La Vie Velominatus: The Gifts of Rule #9

An early morning ride on Keepers Tour 2013. Photo: Brett Kennedy
An early morning ride on Keepers Tour 2013. Photo: Brett Kennedy

We’re not really supposed to have favorites, but everyone does. Just ask your parents. So while I’m not supposed to have a favorite, I do, and its Rule #9.

Bad weather immediately separates the wheat from the chaff, and so the weekend warriors stay indoors and leave the roads to the devout. I talk most often about riding in the rain, with the drops of water dripping from my cap acting as my personal metronome as I carve a path through the chaos towards a happier self. But sunny days in the cold can provide their own glorious solitude.

On Keepers Tour 2013, we had unseasonably cold weather, and some of the best rides we had were early morning spins before heading off to the races. With the sun hanging low over the horizon, we rode through our frozen breath, together in close formation yet each of us retreating inward as we steeled ourselves against the cold. These were beautiful, peaceful rides.

This winter in Seattle has been relatively dry, but also cold. On the weekends, the country roads are nearly deserted and all that is left is the silent, still air and the burning of cold air as it enters my lungs. On a recent solo ride on Whidbey Island, I spun down the same roads which only a few months earlier I had ridden with friends on the annual Whidbey Island Cogal. The island seems a full place then, now it looked like an entirely different place – empty and beautiful.

There is something about the way the bike handles in the cold. The tires are firmer, the rubber less supple. The connection between bicycle and road seems simultaneously harsher and more fragile than in the warm. The muscles in my arms and hands are also more twitchy in the cold. Not twitchy like I can suddenly sprint; twitchy like I have difficulty controlling what they are doing – where normally I pride myself on holding a clean line, in the cold a small bump in the road might trigger a spasm that sends the bike into a wobble. Its an exciting way to ride.

Quiet roads, a still harbor, an early morning sunrise; these are the gifts reserved for those who ventured out when others stay in. These are the gifts of Rule #9.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

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150 Replies to “La Vie Velominatus: The Gifts of Rule #9”

  1. Frank – a bell? If I was your size I’d just tell people to get the fuck out of my way.

    Oh wait, I do that now and I’m about half your height. Maybe the bell is the way to go…

  2. @ teleguy57

    @wiscot

    It’s been a tad chilly here in WI the past few days. Got the first ride of the year in on Saturday – a cold, damp, windy 28 degrees. Needless to say I saw no other riders. Today was a Rule #9 for the books: with an outside windchill of around -40 degrees or so, I headed for the garage and the trainer. Merckx knows what the temp in there was but I could see my breath as clear as day. I’m thinking it was in the teens. Even with tights, jacket, gloves and a hat I got warm but not hot. It might not truly qualify for Rule #9, but in my book it does. Going outside was not an option, no matter how loud Rule #5 might be ringing in my ears.

    Supposed to be low 30s by the weekend. THAT’S riding weather!

    Amen, brother. Being a few miles north of you similar weather. Thu 2 Jan did some evening ski patrol training at the local hill west of Oshkosh at -7F. Today was 4F in my garage this a.m. so I’m in the basement on my rollers.

    Got outside Saturday 4 Jan as you did, and had the roads to myself. I took advantage of new pre-owned winter shoes and the great Showers Pass softshell trainer Santa left under my tree for a comfy 90 minutes. I felt quite proud of myself for picking the right day for my first 2014 outdoor ride…

    Went out to fill the bird feeders (about 30 miles north of you) on Saturday and ended up riding. Came in just as my Mrs was about to go looking for me. Said that she expected to find me frozen in a snowbank. Indoors this week but plan on getting out on the weekend.

  3. @frank

    Seriously, wasn’t that the best? We had another couple of those rides that week for reasons that escape me at the moment because we normally had a ride planned for the day. But those early morning rides were fantastic memories.

    The complete polar opposites of the Roubaix ™ ride on the Saturday and the early morning Sunday ride pretty much sum up the beauty of the sport for me. On the one hand a ride that you’re not sure if your you’re enjoying it at the time but you know you’ll look back on it as one of the most awesome things you’ve done; on the other, a ride that so stunningly beautiful that you know you’ll remember it for ever.

