The Prophet hands down the New V-Estament

Book Release: Events and New Rules

Book Release: Events and New Rules

by / / 78 posts

The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path, not the end. In pursuit of La Vie Velominatus, we know of no end to the Path; each of us journey through an endless evolution of understanding and reverence. As such, The Word continues to be handed down from high upon Mount Velominis and The Rules continue to be expanded upon. Today we present you with two new Rules, in addition to the announcement of the first two Rules Book Signing Events.

The Rules will be released in the United States on May 5, known as Die Congnoscentus or V.V in old Velomiskrit. In support of its impending launch, we’re very excited to announce the first of our book signing events. The first will be in New York City’s flagship store on Saturday, May 3rd; the second will be held in Rapha’s store in San Francisco on Saturday, May 10. Both events will start with a ride leaving the Rapha store at 8:30am, returning around 2:30pm. The signing will take place in the respective Rapha store starting at 3:00pm. See the respective event pages for the NY Rapha Event and the SFO Rapha Event.

We took the opportunity to correct some issues and improve the quality of the photographs with respect to the UK version that came out last June. That’s not to say we fixed all the errors and didn’t introduce new ones; as long as I’m involved in any project you can be sure there will be problems. But in addition to being refreshed, we also gave the Prologue a facelift and Greg LeMond – the only American Tour de France winner – graciously wrote the Foreword. The US Release also contains four Rules which were not included in the UK release; two of them appeared on the site as they were divined, but the other two were reserved for the release of the book.

Rule #94 // Use the correct tool for the job, and use the tool correctly.
Bicycle maintenance is an art; tools are designed to serve specific purposes, and it is essential that the Velominatus learns to use each tool properly when working on their loyal machine.

For anyone who has ever tried to do something as simple as cut a brake cable or install a headset, this one doesn’t really need much explanation. Without the proper tools, you will certainly massacre the part and likely deface the bicycle itself. At worst, you will cause irreparable harm. The tools and learning to use them is as much a part of La Vie Velominatus as riding itself.

Rule #95 // Never lift your bike over your head.
Under no circumstances is it acceptable to raise one’s machine above your head. The only exception is when placing it onto a car’s roof-rack.

None of the Keepers understand why people are lifting their bikes over their heads. A road bicycle is meant to leave the ground as much as a Cyclist is meant to walk. It is an unholy thing and this behavior must come to a stop immediately.

For a full explanation on the origins and justification of these Rules, I suppose you will have to consult the latest release of the book or join us in New York or San Francisco.

// The Rules // The Works // V-Announcements

  1. @Ron

    @G’rilla

    Rule #94 would have helped me in college when I spent an hour trying to remove a tire with a screwdriver. I’ve since learned of the existence of tire levers.

    Sad to say that I also did this when installing new tires on my first true road bike. Bonkers. Now I’m able to install tires on most of my rims without anything more than my hands.

    I swore that I’d have to sell my soul to the devil the first time I tried to mount 23 mm tires on a road rim.

    One time I flatted on a midnight commute and a cop pulled over for safety or somesuch.  It took me like 5 minutes to stretch the tire back on and I felt like an idiot while he just stood there and watched.

  2. @Pedale.Forchetta

    @Gianni I’ll be in NYC few days, but unfortunately I’ll be back in Italy the 30th of April… too bad.

    Yes, that is too bad. That would have been much fun to see you in NYC. Enjoy your time in New York without us.

  3. I’m really confused at the moment. I have in my possession a copy of The Rules, first American Edition 2014, in hardback…yet you say that it’s release date is V.V. How can this be? Was there a colossal foul-up at my particular book store…or was it perhaps divine intervention that the prophet bestowed I should be able to find a copy 2 weeks early?

  4. As this thread is likely to attract the attention of our many Velomericans it seems a good place to ask… is anyone in Los Angeles?

    I have most of a day to kill there in June (Friday the 13th as it happens). Attending a conference at a hotel in Beverly Hills which finishes Thurs afternoon but I have to wait until Friday afternoon for a flight so I’m looking for something to do, possibly involving bicycles.

