International Cogal: Festum Prophetae
It came to me in a moment of absolute clarity, the kind of clarity which only arrives to one in an oxygen-depleted state and at high speed – usually down a steep descent. It would be awfully nice to justify wearing my Molteni jersey, rather than having it hanging in my workshop all the time.
It had been suggested a few times already by the time the notion came to me last winter, that Velominati should organize an international Cogal on which all of us around the world would climb aboard our bicycles in honor of each other, and devote the day to riding. It is, after all, what we do; we ride our bikes. The rest is detail.
While the idea is simple enough, the selection of a date has proven positively futile. Summer on the Upper Half of the planet (you know the one – the one that matters) means VVinter for the Lower Half. When the Lower Half (you know the one, the one with all the convicts and Aztecs) is in summer, the important side is snowed in or sopping wet. You simply can’t choose a day that works for everyone.
The solution, of course, is simple: I unilaterally pick a date for the entire community and shove it down everyone’s throat by the virtue of being louder than almost anyone else (with the exception of the bloke sitting just behind me and to my left at the café; that is one loud-mouthed bastard, that.)
Being the type of person I am, with all the personality defects I have at my disposal, I was still perplexed by the selection of a date that holds significant meaning for all our community. January first, so we may ride off our hangovers. October 3rd, to celebrate Leiden’s liberty from the Spanish. Then the epiphany as I flew down Lighthouse Hill towards the shore of Puget Sound, where Pearl Jam and Sound Garden once rocked out in the weeds: the Velominati International Cogal will be held every year in honor of The Prophet’s birthday, June 17.
Every Velominatus is free to observe this day however they like. Take a holiday from work; declare an exemption due to your specific religious requirements. Ride on the day, in a way that helps you honor the way Eddy rode himself. Ride lots, was his sage training advice. I like to surprise my rivals, was his explanation attacking 70 or 80 or 90 or 100km from the finish. However you ride, on Festum Prophetae each year, we will honor The Prophet. We may also choose, as is customary with other holidays, to arrange within our immediate community to designate the nearest convenient day to observe the holiday. If taking the day to honor him is impractical on the 17th, designate a nearby day that works better for you.
Mark your calendars for June 17, Festum Prophetae*. Personally, I will climb aboard my steel Bike #2 fitted with tubular tires, don my wool Molteni Jersey and head out with only a bit of food in my jersey pocket and water in my bidon with the express intent to meet the Man with the Hammer. No mean feat, considering the Seattle Summer Cogal will have taken place only the day before. Two Cogals in one weekend: I can’t think of a better way to honor him.
Vive la Vie Velominatus.
*A special thanks to @ChrisO for helping determine the “correct” latin phrase.
I’m either going to ride an imperial century or pay someone to punch me in the kidney.
I’ll celebrate twice, b/c any good cause deserves double the participation.
On 16 June, I’m off on a 240km pub crawl, and on 28 June, is the 350km VT cogal.
Awwwwww yea
@minion
Seconded. Now open for discussion, “will Frank be allowed aerobars for this crack at the hour record, or not.” I would venture that since this is in honour of The Prophet, Frank must ride in the drops. Steel. 54×11. Proper track toe-clips.
@Dan_R
If I do it in any gear at all, it will be the 52×14, which the prophet used for his own record.
@Mikael Liddy
Oops. A typo, I assure you; iPad plus gone-midnight typings.
I shall take half a dozen hill repeats as penance.
Long time listener, first time caller…
Very nice. Been planning something special for the Prophet’s birthday, and building an appropriate ride in his honour…
@pistard
Okay, I admit it – I love you.
@pistard
Well there’s a way to make an entrance…bel mezzo
I’m shopping for the right hex key. I will spend the day adjusting my saddle angle and height…
@pistard
Welcome, and…*swoon*.
As my idiotic suggestion of riding an Hour for the Record of Fastest Double Dutch Dumbass (which thins the field considerably) starts to take hold in my mind (why can’t I just shut the fuck up – my mind starts whispering, my brain start listening, and then my ego won’t shut up), I have already assured the VMH that I will not purchase a bike for this effort.
Unless, of course, @Cyclops builds me a track bike as a surprise for the effort…
@Steampunk
You should check with your rivals at Brooklyn; they likely have a spanner they’ll loan you.
@frank
The only other alternative to consider is the Obree Superman.
@frank
Bwahahahahahaa! Your body should be telling you how much pain you’re going to be in. It knows, you’re just not realising it yet.
PS DO IT!
What the Welly cogal will look like
@minion
I just love that in NZ a hail storm qualifies as news worthy…is it cos the sheep don’t like being inside?
@Mikael Liddy
It’s a bit over the top, innit? It’s not as if we don’t get hail fairly often in the colder months…perhaps it’s just the novelty of it being the first hail of the year?
@Oli I didn’t read the whole thing so I’m not sure whether it’s the case here, but over this way the only time hail actually makes the news is when it’s golf ball size or bigger & starts damaging things or people.