    This has to be one of my favourite cycling photos. Apart from truly capturing the moment, it really reminds me of frosty mornings in Gloucestershire near my Grans when I was a kid on holiday back from Hong Kong. That sort of weather was completely alien to me back then.

    @frank

    Alex, on his fucking 9cm stem, in the drops toujours, just pedaling away on the front like a metronome. I love how he rides.

    Indeed, the guy’s a fucking legend. And so completely Gallic in the way that he puts up with William’s French/Irish abuse.

    Happy days. Next year.

  4. @Chris

    Top memory from KT2012:

    William [sing-song voice]: Aaaaahhhhhhh-leeeeexxxx? Aaaaahhhhhhh-leeeeexxxx?

    Alex [coming down a flight of stairs to come find William in the kitchen]: Oui?

    William: FOOOOK OFFF!!!!

    Alex: What do you need?

    William: Oh, I just wanted to tell you to fook off, you fooking koont.

    Alex: OK. [Returns to what he was doing.]

  5. @frank

    @Barracuda

    What’s the opposite of #9?

    I don’t know, but it doesn’t involve a Rule #29 contravention. P.S. Beautiful photo and I hate you a little bit for having good weather.

    Yeah, apologies  for my indiscretion !

    I meant to throw the damn thing away, but held onto it due to my neck injury whereby the stuff normally reserved for the jersey goes in the said violation.

    It was an early morning moment of weekness.

    Rest assured it will be gone by the Fleurieu Peninsula Cogal !

    Can I apply for some sort of permit in times of need ?

  6. @scaler911

    Portland is probably like a lot of other rainy places where the use of “mudguards (or fenders)” is a hotly debated topic. Showing up for a group ride without any means you’ll be relegated to the back of the bunch for the entire ride, and probably bitched at because you’re also not doing your fair share of the work on the front by said relegation. So you lose either way. Or you ride alone. But here’s a handy guide that’s been going around locally.

    Well find a better bunch/tell them to HTFU. Around here we only have two seasons: Dry and Wet and I’ve yet to see a single mudguard on a bike in a bunch. When it’s wet (every single day in the wet season), you just move slightly to the side so said rooster is on your shoulder, not in your face. Guy behind does the same thing but in the other direction. Never been an issue and if you turn up to a ride with guards fitted you won’t be relegated to the back, you’ll be asked to go home, remove them and try again next week.

  7. @Puffy

    Oh the lot of us are full to the gunwales with shit. If we had two fucking neurons to rub together, we’d agree that that a) there is more than one way to deal with shit weather, solo or in bunches, and 2) it’s just community standards, anyway, ever.

    I’m talking about fenders/mudguards, mind. If the topic is EPMS, that’s another thing. There’s no fucking excuse for those, ever, not even on MTB’s.

  8. @PeakInTwoYears

    Yeah, because they go right to camelbaks. But who gives a fuck? They’re wearing fucking baggies and have visors on their helmets.

    If you’re serious about Mountain Biking, you ride in your fucking road shoes and pedals. Walking is for losers anyway.  And with aero bars. Because if you really commit to riding off road, you’re going to want to get low and aero.

  9. @The Oracle

    @wiscot

    @The Oracle

    Whoops, just saw the note re: metric, and of course you are right. That would be negative 29 C outside, and 2 C in my basement.

    Need to get you and Teleguy57 on a cogal this year. I’ve found some new roads that are great.

    Works for me, my friend. Last year was a down year with very little riding due to new baby, moving, new job, new house, etc. I’m looking forward to putting in a lot of kilometers this summer to make up for it!

    I’d be very interested as well. All of this below zero garbage has me dreaming of spring and summer!

  10. @frank

    Snow rules, but fuck me if anyone outside the midwest knows what the fuck to do with it.

    Two years ago, the VMH and I were in your fair city for a visit. There was a snow “storm” that came through right before we flew in–I think it dropped 2-3 inches, max. The woman at the rental car counter tried to convince us to rent a tank and not the compact we had reserved. When we declined and said we’d be fine, she look at us like we were nuts. I told her we were from Milwaukee and we’d call this a dusting.

