The most stylish bit of gear in Cycling history: the Cycling Cap

Look Pro: Keep a Lid on It

Look Pro: Keep a Lid on It

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Cycling has been suffering a crisis every since the use of a helmet became compulsory. This crisis is rooted in the simple fact that cycling peaked aesthetically with the cycling cap perched casually deliberate atop a sweaty cranium. It was only after mandatory helmet dictum spread its tentacles into all UCI-sanctioned races in 2003 that helmet manufacturers began taking helmet design seriously.

To be clear, I am a helmet advocate. I never leave home without mine, and no Cyclist shall ever be allowed to start a Cogal without perching one on their noggin. But I do this in the knowledge that I look less Fantastic that if I were rolling out in a classic cotton Cycling Cap.

Specialized was the first to make inroads into building a stylish helmet with the Sub-Six. The fact that every other helmet was a hollowed-out bowling ball didn’t matter very much because no one wore them outside Belgium, and even there, they were permitted to wear the second-coolest piece of headgear, the Hairnet. Giro made some inroads with their Air Attack series, but progress was generally at a standstill until the hardshell became mandatory after the tragic death of Andrey Kivilev in Paris-Nice in 2003.

The issue of the helmet has also been compounded by the fact that most continental Pros had no clue how to wear a helmet, given that they spent most of their lives not wearing one. When asked to, they often suffered from Toad Head and other anomalies commonly encountered when violating the Three-Point System.

Helmets are a necessary evil which are improving in style, but they are all uglier than the hallowed Cycling Cap. When wearing a helmet, keep the following points in mind.

  1. Keep the front low to the eyes. Forehead exposure must be limited to 1-2 cm at all times. As always, the Three-Point System is your guide.
  2. Keep the chin strap snug, but not too tight; you need to be able to move your mouth sufficiently in order to allow for the inhaling of wasps.
  3. Helmets look even worse without shades; they must be accompanied by cycling-specific eyewear at all times. If they are not in use over the eyes, they must be tucked in the helmet vents.
  4. Helmets are under no circumstances to resemble that of one worn in other sports such as hockey or rock climbing.
  5. If, at any point, you find yourself reaching for the same helmet as the hipster who arrived at the LBS aboard a fixie, reconsider your life because you are off the path.
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// Etiquette // Folklore // Look Pro // Nostalgia // Technology

  1. @Marcus

    ARRRGGGGHHH MY EYES, MY EYES!!!!!

  2. Arrrr it’s ok now. Just googles the Assos girl… pfew.

  3. @Cyclops

    Since when did Idaho have Toyotas?

  4. @Marcus

    You dirty bugger.

  5. @Marcus +1 for trolling-by-schlong; well done sir! -2 for needing to gouge my eyes out. +1 for making me laugh my fucking ass off at everybody else’s reactions (especially @Puffy‘s).

    Please don’t do that again. (And yes, I’m still laughing my fucking ass off…)

  6. Wow. I saw the photo but was only looking at the arrow.

    Now we all know that @Marcus dresses to the right.

  7. I’m calling BS here. Would a man’s package even show up on an x-ray?

    I bet 10 quid he had a titanium dildo in his pocket. Probably custom welded by Baum.

  8. @Marcus

    So we’ve officially hit the bottom here haven’t we? Nowhere to go but up from here. Well done sir, well done indeed. I really thought it’d be @minion that would take us there.

  9. Apparently the phenomenon even has it’s own name among doctors:

    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Thomas_sign

  10. It was a long process for sure but I have officially given up my trucker hats for the proverbial Cycling cap.  Though only worn in fowl weather!

  11. @Marcus I hate to think what you were doing to risk it getting caught in the spokes while doing that to your helmet.

    That would be some serious road rash.

  12. @french fries

    It was a long process for sure but I have officially given up my trucker hats for the proverbial Cycling cap. Though only worn in fowl weather!

    If Marcus posting his titanium Baum dildo made you see the light, then Merckx bless him. Then Merckx bless ‘im..

  13. @scaler911

    @Marcus is actually Derek Smalls. And this is the bottom. The Big Bottom.

  14. For anyone who thinks that x-ray is real, firstly thanks for believing that my todger might have the a similar density to my femur, not to mention being around half its length whilst it asleep.

