LeTour

On Rule #59: Hold Your Line

On Rule #59: Hold Your Line

by / / 118 posts

Anecdotal research suggests that people are being let off-leash without adequate training to perform basic activities such as walking on sidewalks or through airports and busy city centers. I’m assuming this expands to shopping malls, but I never go there so I can’t be sure. It’s easy to blame the mobile phones which apparently grow from our hands, but even when no phone appears to be involved, the same problem exists: people wander about without any apparent awareness that anyone else might be in the vicinity.

Take, for instance, the gentleman who wandered off the Plane Train at SEATAC airport the other day. As he detrained, he stopped to investigate which of the 4 identical escalators best satisfied his fancy. I’m not one to criticize someone’s escalator scrutiny – you can’t over think these sorts of things – my issue is with the choice to stop just outside the exit of the train, completely unaware that he was blocking the way for the other passengers still left on the train.

It isn’t that these are bad people. We’re a product of our society and society teaches us that being a self-absorbed asshole is the right way to go about your life; there’s no limit to what you can accomplish when you don’t give a flying fuck about how those accomplishments impact other people. Which brings me back to my original point: we’re not getting the right training in order to avoid being assholes.

Riding a bike in general and riding in a group in particular teaches you all sorts of things about external dependencies and the trickle effect that our actions have on those around us. Rule #59 extends beyond just riding in a straight line, but to riding predictably and informing those riders who are dependent on you of dangers and obstacles. Cyclists develop a situational awareness that becomes second nature with practice.

I therefore propose that we modify our free-ranging policy to include a provision that mandates all humans be required to take a bicycle racing class and spend significant time riding in a group at speed before being allowed into the wilds of society. Don’t change your line when walking on a sidewalk without peeking over your shoulder. Don’t stop dead in your tracks without checking if someone is behind you. Don’t take a right-hand turn without warning when driving in the far left lane. Don’t block doorways. Don’t knock people in the head when you’re walking with a 2×4.

And for the love of Merckx, take off your headphones.

 

// La Vie Velominatus // The Rules

  1. @Duende

    @Ron

    A-Merckx! I actually have a fantasy that I’ll share – before you are even allowed to apply for a driver’s license in the U.S. you’d have to commute by bicycle for two weeks.

    Learning to hold your line on a bicycle might help with this sort of situation:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pgm8I0B8bY

    That is just the best – I see these kind of morons all the time.  The ones with the red cars are the ones with the biggest (smallest?) issues.

  2. Many posts in this article strike a chord – commuting/ headphoned walkers/ dogs/ being tangled in an un-retracted leash that I didn’t see in the gloom/ actually hitting a mutt that decided to turn right just as I reached it. It wasn’t wearing earbuds either. All part of the joy of getting to ride to work. The weapon of choice is now the CX bike so I can happily ride verges to avoid many of the hazards ahead. Having a bell fitted and using it irrespective of whether it’s heard or not absolves me of culpability if some muppet on 2 legs listening to Michael Buble doesn’t hear it.  When in non commuting ride mode it’s tarmac all the way irrespective of any available cycling ‘infrastructure’ so pedestrian hazards are reduced. I do my bit to try to educate when I ride in a group, it’s how I was taught and as a coach only right I continue the role. A few sessions on a banked track soon sorts out the strong bike riders but generally crap bike handlers from those who can actually hold a line and look before moving! Not as many as you might imagine.

    FYI Belfast and Dublin did a great job of hosting the Giro despite the weather, I’ve a plentiful supply of memories and photos but sadly the ‘orange budget airline’ were not happy with attempts to get some large event sign souvenirs on their aircraft. BTW Hilden Brewery Dunlop & Hume beer, specially brewed for the event. Nice.

  3. @Nate

    @frank

    @Ron

    I sometimes ride through the local uni campus. It is amazing how many students can’t walk in a straight line.

