Climbing Weight
When it comes to weight and body dysmorphia, we cyclists can go toe-to-toe with any thirteen year old tween who has done their time flipping through the pages of Vogue and Sixteen. However fit and thin we might be, at some point it dawns on us that we’re not as light as we could be. The obvious solution is to buy lighter parts for our bikes, but eventually we will run out of parts to buy or money to spend. At that point, we’ll have no alternative but to start losing weight.
On the surface, this is a fairly simple matter; calories in minus calories out is the magic to any weight loss voodoo, right up to the point where it stops working because the “calories in” part deviates from our lifestyle or our metabolism decides we’re old and that since everything else is slowing down, it should too.
It is at this juncture that we ask ourselves how we can lose those kilos that seem unwilling to melt from our bodies. The answer varies depending on your lifestyle, body type, how loud your Awesome is, and your ideal riding weight. (By the way, similarly to the number of bikes to own, your ideal riding weight is one kilo less than your current weight, or weight ideal = weight current – 1). But assuming that you enjoy eating, alcohol, or anything else that doesn’t suck, it will require doing something drastic.
My journey through weight loss started with doing everything the same but riding more until that program stalled, and then I started doing sit-ups and leg lifts, both of which meet the aforementioned suck requirement. And then I cut back on beer and wine, which sucks even more, but that’s when things really started happening. A surprising side-effect of cutting down on booze, by the way, is that although you get less charismatic, you feel better in general and sleep better in addition to losing weight. It turns out that alcohol is a poison or something. Who knew?
But now that my V-Jersey isn’t stretched like a balloon on a pumpkin, I’ve moved on to worrying about my upper body, which is bigger than a typical cyclist’s thanks to 15 or so years of nordic ski racing. Which brings me to Ullrich’s sleeves. I have always had it in my mind that Jan and I are of similar physique, aside from the quads and calves and the devilishly good looks. But my stupid sleeves are always tight, and his were always loose. I take off my jersey, and sure enough, there’s that little mark that the sleeves made on each of my arms. Infuriating. The only solution is to focus completely on wasting my upper body into nothing.
Since I’m not doing anything outrageous like routinely lifting weighty objects or doing pushups, the only conclusion I can draw is that I’m carrying too many groceries into the house at once. I’ve therefor moved to a strict regimen of only carrying one gallon of milk at a time. It takes twice as long to unload the car that way, but all that walking is good for my cardio, you just have to push through the pain. I also alternate hands every few strides if I’ve parked more than a hundred meters from the house in order to avoid becoming lopsided.
Finally, if this latest program doesn’t work out as well as I expect it to, I’ve also realized that while carbohydrates are an athlete’s friend in terms of providing easy energy to burn during a workout, they are heavy on the fork, and repetitively lifting forkloads of pasta into my mouth may be what’s causing my shoulders to bulk up unnecessarily. I’m therefor on the lookout for a healthy food source that can be drank from a straw or something in pellet form that I can peck out of a bowl.
It’s drastic, sure, but drastic times call for drastic measures, and I’m determined to get there eventually.
I know the article mentions climbing weight but surely this is a little unbalanced. Rather than berate myself at not being at my “climbing weight”, I prefer to think of myself as currently being at my optimum “descending weight” which basically equals that maximum weight possible at which you are still able to get up the hill, regardless of speed. This then means you get to go down again at speeds the pure climbers would crap themselves at…after all Gravity is Free!
Descending weight is far more important than climbing weight…although I must go, my curry is getting cold and the lager is getting warm ;)
I climb well for my weight.
@the Engine What does the “Black” wristband signify? Or does it carry a custom message?
@motor city
Exactly what I was thinking as I was scrolling down, only to find you were channeling my thoughts. It does seem to reflect Adidas’ inability to make tops that fit rather than Uli’s skinniness – the guy in second wheel hardly looks like a bodybuilder, and yet his sleeves fit just so.
