Does this make it right?

The Justifier

I kind of like the fact that I still have to look up what number certain Rules are. Some stick in my mind, usually due to their relevance to my everyday riding and living situation. That’s how I could justify hairy legs over a ride-barren winter, loose-fitting (I refuse to call them baggy) shorts for gravé rides, and a frame pump on my road bike. I can hear the howls of derision now. And even after Gianni’s public flogging for using a saddle bag, I’m still gonna go there, girl.

It occurred to me while watching the Tour that the main reason we eschew the EPMS, like most things, is that they don’t look good. Fair enough. Yes, they are functional, and while that usually doesn’t sit high on our list of priorities, it has been making a bigger blip on my personal radar of late. I guess that’s what happens once the floodgates are opened by the likes of a frame pump; “shit, this works really well, and you know what, no-one else is running it, so I’m kinda unique. Maybe even a trendsetter.” OK, maybe not, but justification comes in many forms. Anyway, from watching the Tour and not being able to avoid the fact that every bike was running the electronic timing GPS device under the saddle, I had to ask the question: do they make the EPMS acceptable?

Probably not, and those howls of derision are hitting peak decibels now, I’m sure. But there is a new crop of bags out there which are swaying me to the dark side. Stop howling! Maybe not on my road bikes, but with a new gravé machine imminent, I’ve been looking at all manner of add-on carrying devices. Frame bags, TT bags, handlebar bags, and even the EPMS. My good friend the Bike Bag Dude has been commissioned to customise a camera bag for the bars that can handle an SLR, and a slim frame bag that can also accomodate my Silca Impero. And those purveyors of the pump that has its own Rule caveat may have just released another Rule-breaker with their new Seat Roll Premio. See, it even sounds cool. It uses the BOA system to secure it to the rails and looks more like a wallet than a small piece of carry-on luggage dangling under your arse.

Now that Frank has turned 40 and Gianni and I are well north of that, could there be a softening of the Rules going on? Shit no, we’re not completely senile just yet. But there are increasing ways to gently skirt some of them, while others are sacrosanct. And when our colostomy bags turn up, you know they are going to be Rule compliant. Otherwise, it’s just a shit time, and no-one wants that.

 

Related Posts

86 Replies to “The Justifier”

  1. I have one of their earlier model tool roll whatev they are called that I use when on long back country dirt road rides. It tucks in nice and tight, no dangle, and actually looks like a decent piece of kit. It’s heavy duty and well, there ya go, I’ve admitted to it. Silca is in to some cool stuff. Excepting their “ultra premium” CO2 cartridges… that’s really over the top if ya ask me. We’re not talking 14-16 grams of gas here… we’re talking 15.5 to 16 grams. No room for error. That must be critical to performance inflation? I wouldn’t have guessed.

  2. Don’t worry too much about some of the rules that are created from bikes seen

    in a race situation.

    The pros ride with saddle bags when out on training rides at home.

    Saying that though, I would NEVER do a frame or handlebar bag.

  3. So Brett … isn’t there a law (and a Rule) against whacking off in public (to say nothing of starting a whole new Keeper thread on the subject)???

     

     

  4. @Chipomarc

    Don’t worry too much about some of the rules that are created from bikes seen

     

    in a race situation.

    The pros ride with saddle bags when out on training rides at home.

    Saying that though, I would NEVER do a frame or handlebar bag.

    Shush. It’s the dirty little secret that more or less 100% of pros take an EPMS and often a frame mounted mini pump on training rides. We ignore this, because of reasons.

  5. ” I can hear the howls of derision now.” Spot on, yes

    ” they don’t look good.” Spot on, yes

    “do they make the EPMS acceptable?” Answer: no

    “But there are increasing ways to gently skirt some of them, while others are sacrosanct.” Come again? Care to elaborate which are to be skirted with and which are sacrosanct?

  6. @Barracuda

    hey @Brett , Im running the “tiny” almost invisible ( insert smiley face ) Arundel Uno http://www.arundelbike.com/product/uno/

    I justify this by telling myself that it matches my Arundel Bidon cages http://www.arundelbike.com/product/mandible/

    SSShhhhh, if you dont tell anyone its not a violation. It’s just between you and me, ok !