    I’m surprised it hasn’t been posted yet:

    The other day I saw a guy almost ride off a curb, looking over his shoulder yakking away to his ride mates. Fortunately I called the precarious situation to his attention just in time; otherwise he was going over the bars.

    We can’t all be geniuses. I’m here to lower the average so more of you look good.

    Would have really sucked to explain to the throngs of fan(s) why I couldn’t sign the books anymore because of my double wrist fracture.

  4. @scaler911

    This seems like the right place to ask: What kind of maths does one use to explain the phenomon wherein when you’re on a MUP (miles of it) on a nice weekday morning with few other users; you, the lady jogging with her stroller, and the old guy riding at you from the opposite direction all meet in the exact same place causing everyone to stop, go in the dirt whatever?

    Or does that only happen to me…..

    I’ve always wondered about this phenomenon. Glad I’m not the only one!

  5. @sthilzy

    @scaler911

    This seems like the right place to ask: What kind of maths does one use to explain the phenomon wherein when you’re on a MUP (miles of it) on a nice weekday morning with few other users; you, the lady jogging with her stroller, and the old guy riding at you from the opposite direction all meet in the exact same place causing everyone to stop, go in the dirt whatever?

    Or does that only happen to me…..

    I’ve always wondered about this phenomenon. Glad I’m not the only one!

    I love it when my fellow ‘muricans say “maths.”

  6. @Ccos

    Sorry Frank, it’s a grand idea but since most people are morons, it’s doomed to failure. They (non-cyclists) are blissfully ignorant of their stupidity, continue to expand their numbers and culling has legal implications.

    However, I do think cyclists make better drivers, since we are more prone to drive like we ride. Except for that squirrelly dude on the group ride.

    Took the words right out of my mouth

  7. @frank   ” I’m assuming this expands to shopping malls, but I never go there so I can’t be sure ”

    My place of work just happens to be co-located in a shopping mall.  Somedays its worth sitting outside in the mall for some light entertainment, of particular interest are the shopping trolley retrievers. 

    These muppets appear to be a law unto themselves, whereby speed and length of trolley train seem to increase as the day goes on.  

    Many a time whilst walking ive been tempted to yell ” Car back” as the trolley train goes smashing down the mall at light speed like a pissed off snake on crack. 

  8. @ChrisO

    @Scaler911 Agreed on earbuds. I wear them only when I’m riding alone and only here in Dubai where there is very little need for me to interact with cars and traffic. I’m mostly on hard shoulders and rarely have to go into lanes or expect vehicles to stop or go around me so it’s just a matter of making sure I am aware of them when I have to interact. If I’m going to be collected it will be some idiot driving on the side of the road at 120km/h – knowing about it would make zero difference.

    I am really at a compelte loss as to why you need music whilst riding. I love music, I make it, and buy lots of it, it’s great but when I get outdoors, the music stays behind. Are you really that bored/miserable that you cannot just enjoy the sounds of the environment (and your internal monologue) for a couple of hours a day? I’m not juding you, it’s an honest question. Being alone, and given hours of zero discraction, just you and the unverse is one of lifes greatest things in my opionion. I recently did the Scody Three Peaks, a 9.5hr ride. I did it solo, and only occasionally spoke to anyone as they never rode beside me, only on my wheel. Not once, did I long for music, or anything. The sound of the bush, the blood in my ears at times, that’s what made the ride. Anyway, just wondering why ear buds are required.

  9. @frank

    A future article will indeed examine the practice of pointing shit out. Only point at stuff you don’t want to ride over. No need to point out shadows or bits of paper. But potholes and branches are good.

    YES! As I have explained the over-calling doesn’t happen (regional town) here but I was riding in a bunch for three days in the capital city. We were riding the country roads outside the city and these clowns called every freaking blesh in the hotmix out. I spent half the time laughing that they would even bother. Then it occured to me that the dollars always flow south. Around here the roads are utter crap, down there, the country back roads are far superior hence the difference in opinion as to what required notification. In the end I told them if it doesn’t swallow your wheel to the axle, don’t bother to call it!

