo Brew (I do like their Belgo) or a Seven Sheds.

    If I was drinking a NZ beer I might grab a Montieths Radler.

    By the way what is the Velominati view on radler beer – a beer for riders has to be a plus, but mixing additives with beer could be seen to be unacceptable?

  20. stuffed the links but who can taste a beer by hyperlink anyway

  21. …..and we’re back to the old Velominati site that I love…..welcome back everyone, nice to see things haven’t changed.

  22. @markpa

    Further to the Aussie thread here I’m lucky enough to be living in Tassie, so it’s not too hot, our hops, barley and water are excellent and we can brew a beer.

    If it’s not the mainstream Cascade & Boags, try a 2 Metre tall, a Moo Brew (I do like their Belgo) or a Seven Sheds.

    If I was drinking a NZ beer I might grab a Montieths Radler.

    By the way what is the Velominati view on radler beer – a beer for riders has to be a plus, but mixing additives with beer could be seen to be unacceptable?

    I’ve had the Seven Sheds, very nice indeed. (Oops, actually it was a 3 Sheets…)

    But Monteith’s Radler is terrible. I’d rather drink a VB than that, seriously. Just terrible.

  23. @markpa

    Where in Tassie are you?

    If I were to move back to Aus, Hobart would be a city I could live in. Reminds me a lot of Wellington (and not just the big mofo mountain namesake)…

  24. @Marcus

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeR4qf3W8qk

    Never mind the beer, this is the finest collection of mullet haircuts I’ve seen since the fall of the Berlin Wall. However, the too short shorts and ‘tache are a little homo-erotic for my tastes.

  25. @eenies

    @Marcus

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeR4qf3W8qk

    Never mind the beer, this is the finest collection of mullet haircuts I’ve seen since the fall of the Berlin Wall. However, the too short shorts and ‘tache are a little homo-erotic for my tastes.

    Christ on bike – I though the Shake n’Vac adverts were frightening but this raises it to a whole new level.

  26. @the Engine

    @eenies

    @Marcus

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeR4qf3W8qk

    Never mind the beer, this is the finest collection of mullet haircuts I’ve seen since the fall of the Berlin Wall. However, the too short shorts and ‘tache are a little homo-erotic for my tastes.

    Christ on bike – I though the Shake n’Vac adverts were frightening but this raises it to a whole new level.

    But the voiceover copy is poetry, sheer poetry.

  27. Commercial you didn’t see during the Stupid Bowl last night.

  28. @eenies

    @Marcus

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeR4qf3W8qk

    Never mind the beer, this is the finest collection of mullet haircuts I’ve seen since the fall of the Berlin Wall. However, the too short shorts and ‘tache are a little homo-erotic for my tastes.

    Thanks for that. I have to figure out how to scrape that image out of my skull now.

  29. @G’rilla

    I’d like to remind all you antipodeans that B-list celebrity G’rilla will be in Melbourne on the 19th-24th of this month.

    At minimum, I’ll show up to Cafe Racer at 6am on Saturday and hope that Marcus isn’t training for a triathlon that day.

    Apparently you’ll need to import your own beer, although @Marcus swears you can get good coffee everywhere.

  30. @Nate

    @G’rilla

    I’d like to remind all you antipodeans that B-list celebrity G’rilla will be in Melbourne on the 19th-24th of this month.

    At minimum, I’ll show up to Cafe Racer at 6am on Saturday and hope that Marcus isn’t training for a triathlon that day.

    Apparently you’ll need to import your own beer, although @Marcus swears you can get good coffee everywhere.

    G’rilla knows where to go in Melb without my help. But last time he was here I did take him to a little cafe in Brighton where the coffee is great and the hot little waitresses are exactly that.

    G’rilla – I may be no good to you (swimming race – shhh) but I will hook you up with a few others if you wish.

  31. @brett In Hobart, one day there’ll have to be a Mt Wellington cogal (well that’s the first 20km sorted)

    I have grand plans for a one-off ride, Hobart, Dunalley, Nubeena – boat transfer to Bruny Island, some gravel roads from North Bruny to ferry, ferry back to Kettering then back to Hobart with possible Mt Welluington detour.

    It would be one the prettiest rides going, about 200km and only possible when you could organise transfer from Nubeena to Bruny which means you can’t ride it any old time.

  32. Was Malteni ever tested under the “Beer in the Bidon” programme?

    Sorry been a away for a few days, mortally struck down by Ebola…..more commonly called Man Flu, I am reporting it, the severity indicates to me it should be on the World Health Organisations list of notifiable communicable deseases!

    And the first person who quotes Rule #5 at me can go swallow a bucket of monkey spunk!

  33. @Deakus

    And the first person who quotes Rule #5 at me can go swallow a bucket of monkey spunk!

    There there, poor little bunny.

  34. @Deakus

    Was Malteni ever tested under the “Beer in the Bidon” programme?

