Author Archive | brett

The beginning of so many ends

Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2016

by / / 585 posts

A lot has happened in the last ten years of le Tour, and a lot of it stemmed from the race that took place in 2006. At the time it seemed like yet another “Tour of Redemption” as the organisers liked to claim every few years after something had happened to tarnish the race’s image,…

It would be decades before golf and cycling met once again.

Anatomy Of A Photo: The Battle Of The 13th Bunker

by / / 22 posts

Sylvester wasn’t happy with his second shot at the 13th. “I say, I’ve blimmin well hooked that one tewwibly to the left, old chap.” “Oh yes, made a right hash of it, a real dog’s breakfast” chimed in Roderick, his live-in help, part-time caddy and full-time lover. “Let me get that for you, I don’t…

K.I.S.S meets Soundgarden.

The Quick Zip Salute

by / / 68 posts

Diego Ulissi did us all a service on stage 4 of the Giro. Not only did he win in the best way possible for a rouleur with a sprint – by not having to sprint – he timed his attack so perfectly that he only had time for a split-second salute, and an even quicker…

It's not the Giro. It's way harder (to pick).

Velominati Super Prestige: Tour Of Chongming Island 2016

by / / 106 posts

Ok, so we know you’re all excited about the Giro starting tonight, and poring over your picks and determining who is the best of a pretty weak field. Look, it’s Nibbles then daylight, ok? Good. Now we got a bit lost in it all too, and if it wasn’t for the eagle eye and sharp…

Suit you, Sir?

The Suit Lining

by / / 59 posts

“A fine suit is only as good as its lining” once said someone more versed in the art of the clothier than me. They didn’t actually, I just made that up. But it sounds like it could be something that an Italian tailor would say, but I’ve never met one of those either. The point…

0.02% aero lost, 236% cool gained

Reverence: Straight Round Tubes

by / / 178 posts

Tradition and innovation sit mostly comfortably alongside each other in Cycling. The bicycle itself is inherently a very simple machine, the basic design of which has remained the same for centuries; frame, two wheels, cranks, saddle, handlebars. It’s what has been done to these elements along the way that has shaped what the modern road…

Here comes sickness.

Shit Gets Real

by / / 83 posts

Can you feel that? That itchy, twitchy feeling… that’s anticipation, it’s expectation, it’s Belgian fucking racing fever! You know you’ve got it, and you can’t fight it, you don’t want to fight it, you need it bad because it’s been way too long. Some may call it Spring Fever, Cobblebone, or Kassientitis. It manifests itself deep in…

If loin cloths could speak...

Half Man, Half Couch

by / / 64 posts

I never used to get injured. I could ride all day on hardly any water or food, under the Australian sun with nary a squirt of sunscreen, drink four beers directly after and then go and DJ and dance til the wee hours of the next morning without stretching or any form of ‘warming down’. To me,…

Working legs. Photo: Tim Koln

Single Gun Theory

by / / 78 posts

Kids are assholes. Kids are also sensitive and vulnerable, and the two extremes are usually not found together in the one vessel. When you’re a kid, or more specifically a young teenager, being skinny (or conversely, overweight) can be somewhat testing for a developing brain. Processing jibes and deflecting taunts from meatheads and low-rent bullies…

Gone the way of the frame pump

A Shift In Time

by / / 103 posts

Returning to your roots can be both a rewarding and sobering experience. The nostalgia one feels for the halcyon days of youth, the memories of carefree times in the sun with the only concern to make it home in time for dinner, the hidden alleyways and secret spots where the bike would take you and…

Disregard, or deference?

On Rule #30: In Defence Of The Frame Pump

by / / 106 posts

Going against the grain is something I think I’ve been doing with some degree of success for a good portion of my existence. A lot of people look at my life with a kind of disdain, mixed with a hint of envy and a dash of bemusement; how could I not have a wife/kids/mortgage and…

The real truth lies here.

Freedom

by / / 138 posts

Modern society is pretty much fucked. The world is made up of vacuous, self-centered morons brainwashed by the internet and mainstream media, who in turn are no more than puppets of .ooo1% of the population who own 99% of the wealth and pull the strings of every major government, bank, business and institution. 1984 is a…

Right there! You see that? Is it?

Anatomy Of A Screen Shot: The Ghost Of Fons Vanacker

by / / 26 posts

Outside of East Flanders, little is known of Bart Vanacker’s elder half-brother Fons. Around the streets of Ronse, however, The Fons was a regular sight, well-dressed, perfect hair with a beaming smile and “hallo!” for everyone whose path he would cross on his daily walk to Fons’ Flandrien Farming outlet, the business he’d established in 1974 in…

A case study of base face.

Ace of Base

by / / 42 posts

It’s still a month away. You’ve got plenty of base. If those words were being spoken about an upcoming DJ set, then I’d probably not take them completely with a grain of salt. When they are in reference to a 160km event with a shitload of hills, and the sum total of post-KT riding can…

Two means to the same end: Winning. Photo: @Bianchi Denti

Just Add X

by / / 39 posts

Belgium has a host of great names, and not just for Cyclists. Riding past a farm equipment outlet or workshop after Keepers Tour 15 had been consigned to the history books, I was taken by the name Bart Vanacker so much that I commented to William that I was seriously considering changing my own handle to…

Laurens VV Dam rides in the cars at the 2014 Lombardia. Photo: Pedale.Forchetta

Velominati Super Prestige: Giro Di Lombardia 2015

by / / 118 posts

What a great time of year this is. The changing of the seasons means one of two things; the weather is perfect as temperatures rise and spirits are lifted with the promise of a long summer ahead, or the weather is perfect as the long summer peters out as days shorten, meaning only memories of…

Spring comes to Summer

AoP: Never Too Much Muur

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You can never have too much Muur. It’s a proven scientific fact that too little Muur can be detrimental to a Cyclist’s state of mind, even if they have never ridden the most iconic climb in Flanders. And if they have, then the withdrawals are something not to be taken lightly. Every so often we…

Big Mig, cards close to the chest as always

Look Pro: Poker Face

by / / 46 posts

Cycling is all about energy. If you don’t have it, you don’t have it. It can be sucked out of you as quickly as a Dyson sucks up dust. Even on those days when you feel a million bucks, use your energy unwisely and you’ll be spat out the back and struggling to make a piece of…

Certificate Of Unoriginality

Maker’s Mark

by / / 64 posts

If the best things in life are free, Messrs Lennon and McCartney must’ve just been given a huge bag of top-grade cocaine and were off their little chops when they wrote that one. There are plenty of great things in life that are free, the outdoors, mountains, air, but no-one is giving away bicycles, cocaine or…

Last drinks, gentlemen...

Anatomy Of A Photo: The Last Chance Saloon

by / / 64 posts

Bicycle racing is a strange beast. Some races are over before they’re even a third completed, any mystery of a victor negated by methodical displays of team riding and tactical strangulation of opponents. Other races are so hard to pick that to even attempt to is committing VSP suicide; yet still we pick. For three weeks out of the year,…

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