  10. I think this should happen more often to those oblivious of their surroundings! Not paying attention? Lookout, the unvierse is about to bite your ass for it.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXiQGpIGlGo

  11. @Puffy

    @ChrisO

    @Scaler911 Agreed on earbuds. I wear them only when I’m riding alone and only here in Dubai where there is very little need for me to interact with cars and traffic. I’m mostly on hard shoulders and rarely have to go into lanes or expect vehicles to stop or go around me so it’s just a matter of making sure I am aware of them when I have to interact. If I’m going to be collected it will be some idiot driving on the side of the road at 120km/h – knowing about it would make zero difference.

    I am really at a compelte loss as to why you need music whilst riding. I love music, I make it, and buy lots of it, it’s great but when I get outdoors, the music stays behind. Are you really that bored/miserable that you cannot just enjoy the sounds of the environment (and your internal monologue) for a couple of hours a day? I’m not juding you, it’s an honest question. Being alone, and given hours of zero discraction, just you and the unverse is one of lifes greatest things in my opionion. I recently did the Scody Three Peaks, a 9.5hr ride. I did it solo, and only occasionally spoke to anyone as they never rode beside me, only on my wheel. Not once, did I long for music, or anything. The sound of the bush, the blood in my ears at times, that’s what made the ride. Anyway, just wondering why ear buds are required.

    I ponder the same question.  Although I do all my thinking before riding, the ride provides me the space to sort through all the clutter.  That internal monologue at first seems crazy, then it makes sense, then it just is.  Earbuds filled with music, or even phone conversations, short circuit that process.  I tried them once in both ears, then once in one ear, then a resolve to never use them on the road/path/trail again.

  12. @TheVid

    My fear is that someday when I’m on a MUP whilst riding my #1, I’ll get stopped by some local authority and fined for not having a bell on it. In my head I then argue that few would hear a bell anyway since they all (yes, I know it’s an omniscience fallacy) have headphones in their ears. I then would have to accept the fine because in the end, it’s the bylaw that cycles have a bell, not that people have to have open ears to hear one.

    I’d never considered having a bell on my bike before. But these pics almost made me reconsider

  13. @Puffy @optimiste I get that and in many situations I would agree.

    I don’t use them in London for safety reasons, and I wouldn’t use them on a long country ride because I agree it is also nice to hear the environment and ones own thoughts.

    However the two differences here are:

    1. Not much environment. I’m training on the same roads, about 15-25km depending on route, and there’s not a lot of scenery or wildlife. It’s 0530 in the morning and for half the year it’s mostly dark.

    2. I’m training. I find it helpful to sometimes tell my inner monologue to STFU and let me get on with it. When I’m commuting, pootling or just riding I am not so focused and happy to take in multiple sensory inputs.

  14. @Barracuda

    @Ccos

    Sorry Frank, it’s a grand idea but since most people are morons, it’s doomed to failure. They (non-cyclists) are blissfully ignorant of their stupidity, continue to expand their numbers and culling has legal implications.

    However, I do think cyclists make better drivers, since we are more prone to drive like we ride. Except for that squirrelly dude on the group ride.

    Took the words right out of my mouth

    There was a guy in a group ride from my LBS last summer.  We were on country roads that were perfectly wide enough for two lanes of traffic let alone a car and our group.  Yet every time a car came the other way he would brake without warning.  I couldn’t help wondering what he was like in a car.  After a few brake tests I went and rode the head of the group and was expecting to hear mangling carbon behind for the rest of the ride.

  15. @ChrisO   Do the locals have 300 words for Sand like Eskimos do for Snow?

  16. @Teocalli

    @ChrisO Do the locals have 300 words for Sand like Eskimos do for Snow?

    Probably although my total Arabic vocabulary is about 20 words and sand isn’t among them. If I stay here another 30 years I might be able to converse with a three year old.