    We stayed downtown, and fuck me if we could find a restaurant open. We walked around for quite a while and ended up having to eat in our hotel. Now, I know it doesn’t snow there a lot, but I grew up in the PNW and I know damn well that it does snow from time to time. Should take more than 3 inches to shut down a city. Rule #5 Seattle!

  11. @Teocalli

    @PedallingTom I think the bars are to improve the seating position for this……

    More mountain related bike stupidity. Starting in London, take a Boris Bike, ride it up Ventoux then have it docked back in London before incurring a fine of £150 for having out for more than 24 hours…

  12. @KW

    @frank

    Snow rules, but fuck me if anyone outside the midwest knows what the fuck to do with it.

    Two years ago, the VMH and I were in your fair city for a visit. There was a snow “storm” that came through right before we flew in-I think it dropped 2-3 inches, max. The woman at the rental car counter tried to convince us to rent a tank and not the compact we had reserved. When we declined and said we’d be fine, she look at us like we were nuts. I told her we were from Milwaukee and we’d call this a dusting.

    We stayed downtown, and fuck me if we could find a restaurant open. We walked around for quite a while and ended up having to eat in our hotel. Now, I know it doesn’t snow there a lot, but I grew up in the PNW and I know damn well that it does snow from time to time. Should take more than 3 inches to shut down a city. Rule #5 Seattle!

    Scaler posted a photo somewhere of a PNW highway with a faux electronic street sign with the message, “ITS SNOWING! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!”

    What I’ve learned living here and in the Southeast is that its not so much whether you can drive in the snow, its all the people around you. Without the infrastructure to support it, you’ll be driving along happily in control and some idiot will come spinning out at you and crash into you.

  13. @piwakawaka

    @frank and suspension? That’s what arms are used for.

    The Chequamegon isn’t the most technical race, but there are long steep climbs with plenty of rocks etc that saw the likes of Gene Oberpriller on foot. Choosing road shoes and pedals was commitment.

  14. @frank

    Scaler posted a photo somewhere of a PNW highway with a faux electronic street sign with the message, “ITS SNOWING! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!”

    On par with this gem…

  15. @frank

    @KW

    @frank

    Snow rules, but fuck me if anyone outside the midwest knows what the fuck to do with it.

    Two years ago, the VMH and I were in your fair city for a visit. There was a snow “storm” that came through right before we flew in-I think it dropped 2-3 inches, max. The woman at the rental car counter tried to convince us to rent a tank and not the compact we had reserved. When we declined and said we’d be fine, she look at us like we were nuts. I told her we were from Milwaukee and we’d call this a dusting.

    We stayed downtown, and fuck me if we could find a restaurant open. We walked around for quite a while and ended up having to eat in our hotel. Now, I know it doesn’t snow there a lot, but I grew up in the PNW and I know damn well that it does snow from time to time. Should take more than 3 inches to shut down a city. Rule #5 Seattle!

    Scaler posted a photo somewhere of a PNW highway with a faux electronic street sign with the message, “ITS SNOWING! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!”

    What I’ve learned living here and in the Southeast is that its not so much whether you can drive in the snow, its all the people around you. Without the infrastructure to support it, you’ll be driving along happily in control and some idiot will come spinning out at you and crash into you.

    Hell, even around here you have to be careful about that. People think they can drive in the snow, but then you get huge pileups on the freeway. “You mean I can’t drive 80 in this? But I drive a giant SUV!” Morons.

  16. So, there I was at lunchtime today.  I’d left my phone in the car in the morning so popped along to the multi-storey carpark to collect it.  When I got there, there was a hatchback (apologies, I don’t know what our Murican brethren call them) with its tailgate open and a radio playing.  Nothing odd in that. I thought the owner may have been fixing it or a tire.  Then I noticed a whirring sound and the guy in the space between the front of the car and the carpark wall, on his turbo, banging out a training session. With it having rained sideways here for a few days, he’s obviously kept his bike and turbo in his car and used his lunchtime and some ingenuity to train.  Top marks.