    If that was the case, then Thelma  wouldnt be so angry

  15. I’ll add mine to the gallery. Hit a bump in the road (which I have no memory of doing so). Hit the deck really, really hard. Broke my clavicle, cracked a couple of ribs, partially collapsed right lung. Huge bruise on my forehead and the headache from hell for two days. Had surgery to put a plate in the clavicle. That was last September 15, and by the end of November I was back on the bike.

    I won’t even ride around the block without wearing a helmet.

  16. Well, well, well… I bet you are all just as happy as I am that I’ve been mostly on the beach for the last four days. First time I’ve been online and it will only be brief so I’ll leave you to mentally insert my well-known position.

    Perfect timing really.

  17. @Marcus

    You should have posted it on the COCKS thread instead.

    in other news, my sheep have begun behaving strangely.

  18. @ChrisO

    Well, well, well… I bet you are all just as happy as I am that I’ve been mostly on the beach for the last four days. First time I’ve been online and it will only be brief so I’ll leave you to mentally insert my well-known position.

    Perfect timing really.

    Any more helmet talk and Marcus whips it out again.

  19. @Marcus

    For anyone who thinks that x-ray is real, firstly thanks for believing that my todger might have the a similar density to my femur, not to mention being around half its length whilst it asleep.

    If that was the case, then Thelma wouldnt be so angry

    How long were you holding onto your todger before you found an appropriate moment to insert it?

  20. @scaler911

    @Marcus

    So we’ve officially hit the bottom here haven’t we? Nowhere to go but up from here. Well done sir, well done indeed. I really thought it’d be @minion that would take us there.

    Oh come on now, this is way more entertaining than the shifter indicator debate. I’m sure Marcus’s schlong has a wee red arrow to let him know what gear he’s in. Mind you, not sure I’d want a Sora or Tiagra grade schlong. You’d be wanting Ultegra at the very least.

  21. @Marcus

    Very nicely done sir…loved the execution…casually deliberate to be sure.  While I was not ROTFLMAO I was definitely unable to control the laughter that was bubbling up from below.  I needed a good laugh today.  Thanks!

  22. @Steampunk

    @Cyclops

    Since when did Idaho have Toyotas?

    We just got cable too.

  23. @Cyclops

    @Steampunk

    @Cyclops

    Since when did Idaho have Toyotas?

    We just got cable too.

    But they’re still using dial-up and AOL.

  24. @Cyclops

    @Steampunk

    @Cyclops

    Since when did Idaho have Toyotas?

    We just got cable too.

    The telegraph is a wonderful invention.  Grats.

  25. @Marcus

    (Elwood voice) “That’s Adamantium in there… strong stuff!”

  26. @unversio

    (Elwood voice) “That’s Adamantium in there… strong stuff!”

    No matter how funny your comment about it, can we please refrain from reposting that photo?

  27. @Skip

    Seconded. One time is more than enough. Another example of when The Keepers step in and do some editing of posts. You’re welcome.

  28. Is this about helmets or chapeaus? I’ll just wear both and call it a day.

  29. Taylor Phinney – absolute, pure freaking class!!!!

  30. Commuting one day on my MTB, shorts with baggy legs.

    Stood up to accelerate from a set of lights, leg of shorts gets caught on the left bar as my left gun heads down.

    Bad outcome. Broken clavicle, broken helmet. Head intact.

    $10 head = $10 helmet.

  31. @rastuscat

    Moral of the story? Perhaps Rule #18 shouldn’t always be taken literally.

    Lycra on the road bike, on the cross bike, on the mtb., on the couch, in the pool….

  32. Im a Rule #18 violator cause I ride my MTB in Lycra. Wouldnt do it any other way.

  33. If I had a mtb., I would also. I don’t need my shorts snagging on precariously positioned plants protruding preposterously…

    Ain’t nobody got time fo’ that!

  34. It was a Boreas. I’ve since worn out an Atmos. Think my current one is an Ionos. Pretty sure they are Greek Islands.

    When the helmet laws were introduced in NZ (New Zealand) the number of people cycling (not cyclists, just bike riders) dropped significantly. It’s a public health issue as it discourages those who look for excuses to not ride.