    The way it was described to me was that Arabic doesn’t use adjectives like we do in English and the Latin-based languages.

    So where we would say red sand, dry sand, marshy sand, rolling sand, bastard sand etc and could use 300+ adjectives for the same noun, they will have a different word for each of them.

    That makes it quite a difficult language to speak, which is why there isn’t a single language.

    There’s classical Arabic from the Koran, there’s Modern Standard Arabic (effectively the official version always used in newspapers, news broadcasts and written or official documents, like Mandarin in China), and then there are the spoken variants which tend to be regional. So there is the Meghreb (Egypt/Sudan/North Africa) Arabic, the Levant Arabic (Jordan/Syria/Lebanon) and the Khaleej Arabic (Saudi/UAE/Arabian Gulf) version. Khaleej means Gulf, I know that much ! And within that each country or smaller region may have some specific words. I know Egyptians who have a lot of trouble understanding Gulf Arabs.

    So yes, between all that there are probably 3000 fucking words for sand.

  17. @Steve-o

    There aren’t many “bike paths” around here, and I wouldn’t use them anyway. When non-cyclists mention bike paths to me, I say that they are more correctly called multiuse paths, with joggers, walkers, runners, cyclists, dogwalkers, rollerbladers or whoever else using them and are more hazardous than riding on roads. I also feel strongly that those paths reinforce many motorists’ notion that bikes don’t belong on the road.

    Problem is that in some parts of the world you are compelled by law to use them. Moronic law-makers!

    @Steve-o

  18. @TheVid

    I should add however, that stopping dead in the middle of a lane, hallway, walkway, elevator door, top of escalator or other place where people and things are intended to be in motion is just plain dumb. Move right (or left as the case may be in your part of the world) and slow down predictably to a stop.

    Yes!  My pet peeve is those who are in the middle of an airport concourse and stop dead in the middle to look at the flight info boards – with their bag perpendicular to the length of the corridor.  As you have said, have the decency to pull of toward the edge of traffic!

  19. I was riding back from Rutledge the other day.  Coming the other way were two girls on bikes, one younger, maybe 12 yrs old the other clearly at least at the age of consent.  From a distance it looked like they were drunk, not only taking up the whole lane with a random pattern from left to right in long and short swooping arcs but occasionally, and without any sort of indication as to her inclination, into the oncoming lane.  The older girl clearly teaching the youngster on the finer points of complete unpredictability.  At first I thought, well at least she will succumb to the laws of evolution before she breeds, that was before I concluded it was too late as she was already passing  on her teachings to a younger generation.

    If I was a better person I would have stopped and taken the time to perhaps show them a safer way to ride, but I was not that person, rationalizing that it would of been a wasted effort and spoiled my 500 meter sprint to the railroad tracks.  I stayed on the drops.

  20. How about the “TriGuy” who shows up to the local group ride and creates chaos instantly by not holding his line, not communicating and just generally being a douche?

    Happened last week, group slows up a bit, TriGuy jams on brakes Full On – I have to brake hard not to rear end him…I turn to apologize to rest of group behind me, whereas he is oblivious to all this…

    You can’t even shame them by calling them out. Oblivious to all the Cat 6 shit pulled.

  21. @VirenqueForever TriGuy should be debriefed of the “ways of the tri” and briefed on “the way”…

  22. @The Grande Fondue

    I’d never considered having a bell on my bike before. But these pics almost made me reconsider

    No, no, no, no, no-ooooo, no, nope. Disguise it by mounting under the top tube near the seat tube. Stuff in jersey pocket until needed.

  23. @unversio

    Fear it will be long and perhaps pointless but would be consistent with Rules #3 and #43

  24. @VirenqueForever Hire a hitman to enforce the Rules on your behalf.

  25. @unversio

    @VirenqueForever Hire a hitman to enforce the Rules on your behalf.

    Just like Hockey – I love it…

    So do you go for Renshaw, Tom Steels or… Marty McSorley?