Unofficial rule: It is not allowed to critizie “der Jan” under any circumstances, this applies to gear, style, countryship, –and weight
Fellas, weight ain’t everything. I’m 175cm and 64kg. That puts me right at the aforementioned ration of 2.1 lbs to the inch. Allow me to introduce myself: I’m Chief Ambassador to the Butterflies.
My brothers all have well-defined upper bodies, and I’ve always been the skinny runt. For years I tried to add muscle up top, mostly to no avail. I would go to the gym and be embarrassed amongst all of the beefy dudes putting up massive weights. I’ve always been a wee bit ashamed of my upper body physique. And then my thirties hit, my metabolism slowed, and I gradually gained 25 pounds over where I was in college. I tried to fool myself into believing I was adding upper body mass, but really, things were all just jiggling a bit more than they used to.
Enter cycling–a sport that is pretty much custom made for my body type. Since I started riding seriously again, I’ve lost those 25 pounds, and have gone from being envious of those huge guys in the gym, to being a bit sorry for them–so much useless body mass. How many of them actually use all that muscle in their daily lives? I now consider myself as having won the genetic lottery, rather than having ended up on the short end of the stick. (To boot, I’m also genetically predisposed to Rule #33 compliance). I’m not Schleckian, much less Beaker, but I’m slender with enough definition to make me feel good about myself when I look in the mirror.
And … at 181 cm and 72kg, I’ve developed into a decent climber as well.
@tessar
Tesser looking at you numbers you must basically be a collection of bones with some skin draped on.
@unversio
This shows it better
@Steampunk
I can vouch for that. Here is Le Prof at the summit of the Col de Williamsburg Bridge yesterday. Like Antony, he came to New York to bury me.
i gave up beer and wine once. worst three days of my life. i am nowhere close to ideal weight, i figure i need to just get stronger, and no matter how light i am, the only way i see to progress is to get stronger. i’d rather be a strong guy on a “heavy” bike with a heavy body than try to look like a runway supermodel. i do like the idea of only carrying light groceries though. great article all around.
@xyxax
This is gold. Where to start? The hat? The bull horned single speed? Given the Birks, can’t imagine it’s a fixed gear.
@Jellybean
That’s brilliant thinking right there. Turning left isn’t my strong suit, so track is out for me. I might have to invent a discipline around descending on stick-straight roads to find something I’m good at. Then I can double my efficiency by going back to carrying two milks at a time.
@wgwalmsley
You and me both, brother. Assuming you’re a dude, which I shouldn’t do. Otherwise, sister. Ulli was always the coolest and therefor better choice over LA, the twat. And a “cyclist’s” fit of jersey to bib, I think, is normally to upsize the bibs one higher than the jersey, so L bibs and M jersery etc – bigger shorts to accomodate the massive guns.
Wow. I can’t believe I voluntarily posted that.
@Steampunk, @xyxax
Your “make fun of Frank’s adilettes” privileges have been revoked permanently for the crime of wearing birkenstocks and fucking capris. And what the fuck is going on with that cap? This better be a joke, mister.
@unversio
And you get them here:
http://www.laughingstock.com.au/store/
The arm(s) of Froome with snug sleeves
@the Engine Relevant to Frank’s article Climbing Weight make a red wristband with LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP
great thoughts Frank, something I could use say..after a hard winter of laziness and imbibing
I have had the best luck doing it old school. Euro bonk riding every morning. No breakfast, just water, and the bike, I usually ride in ~1hr or so, then go to work. In summer, I will take time to clear my liver of the glycogen and rev my metabolism up, but after i do, it melts off, and i am like an inferno. Performance aside, its great for weight.
I am gonna try better this off season by adding Cx riding and long dirt roads in and try to stay slim and eat more next year
@Deakus
I’m 68K and go downhill like a rocket. “LeMond style”. Frank could out descend me, but just barely. I think that a lot of people are afraid to go fast. Having a downhill skiing background helps tons.
@Nate
I think this picture is awesome. Totally incognito velominatus. I hope people tried to race him and he casually out-climbed them without breaking a sweat.