    Alternatively I’m open to any other suggestions about what to do, not being particularly inclined to give a shit about celebrities, film-stars and so on.

    I did look to see if there was a baseball game but the Dodgers are on the road on Thursday unfortunately. And so far no porn studios have responded to my emails.

  5. @ChrisO non bike:  go to the Getty Museum.

  6. All Hail Rule #94!! As a lifelong member of the Brotherhood of the Wrench I have seen many,many acts of tomfoolery enacted upon poor unsuspecting bicycles by people having no idea how to properly wield tools.

    If you don’t know how to fix it..IT’S OKAY..we are happy to fix it for you!

  7. @Stephen

    I’m really confused at the moment. I have in my possession a copy of The Rules, first American Edition 2014, in hardback…yet you say that it’s release date is V.V. How can this be? Was there a colossal foul-up at my particular book store…or was it perhaps divine intervention that The Prophet bestowed I should be able to find a copy 2 weeks early?

    Mother jumper! How is it you have a copy before I do? This did happen in England too; book shops seemed to have the book well before the British release date and they sold them also.

  8. @Gianni there is a certain online vendor that has it for sale right now also.

  9. @RedRanger

    @Gianni there is a certain online vendor that has it for sale right now also.

    That would be too easy. Better to fly from Hawaii to NYC (and back) in hopes the publisher slips me a free one.

  10. @Nate

    @ChrisO non bike: go to the Getty Museum.

    Mmm, yes that looks good, thanks for the tip.

    I figured Friday wouldn’t be the ideal day to join a group ride anyway, apart from the issues of getting hold of a bike.

  11. Ah come on, who hasn’t wrapped one side of a chain around a broom handle, the other round the cassette, wedged broom handle in door frame, held wheel tight and braced with feet against door frame…

    Yeah OK I bought a chain-whip shortly after.

  12. Chapeau, chaps on US publication date.  First edition was a cracking book, and sounds like this will carry on where that left off.  
    Love the V. V publication date… Day after Star Wars Day (May the Fourth be with you – boom).
    Celebrity book signings; link ups with Rapha cafés on both coasts; foreword from Greg LeMond: where did it all go so wrong?

  13. Celebrity book signings; link ups with Rapha cafes on both coasts; foreword by Greg Lemond… where did it all go so wrong?

    Chapeau, chaps on your US publication.  UK first edition was a cracking read, and am sure this will carry on from where that left off.

    Love the publication date of V. V… although dangerously close to Star Wars Day (May the Fourth be with you… boom).

  14. Rule #95! FFS, shirley you can give an exception for bike storage applications?

  15. Congrats Keepers on the US book launch. Any chance Toronto might be on your whirlwind tour? We have hills, gravel and good micro-brews too!

  16. @eenies

    Rule #95! FFS, shirley you can give an exception for bike storage applications?

    I think this is in the same spirit of the exception for placing your bike on a roof rack.

  17. @ChrisO

    As this thread is likely to attract the attention of our many Velomericans it seems a good place to ask… is anyone in Los Angeles?

    I have most of a day to kill there in June (Friday the 13th as it happens). Attending a conference at a hotel in Beverly Hills which finishes Thurs afternoon but I have to wait until Friday afternoon for a flight so I’m looking for something to do, possibly involving bicycles.

    Alternatively I’m open to any other suggestions about what to do, not being particularly inclined to give a shit about celebrities, film-stars and so on.

    I did look to see if there was a baseball game but the Dodgers are on the road on Thursday unfortunately. And so far no porn studios have responded to my emails.

    Baseball?! It’s the only sport slower and more boring than cricket…

    Good luck with the adult “acting” though, that sounds a bit more exciting for ya. Plus, it could offer years and years of slowly burning memories.

  18. Recently found that a Dremel and a cut-off wheel are the best tool for trimming cables and housings.  No crimping, stray metal, or un-square housing ends and no fraying of the cable.  like buttah.

  19. @VeloVita

    @eenies

    Rule #95! FFS, shirley you can give an exception for bike storage applications?

