Frank vs. The Volcano: Haleakala 2011

Near the 5000 foot* halfway point on Haleakala.

Flying into Maui, the first thing you see are the tops of the volcanoes on each of the Hawaiian islands. An awesome sight, they appear as massive domes that stretch high above the clouds. Descending, as the plane passes through the cloud layer, one is struck by how far below the ocean and island still are. These are big hills, and as a cyclist psychologically preparing for a ride to the top of Haleakala, it is an acute signal of what kind of ride it is going to be.

The road to the top of Haleakala rises from sea level to the summit at 10,000 feet*, which is more than 1/3 the prominence of Mount Everest and equates roughly to the altitude gained by mountaineers ascending from Camp I (the fist camp above the Ice Fall and Base Camp) to the summit of the world’s highest peak.

The day of the climb dawned with near-ideal conditions on Saturday. Bike Number 1 spent the night in our apartment on the lovely Rose Compound (where we were guests of unbelievably gracious hosts) and as I ate breakfast, Gianni set about preparing the bike and rider for what lay before us: air in the tires for the bike, estate-grown and roasted espresso for the rider. (Gianni, his VMH, and the Roses have life figured out, by the way.) Final preparations were made, and we headed to the coast where I was to start my warmup by riding into Paia, where the climb officially starts.

I was blissfully unaware of the difficulty that lay before me, and more than a little too optimistic. Altitude has never bothered me and, having done big, long climbs all over Europe and the United States, I understand my limitations well enough to know that gradient is a more serious obstacle for my large frame than is length. When it came to gauging my effort, I figured that since I can comfortably sustain 20 or more kilometers per hour up a 6% grade, I figured that, based on Haleakala’s reported 5.5% average, I could easily do the whole climb at 15kmph, meaning I should have a sub-4 hour ride in my legs. The only unknown, in my naive mind, was what effects a 60 km climb to 10,000 feet would have as the air thinned on my way up. That particular unknown has been answered beyond a shadow of a doubt.

My strategy for the climb was to set at a solid pace at the bottom, fast enough to give myself a cushion for my inevitable slowdown near the top, but not so fast I would fire of the Guns of Navarrone too soon. I set off like a puppy being taken to The Farm, full of confidence and optimism, and with absolutely no idea of how hard Pele was about to bitchslap me. The first quarter of the climb is steady and did nothing but bolster my confidence, with a pace higher than I expected. Things were off to a good start.

In retrospect, I have established the theory that after Hansel and Gretel escaped the Gingerbread House, they made a trip up the volcano, but rather than leaving a trail of breadcrumbs, here they left a trail of wasps along the route, left there to be inhaled by the poor sods who attempt to ride up. The wasps are few and far between at the base, and steadily increase in density as one nears the top. The last 200m of the ride is almost entirely made of Yellow Jackets.

With the completion of the first quarter of the climb comes the turn onto Crater Road, the switchback-laden road that rises all the way to the summit. Most climbs are passes – meaning they approach a saddle or low-point on a ridge in order to cross into an adjacent valley. Crater Road is a sinister beast that goes right for the jugular, leading to the very summit of the mountain. Not terribly steep but very exposed, the wind whips around the side of the mountain from all sides, giving the rider a headwind in almost every direction and steadily sapping any strength from the legs.

By 5,000 feet, after 30 km of climbing and with the ride almost half over, I was completely wasted and the climb became a death march with me staring mostly at my rear axle and being saved only by The Rules emblazoned upon my right thigh. I lost count of my elevation somewhere after 6,000 feet and I retreated into a dark, dark place where unholy thoughts of hatred frolicked, pain tasted bitter on my tongue, and time moved inperceptably. I bargained with Merckx. I bargained with myself. I vowed never to ever do this climb again, if only I could reach the top.

I was rocked back to reality at 8,000 feet when the guns cramped so badly I had to lay on the side of the road for a few minutes to massage some life back into them. The ride from 8,000 to 9,000 feet took a year off my life. At a certain point, I noticed I was making all manner of strange noises that I would prefer I never make again. The last 1,000 feet to the summit, though mentally the easiest, was spent communing with butterflies and cursing everyone’s name I could think of. Cruelly, the last stretch to the very tippy-top is viciously steep and most unwelcome. I came terrifyingly close to falling off for a lack of speed and strength.