    Yep, Uno’s are cool and I use one of those on my CAAD to carry a tube and a CO2. Tucks up under the seat very nicely. No dangle. One tube in the Uno and one tube in a small little zip sack along with lever, inflator valve, CO2, Di2 wire tool, and spare contacts that tucks nicely in to the back pocket.

    @Al__S

    @Chipomarc

    Don’t worry too much about some of the rules that are created from bikes seen

    in a race situation.

    The pros ride with saddle bags when out on training rides at home.

    Saying that though, I would NEVER do a frame or handlebar bag.

    Shush. It’s the dirty little secret that more or less 100% of pros take an EPMS and often a frame mounted mini pump on training rides. We ignore this, because of reasons.

    Next you’ll tell us they’re running clinchers too !?!

  7. Anyway, from watching the Tour and not being able to avoid the fact that every bike was running the electronic timing GPS device under the saddle, I had to ask the question: do they make the EPMS acceptable?

    I fail to see any logic in this statement.

    The first rule of the Velominati is: Obey The Rules

    The second rule of the Velominati is: Something else altogether……..

    According to Rule #3No matter how good you think your reason is to knowingly breach The Rules, it is never good enough.

    If we justify EPMS by means of Tour riders being required to affix GPS sensors to their bikes, what is next? Do we ride with unmatched seat post and handlebar tape? Extra large bidons? Madness I say, anarchy will ensue.

     

  8. Scotland and crap roads, sometimes the pouch in the jersey pocket just isn’t enough. This 3rd spare tube (minus the levers) hides away nicely under my Cambium C17 saddle.

  9. @RobSandy

    WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

    It’s an insurrection. Next thing you know, people will be applying for TREs (therapeutic rule exemptions). Does such a thing, COULD such a thing, exist?

  10. @RobSandy

    WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

    Totally agree! Obviously people are going to break the odd rule or two (don’t look at my guns while I’m talking) but as @Buck Roger notes there is a time and a place for a quick spank and it’s not in public.

    @frank can’t you sort this shit out and control the keepers? Doesn’t @brett need to submit his posts for approval before publication?

    @brett You’ve been blinded by the BOA tech on that Seat Roll Premio. The roll itself looks like a pretty bulky way of carrying the essentials whose natural home is the centre pocket. I can only guess that the Premio bit refers to the price.

    I do quite like the use of BOA tech though. Salvaging the BOA system off some trashed shoes to attach a spare tubular to the saddle rails could become a thing.

     

  11. Referring to the Giro di Lombardia and counting; I think we need to have a bit of Spanish Inquisition under this article.

  12. @KogaLover

    Referring to the Giro di Lombardia and counting; I think we need to have a bit of Spanish Inquisition under this article.

    There is definitely Trubble a’ t’ Mill going on…….

  13. @Teocalli

    @KogaLover

    Referring to the Giro di Lombardia and counting; I think we need to have a bit of Spanish Inquisition under this article.

    There is definitely Trubble a’ t’ Mill going on…….

    Next article – Frank Strack describes how he competed in a triathlon wearing a Livestrong vest….

  14. You can only get a TRE if you form your own V Community, build a kick ass site, and then sustain it for years, plus publish a book…and then come up with your own Rules, but ones that allow some easier skirting…

    (Speaking of which, and not to dive into the morass but…Wiggins’ “I didn’t mean needles in that sense” statement is FUCKING hilarious.)

  15. Wait, how did I miss Frank turning 40??

    Also, while I like the utility of a frame pump under the TT on my commuter bike…at some point I know I’ll need to pick it up by the TT and be buggered. I guess  you can just mount it in the rear triangle, but TT mounting just seems like it’ll come back to haunt me.

     

  16. Wait, the Impero pump is $165? Get the fuck out. I just bought a new frameset for less. That’s insane.

  17. @Ron

    Wait, how did I miss Frank turning 40??

    Also, while I like the utility of a frame pump under the TT on my commuter bike…

    I think commuter bikes are partially or entirely Rules exempt.

    Commuting has its own rules, anyway. Or Rule. Never, ever let yourself be overtaken by another cyclist.

  18. Stay tuned for the next article: “Why recumbents are awesome”.

    (I’m just faking outrage here, admittedly. I actually happen to think that (some) recumbents can be pretty awesome, and have never really been able to grasp while they are (or seem) so vilified around here. I’ll get my coat and will try not to let the door slam on my way out…)

    On another note: @Frank, congrats on the big Four-Oh and many happy returns.