  17. @Mike_P

    So, there I was at lunchtime today. I’d left my phone in the car in the morning so popped along to the multi-storey carpark to collect it. When I got there, there was a hatchback (apologies, I don’t know what our Murican brethren call them) with its tailgate open and a radio playing. Nothing odd in that. I thought the owner may have been fixing it or a tire. Then I noticed a whirring sound and the guy in the space between the front of the car and the carpark wall, on his turbo, banging out a training session. With it having rained sideways here for a few days, he’s obviously kept his bike and turbo in his car and used his lunchtime and some ingenuity to train. Top marks.

    That’s fucking fab! Here though, you’d come out for a trainer session in the parking garage and find the hatchback open, bike and turbo missing, stereo gone, and when you got your shit together and started your car, it’d be super loud. Why loud you ask? Because the catalytic converter would be gone.

  18. @Chris

    @frank

    Scaler posted a photo somewhere of a PNW highway with a faux electronic street sign with the message, “ITS SNOWING! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!”

    On par with this gem…

    Is that the Erskine bridge over the Clyde? Looks like it.

  19. @KW

    @frank

    @KW

    @frank

    Snow rules, but fuck me if anyone outside the midwest knows what the fuck to do with it.

    Two years ago, the VMH and I were in your fair city for a visit. There was a snow “storm” that came through right before we flew in-I think it dropped 2-3 inches, max. The woman at the rental car counter tried to convince us to rent a tank and not the compact we had reserved. When we declined and said we’d be fine, she look at us like we were nuts. I told her we were from Milwaukee and we’d call this a dusting.

    We stayed downtown, and fuck me if we could find a restaurant open. We walked around for quite a while and ended up having to eat in our hotel. Now, I know it doesn’t snow there a lot, but I grew up in the PNW and I know damn well that it does snow from time to time. Should take more than 3 inches to shut down a city. Rule #5 Seattle!

    Scaler posted a photo somewhere of a PNW highway with a faux electronic street sign with the message, “ITS SNOWING! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!”

    What I’ve learned living here and in the Southeast is that its not so much whether you can drive in the snow, its all the people around you. Without the infrastructure to support it, you’ll be driving along happily in control and some idiot will come spinning out at you and crash into you.

    Hell, even around here you have to be careful about that. People think they can drive in the snow, but then you get huge pileups on the freeway. “You mean I can’t drive 80 in this? But I drive a giant SUV!” Morons.

    Every car has four-wheel brakes. Your four-wheel drive will only become a fact when you try to drive out of the ditch.

  20. @scaler911

    @Mike_P

    So, there I was at lunchtime today. I’d left my phone in the car in the morning so popped along to the multi-storey carpark to collect it. When I got there, there was a hatchback (apologies, I don’t know what our Murican brethren call them) with its tailgate open and a radio playing. Nothing odd in that. I thought the owner may have been fixing it or a tire. Then I noticed a whirring sound and the guy in the space between the front of the car and the carpark wall, on his turbo, banging out a training session. With it having rained sideways here for a few days, he’s obviously kept his bike and turbo in his car and used his lunchtime and some ingenuity to train. Top marks.

    That’s fucking fab! Here though, you’d come out for a trainer session in the parking garage and find the hatchback open, bike and turbo missing, stereo gone, and when you got your shit together and started your car, it’d be super loud. Why loud you ask? Because the catalytic converter would be gone.

    EXACTLY.

  21. @frank

    As I wrote in my column for Cyclist a few months ago, chewing on a rooster tail is just the price you pay for the luxury of a draft. Don’t like it? Go the front, don’t demand others besmirch their magnificent steed with unnecessary accouterment.

    I didn’t think bikes with fenders was a bad thing if done right. I offer my N+1 as an example, specifically for Rule #9 rides.