Can’t wait to do it again. I’ll go sub-4 hours for sure. Enjoy the film and photos of the ride.

Video: Frank vs. The Volcano: Haleakala

Photos: Frank vs. The Volcano: Haleakala

[dmalbum path=”/ Galleries/[email protected]/Haleakala/”]

*The elevations in this article will generally be referred to in feet as this is how the roadsigns along the road are measured and, while it breaks with the convention set forth in Rule #24, these measurements have been forever burned into my brain. 10,000 feet is 3048 meters.

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166 Replies to “Frank vs. The Volcano: Haleakala 2011”

  1. $600 return flight to Houston. Leaves Buffalo tomorrow morning and has me back tomorrow night. Maybe that will give me enough time…

  2. @Steampunk
    I reckon you stand a good chance of finding the bike on the basis of your prognostication skills alone. @Jeff better move fast.

  3. To My Fellow Velominati:

    First, the bad news. The Look 585 Ultra was sold. I called at 9:58am this morning, as the store opened at 10:00am. They sold it yesterday. I was crestfallen.

    Now, the good news. They also had a Look 595 from ’07, white, integrated seatpost, full Dura Ace 7800, Mavic Ksyrium Elite wheels, VO2 carbon stem and bar (the bar that’s kind of a flat oval on the top), and a white Selle San Marco saddle that’s gone off-white/vanilla–not really a fan of the color.

    So I begged for the same price as the 585 Ultra–$2250 U.S. as I am starting a new business and have very meager means. While I was unable to use my Merckxian powers of persuasion (as I have none), I was able to purchase said bike for–$3000.00. NO SHIT. New. Done. Already rode it for about 45 minutes before the sun went down.

    Because I run the old red Look Keo Sprint pedals on the Cervelo, I opted for the red Look Classics–a little heavy, but they fit my budget and they are the same pedal I already use. They look awesome with the very slight red highlights of the frame and wheels.

    So, bike, sales tax, and pedals–$3355.75.

    Weight: 7.48 kilograms.

    Ok, serious bike upgrade accomplished. Now to figure out a way to Haleakala by next year.

    Mastercard is happy, I am happy. I don’t need food or electricity or gasoline. I’m good.

    Does anyone need a copywriter or content writer or technical writer or ghostwriter? I know one. And he has a Mastercard bill coming due.

  4. @Jeff in PetroMetro
    When I saw the pile of posts on The Bikes, I thought – ooooooooooooooooooh, @Jeff in PetroMetro must have bought his bike! I was (at first) disappointed to find it was a dude on a recumbent.

    I think was almost as crestfallen as you when you said it was sold. But the ’07 595 sounds mo’bettah anyway. What a steal for that bike, and the 595 is the cat’s cock. Dog’s bullocks? Which was it again? I lose track.

    Anyhow, if I need any of such work (I just might) I will call upon your services.

    And I expect (at minimum) a post on The Bikes with photos once you’ve dialed her in and (ideally) a full-on guest piece on the old one your nefarious plan that got you into this bike.

    There never WAS a 585 Ultra, was there? Yeah, not my first rodeo.

  5. Here’s Julian Dean’s version of my new 595. I even have those cages on my Cervelo. I will move them to the Look because Julian Dean has them. Where can I get that Credit Agricole sticker that’s at the top of Julian Dean’s downtube near the headtube? I gotta get one. Or two. Put one on each side. I’m now a huge fan of Julian Dean.

  6. @frank
    The 585 Ultra? There sure was one. I was a wreck this morning when I learned it was gone. I begged Merckx to give me strength. I asked, “Whatever shall I do?”

    And he gave me the answer.


  7. I let them cut both the seatpost and the steerer tube. Of course they let me pay for the bike before they started cutting.

    They did fine. Well, I assume they did fine. I guess I won’t know until I have a catastrophic failure of either the seatpost or the steerer tube.