@Oli
@Mikael Liddy
The Website, Stuff.co.nz isn’t known for it’s herd hitting investigative journalism. It’s better known for comical typos in their headers and ranting morons on the message boards. Think of it as an internet based community leaflet operated out of the generosity and magnanimity of the Fairfax family.
@minion
Shouldn’t that be “flock hitting”?
So nice to know someone’s paying attention…
@minion I just couldn’t forsake the sublime confluence of pedantry and Kiwi bashing.
@ten B
like I said over on the Rules, you’ll fit in quite well here.
@Mikael Liddy
@ten B
Just remember – you guys have a MUCH higher sheep-to-human ratio over there in the “West Island” of NZ… And Oz could never have invented such a band as awesome as Shihad.
In my years living in and around Wellington, I never saw snow once. The rain, however, is far colder than any we get here in California.
@Oli
It’s mutual — I’ve spent almost as much time at your site as here.
@Mikael Liddy
Thanks! I’m not above pandering.
@frank
It has to be the Athlete’s Hour: traditional frame, spoked wheels, no aerobars. And of course you will need a new bike. Hipsters have moved on to porteurs and ironic cyclocross, so there should be a glut of track bikes on the market.
@ten B
@Mikael Liddy
@ten B
It’s what makes this place great.
@Xyverz
On that note, I’d like to point out that that “Goyte” song, somebody I used to know, is also a collaboration between Australia And New Zealand, with the female singer, Kimbra coming from somewhere a bit shit like Hamilton. Never would have happened if she’d stayed out of Australia, is all I’m saying.
My bike of choice for June 17 will be my last remaining race bike from the 80’s. It kinda looks like something from the Prophet’s era. I take it out on sunny days. I think June 17 will be a wonderful, sunny day.
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Jeff, that’s a stunning Mercian! Never sell it! Hot damn, that is sure purty…
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Wow.
Just wow.
@minion
Quite true, without her it may have even been as good as this one off his previous album.
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Holy crap. You have that AND a look.
You’re off my christmas card list. Till I have two bikes that cool. Which will be when you give them to me.
Does Gotye make all his music on a Casiotone? dink-de-dink-dink
@mrhallorann
Sounds like an awesome trip! Very envious ;¬)
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Just lovely! Steel really is Real!!!!!
@mrhallorann
…all bar the dude third from left with the side on pose.
For he is tremendously the only gay in the village.
@smithers
I suspect he advises all the others on the Rules – observe the strictly correct sock lengths, the length of the shorts (although the whitish ones at the back may be a little too short (or are they rucked up)- only the shades let him and his friend with the beard down – and of course his friends beard. Picture definition isn’t good enough to say whether all guns are indeed smooth but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.
Could anyone find a picture of nine cyclists giving fewer points away collectively on breaches of the Rules?
@the Engine
….. or a better example of your local rule compliant paedophile bike club……loook at tight-boy in the center with his hand draped ever so…..
Sorrrrrry
@smithers
Don’t you think it’s a bit off calling a fellow Velominati and his friends “gay” and “paedophiles?” Pretty fucking well out of order, I reckon.
@Oli
Good call. Dude’s got his hand over his son’s shoulder because the little dude looks like he’s about to unleash some fury on some poor unsuspecting motherfuckers.
And the dude behind the taller of the two kids looks sort of like Rigid.
@smithers
I’m with @Oli there. Spot on, if you’ve got to put “Sorrrrrry” at the end of a statement it probably shouldn’t be made.
If you really wanted to be a rule pedant, there’s a couple of possible Rule #36 violations and one for Rule #17 but you’d be a bit of a nazi to pull a velonipper pedalwan up for that especially knowing how hard it can be to get decent gloves for kids that don’t look like they were designed for toddlers.
@Oli
Lighten up.
First : Everyone has watched little britain. And the guy is pretty damn camp.
Second : I apologised at the end of my shikong outburst in anticipation of offending someone’s sensibilities. I apologise again.
@Oli
Yes – there is a world of difference between that and a rather camp pose by a Dane…
@Jeff in PetroMetro
WHAT A BEAUTY!!! Wow, so lovely. Is she period correct? What grouppo? Were you running clipless in the ’80’s? I started out with clips and went clipless in 1989, I think.
Anyways, just awesome.
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Are those the Cinelli pedals???
@Jeff in PetroMetro
I love how deep the drops are. Me-oh-my, that is amazing.
@Marko, @Oli
Agreed. Looks to me like its an ironic pose anyway. And, assuming they come off once the ride starts, those shades are badass.
@ morten okbo
I’m kind of taken aback by the fact that none of those guys (except the kid in the middle, who’s trying not to) are smiling. At all.
Are you Danes an unhappy bunch?
Other than that, this is one badass club photo.
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Straight block?
@frank
Rolls saddle as well, isn’t it? And that stem must be a 140 or more, eh?
@Xyverz
What you can’t see is the March drizzle blowing in off the Baltic – they’re doing well not be a funny blue colour.