    I think this is in the same spirit of the exception for placing your bike on a roof rack.

    @eenies Also, the masturbation principle seems to apply here. Whatever you do in that dark little room in your basement…we don’t want to know about it!

  20. @RedRanger

    @Gianni there is a certain online vendor that has it for sale right now also.

    You’re welcome.

  21. @ChrissyOne

    @RedRanger

    @Gianni there is a certain online vendor that has it for sale right now also.

    You’re welcome.

    was that your doing? fuck, one more reason to give em more of my money.

  22. @Roadslave525

    Chapeau, chaps on US publication date. First edition was a cracking book, and sounds like this will carry on where that left off.
    Love The V. V publication date… Day after Star Wars Day (May the Fourth be with you – boom).
    Celebrity book signings; link ups with Rapha cafés on both coasts; foreword from Greg LeMond: where did it all go so wrong?

    Cinco de Mayo!

  23. @ChrisO

    As this thread is likely to attract the attention of our many Velomericans it seems a good place to ask… is anyone in Los Angeles?

    I have most of a day to kill there in June (Friday the 13th as it happens). Attending a conference at a hotel in Beverly Hills which finishes Thurs afternoon but I have to wait until Friday afternoon for a flight so I’m looking for something to do, possibly involving bicycles.

    Alternatively I’m open to any other suggestions about what to do, not being particularly inclined to give a shit about celebrities, film-stars and so on.

    I did look to see if there was a baseball game but the Dodgers are on the road on Thursday unfortunately. And so far no porn studios have responded to my emails.

    Are you staying in Beverly Hills? I live in Long Beach, but if there’s enough of us here in SoCal it would be nice to organize a mini-Cogal that Friday morning.

  24. @Haldy

    All Hail Rule #94!! As a lifelong member of the Brotherhood of the Wrench I have seen many,many acts of tomfoolery enacted upon poor unsuspecting bicycles by people having no idea how to properly wield tools.

    If you don’t know how to fix it..IT’S OKAY..we are happy to fix it for you!

    My reverence for Rule #58 extends to wrenching. I am more than happy to have my LBS mechs do anything beyond the simplest of things. I usually bring them coffee beans too.

  25. @Ron

    @ChrisO

    As this thread is likely to attract the attention of our many Velomericans it seems a good place to ask… is anyone in Los Angeles?

    I have most of a day to kill there in June (Friday the 13th as it happens). Attending a conference at a hotel in Beverly Hills which finishes Thurs afternoon but I have to wait until Friday afternoon for a flight so I’m looking for something to do, possibly involving bicycles.

    Alternatively I’m open to any other suggestions about what to do, not being particularly inclined to give a shit about celebrities, film-stars and so on.

    I did look to see if there was a baseball game but the Dodgers are on the road on Thursday unfortunately. And so far no porn studios have responded to my emails.

    Baseball?! It’s the only sport slower and more boring than cricket…

    Baseball is only boring to those who don’t understand the subtleties of the game. (insert winky-face here)

  26. @KW

    @Haldy

    All Hail Rule #94!! As a lifelong member of the Brotherhood of the Wrench I have seen many,many acts of tomfoolery enacted upon poor unsuspecting bicycles by people having no idea how to properly wield tools.

    If you don’t know how to fix it..IT’S OKAY..we are happy to fix it for you!

    My reverence for Rule #58 extends to wrenching. I am more than happy to have my LBS mechs do anything beyond the simplest of things. I usually bring them coffee beans too.

    You sir are an inspiration! :-)  I’d happy do a full overhaul on the spot for free coffee! I also have a scotch habit…there are many Seattle bike racers riding on hand-built wheels that were paid for in bottles of Scotland’s finest.

  27. @KW

    Baseball is only boring to those who don’t understand the subtleties of the game. (insert winky-face here)

    I think I’ve said this more than once to the uninitiated about cycling.

    @Book Signings – I’m flying into SFO on the 9th and out again on the 12th, but there is absolutely no way wiggle room to allow me to make this, and I’m crushed about that.  Maybe I’ll stop into the club on Monday and pick up a copy if there are any still there.

