Sometimes, the eyes can only take so much.

Voyeurs

by / / 32 posts

We are a sick lot. We have no morals whatsoever. I understand why others are wary of us, why café patrons reel in disgust, why real men driving utes want us dead. We attempt to assimilate while at the same time exhibiting no shame of our middle-aged bodies swathed in a thin shield of no real protection (for us or their eyes). We tell each other how good or Fantastic we look, and anyone overhearing our conversations must be highly amused yet deeply unsettled. And we openly ogle others’ loves without any sense of chagrin or fear of retribution, often in groups at privately organised, invite-only gatherings. Frequently we touch them.

We should be locked up.

The invite arrived unexpectedly, as these things tend to. Anticipation built; it was like I was being admitted to the inner sanctum of some secret society. 2pm Saturday, bring your most exotic companion/s. Descriptions of others’ lovers were used as a tease, to entice. It worked. The clever deployment of a decoy in the form of a Vespa convention out front kept the normal people at bay. I was content among those who shared my egregious fetish. Metal and rubber abounded, and surrounded us. The Ringleader, speaking in hushed tones with an accent either manufactured or not of the local dialect, ushered me and my dates quickly inside, settling them in positions which seemed pre-ordained, away from each other, yet allowing mingling with their own kind. We stood. We looked. We made awkward conversation. “Is she yours?” “Yeah mate…” “Nice. Can I…” I never know what to say, I want to share, but? “Yeah, sure…”

I hurried home and scrubbed myself and my companions clean. All that remained was that idelible mark within, one not seen by the untrained eye but ridiculously obvious to those who know. The ones I’d left behind, but are always there. Watching.

// La Vie Velominatus // Reverence // The Bikes

  1. Pure porn. Whew. And, that’s done absolutely nothing to quell my current obsession.

    Even the dog has to look away…




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  2. Awesome. What a gathering of beautiful bikes and their aficionados.




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  3. Nice essay and even better pics to accompany. The Mavic-shod Bottecchia is one of the best looking steeds ever, along with the Motorola Merckx. But, I have to wonder….Dura-Ace AX brakes on an obviously large Merckx frame? Was the Merckx piloted by a great rider who really had no need for brakes that worked? Or only ridden uphill on Sundays to the Madonna del Ghisallo by a rather tall little old lady?




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  4. Good to see that Pat is getting some recognition for his frames. So nice.




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  5. How did they smell? Clean and antiseptic (they’re all so clean!) or sweet and musty like they still get an outing or at least fresh rubber and a spot of lube?

    That Bottecchia is gorgeous. The rear mech alone is carbone worthy – and let’s not talk about the crankset..




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  6. If you weren’t tested beforehand, today you should urgently get clearance, Clarence.




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  7. @wiscot

    That Bottecchia is gorgeous. The rear mech alone is carbone worthy – and let’s not talk about the crankset..

    Oh, yeah…the rear derailleur is industrial yet simple perfection. Perfect combo to the retrofriction shift levers. The Mavic cranksets were oh so sweet, though. Best part was the first time you picked one up and realized that besides looking great it was super light. Oh, lets not forget the cartridge BB….smoooth as buttah!!




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  8. @brett I feel dirty.




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  9. I see the Jaegher is front and center. Well penned.




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  10. Jesus wept. I was not ready for that AT ALL. I’d off now to chase that ex- Jan Ullrich Telekom Pinarello that was for sale….!




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  11. I need a cigarette after this….




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  12. @Bruce Lee

    Nice essay and even better pics to accompany. The Mavic-shod Bottecchia is one of the best looking steeds ever, along with the Motorola Merckx. But, I have to wonder….Dura-Ace AX brakes on an obviously large Merckx frame? Was the Merckx piloted by a great rider who really had no need for brakes that worked? Or only ridden uphill on Sundays to the Madonna del Ghisallo by a rather tall little old lady?

    The Hen don’t need no stinkin’ brakes!




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  13. Great stuff, Bretto! Nice capturing of a cool afternoon with like-minded freaks. Not sure about #29 though, no need for that steaming pile among all that bicycular beauty.




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  14. @brett this post has re-enthused me to continue on with building a replica of my grandfathers circa 1930’s race bike. @pistard FYI, Im back on the trail. Got slack over last few months

    Who’s dog in the main photo? Tristan’s ? Even the dog cant bare to look at the sordid goings on inside the workshop.




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  15. @Barracuda

    @brett

    Who’s dog in the main photo? Tristan’s ? Even the dog cant bare to look at the sordid goings on inside the workshop.

    The dog belongs to Mark, a customer at the shop i work p/t at… the dog is called Richard and always comes in with Mark to say hi. He’s seen more than any dog needs to see.




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  16. @Oli

    Great stuff, Bretto! Nice capturing of a cool afternoon with like-minded freaks. Not sure about #29 though, no need for that steaming pile among all that bicycular beauty.

    #29 is the most like-minded freak there, though!




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  17. @brett

    @Barracuda

    @brett

    Who’s dog in the main photo? Tristan’s ? Even the dog cant bare to look at the sordid goings on inside the workshop.

    The dog belongs to Mark, a customer at the shop i work p/t at… the dog is called Richard and always comes in with Mark to say hi. He’s seen more than any dog needs to see.

    All that needs to be done is throw some dusty old floorboards over the concrete in the shop and the “3rd place ” has been born.




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  18. @brett

    Haha! True enough, I suppose…




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  19. Awe inspiring… thanks for that, shame it is halfway around the world for me to see that personally (and bring my Colnago Master Olympic along….)




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  20. @Oli should have some photos as well…




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  21. @brett and BITB guy’s, what an assortment of eye-candy! I went weak at the knees.

    More pics of the Raleigh?




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  22. Musta been a local sheep show.

    (C’mon, you know you all wanted to say it)

    That bloke in the corner is Brett’s paaaaaaaaaaaaa !!




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  23. Sex symbols indeed. Hell, I’d breathily sing happy birthday to them!




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  24. Oh my. These photos leave me with more questions than answers. Exactly like when I first saw a nudie magazine.




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  25. I kept waiting for the full pic of the Bianchi… it did no disappoint.




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  26. Sweet baby jesus. That is a beautiful round up of steeds. Some look too clean though. Glad to see the Colnago with the delta brakes looking like it’s still being ridden.




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  27. Those pics are pure filth. Chapeau!




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  28. Thank you. The Delta brakes still look sexy.




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  29. Awesome collection.

    Was that Motorola Merckx an ex Stephen Swart bike, or earlier? I remember seeing a few times in the Royal Oak sunday bunch in Auckland in the early 90s. I didn’t recognise him at first, but you could tell from his legs that he was a very good rider (then I noticed the bike and the team kit)!




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  30. That Bottecchia is absolutely stunning – the chrome seat and chain stays – I’ve never seen anything like it. I hadn’t noticed that the fork was also chrome my first time through, though. Wow. Things to tuck away for that ‘one-day’ when I’m getting a custom frame built.




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  31. Man, what a great collection of bikes!




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  32. Bretto, you’re a dirty little pervert. Having said that, we should all be organising soirees such as this.




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