  8. @JeffinPetroMetro

    Wow, congratulations on the new steed. Very nice indeed. I am also impressed at how, looking back, in 4 days you have gone from a pipedream to a new bike!
    Well done good sir. Now the Hawaii part…….

    Look forward to the write up in “the bikes”

    Again, nice ride & nicely done

  9. Jeff in PetroMetro:

    Here’s Julian Dean’s version of my new 595. I even have those cages on my Cervelo. I will move them to the Look because Julian Dean has them. Where can I get that Credit Agricole sticker that’s at the top of Julian Dean’s downtube near the headtube? I gotta get one. Or two. Put one on each side. I’m now a huge fan of Julian Dean.

    That is the HOTTNESS. Good shit, Jeff.

  10. Jeff in PetroMetro:

    Here’s Julian Dean’s version of my new 595. I even have those cages on my Cervelo. I will move them to the Look because Julian Dean has them. Where can I get that Credit Agricole sticker that’s at the top of Julian Dean’s downtube near the headtube? I gotta get one. Or two. Put one on each side. I’m now a huge fan of Julian Dean.

    Excellent story, excellent bike, and excellent choice of role model. Just watch out for jealous Australians pulling up alongside and head butting you. They do that.

  11. @G’phant

    Excellent story, excellent bike, and excellent choice of role model. Just watch out for jealous Australians pulling up alongside and head butting you. They do that.

    Maybe you should heed your own advice there, fella…

  12. @Brett
    Was wondering whether it would be you or Marcus who bit first. Well done. Just as well you sold me that helmet mirror, then, so I can see you coming …

  13. Chapeau Frank….Jeez. That’s nearly double Ventoux. (I try and measure everything in Ventoux, it seems a suitable metric for the self-administration of pain.)
    Thinking about this, is there anything remotely comparable in Europe for outright elevation? Cime de la Bonette maybe?
    I guage my total climb for the winter to date as maybe 0.15 Ventoux, some considerable work required before my guns acheive much more snap than a warm pop bottle!

  14. @Jeff in PetroMetro
    Dude you fucking upgraded before you even bought the first bike. That’s Rule #12’in it full stop. One of my memories of Look bikes was on a ski vacation frank and I took to Chamonix. As we strolled past a bike/ski shop on the way to the boulangerie we noticed they had just put out that year’s new models of Look bikes. We stopped and ogled for a length of time.

  15. @Jeff in PetroMetro

    Sweet bike man! Looks like you got a good deal too.

    Just make sure you infuse it with the proper V during the break-in period… much like when you buy a new car you don’t want to just run it at 50 MPH in cruise control for the first 300 miles… ride the piss out of it!

  16. @Jeff in PetroMetro
    That is an AWESOME bike Jeff. I’ve always wanted a Look. The Velominatus Budgetatus in me has to figure out a way. I guess I can overlook the Dura Ace on top end Look. Jap drivetrains on European bikes is another blow to humanity that makes me want to go out and nurse a nice oatmeal stout. The next thing you know they’ll be running Toyotas at Daytona.

  17. @Cyclops

    Maybe European drivetrain manufacturers shouldn’t leave market openings for Japanese competition to move in on what should be home turf!

  18. What an amazing feat to accomplish! The wife & I stayed in Paia 12/19-1/1/2011 and
    spent 3 of those days up at the House of the Sun. I watched in horror at the pained
    faces on those attempting the climb, many of whom were absolutely not prepared. Myself,
    I never gave it a passing thought – need to train much, MUCH more and besides I am too
    damn old for that shit. Got no more man to man fuckin’ up here. Crazy good Frank!!

  19. My everyday #1 is a Look 585 Origin. I’ve crashed a bunch on it and been hit by a car that totalled my face and finances, but the bike is fine.

    Quite durable I must say, and easily the best handling bike I’ve ever ridden of many, many bikes. For once I can say I have a keeper. Though damned if you can fit a spec of dust between the rear tire and the FD clamp!!!

    Please spare the racist overtones of comparing Japan to Europe as if one is superior via culture, race, production, etc. I no longer choose Shimano, but all three gruppos are superior kit these days, and just because you and your buddies like the caché of one over another, spare the world your internment-camp-idealism and leave it.

    This is cycling. Keep it classy.

