Author Archive | brett

The real truth lies here.


by / / 135 posts

Modern society is pretty much fucked. The world is made up of vacuous, self-centered morons brainwashed by the internet and mainstream media, who in turn are no more than puppets of .ooo1% of the population who own 99% of the wealth and pull the strings of every major government, bank, business and institution. 1984 is a…

Right there! You see that? Is it?

Anatomy Of A Screen Shot: The Ghost Of Fons Vanacker

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Outside of East Flanders, little is known of Bart Vanacker’s elder half-brother Fons. Around the streets of Ronse, however, The Fons was a regular sight, well-dressed, perfect hair with a beaming smile and “hallo!” for everyone whose path he would cross on his daily walk to Fons’ Flandrien Farming outlet, the business he’d established in 1974 in…

A case study of base face.

Ace of Base

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It’s still a month away. You’ve got plenty of base. If those words were being spoken about an upcoming DJ set, then I’d probably not take them completely with a grain of salt. When they are in reference to a 160km event with a shitload of hills, and the sum total of post-KT riding can…

Two means to the same end: Winning. Photo: @Bianchi Denti

Just Add X

by / / 39 posts

Belgium has a host of great names, and not just for Cyclists. Riding past a farm equipment outlet or workshop after Keepers Tour 15 had been consigned to the history books, I was taken by the name Bart Vanacker so much that I commented to William that I was seriously considering changing my own handle to…

Laurens VV Dam rides in the cars at the 2014 Lombardia. Photo: Pedale.Forchetta

Velominati Super Prestige: Giro Di Lombardia 2015

by / / 118 posts

What a great time of year this is. The changing of the seasons means one of two things; the weather is perfect as temperatures rise and spirits are lifted with the promise of a long summer ahead, or the weather is perfect as the long summer peters out as days shorten, meaning only memories of…

Spring comes to Summer

AoP: Never Too Much Muur

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You can never have too much Muur. It’s a proven scientific fact that too little Muur can be detrimental to a Cyclist’s state of mind, even if they have never ridden the most iconic climb in Flanders. And if they have, then the withdrawals are something not to be taken lightly. Every so often we…

Big Mig, cards close to the chest as always

Look Pro: Poker Face

by / / 46 posts

Cycling is all about energy. If you don’t have it, you don’t have it. It can be sucked out of you as quickly as a Dyson sucks up dust. Even on those days when you feel a million bucks, use your energy unwisely and you’ll be spat out the back and struggling to make a piece of…

Certificate Of Unoriginality

Maker’s Mark

by / / 64 posts

If the best things in life are free, Messrs Lennon and McCartney must’ve just been given a huge bag of top-grade cocaine and were off their little chops when they wrote that one. There are plenty of great things in life that are free, the outdoors, mountains, air, but no-one is giving away bicycles, cocaine or…

Last drinks, gentlemen...

Anatomy Of A Photo: The Last Chance Saloon

by / / 64 posts

Bicycle racing is a strange beast. Some races are over before they’re even a third completed, any mystery of a victor negated by methodical displays of team riding and tactical strangulation of opponents. Other races are so hard to pick that to even attempt to is committing VSP suicide; yet still we pick. For three weeks out of the year,…

What will Spartacus do?


by / / 79 posts

When it comes to hardmen, there aren’t many tougher than this guy. That he manages to mix massive amounts of V with similarly massive amounts of Casual Deliberation only serves to heighten the man-crushes of a bunch of older, fatter, balder men who see a visage of Spatacus looking back at us in the mirror every time…


Light Reading

by / / 49 posts

The conundrum for the Cyclist (but not the bike rider) presents itself daily. We try to keep ourselves safe every time we get on our bikes, and we want to achieve a balance between form and function. Sometimes function wins, though mostly it’s form with the upper hand. A YJA isn’t going to protect you…

Meet your Maker

Meet Your Maker

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The wheel has always fascinated me, and why wouldn’t it? It’s one of the oldest known inventions, with the earliest archeological example believed to be about 5500 years old. They get us from point A to point B every day, one way or another. Without the wheel, we’d be reduced to walking. It’s not natural.…

Sometimes, the eyes can only take so much.


by / / 32 posts

We are a sick lot. We have no morals whatsoever. I understand why others are wary of us, why café patrons reel in disgust, why real men driving utes want us dead. We attempt to assimilate while at the same time exhibiting no shame of our middle-aged bodies swathed in a thin shield of no real protection (for us or…

2km from nowhere.

Roubaix: Anatomy Of A Shithole

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One of the best, most memorable (and repeated) lines from the movie In Bruges is “it’s a shithole”. Of course this isn’t true; Bruges (or Brugge in the local parlance) is a beautiful city with many a charm to captivate the senses. On my third visit to the city during Keepers Tour 2015, the shithole…

There she goes, my beautiful world

The Real Diel

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Europe is full of history, ancient buildings filled with original masterpieces of art that you can spend days discovering. Looking at these artworks lasts but a moment, the only way to retain their majesty by memory or memory card. Other works of art take different forms, and some of these can be taken with you.…

Phil Anderson gets in the Easter spirit with a bar-bunny attack.

Velominati Super Prestige: Ronde Van Vlaanderen 2015

by / / 221 posts

As far as the Keepers are concerned (and those already arrived for KT15) the real race action on the cobbles and for the 2015 VSP starts right here in Flanders with the Easter Sunday edition of de Ronde van Vlaanderen. And not only does the kassien bring out the big guns looking to pick up a…

Moser: All legs, no body. Photo by Photosport Int

Look Pro: Stay Still

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“It’s Francesco Moser, with his distinctive style, his still, aerodynamic position on the bicycle is an imposing sight of almost effortless rotary action.” Whoever the narrator in A Sunday In Hell is*, he got that little nugget spot on. If you want to know how to pedal a bicycle, you can do no better than to…

The V-Lion of Flanders

Brush Strokes On The Soul

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I dream of painting and then I paint my dream. -Vincent Van Gogh Poor old Vinnie may have been Dutch, mad as a cut snake, riddled with gonorrhea, a romantic in the most insane sense, and a raging alcoholic, but despite these encumbrances he knew a bit about the use of colour. He also spent…

Rossi, patron saint of the Dangle

The Dangle

by / / 103 posts

As surfing is to skateboarding and vice versa, so is motorcycling to cycling and… yes, ok we’ve mentioned this before, but it bears repeating, or at least elaborating on, as I’ve been experimenting with a crossover technique gleaned from the world of MotoGP racing: the Rossi Leg Wave. Or, as I like to call it for the…

That's not a robot right there.

The Torch Song

by / / 151 posts

Live music is better than recorded music. It’s a given. Having that connection, where you’re sharing the same space as the artist is a unique experience that can’t be replicated on a plastic disc. To receive the gift from the giver personally is a moment of intimacy not possible if it arrives in a package in the mail.…

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