  26. @Barracuda

    @frank ” I’m assuming this expands to shopping malls, but I never go there so I can’t be sure ”

    My place of work just happens to be co-located in a shopping mall. Somedays its worth sitting outside in the mall for some light entertainment, of particular interest are the shopping trolley retrievers.

    These muppets appear to be a law unto themselves, whereby speed and length of trolley train seem to increase as the day goes on.

    Many a time whilst walking ive been tempted to yell ” Car back” as the trolley train goes smashing down the mall at light speed like a pissed off snake on crack.

    I have no idea what a “trolly train” is, but the pissed off snake on crack is gold.

    @Puffy

    I think this should happen more often to those oblivious of their surroundings! Not paying attention? Lookout, the unvierse is about to bite your ass for it.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXiQGpIGlGo

    To be honest, though, that isn’t high on my list of expectations either. Falling into a sidewalk sinkhole is right there next to “Being Eaten By Dragon” as far as my personal disaster recover planning goes.

  27. @The Grande Fondue

    @TheVid

    My fear is that someday when I’m on a MUP whilst riding my #1, I’ll get stopped by some local authority and fined for not having a bell on it. In my head I then argue that few would hear a bell anyway since they all (yes, I know it’s an omniscience fallacy) have headphones in their ears. I then would have to accept the fine because in the end, it’s the bylaw that cycles have a bell, not that people have to have open ears to hear one.

    I’d never considered having a bell on my bike before. But these pics almost made me reconsider

    A friend of Gianni’s and mine who I ride with on Maui rides with a bell. He dings it at every person he comes by as a form of some kinds of karmic Hawaiian greeting. I actually rather like it. Also, he can ride like a muthafuqa so that helps.

    @ChrisO

    @Teocalli

    @ChrisO Do the locals have 300 words for Sand like Eskimos do for Snow?

    Probably although my total Arabic vocabulary is about 20 words and sand isn’t among them. If I stay here another 30 years I might be able to converse with a three year old.

    The way it was described to me was that Arabic doesn’t use adjectives like we do in English and the Latin-based languages.

    So where we would say red sand, dry sand, marshy sand, rolling sand, bastard sand etc and could use 300+ adjectives for the same noun, they will have a different word for each of them.

    That makes it quite a difficult language to speak, which is why there isn’t a single language.

    There’s classical Arabic from the Koran, there’s Modern Standard Arabic (effectively the official version always used in newspapers, news broadcasts and written or official documents, like Mandarin in China), and then there are the spoken variants which tend to be regional. So there is the Meghreb (Egypt/Sudan/North Africa) Arabic, the Levant Arabic (Jordan/Syria/Lebanon) and the Khaleej Arabic (Saudi/UAE/Arabian Gulf) version. Khaleej means Gulf, I know that much ! And within that each country or smaller region may have some specific words. I know Egyptians who have a lot of trouble understanding Gulf Arabs.

    So yes, between all that there are probably 3000 fucking words for sand.

    Wow, that is so interesting. Just added Arabic to the list of languages I want to study but never will.

  28. @Steve-o@Carel

    There aren’t many “bike paths” around here, and I wouldn’t use them anyway. When non-cyclists mention bike paths to me, I say that they are more correctly called multiuse paths, with joggers, walkers, runners, cyclists, dogwalkers, rollerbladers or whoever else using them and are more hazardous than riding on roads. I also feel strongly that those paths reinforce many motorists’ notion that bikes don’t belong on the road.

    In my opinion, MUPs are the most dangerous places to be. Some of the worst accidents I’ve seen happen on those things; riders hitting head-on, or hitting an old lady and killing her (happened on the Burke Gillman)…if at all feasible, I will take the road with cars over the path every time.

  29. @VirenqueForever

    How about the “TriGuy” who shows up to the local group ride and creates chaos instantly by not holding his line, not communicating and just generally being a douche?