  22. I really like this article a lot but — I guess Rule #9 is a bit transitory in nature — meaning, if you are in the Pacific Northwest (I am “from” Portland) then riding in the rain is compulsory.  You do it or you do not ride.  The same goes for Phoenix/Scottsdale (where I have also lived) in the summer but is heat related.  But I find myself living in Georgia these days so rain is not an issue (except during hurricane season)…..but mind melting heat and humidity are the norm during the late spring to early fall.   But then again after returning to cycling after many many years and riding around Georgia I found a new menace — any random “Badass” can handle heat, cold, wind rain, humidity, hail, etc etc —- but running over a rattle snake at speed (Like around 35 KPH) should qualify one as a “BADASS” — weather notwithstanding…. ” I mean I’m just sayin “—-  (By the way — the dam things still slither away!!!!)——

    Post Script: I don’t want to violate any rules and would never do so but now I need to find some rattle snake decals (not stickers) for my road bike —  I need three (really) —- kinda like enemy flags on the side of a fighter plane —-

    Regards Duntov (Bill)

  23. @SimonH

    Ok, I’ll concede that if you have your bike made with custom matching mud guards and have them (apparently) welded to the frame, then yes, it can look quite fine.

    Its still an implicit contravention of Rules #5 and #9.

  24. @Duntov

    I would be afraid they’d wrap themselves around the wheel and whip up and bike you in the face in some horrifying Furious Five Viper attack.

  25. Frank:

    They in fact recoil rather violently — so you kinda time the stroke to keep your leg (the side nearest the head) at the top of the circuit if possible —-  the good news is they are going backward when they do so —- the key at that point is to keep moving!!!  They are actually much more dangerous just hanging out on the side of the road in a coiled position — the little buggers have eyes in the side of their heads—!!!

    Later Duntov (Bill)

  26. I am with you on this one. Bad weather riding in many ways accentuates the things that make cycling in general, a beautiful thing to do. One gets to be in a situation, and a place, one could not otherwise experience. When the weather is nice, this experience is easier to have and thus the rewards appear less appealing. In winter when you’re slogging through slush and mud it is a different game entirely.

  27. @Teocalli

    @PedallingTom I think the bars are to improve the seating position for this……

    I’ve been riding over 30 years, and there aren’t too many things that make me say, “Holy shit!” but that was one of them!  Thanks for posting it.

    The side effect is that every time I see a video with scenery like this, it just reinforces my desire to move to Europe.

  28. @SimonH

    @frank

    As I wrote in my column for Cyclist a few months ago, chewing on a rooster tail is just the price you pay for the luxury of a draft. Don’t like it? Go the front, don’t demand others besmirch their magnificent steed with unnecessary accouterment.

    I didn’t think bikes with fenders was a bad thing if done right. I offer my N+1 as an example, specifically for Rule #9 rides.

    Stunning!  But then anything built by Ricky Feather is likely to be.  Gum walls are a perfect touch!

  29. @strathlubnaig

    Rule #9, has to be the best one, if not during then definitely afterwards, but as stated above we all get a spartan pleasure while being out there on the road in most anything mother nature has to throw at us. Here in darkest Perthshire it has been fairly constant wind, rain and sleet, not much above freezing, some icy mornings only. Dont see too many folks out. Pic from this morning (please excuse rear fender, apologies)…..

    I could excuse your rear mudguard, but not ‘fender’, when riding in Scotland!

  30. @Deakus You’ve provoked a serious case of bike-envy in me, Deakus! Great to see such fabulous work being done in Yorkshire. I’ve been drooling over the photos on the Feather Cycles website and was most impressed by this custom dropout:

  31. Having seen the weather going down in the US I thought I would post this as an option for some Rule #9 riding. Clearly need to get the chain ‘Sur la Plaque’ though.

  32. @KW

    @The Oracle

    @wiscot

    @The Oracle

    Whoops, just saw the note re: metric, and of course you are right. That would be negative 29 C outside, and 2 C in my basement.

    Need to get you and Teleguy57 on a cogal this year. I’ve found some new roads that are great.

    Works for me, my friend. Last year was a down year with very little riding due to new baby, moving, new job, new house, etc. I’m looking forward to putting in a lot of kilometers this summer to make up for it!

    I’d be very interested as well. All of this below zero garbage has me dreaming of spring and summer!

    If you guys can be kind to an old guy who is still too fat to climb, I’m in.

    Anyone do the Cheeshead Roubaix last year?  Seems like a natural place for Velominati to HTFU — and have a boatload of fun! Apr 27 this year — 9 days before I turn the decade page to 60.  I have it on my calendar and am trying to talk my son into doing it with me.

    https://sites.google.com/site/cheeseheadroubaix/

  33. @teleguy57

    @KW

    @The Oracle

    @wiscot

    @The Oracle

    Whoops, just saw the note re: metric, and of course you are right. That would be negative 29 C outside, and 2 C in my basement.