  20. Please spare the racist overtones of comparing Japan to Europe as if one is superior via culture, race, production, etc. I no longer choose Shimano, but all three gruppos are superior kit these days, and just because you and your buddies like the caché of one over another, spare the world your internment-camp-idealism and leave it.
    This is cycling. Keep it classy.


    As someone who’s VMH is Japanese I have come to admire most things from the land of the rising sun, her especially. It’s also produced an awesomely handsome son!

    I have just gone back to Shimano from Campy due to a new bike purchase. This was the stock set up that came with it so no choice (i.e. Velominatus Budgetatus). Both are good, both have their own idiosyncracies. What I can comment/compare on is that the Campagnolo suits me better as far as the hoods/levers. There is something about the shape of the Shimano hoods that don’t fit me. Bigger & uglier, yes. Shifting & stopping, comparable IMO. Europe meets Japan, think Modern Australian Cuisine. A nicely balanced blend of the two with respect for both cuisines. Complimenting each other to produce some of the finest food in the world (hints to my culinary background). The traditional meeting the modern, if it works, mo’ the better for us all.

  21. @mcsqueak

    “market openings” have nothing to do with what is right and good the realm of cycling soul. There are just some things that ought not be done. I have an S-Works crankset on my Cannondale because it was the nicest BB30 crankset I could afford but we do what we have to do. Yet the little demon sits on my shoulder and whispers “blashemer!” into my ear all the time and I have to agree with him.


    No racists overtones. I would be equally appalled at a Bridgestone or a 3Rensho running Campy parts.

    BTW, I lived in Japan for two years and wanted to spend the rest of my life there so there you go.

  22. @Colin
    Gotta defend our marine buddy. Cyclops may be a lovable buffoon (if in doubt refer to the ‘self portrait’ he posted some months back. Actually, oin second thoughts, don’t) and the Jens Voigt of Velominati – “will do intervals for food” – but he aint no racist. His words were no more racist than the person who prefers the flair in Italian sportscars over the precision of the German equivalent.

    Disclosure – just loaded up on a new bike (a Look 595 no less Jeff!) which will mark my return to Shimano after a 9 year separation…

  23. @Cyclops

    Ah. just give in to the pleasure of knowing you are doing something so wrong, yet it feels so right.


    You mean the one of him on the office chair recumbent?

  24. @Nate
    Wasn’t me, but I do have a non-refundable ticket to Houston that I couldn’t use…

  25. @Marcus
    Congrats on the purchase! I’ll take the chorus group off your old steed for an upgrade project I’m looking for the right excuse to start.

    Man, this bike buying thing is a virus. Look at it spread through here!

  26. Just caught up on this post,
    1) Congrats to Jeff for the brilliance, am now trolling big box stores for my next upgrade.
    2) Am not looking back at Cyclops’s self portrait, just finished espresso and do not want sick in my mouth.

  27. @frank
    Thanks Fronky boy – took delivery of the steed last night and I can confidently say that the gap between my ability and the quality of my bike is now a chasm. Photos up after ceremonial seatpost cutting (think “Bris in a Bike Shop” – almost recruited a rabbi for the ceremony).

    Am keeping the Chorus as am keeping my Baum as my second bike – but have a full 10-speed Record gruppo on a frame that I put a crack in. Frame no good, gear close to perfect condition. Also brand new Ritchey WCS carbon seatpost and stem looking for a home – but they aint gonna fit you!

  28. Great video, great climb. Been stalking the site for a while, wasn’t sure if you guys were all talk, but this is certainly proof you dish it out.

  29. @razmaspaz
    Nice one Raz and yes there are some here who are the real deal, some who were and then others who know the real deal (then there are those of us who just wish we were the deal). Welcome.

    Thanks Fronky boy


  30. FYI: Back in January 2009 Ryder Hesjedal, who lives on Maui in the off season, beat his boss Jonathan Vaughter’s 2:38 record up Haleakala. Vaughters set the record in 1993 as part of the Cycle to the Sun race up Haleakala. Ryder’s record time is 2:32:51.

  31. @mauibike
    Yep. Somebody posted it in The Paradox of Maturity article. You should read the posts there. Truly fucking hilarious. Welcome, by the way.