  28. @doubleR

    Are you staying in Beverly Hills? I live in Long Beach, but if there’s enough of us here in SoCal it would be nice to organize a mini-Cogal that Friday morning.

    I am indeed – SLS Hotel I think it’s called. If more convenient though I could rebase somewhere else on Thursday night  – just have to get to LAX for a 1645 flight.

    A mini-cogal would be great if people could make it on a Friday. Would be cool to get out with some SoCal Velominati.

    @Ron What do you mean – baseball is fucking thrill a minute compared to cricket. Baseball games don’t last five days and still end in a tie.

    I’m not saying that’s a good thing or a better thing, it’s just a thing.

  29. @ChrisO

    @doubleR

    Are you staying in Beverly Hills? I live in Long Beach, but if there’s enough of us here in SoCal it would be nice to organize a mini-Cogal that Friday morning.

    I am indeed – SLS Hotel I think it’s called. If more convenient though I could rebase somewhere else on Thursday night – just have to get to LAX for a 1645 flight.

    A mini-cogal would be great if people could make it on a Friday. Would be cool to get out with some SoCal Velominati.

    @Ron What do you mean – baseball is fucking thrill a minute compared to cricket. Baseball games don’t last five days and still end in a tie.

    I’m not saying that’s a good thing or a better thing, it’s just a thing.

    Chris, assume that you are not travelling with your bike–would you be looking to rent one for a day? 

    Richard

  30. @ChrisO

    As this thread is likely to attract the attention of our many Velomericans it seems a good place to ask… is anyone in Los Angeles?

    I have most of a day to kill there in June (Friday the 13th as it happens). Attending a conference at a hotel in Beverly Hills which finishes Thurs afternoon but I have to wait until Friday afternoon for a flight so I’m looking for something to do, possibly involving bicycles.

    Alternatively I’m open to any other suggestions about what to do, not being particularly inclined to give a shit about celebrities, film-stars and so on.

    I did look to see if there was a baseball game but the Dodgers are on the road on Thursday unfortunately. And so far no porn studios have responded to my emails.

    Hi Chris.  I am in LA and as it happens ( but I am a velobrit) I’m working Thurs night and get off that morning, I might be able to ride.   The best riding is in the Santa Monicas which you could easily access by driving up the pch north of Santa Monica out by Malibu.  However I wonder if in all practicality you really have time.  Maybe with an early start.  You have to be at LAX , what, a couple of hours early ?   Traffic on the 405 will be horrendous.  Believe me I do it every day!    Closer to where you are staying you could ride in Griffiths Park.  I don’t know that area but I will email @joe and get him to chime in, he rides around there after work all the time.    Feel free to get my email off Frank if you want to see if we can figure something out.  I know where you can rent a bike  and/or borrow one.  What size do you ride?    Something else to consider is Griffiths park observatory and science museum. For my money a lot more worth a visit than the Getty.     By the way if you like Garlic you are staying right by a fun place to eat called  The Stinking Rose, you should check it out.

  31. @doubleR

    @ChrisO

    As this thread is likely to attract the attention of our many Velomericans it seems a good place to ask… is anyone in Los Angeles?

    I have most of a day to kill there in June (Friday the 13th as it happens). Attending a conference at a hotel in Beverly Hills which finishes Thurs afternoon but I have to wait until Friday afternoon for a flight so I’m looking for something to do, possibly involving bicycles.

    Alternatively I’m open to any other suggestions about what to do, not being particularly inclined to give a shit about celebrities, film-stars and so on.

    I did look to see if there was a baseball game but the Dodgers are on the road on Thursday unfortunately. And so far no porn studios have responded to my emails.

    Are you staying in Beverly Hills? I live in Long Beach, but if there’s enough of us here in SoCal it would be nice to organize a mini-Cogal that Friday morning.

    Oh..didnt see this…Yep double r I’d probably be up for  a ride!!