    And on yet another note: my namesake @Erik: agreed; that Seat Roll thingy looks mighty fine to me, too.

  19. Well there is one way of getting me to pop back in for a scoot around the site.   Have this article pop up on my FB page next to the adverts for bio luminescent ball bags dangling from saddles.

    My only comment is.  No. No. and thrice NO!

  20. @RobSandy

    @Ron

    Wait, how did I miss Frank turning 40??

    Also, while I like the utility of a frame pump under the TT on my commuter bike…

    I think commuter bikes are partially or entirely Rules exempt.

    Commuting has its own rules, anyway. Or Rule. Never, ever let yourself be overtaken by another cyclist.

    Rules loosened, but not abandoned, for commuters. For example saddle and bar tape might not match, but only if the saddle is a Brooks leather. It is still critical to Look (as) Fantastic (as possible) while commuting, and to check oneself out in shop windows.

  21. @RobSandy

    @Teocalli

    @KogaLover

    Referring to the Giro di Lombardia and counting; I think we need to have a bit of Spanish Inquisition under this article.

    There is definitely Trubble a’ t’ Mill going on…….

    Next article – Frank Strack describes how he competed in a triathlon wearing a Livestrong vest….

    On a recumbent. With an orange flag (but of course).

  22. Come on guys, try to get your head around this it shouldn’t be that difficult.

    Don’t base what your training bike ( especially your winter bike ) should look like from a picture of a bike on the start line at a race.

    Put a saddle bag on and leave it on.

  23. @Ron

    Wait, how did I miss Frank turning 40??

    Also, while I like the utility of a frame pump under the TT on my commuter bike…at some point I know I’ll need to pick it up by the TT and be buggered. I guess you can just mount it in the rear triangle, but TT mounting just seems like it’ll come back to haunt me.

    Seat tube, then?

    I have this exact bike in the shed (just with a higher frame; 63 cm instead of the 60 shown here). The matching frame pump works like a dream, doesn’t rattle, never falls off, etc…  15 or so blasts with this puppy and I’m on my way again. Old school cool.

     

  24. Speaking of “older” guys – of which Frank isn’t one, no matter how much he howls about turning 40 – I hit 53 on Tuesday. That makes me old enough to remember when wool jerseys weren’t hip things to wear on Eroica rides, but the only friggin’ option out there. And shorts had real chamois in them FFS! For you young fellas, try and imagine wearing a jersey that’s cut 6-10″ longer than most modern jerseys. Then fill your jersey pockets with all kinds of food, tubes, levers etc. Then ride in the rain a few times. That jersey is hiding the back of your saddle it’s so saggy. This is what scarred me for life in the early 80s. The jersey-dress. Early acrylic jerseys weren’t much better. And don’t get me started on the ease of washing and caring for real chamois in wool shorts.

    An EPMS, the smallest possible, gets used. It’s so small you can barely get two tubes, two CO2 cannisters and two levers in there. My wallet and cell phone go in my center pocket, food in the other two as required. There’s a reason they’re called the formative years.

  25. @Steve Trice

    @RobSandy

    WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

    It’s an insurrection. Next thing you know, people will be applying for TREs (therapeutic rule exemptions). Does such a thing, COULD such a thing, exist?

    Gold right there.

  26. I’ve quoted this before (I think in a similar thread) as learned from my educashun

    1. Don’t break the rules.
    2. If you do break the rules, don’t get caught.
    3. If you do get caught, take your punishment without complaining.

    So publishing breaking the rules does seem kinda dumb……….go to mini pump flogging, do not pass GO, do not collect £200.

  27. So many random thoughts… I’ve never used an EPMS, but they don’t offend me much…  The GPS units look like they’re jammed up the riders’ arses, they are awful.

    @Brett… Your link to the Imperio article reminds me that 1) Your Jaegher is still stunning to look at.  2) I haven’t run a frame pump in a couple of decades, but they do actually work well.  3) The valve stem can be prevented from pushing into the tire by using the valve stem nut – see, now you can justify that, too.

  28. @Ron

    Wait, the Impero pump is $165? Get the fuck out. I just bought a new frameset for less. That’s insane.

    And I just ordered the Super Pista floor pump for a lot more coin than this.  Not the Ultimate, that would be insane.

  29. @ErikdR

    @Ron

    Wait, how did I miss Frank turning 40??