@frank
I’m not going to repost the Pippo photo, but I can’t believe I missed the capri pants. Also: If we were to foward this to the Mounties, they probably wouldn’t let the good professor back into Canuckia.
@henrik
That’s damn close to being an official Rule. Well said.
@Nate
I still have a hard time believing they let him teach our children!
@roger
AFAIK they don’t. Only the Canadians let him teach.
I am 186cm and 72kg, I fit in the Castelli small nicely. I was 88kg a year ago, amazing what riding and terrible food can do.
I have actually gone so far as to… sacrilege…. go to the gym and hire a trainer. I weigh more than anyone on a bike should weigh. Elden Fatcyclist Nelson at his worst got nothing on me.
The trainer is kicking my ass. Despite lifting weights and using my upper body, shocker of shockers… my arms are getting smaller, leaner, eventually they might even be defined.
God. A weight post. Let us all bend our heads in shame. Even Eddy’s metabolism slowed down.
I’m still not a great climber, but I’m not as bad as I used to be.
I’ve had pretty good success recently with just trying to stay calm and focus on my cadence and breathing. Rather than trying to blast up hills (I’ll hit short bumps hard, but for longer climbs I try and start steady) and set purposeful PRs, recently I’ve tried to focus more on technique and breathing. Knowing I’m not a good climber always gives me little mini “panic attacks” when I know a climb is coming up and it’s going to put me in the hurt locker. Focusing on my technique has helped me calm down mentally and just focus on what it going on right in front of me, not how much pain I have left to work through up the rest of the climb, especially when I realize that I’ve settled into a maintainable pace that while hurting the guns isn’t killing the rest of me.
My results have been pretty good… I’m not setting any speed records when compared to others, but I’m making it up climbs without feeling like I’m absolutely wrecked, even climbs that earlier this year that would force me to stop to catch my breath or keep from cramping up. And I’ve set some climbing PRs accidentally without trying, which I’d attribute to trying to remain steady up the climb, rather than racing up at first only to lose steam after a few hundred feet and slowing way down.
My weight has been rock steady all this year, sitting right around 78kg, after losing about 6kg the year before. Though I have not tried major diet modifications yet. This part is very hard for me – I like to eat, and I like to drink my beer. However if I want to lose any more weight that is probably the next step.
I think personally, just getting the guns stronger would be my biggest help – on really steep climbs I just feel like I can’t turn over my pedals quite fast enough for my liking, and I don’t have any more strength to push harder. Concentrating on hill repeats and intervals is in my future as the fall rolls around, as well as getting back into weight lifting while off the bike for some strength cross-training,
@Erik
This is merely an illusion. God can be any weight he damn well pleases at any time he likes….you just caught him there on a slob day!
@Deakus
He’s just trying to make us all feel better because he is an all loving deity, except when climbing, time trialing, sprinting and/or crushing souls.
I think my real problem is I forgot to stop eating like a teenager who could knock out 50 miles or so on a whim after soccer practice.
@Erik
Heh, yeah – some things I’ve gotten better at (not eating hamburgers all the time for example, and avoiding a lot of fast food save for Chinese, my guilty pleasure that I allow myself once a week) but in other ways I still eat like an 8 year old. Totinos Party Pizzas and Goldfish crackers? Yeah, I’ve purchased both of those in the last two months. I have no shame.
I’ve always been a skinny bastard, and right now, I’m about 1 pound heavier than my high school/college weight at 41 years on. I’m at 64.4 kg and 1.83 m, which puts me at a ratio of 1.97 lbs/in. So it seems I should be able to out climb Alberto Contador. Something else must be going on, as proven by the Seattle COGAL, I just don’t go that fast uphill.
I’ll keep telling myself it’s because those were shorter hills that favour power riders, rather than the 20k uphill slogs that I prefer (Mt Baker, Hurricane Ridge, North Cascades Hwy, Mt Rainier Paradise Climbs).
Some people gain weight when they are stressed, but I lose it.
@mcsqueak: “I’m not setting any speed records when compared to others”
The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday. – some Buddhist proverb (I think).