  32. @Haldy

    @KW

    @Haldy

    All Hail Rule #94!! As a lifelong member of the Brotherhood of the Wrench I have seen many,many acts of tomfoolery enacted upon poor unsuspecting bicycles by people having no idea how to properly wield tools.

    If you don’t know how to fix it..IT’S OKAY..we are happy to fix it for you!

    My reverence for Rule #58 extends to wrenching. I am more than happy to have my LBS mechs do anything beyond the simplest of things. I usually bring them coffee beans too.

    You sir are an inspiration! :-) I’d happy do a full overhaul on the spot for free coffee! I also have a scotch habit…there are many Seattle bike racers riding on hand-built wheels that were paid for in bottles of Scotland’s finest.

    What? Irn Bru? Would those wheels be made from girders?

  33. @Tartan1749

    Recently found that a Dremel and a cut-off wheel are the best tool for trimming cables and housings. No crimping, stray metal, or un-square housing ends and no fraying of the cable. like buttah.

    Thanx. Just removed the right shifter to give to my mechanic; who checked with their distributor; whom agreed to warrant in it excess of 2 years (original purchase from LBS by the way); and delivered brand new shifter body, hood and all. Campagnolo is awesome! I gave him the shifter with the brake housing as I frayed the cable too much to pull it thru (correctly) and we are planning to reuse. Dremel tool is on the list.

  34. @unversio

    @Tartan1749

    Recently found that a Dremel and a cut-off wheel are the best tool for trimming cables and housings. No crimping, stray metal, or un-square housing ends and no fraying of the cable. like buttah.

    Thanx. Just removed the right shifter to give to my mechanic; who checked with their distributor; whom agreed to warrant in it excess of 2 years (original purchase from LBS by the way); and delivered brand new shifter body, hood and all. Campagnolo is awesome! I gave him the shifter with the brake housing as I frayed the cable too much to pull it thru (correctly) and we are planning to reuse. Dremel tool is on the list.

    My former lbs in tucson had a grinding wheel they used to clean up cable/housing ends. A dremel would work for home applications.

  35. @wiscot

    @Haldy

    @KW

    @Haldy

    All Hail Rule #94!! As a lifelong member of the Brotherhood of the Wrench I have seen many,many acts of tomfoolery enacted upon poor unsuspecting bicycles by people having no idea how to properly wield tools.

    If you don’t know how to fix it..IT’S OKAY..we are happy to fix it for you!

    My reverence for Rule #58 extends to wrenching. I am more than happy to have my LBS mechs do anything beyond the simplest of things. I usually bring them coffee beans too.

    You sir are an inspiration! :-) I’d happy do a full overhaul on the spot for free coffee! I also have a scotch habit…there are many Seattle bike racers riding on hand-built wheels that were paid for in bottles of Scotland’s finest.

    What? Irn Bru? Would those wheels be made from girders?

    Girders….only if that’s what you consider Ambrosio Nemesis rims to be!

  36. Can’t make either signing (insert vulgar/angry emoticon) but will be in San Diego May 2-4. Like Chris O, I’m looking for some fellow Velominati for early morning rides on Saturday and Sunday (something like starting at 5am or so, but I’m negotiable) heading out of downtown.  As long as you can look past my apparent Rule #7 violation (I live in New England for crips sake, it ain’t easy getting a tan to maintain).

  37. @RedRanger

    @unversio

    @Tartan1749

    Recently found that a Dremel and a cut-off wheel are the best tool for trimming cables and housings. No crimping, stray metal, or un-square housing ends and no fraying of the cable. like buttah.

    Thanx. Just removed the right shifter to give to my mechanic; who checked with their distributor; whom agreed to warrant in it excess of 2 years (original purchase from LBS by the way); and delivered brand new shifter body, hood and all. Campagnolo is awesome! I gave him the shifter with the brake housing as I frayed the cable too much to pull it thru (correctly) and we are planning to reuse. Dremel tool is on the list.

    My former lbs in tucson had a grinding wheel they used to clean up cable/housing ends. A dremel would work for home applications.

    Site unseen grind wheel is on the list.