    Need to get you and Teleguy57 on a cogal this year. I’ve found some new roads that are great.

    Works for me, my friend. Last year was a down year with very little riding due to new baby, moving, new job, new house, etc. I’m looking forward to putting in a lot of kilometers this summer to make up for it!

    I’d be very interested as well. All of this below zero garbage has me dreaming of spring and summer!

    If you guys can be kind to an old guy who is still Too Fat To Climb, I’m in.

    Anyone do the Cheeshead Roubaix last year? Seems like a natural place for Velominati to HTFU “” and have a boatload of fun! Apr 27 this year “” 9 days before I turn the decade page to 60. I have it on my calendar and am trying to talk my son into doing it with me.

    https://sites.google.com/site/cheeseheadroubaix/

    Barring conflicts, I’ll see you there! It’s a great ride/event. This’ll be #3 for me.

  34. Speaking of Rule #9, have a look at what we’ve served up for the Euro pros in the lead up to next week’s TDU…

  35. @Mikael Liddy

    Speaking of Rule #9, have a look at what we’ve served up for the Euro pros in the lead up to next week’s TDU…

    Insert Smiley face regarding a world of pain for the Northerners

  36. After a blistering -20 earlier this week we enjoyed a thaw today at +1!  First ride of 2014, felt amazing (rule 9 compliance observed).  Rewarded by spectacular view of frozen Falls.

  37. Today I was in serious rule V and Rule #9 contemplation, riding right along the foot of the Rocky Mountains. The temp was a fair 5 c, but the wind was a sustained 60 km/h. For some reason, as the wind blows and all but it’s sound is drowned out, there is nothing more soul cleansing then to hunker down, grabbing the hoods Belgian style, and focus on one’s stroke. At that moment, nothing else exists.

    Personally, I love riding in the rain, and have my best days in it, but the wind, hard blowing wind on an exposed road is my boogy-man. I hate it, it takes the grace of merckx to convince myself to ride in it, yet I always feel enlightened afters.

    Plus, it’s one of the few times I’m glad to be a 101 kg cyclist.

    This is why Rule #9 is my most cherished.

  38. PS: Just found this page on a recommendation, good to have found kindred spirits. Keep up the good work.

  39. @Mikael Liddy

    Speaking of Rule #9, have a look at what we’ve served up for the Euro pros in the lead up to next week’s TDU…

    @Mikael Liddy  what a row of stinkers! Aren’t those temps a OH&S issue? http://www.safeatwork.org.au/resources/ohs-issues/working-heat

    my family are trying to stop me from riding tomorrow arvo. Forecast is for 43′ in Melbourne!

  40. @wiscot

    @teleguy57

    @KW

    @The Oracle

    @wiscot

    @The Oracle

    Whoops, just saw the note re: metric, and of course you are right. That would be negative 29 C outside, and 2 C in my basement.

    Need to get you and Teleguy57 on a cogal this year. I’ve found some new roads that are great.

    Works for me, my friend. Last year was a down year with very little riding due to new baby, moving, new job, new house, etc. I’m looking forward to putting in a lot of kilometers this summer to make up for it!

    I’d be very interested as well. All of this below zero garbage has me dreaming of spring and summer!

    If you guys can be kind to an old guy who is still Too Fat To Climb, I’m in.

    Anyone do the Cheeshead Roubaix last year? Seems like a natural place for Velominati to HTFU “” and have a boatload of fun! Apr 27 this year “” 9 days before I turn the decade page to 60. I have it on my calendar and am trying to talk my son into doing it with me.

    https://sites.google.com/site/cheeseheadroubaix/

    Barring conflicts, I’ll see you there! It’s a great ride/event. This’ll be #3 for me.

    I am planning on being there as well. Should be great fun!

  41. Good read. Here in south africa in the highveld you get alot of unsuspected thunder storms midway thru your ride. Those are the best. I set alot of my pb’s in tose thunder storms.

    rain makes you more focused and every thunder roar makes you sprint. Love the ride love the Rule #9

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