@imakecircles
Shit I must be really stressed!
Go Jens!!!
@the Engine
I ordered a 3-pack back when somebody first posted this URL here… Gave two away and lost mine. :-( Time to order more. =)
@imakecircles
That is a very good thing to remember. It’s just hard when you live in a town of folks who race most of the year, or you put down some “blistering” time on Strava yet you’re still 230 out of 300 for the climb.
@frank
Good lord @Steampunk, my grandfather – who you knew well – must be rolling over in his grave right now! I can’t even begin to imagine what he would have to say about that footwear.
My grandfather, who was an active mountaineer and skier well into his eighties, and who put in many a kilometre on a bike during his lifetime, was a stern man who was particularly fastidious about choosing appropriate footwear for outdoor sports. No doubt, he would have had something to say about @frank‘s Adilettes. But that would have been in response to a first offence. @Steampunk, you know this is not your first offence!
@imakecircles
Like it.
@Duende
The first time I went to Williamsburg (almost 20 yrs ago, it was a much different place) the friend I was visiting laughed at me for wearing Birks and told me to make sure I didn’t step on any used syringes.
I’ll give you a pass @Steampunk. Those Birks are much better than the Crocs you had in the backpack.
@Xyverz
‘Twas I who did that post as well I think – they arrive remarkably quickly and you can pay for them in Australian Clams
@the Engine
I do believe you’re correct in that, sir. They do arrive quickly. I was very surprised to find them on my doorstep within 8 business days last time I ordered ’em.
I would have responded to this post but I was too busy double forking fistfuls of food into my face.
@the Engine
When you bought, you did realise that the Aussie “clam” is worth more than your US dollar?
And for all those posting their height and weight numbers (I wont even mention whoever it was who posted a fucking leg self-portrait), you know that Ronnic Johns would tell you to HTFU.
@Marcus
Quick – ask me if I care! Actually, the price difference is negligible. As of right now, the $1 USD = $0.93 AUD.
Me and my Too Fat To Climb arse are doing as well as can be expected. I know I’m a slow-arsed climber … that’s why I upgraded from a triple to a (compact) double. I’ll get stronger as I keep climbing. I’ve already found that the difference isn’t all that great when it comes to 20% grades; somehow I still manage. All that’s required of me now is to keep climbing and add more Rule #10.
@xyxax
Jesus xyxax, I never knew you hated Steamy so much as to post that photo. Talk about throwing someone under the bus. What the hell did he do to you on the 200on100 to deserve such treatment???
@Xyverz It was just that you raised paying in Australian dollars like it was a good thing…And you are getting done over on the rate. Should be a lot closer to 0.96 AUD.
To think that only in about June 2009, the rate was closer to 1USD = 1.66AUD. Oh how times have changed.
@Gianni
If he shaved his sideburns, that’s another 2kg’s off his weight!
All y’all suck. It all sounds like jealous vitriol: that’s me in work mode””on a paid trip to NYC to do research on bikes and cycling. Have spent the past three days rolling up, down, and around Manhattan and Brooklyn in search of the city’s finest espresso. And lovely dinner with Xyxax and his charming clan. Weather’s beautiful; wish you were here. So I could drop you like a bad habit as soon as the heckling starts.
For those who might care, the bike is 1986 Raleigh Olympus with A-Class Solo wheels. All built up for < $200. Terrific commuting bike with 28mm tires to navigate local rail trails as well as road. Reasonably light and quick. Until quite recently, it also held a rack and a baby seat, but the littlest Steampunk got bigger faster than I got stronger. But this was the hipster soul-destroyer as I powered uphills past them with a munchkin on the back. In sub-zero temperatures. @mcsqueak: Actually the best fun has been tootling around Prospect and Central Parks putting distance into fully-kitted out cyclists on bling bikes.
@Nate & @roger: The US can’t afford me.
@frank: My faux Birks could kick your Adilettes’ ass. Capris: concealing lethal weapons.
@Deakus
Twinkies leads to weight gain – Hmmmffff