    Happened last week, group slows up a bit, TriGuy jams on brakes Full On – I have to brake hard not to rear end him…I turn to apologize to rest of group behind me, whereas he is oblivious to all this…

    You can’t even shame them by calling them out. Oblivious to all the Cat 6 shit pulled.

    My favorite is when they ride in their tuck in the paceline. Then surge when they get to the front rather than pulling through like a civilized rider.

  30. Got a thankfully uneventful but slightly jarring reminder of the importance of holding not just line but pace on Wednesday.  Near the conclusion of a townline sprint, after doing my usual ride off the front in vain, I got caught and tried to grab a wheel.  Coming out from behind said wheel I saw I was beat and sat up.  Despite holding a quite predictable line, there was much yelling from behind as the pace slowed unexpectedly.

  31. @unversio

    @The Grande Fondue

    I’d never considered having a bell on my bike before. But these pics almost made me reconsider

    No, no, no, no, no-ooooo, no, nope. Disguise it by mounting under the top tube near the seat tube. Stuff in jersey pocket until needed.

    My opinion differs @unversio I think that is an elegant design that doesn’t appear to detract from the overall lines of the bike. However, as @frank said, you’d better be able to ride like a muthafuqa (Arabic?) to truly pull it off.

  32. @frank

    @Steve-o, @Carel

    There aren’t many “bike paths” around here, and I wouldn’t use them anyway. When non-cyclists mention bike paths to me, I say that they are more correctly called multiuse paths, with joggers, walkers, runners, cyclists, dogwalkers, rollerbladers or whoever else using them and are more hazardous than riding on roads. I also feel strongly that those paths reinforce many motorists’ notion that bikes don’t belong on the road.

    In my opinion, MUPs are the most dangerous places to be. Some of the worst accidents I’ve seen happen on those things; riders hitting head-on, or hitting an old lady and killing her (happened on the Burke Gillman)…if at all feasible, I will take the road with cars over the path every time.

    That statement brought to mind an incident in 4th grade I hadn’t recalled in years.  Only the 6th graders were allowed to ride bicycles to school, so on the last day of the school year, my friend and I inexplicably thought it would be a good idea to ride ours.  When we arrived, the 6th graders were displeased we were encroaching on their privilege, proceeded to kick our bikes, and were about to inflict some bodily harm.  The vice principal intervened and, after chiding us, escorted us into the school.  We received several “just you wait” looks from the older kids.

    As school let out, my friend and I sprinted to our bikes, frantically unlocked them and took off in a different direction before the others emerged.  We ended up riding along a busy road with no sidewalk and a narrow shoulder.  Somehow, my mom and his mom were each driving on that same road, saw us and both pulled over.  That was weird.  After we detailed the events of the day, my mom asked “so you were more worried about some 6th graders than cars on a busy road?”  I didn’t say it, but I distinctly remember thinking “well of course.”  Epilogue: just 3 years later, that same busy road became a regular part of my rides when I discovered road bikes.

  33. @Optimiste

    @frank

    @Steve-o, @Carel

    There aren’t many “bike paths” around here, and I wouldn’t use them anyway. When non-cyclists mention bike paths to me, I say that they are more correctly called multiuse paths, with joggers, walkers, runners, cyclists, dogwalkers, rollerbladers or whoever else using them and are more hazardous than riding on roads. I also feel strongly that those paths reinforce many motorists’ notion that bikes don’t belong on the road.

    In my opinion, MUPs are the most dangerous places to be. Some of the worst accidents I’ve seen happen on those things; riders hitting head-on, or hitting an old lady and killing her (happened on the Burke Gillman)…if at all feasible, I will take the road with cars over the path every time.

    That statement brought to mind an incident in 4th grade I hadn’t recalled in years. Only the 6th graders were allowed to ride bicycles to school, so on the last day of the school year, my friend and I inexplicably thought it would be a good idea to ride ours. When we arrived, the 6th graders were displeased we were encroaching on their privilege, proceeded to kick our bikes, and were about to inflict some bodily harm. The vice principal intervened and, after chiding us, escorted us into the school. We received several “just you wait” looks from the older kids.