  32. Ummm … isn’t the nameplate sticker (and/or other Velominati stickers for that matter) affixed to the top tube a direct violation of Rule #57?

    Rule #57:
    No stickers on your bike. Nobody gives a shit what causes you support, what war your against, what gear you buy, or what year you rode RAGBRAI. See Rule #5 and ride your bike.

    What about the chain I have on my drive side chainstay? That’s a sticker, am I allowed to keep it?

  33. No need to keep looking – I found the charity…
    These guys build bikes tough for developing countries and then give them away. They have given away over 50,000 bikes in the last few years and they make a difference by helping keep kids in school, helping microfinance businesses, and generally improving the lives of thousands of the world’s poorest people.
    You might remember their bikes were reviewed on VeloNews a while back ( and for $134 a bike, they’re doing pretty well.
    Surely if we can get together twenty or thirty people, and raise $50,000-$60,000, it’s worthwhile?
    I don’t mind if it’s Haleakawa or le Tour (I’d prefer Haleakawa) but let’s do this.

  34. @Frank

    I’m very happy to have not seen this article a month ago when I arrived here on Maui. I would have been tempted to match your impressive display of The V and document my efforts accordingly. Wonderful job and a great video. I applaud your excellent work. No Haleakala for me, though. I enjoyed many other great rides through Haiku, the Upcountry, and even the ever popular Kihei/Wailea/Makena to Kahului bike path. It’s a beautiful place to ride, yes? If not the climbs, the wind will surely bring out the Man with the Hammer. Alas, I leave tomorrow and my bike is already disassembled. Oh well, next time. You do it again, as you state you will, I’ll meet you here and we’ll tackle it together. Anyone else game?

    I’m headed to Oahu later this month. Anyone know of any good routes there?

  35. This video brings the pain. Bravo. Inspiring. My posse hits Mt. Mitchell and other heights in western NC in June. Wish my bride (or someone else’s) would pilot a chase car.

  36. @Frank

    Just wondering if those were Zipp 404’s or 303 clinchers you were running on on your ride up Haleakala and how they held up? And very inspirational by the way. If I would’ve saw this post/video a few weeks ago while I was in Maui I would’ve definitely had to give it a shot.

  37. @mrwiggs
    They are 404’s; these are bombproof wheels – I ride them all over, anytime, anyplace. As you can tell I’m a big guy, so I don’t give them an easy ride. One of the things I really like about the wheels is the spokes are easy to come by and all you need to true/maintain them is a truing stand a standard spoke wrench.

    Lastly, it’s embarrassing how light they roll; give ’em a spin, go out, have a bite, come back and it’s still spinning.


  38. @frank
    Good to hear. I’ve had my eye on some Zipps for sometime now. Just not sure whether a 303 or 404 would be better. I suppose the 303 would be a little more of an all around wheel? Also, do you use those 404 clinchers to race? Or do you use a set of tubulars?

  39. @mrwiggs
    I’m not sure the 303’s are more of an all-round wheel or not. My VMH rides a set in cross winds et all and she’s on a 53cm, 14 pound bike with about 110 pounds of rider on a wet day. No issues in cross winds – in fact, my flat-spoked Ksyriums give me much more trouble in winds than do the Zipps.

    My understanding of the wheels is that they really have a sweet spot for efficiency based on speeds. The 404’s, you can feel them start to fall into their zone in the mid to upper 30’s (km/h) up to the mid 40’s. If you ride in that range a lot, the 404’s are for you. The 303’s range is a bit lower, and the 202’s lower still (which is why, aside from their weight, they’re a good climbing wheel). The 808’s are for 45+ and really sing at 50+.

    They have this amazing sensation when the wind is right where you feel the bike accelerate a bit when you hit the speed zone and you almost don’t feel like you need to pedal. Amazing.

  40. I was just informed by my VMH’s parents that we will probably be going to Maui in 2013 for their 40th wedding anniversary. So it looks like I have a date with the mountain in my future.

  41. I do see only thumbnail-size pictures. Full-screen mode doesn’t work either. What’s wrong here?

    Well done, frank!

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