    I asked this over the weekend and the silence in response was deafening.  I may need to instruct William to plan a day on the KT where he secretly replaces the water in the bidons with Malteni, and to report back.  In the meantime if I find any Malteni or Brunewhatever I’ll test it myself.

  35. It appears to be sold from Florida and can be shipped over postal mail:

    http://www.luekensliquors.com/beers/imported/belgium/brunehaut-bio-amber-gluten-free-4pk-11.2oz

  36. @Marcus

    @Nate

    @G’rilla

    I’d like to remind all you antipodeans that B-list celebrity G’rilla will be in Melbourne on the 19th-24th of this month.

    At minimum, I’ll show up to Cafe Racer at 6am on Saturday and hope that Marcus isn’t training for a triathlon that day.

    Apparently you’ll need to import your own beer, although @Marcus swears you can get good coffee everywhere.

    G’rilla knows where to go in Melb without my help. But last time he was here I did take him to a little cafe in Brighton where the coffee is great and the hot little waitresses are exactly that.

    G’rilla – I may be no good to you (swimming race – shhh) but I will hook you up with a few others if you wish.

    @G’rilla
    Alright.  Is it business or pleasure tha tbrings you here?

    If you feel like some good riding in Melbourne the week that you’re here you could join me on Tuesday night for the Mordialloc bunch ride leaving from St Kilda at 6:30, then on Wednesday at 6:00, you could come do Hawthorn CC Crits at Kew Boulevard.  I might indeed catch up with you at Cafe racer at 6 on Saturday depending if I go to the velodrome or not that day.

  37. @mouse I’d love to! I arrive Tuesday morning but hope to borrow a bike from a friend as soon as I arrive. My email is boss@topfunky.com

  38. @Nate

    @Deakus

    Was Malteni ever tested under the “Beer in the Bidon” programme?

    I asked this over the weekend and the silence in response was deafening. I may need to instruct William to plan a day on the KT where he secretly replaces the water in the bidons with Malteni, and to report back. In the meantime if I find any Malteni or Brunewhatever I’ll test it myself.

    Are you coming to KT?

  39. @brett

    @markpa

    Further to the Aussie thread here I’m lucky enough to be living in Tassie, so it’s not too hot, our hops, barley and water are excellent and we can brew a beer.

    If it’s not the mainstream Cascade & Boags, try a 2 Metre tall, a Moo Brew (I do like their Belgo) or a Seven Sheds.

    If I was drinking a NZ beer I might grab a Montieths Radler.

    By the way what is the Velominati view on radler beer – a beer for riders has to be a plus, but mixing additives with beer could be seen to be unacceptable?

    I’ve had the Seven Sheds, very nice indeed. (Oops, actually it was a 3 Sheets…)

    But Monteith’s Radler is terrible. I’d rather drink a VB than that, seriously. Just terrible.

    Montieths is also rather unpopular for trademarking the “Radler” and then making a lager with lime juice. Proper Radlers are grouse.

  40. file://localhost/Users/Edwin/Desktop/IMG_0596.jpg
  41. @brett

    @Nate

    @Deakus

    Was Malteni ever tested under the “Beer in the Bidon” programme?

    I asked this over the weekend and the silence in response was deafening. I may need to instruct William to plan a day on the KT where he secretly replaces the water in the bidons with Malteni, and to report back. In the meantime if I find any Malteni or Brunewhatever I’ll test it myself.

    Are you coming to KT?

    No unfortunately.  So much for keeping my test plans covert.

  42. My favorite, only to be served in its intended glass – Leffe Tripel.  It makes bike maintenance so much more fun:

  43. @Overijse

    Mmmmm Yummy, I mean the toolbox I am more of a bitter man myself except when I am in France when it is Chimay all the way. (Chimay all the way, I like that.)

  44. @Overijse

    Bit of mtb maintenance there mate? A 15qr and a 142×12 I see… and some Elixir pads.

  45. @brett Yes for sure!  Belgian mud wreaks havoc on mtb bikes.  They ride mtb in the winter and road the other three seasons (actually there is only one other season called rain).  I think it is Belgian law or something – at least in the Flanders region, I don’t know what they do in Wallonia…

  46. @Overijse

    Leffe Tripel (especially when it’s been well cared for) is an amazing beer. Good choice, Overjise. And the glass adds the needed reverence. After a particularly long ride I will treat myself to something to a Delirium Nocturnum if I have one available. I swear it tastes twice as good after the ride.

    I’ve also started to warm quickly to several of the beers from Lagunitas out of California. They make some great stuff. Their IPA is amazing as is their Brown Shugga if you can get your hands on some. Cheers!

    -Dinan

  47. I would like to again remind everyone in Seattle that Malteni (under the Brunehaut Amber label) is available at Chuck’s Hop Shop on 85th and 8th (in the Greenwood/Ballard neighborhood, also known as Greenlard). It’s near the front in the Gluten Free section by the Cider.

  48. Cycle Sport just raved about this beer in the last months magazine, clearly they finally caught on.  Anyone have any idea how you can get some in the US?

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