Reverence: Tan lines

Tan lines are to the Velominatus what a drug overdose is to a rock star, or a Victoria Cross is to a returned serviceman.

It's a badge of honour, and while neither of those comparisons are glorious in their deployment, the reward, or possibly even notoriety, is somehow noble.

You've gotta earn your stripes, right? Even if it could result in sunburn, or much worse.  Will Lance save me if I get cancer?

So this is what greeted me in the mirror on my return from a long session in the hills of Wellington yesterday.

When I left the house in the morning, a dense fog shrouded the skyline, even delaying the arrival of one Prince William to our fine city.

Nah, I won't be needing sunscreen today, I thought.  Actually, I didn't think about it at all, I just got on the bike and went, the crisp morning air not hinting at the heat to come.

Now, being follicly-challenged, my bonce is usually one of the first areas to be slathered in SPF 30.

It's the nearest point to the sun, after all. Like a solar panel for a sex machine.

Now, it just looks like a stubbly template for an S-Works 2D.

And the arms and legs copped a bit too, but at least I can go out in public with no more than the usual embarassment that spindly, hairless limbs cause.  Looks like it's hats on for the next week or so. [dmalbum path=”/ Galleries/[email protected]/Tan lines/”/]

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19 Replies to “Reverence: Tan lines”

  1. That’s hard core and funny as hell at the same time. Man, I hope it doesn’t hurt like the dickens. Moreover, timely post as the cycling world has all eyes on your part of the world. Tan lines and the TDU. Glad to see you all enjoying your summer down there.

  2. I’m a reasonably well-travelled individual, but that really fucks with my head that its summer there.

    I’m happy to see you cultivating your tan lines appropriately, well done. And Marko is right…the skidmarks on your bald cranium is totally cracking me up; did you get the long wide sunburn on your forehead, too, or was it too far out of the sun?


  3. @frank

    Okay, so any Keeper worth his salt would be able to tell what kind of helmet Brett’s got based on the tan lines/vent configuration. I’d guess a Giro Atmos

  4. Outstanding! I thought it would be Frank’s tan lines which would first grace this site but Brett has really done it up proper. That hat is staying on the sex machine for a while unless it can do some creative masking with spf 30 sunscreen. Shouldn’t Brett get some advertising $$ out of Specialized for this? Something. These are great photos.

  5. Did you guys even read the post? It says S-Works 2D right there! I guess you were mesmerised by the pure sexiness on display…

    @John… I actually tried the “creative masking” with the sunscreen yesterday, but I couldn’t stay out tin the sun any longer for fear of more burn and public ridicule.

  6. @brett
    Ha! The fact that S-Works 2D is mentioned was completely overshadowed by the fact that your noggin got smoked!

    I suggest breaking Rule #11 as your off-the-bike masking strategy.

  7. @john
    Shit, I thought I would be the first to post on tanlines as well. In fact, when I saw the headline in my news feed, my mind went racing back to the night before to reassure myself that I didn’t get shitfaced and drunkpost something awkward and inappropriate.

    The relief was palpable.

  8. @brett
    I just read this again. It’s actually a great post, but it takes a couple reads before the pictures stop being so distracting that I can start to absorb some content.

    Well done. We’ll have to file this away for a 2010 Keeper Award for Crossing Boundaries.

  9. Whoa, Pirate cred! I’m not worthy.

    But I am a habitual boundary crosser.

    So, what’s the rule on wearing an Il Pirata-esque bandanna? This could open up a whole new can o’ worms…

  10. Ouch – that’s impressive.

    Summer? That’s a long way off for us. It’s 45 degrees and wet here. I wouldn’t mind a little risk from sunburn at the moment.

  11. @brett
    I’m thinking bandanna’s are covered by the same rule as cycling caps, sadly. Makes one regret the fact that it’s prudent to wear a helmet these days. The bandanna sans helmet was a sweet look.

    Note the Three-Point System applies to bandannas as well, as demonstrated here by the master.

  12. @frank

    but what’s even cooler is riding virtually all the time on your drops. especially when it comes to climbs. Next rule: When climbing, riding with your hands positioned on the handlebar drops renders you either a hardman or a posuer. So if you plan to climb on your drops you better not be passed by anyone else not climbing on their drops.

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