    I’d rather it was a personal choice issue. I’d always wear it out cycling, but maybe not while riding in the park with my kids.

    I know this is a very debatable opinion, but I don’t like being told what to do.

  35. Text speak, trucker hats, and enhanced x-rays, this has really hit the bottom.

  36. @Buck Rogers

    @Marcus

    No helmet discussion is ever complete without a photo of Ludo

    FUCK’IN Ludo Dierckxsens!!! Talk about your throw back cyclists! Guy is just awesome! Watching him hammering out those P-R’s with Hincapie and Museeuw back in the late ’90″²s/early 2000″²s just blows me away! Just hardcore! But, for the helmet, we are missing the back piece on that helmet that he always wore. Not sure what it’s purpose was?

    Further evidence of my amazing computer savviness here:  It only took me 48 hours to figure out how to post the photo of dear ol’Ludo’s helmet with the useless whateverthefuckitis back visor!

  37. Jaysus, Ludo looks like he should be carrying a club and killing mammoths with a spear, or by hand.

  38. @Ron

    Jaysus, Ludo looks like he should be carrying a club and killing mammoths with a spear, or by hand.

    No shit.  Here’s another one that makes me smile that I found while trying to find an image of the back of that helmet.  Lando Dierckxsens???

  39. Training ride at speed? Yes. Recovery ride in the county. No.

    Cycling at 17 mph is not a dangerous activity, a fact proven every day outside the U S of A by millions.

    YMMV

    PS The weenier shot is smokin hot and I’m all warm and tingly inside now.

  40. @FuriousFred

    Training ride at speed? Yes. Recovery ride in the county. No.

    Cycling at 17 mph is not a dangerous activity, a fact proven every day outside the U S of A by millions.

    YMMV

    PS The weenier shot is smokin hot and I’m all warm and tingly inside now.

    I’m totally on board with the idea that cycling is not a dangerous activity but you should check the Design Standard of your helmet if you want to make an informed decision.

    Of the two situations you described it’s designed to protect you in one of them (maybe, depending on the Standard) and it isn’t the one you are using it for.

  41. @FuriousFred

    Training ride at speed? Yes. Recovery ride in the county. No.

    Cycling at 17 mph is not a dangerous activity, a fact proven every day outside the U S of A by millions.

    YMMV

     

    Uh, take a look at my post above, with the pic of my broken helmet and the X-ray of the plate holding my clavicle together. I was going approximately 17 MPH when I went down. Hell, you could fail to unclip at a stoplight at 0 MPH–your skull is always going to give before asphalt and concrete.

  42. Never said you couldn’t get injured going 17 mph or 0 mph. At 56 I know a think or two about getting hurt including a TBI with an 8 year recovery. Million of cyclists around the world ride their entire lives and never hit their heads. Some do. I know the ‘risks’ [extremely limited] and have made my choices.

    If people are really worried about my safety they’d come get the potato chips out of our pantry.

  43. @FuriousFred

    Never said you couldn’t get injured going 17 mph or 0 mph. At 56 I know a think or two about getting hurt including a TBI with an 8 year recovery. Million of cyclists around the world ride their entire lives and never hit their heads. Some do. I know the ‘risks’ [extremely limited] and have made my choices.

    If people are really worried about my safety they’d come get the Potato chips out of our pantry.

    In the unlikely event you are hit by a car, even when standing still you’ll get flipped on its bonnet (hood) and your head will make contact with the windshield. You’re not going to walk away from a trauma like that but you might recover from it if your head has some protection.

  44. Could, might, maybe……….

    Life is risky, look at it objectively and make your choices. I have.

    Others won’t always make the same choices as “you”.  Learn to live [ha!] with that fact.

  45. @FuriousFred

    Could, might, maybe……….

    Life is risky, look at it objectively and make your choices. I have.

    Others won’t always make the same choices as “you”. Learn to live [ha!] with that fact.

    Of course we could be hit by an asteroid this afternoon and then how silly will we all look?

  46. @the Engine

    @FuriousFred

    Could, might, maybe……….

    Life is risky, look at it objectively and make your choices. I have.

    Others won’t always make the same choices as “you”. Learn to live [ha!] with that fact.