  38. Merckx here is holding two slabs of solid chocolate with white icing.

  39. A poorly bike needs rest and lots of fluid.

  40. @doubleR @paolo

    Sounds good. Cogal on the way!

    If you’ve got a suggestion for bike rental then yes that would be great. I ride a 56 or 58.

    I often travel with my bike but given Friday might be tight it’s probably easier and quicker to return the rental versus disassembling and packing my bike. Need to leave some time for post-ride malted recovery beverages.

    I’ve also seen horror stories about bike boxes going through US airports and being opened by TSA and not repacked.

  41. @ChrisO

    Helens Cycles in Santa Monica, Broad Street.  Check them out on the web, you can get a cannondale for $65 a day.   If you are off Thurs afternoon then you could save a lot of time by getting it then.   Santa Monica is only about 10 miles or so north of LAX.   Also I know they have a fleet of Dogmas in for demo.  At a premium they may be prepared to rent one out.  Under the Helen’s group there is also a shop called I Martins Cycles.  It may be closer to where you are staying, although Santa Monica Helens is probably a better location for a return.

  42. @Gianni @RedRanger Yeah, I originally considered the online route, but unaware that it technically had not been US released, went to  a brick and mortar to see if they had it. I can only guess that my work on The Merckx Project has bestowed upon me the good fortune.

  43. @Stephen Good fortune is yours. I aim to look more at The Merckx Project today.

  44. After reviewing everyone’s interpretation of Rule #95, it would seem that perhaps the language of the rule is too ambiguous. Something more along the lines of “Thou shalt never lift one’s fiets above one’s head with intent, such as in celebration, an only should exceptions be made for storage or to prevent flooding the bottom bracket.”

    I mean, how in the hell of the north can we have Rule #25 if Rule #95 explicitly forbids any lifting of the bike over one’s head? Granted, the US release of the book makes this exception, but I forget that it hasn’t technically been released yet.

    Any other unintentional event where the bike’s altitude is greater than that of the rider, should, obviously, also be precluded.

  45. @Tartan1749 Great idea!  I have a dremel and never thought of this.  I have proper cable / housing cutters but they still end up crimping the end of the housing, especially brake housing, and I end up trying to open it up again with a pick and then filing the sharp edges etc.

  46. Franco Ballerini, bike aloft, “Merci Roubaix” plastered across his gut. Exempt from 95 because he’s all V.
    http://www.velominati.com/general/franco-ballerini-1964-2010/

  47. I won’t make the book signing, but I am at least in NYC tonight because of a mechanical on my airline!

    Also, I accidentally transmitted an emoticon to Frank while he was 30,000 feet in the air, enroute.

  48. @razmaspaz

    @KW

    Baseball is only boring to those who don’t understand the subtleties of the game. (insert winky-face here)

    I think I’ve said this more than once to the uninitiated about cycling.

    @Book Signings – I’m flying into SFO on the 9th and out again on the 12th, but there is absolutely no way wiggle room to allow me to make this, and I’m crushed about that. Maybe I’ll stop into the club on Monday and pick up a copy if there are any still there.

    I know the shop in NYC is holding a copy for a customer who can’t make it; if you drop them a line and #cc they might be able to set it aside for you and I’ll deface it with my signature.

  49. @DCR

    @ChinookPass

    Unless you are Mike Creed.

    I currently own one of Mike Creeds old bikes. Awesome picture!

    This is Filmore Street, San Francisco.  The Rapha Cafe is at the foot of this awesomely steep climb.  I assume the keepers will be doing a flat out ascent after their book signing in front of screaming fans in the big ring?

    Beginning of May is getting quite busy – we have Star Wars day tomorrow (May the Fourth be with you – boom) followed by Velominati New Year (V. V).  But Frank, Gianni, Brett, Marcus – really?  Celebrity Book signings on both coasts; Tie-ups with the Rapha Cafe; Published mainstream book – where did it all go so wrong?

    Chapeau, chaps – a great book, and sounds like you have some fun travelling coming up.  Just make sure you get some time to ride in San Fran.

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