    Also, while I like the utility of a frame pump under the TT on my commuter bike…at some point I know I’ll need to pick it up by the TT and be buggered. I guess you can just mount it in the rear triangle, but TT mounting just seems like it’ll come back to haunt me.

    Seat tube, then?

    I have this exact bike in the shed (just with a higher frame; 63 cm instead of the 60 shown here). The matching frame pump works like a dream, doesn’t rattle, never falls off, etc… 15 or so blasts with this puppy and I’m on my way again. Old school cool.

    pump or no pump, this fucking Miyata is giving me a stiffy.

  30. @Teocalli

    Now’t wrong with the top tube…….though if the pump actually worked…….

    fucking christ.  another one.  the late ’60s-mid ’80s was the absolute pinnacle of bike aesthetic.

  31. @Teocalli

    Now’t wrong with the top tube…….though if the pump actually worked…….

    Interesting bicycle, that – and very pretty!

    Quite a long wheel base, from the looks of it? I’m guessing it’s not the most scintillating ride when cornering, but it probably tracks like an Australian road train.

    Any idea why the derailleur cage is so long, by the way? The gear block looks pretty compact, and as far as I can tell, that’s not a triple up front. Or is it? (Not that I would have anything to say against that: in blatant defiance of Rule #47, my very first decent road bike (1976 Peugeot UO8) sported a triple and I loved it to bits).

    And I have to ask: which purpose do those truncated fenders serve? Keeping the brake calipers clean-ish?

  32. @ErikdR

     

    And I have to ask: which purpose do those truncated fenders serve? Keeping the brake calipers clean-ish?

    You’ve got me wondering the same thing, although they are correct for the bike’s age. The short mudguards/ fenders were de-rigeur back in those days, don’t think we ever questioned what purpose they served.

  33. @ErikdR

    Yeah it is a pretty long wheelbase and as you say is rock solid on the road.  Actually it corners pretty well but that might be because it has a very short stem so the two counteract each other on the handling.

    When I rebuilt it it did have a triple and I managed to find a Campy Rally cage to fit to a Nuovo Record body to pull enough chain.  I’ve since fitted a compact equivalent using a vintage Stronglight crank that has 96 BCD but not yet put the old cage back to see if I can pull enough chain with a 36 inner on a Nuovo Record – as I suspect not.  With the weight of that thing and a small block combined with the age (and state) of my knees I needed a triple till I did the pseudo-compact.

    The mini fenders were a tribute to my Dad from when I had the bike originally “You have to have mudguards” so these were the compromise and as @steveTrice says – they were the biz back then.  I’ve ended up removing them though as they rattle something awful.

    The full story is here.

  34. I’m going to discuss my own rule breaking – for my commute this morning and dressed in my usual kit (club kit) but put some nice new plain black ‘baggies’ over the top. Reason? I drop my son off at school on the way in and don’t think walking through an infant school playground in bibshorts is the way to go.

    Still wouldn’t dream of putting a saddlebag on though.

  35. @Teocalli

    @ErikdR

    The full story is here.

    Thanks! I now remember having read the Butler story earlier, but no matter: it was certainly worth reading again.

    I’ve had a soft spot for Stronglight gear ever since I purchased my first Peugeot: that particular bike came with a cottered crank set with a three-point ‘star’ and steel chain-wheels that torqued and twisted terribly when force was applied to the pedals (with the chain noisily rubbing the insides of the ‘Simplex’ front mech). A ‘five-point-star’ (and alloy) Stronglight crank set was the stuff of dreams for me back then.

    The Koga Miyata Road Speed I posted above was also the stuff of dreams – so the day I finally got my hands on one was a memorable one. Mine is a 1980 model, and the color that year was referred to as ‘Champagne’. Very nice, but to be honest, I’m still lusting for a similar model, but from 1981 or 1982, when the color for Road Speeds was “Indian Red”, like the bike @KogaLover was riding at the Limburg Eroica…

    Heck with it: it’s only a 148 kB JPEG image, so it won’t break the Interwebs, I reckon. Here goes:

  36. @Gianni

    FFS, didn’t I write this article a year or two back and was publicly crucified?

    Kinda a case of plagiarism is the worst kind of flattery?

  37. I gotta say, the juxtaposition of colostomy bags with EPMS’s in this article certainly put some… unusual imagery in my head.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.