    As school let out, my friend and I sprinted to our bikes, frantically unlocked them and took off in a different direction before the others emerged. We ended up riding along a busy road with no sidewalk and a narrow shoulder. Somehow, my mom and his mom were each driving on that same road, saw us and both pulled over. That was weird. After we detailed the events of the day, my mom asked “so you were more worried about some 6th graders than cars on a busy road?” I didn’t say it, but I distinctly remember thinking “well of course.” Epilogue: just 3 years later, that same busy road became a regular part of my rides when I discovered road bikes.

    Fantastic story.

  34. @Nate Yep, Dazed and Confused all over. Every character in that film is someone I went to school with.

    I obviously haven’t read the whole thread here, but can I assume we’ve covered people stopping as soon as they get to the top of escalators, or the second they’ve alighted from public transport, disregarding completely the masses being funnelled directly into the spot they’re occupying?  And people leaving stores and offices on busy pedestrian streets without looking left or right, just barging straight out into the stream of people?

    I also woke up in hospital a few years ago after a bike accident; best I can tell, the random commuter I was riding behind in central Berlin decided to do one of those pull-out-to-the-right-so-you-can-hook-left things right across my path without any warning, causing me to t-bone him at speed and sending me flying over the handlebars onto the road, as I assumed I could overtake on his left when he swung right at an intersection.  Considering a bus travelling in the opposite direction apparently drove over my bike (write-off), the three teeth I broke, scar on my chin and third degree concussion were probably not such a bad deal.

    Learnt my lesson, though: expect anyone you don’t know well enough to trust to do something dumb at absolutely any moment.

  35. @DeKerr

    @unversio

    @The Grande Fondue

    I’d never considered having a bell on my bike before. But these pics almost made me reconsider

    No, no, no, no, no-ooooo, no, nope. Disguise it by mounting under the top tube near the seat tube. Stuff in jersey pocket until needed.

    My opinion differs @unversio I think that is an elegant design that doesn’t appear to detract from the overall lines of the bike. However, as @frank said, you’d better be able to ride like a muthafuqa (Arabic?) to truly pull it off.

    However elegant, wouldn’t strap a Stradivarius to the bars either.

  36. @andrew

    Learnt my lesson, though: expect anyone you don’t know well enough to trust to do something dumb at absolutely any moment.

    Ride for the unexpected.

  37. Great article, had me laughing out loud.

    Although actually I think you over-estimate people. I see plenty who can’t even stand still in one place, without suddenly stepping backwards or waving their arms about as you walk or cycle past.

    Set them in motion, and it gets worse.

    Newton was a clever chap, but his first law does not seem to apply to people.

  38. @andrew

    @Nate

    That is exactly what it felt like.

  39. @Geraint

    Newton was a clever chap, but his first law does not seem to apply to people.

    Funniest thing I’ve read this week.

    +1 badge to you for that.

    @unversio

    The bell looks like it clips on neatly with a rubber strap. I use a similar device for flashers on my rain bike. Assuming you don’t use that when not needed and that you take the fucker off before shooting a portrait of your bike, I think its well within regulation.

  40. @unversio

    @DeKerr

    @unversio

    @The Grande Fondue

    I’d never considered having a bell on my bike before. But these pics almost made me reconsider

    No, no, no, no, no-ooooo, no, nope. Disguise it by mounting under the top tube near the seat tube. Stuff in jersey pocket until needed.

    My opinion differs @unversio I think that is an elegant design that doesn’t appear to detract from the overall lines of the bike. However, as @frank said, you’d better be able to ride like a muthafuqa (Arabic?) to truly pull it off.

    However elegant, wouldn’t strap a Stradivarius to the bars either.