    Of course we could be hit by an asteroid this afternoon and then how silly will we all look?

    That’s why I stay in my bug out shelter and never go outside.

  47. @the Engine

    Not necessarily will you get flipped onto the bonnet (hood).  In my case I was hit directly from behind by a car and as far as can be worked out I cleared the car completely and landed in the road behind it.  All things being considered I was extremely lucky as I landed on my shoulder blade and head.  My rucksack took a lot of the impact (I was on the way home from work and so had work clothes etc in a rucksack) which saved my shoulder/back and my helmet was split in two.  No doubt I would most likely have bee daisy fodder without a helmet.  As it was I “just” had a heck of a headache for a few days, neck injuries (trouble supporting my head for a few days) and road rash from above my waist to my knee on my back and side from the post first bounce impacts.  Oh and the bike was trashed.

  48. @the Engine

    @FuriousFred

    Never said you couldn’t get injured going 17 mph or 0 mph. At 56 I know a think or two about getting hurt including a TBI with an 8 year recovery. Million of cyclists around the world ride their entire lives and never hit their heads. Some do. I know the ‘risks’ [extremely limited] and have made my choices.

    If people are really worried about my safety they’d come get the Potato chips out of our pantry.

    In the unlikely event you are hit by a car, even when standing still you’ll get flipped on its bonnet (hood) and your head will make contact with the windshield. You’re not going to walk away from a trauma like that but you might recover from it if your head has some protection.

    In my only major impact with a vehicle I was struck from behind by a pick up truck and didn’t end up on the bonnet. I rotated forward and dropped into a roadworks trench landing right on the top of my helmet and then over onto my rucksack(early morning commute)  still attached to the bike at the pedals. My helmet split and I did crush my tinned soup lunch. The worst injuries were 2 crushed vertebrae (T7 and T11) but I’m sure my skull would have worse off without that layer of polystyrene to take the impact with the hardcore. I do know of many other rear end shunts where the rider did strike the windscreen though and came off much worse than I did. I was lucky this time. Never the less I’m never comfortable on the bike without a lid but still believe it is the individuals decision to wear one.

  49. @JohnB

    @the Engine

    @FuriousFred

    Never said you couldn’t get injured going 17 mph or 0 mph. At 56 I know a think or two about getting hurt including a TBI with an 8 year recovery. Million of cyclists around the world ride their entire lives and never hit their heads. Some do. I know the ‘risks’ [extremely limited] and have made my choices.

    If people are really worried about my safety they’d come get the Potato chips out of our pantry.

    In the unlikely event you are hit by a car, even when standing still you’ll get flipped on its bonnet (hood) and your head will make contact with the windshield. You’re not going to walk away from a trauma like that but you might recover from it if your head has some protection.

    In my only major impact with a vehicle I was struck from behind by a pick up truck and didn’t end up on the bonnet. I rotated forward and dropped into a roadworks trench landing right on the top of my helmet and then over onto my rucksack(early morning commute) still attached to the bike at the pedals. My helmet split and I did crush my tinned soup lunch. The worst injuries were 2 crushed vertebrae (T7 and T11) but I’m sure my skull would have worse off without that layer of polystyrene to take the impact with the hardcore. I do know of many other rear end shunts where the rider did strike the windscreen though and came off much worse than I did. I was lucky this time. Never the less I’m never comfortable on the bike without a lid but still believe it is the individuals decision to wear one.

    Oh ouch. That’s pretty nuts there, @JohnB. I have to say that I’ve been lucky with my recent accident-by-sideswipe. I did hit my head and I’m VERY glad I was wearing a helmet. (As an aside, I’ve also hit the deck at 65mph on a motorcycle, and also hit my head during that impact. Thank Merckx for helmets!)

  50. From the Aug issue of Switchback magazine:

    MTB legend Tom Ritchey was riding in Moab, UT. Even skilled mountain bikers regularly fall on the complex rock paths at Moab, but Tom (as always) was not wearing a helmet.

    Someone asked him why. “Tom, this is a dangerous place and if you fall, you’ll hit solid rock. Why aren’t you wearing a helmet?”

    He replied, “I’m Tom Ritchey. I can ride anything.”

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