    Yes, but a violin, no matter how elegant, would have no purpose on a bike.  For those who regularly use a MUP I think those would be an appropriate addition.  Its a little less obnoxious than yelling out, “on your left!”That being said, in Philly we have a too popular path that can be impossible to ride at anything approaching speed, and I have heard obnoxious gents getting too aggressive with their bells.  Ping ping ping down the entire trsil.  Whenever I have had my kids walking on such paths I always feel hyper vigilant looking out for bike riders.

  41. @Puffy over calling has ruined several rides.  I tried a few group rides in Philly-where it can take a while to get out of urban riding- and it was just SO loud. There was pointing and shouting at everything- car back, clear, squirrel, whatever.  Several rides was enough, I continued riding on my own.

  42. @frank

    @Geraint

    Newton was a clever chap, but his first law does not seem to apply to people.

    Funniest thing I’ve read this week.

    +1 badge to you for that.

    I’m honoured, thank you sir.

    When I saw the jersey I wondered if I was in the maglia nera for the Giro VSP!

  43. @frank

    @unversio

    The bell looks like it clips on neatly with a rubber strap. I use a similar device for flashers on my rain bike. Assuming you don’t use that when not needed and that you take the fucker off before shooting a portrait of your bike, I think its well within regulation.

    So take it you don’t use the hand position either side of the stem? Only problem with bar furniture is that it takes up valuable real estate.

  44. Had a rather disturbing encounter in the last kilometer* of the Saturday morning ride this morning, riding along a local street with parallel parking, bike lane, then one lane of traffic in each direction.

    Urban tractor driving alongside me & I was level with her front, passenger side window when she spied a car park she wanted on the other side of me. Cue indicator & swinging in toward the parking space, through the space I was trying to ride in! Slammed the brakes on & flicked my elbow out to make contact with the window, which thankfully seemed to catch her attention & get her to stop.

    Based on her reaction of genuine apologies & horror at what very nearly happened I can only assume she had no idea I was there, which is deeply disturbing given that she’d have to basically look around me to see the parking space she was aiming at & kinda indicates she was piloting a 2 tonne metal box at speed without paying any attention.

  45. I was reminded of this important life skill last Sunday, while on my Sunday morning group ride.  We were riding 2 by 2; the road that we were traveling required that we keep a tidy and tight line along the shoulder.

    We ride on the right in Canada.  I was on the inside line, closest to the traffic.  The fella beside seemed to have two very serious afflictions that made my life miserable for upwards of an hour.  He was unwilling or unable to ride directly behind the rider in front of him.  For whatever reason, he was only comfortable when riding about a foot left of the wheel in front of him.  This of course forced me a foot left of the wheel in front of me and left my arse hanging out into traffic.  In addition to this endearing trait he had a touch of drunken sailerism when on the bike…weaving to and fro with a randomness and whimsy that I never could figure out.

    It was incredibly uncomfortable.  I found myself absolutely hating the man and feeling bad about it as I’m sure he’s actually quite a nice fellow otherwise.  I reshuffled the group at the first opportunity.  We finally got to the point where we rode 2 by 1 by 2 so that we could sit back and admire his bike handling skills from a safe distance.

  46. @The Grande Fondue

    That looks like a Strong frame!  Great builder in a great town…

  47. @snowgeek Good eye!  The other guy in Bozeman built my #1…

  48. Hmmm. …. still doesn’t explain the master who yells at the junior (me) for half wheeling after he hammers his brakes in a corner for no apparent reason.

  49. @kixsand Dumb question. .. but is it a new rider? I remember a time when I couldn’t draft worth a crap.

  50. @Fausto Crapiz

    @kixsand Dumb question. .. but is it a new rider? I remember a time when I couldn’t draft worth a crap.

    Nope… the guy was super strong on the bike – laid down some serious V that day and was on a lovely DuraAce 9000 equipped Cervelo S5 with DA C50’s.  That bike would be a handful in a cross wind but that wasn’t what we were dealing with on that day.

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