Velominati Cogal: Welli-Roubaix 2011

Artwork: Richard 'Rigid' Ainsworth.

It’s a call to arms.  No, it’s a call to legs, hearts and minds.

Just as the Illuminati would stage their fabled, and somewhat feared Cabals, we the Velominati will this year stage our own modern-day versions, the Cogals.  A meeting of like-minded misfits brought together by the promise of beer, preceded by a bike ride. Sound like a formula you could enjoy?  Then Welli-Roubaix is just the ticket.

Assembling at Hataitai Velodrome, Wellington on Sunday April 10, the date of the Queen of the Classics, we will share a cocktail of gravel and tarmac (in the place of real cobbles). It’s a ride, not a race, but attacking on the gravé is encouraged, as is banter in between bouts of the V.  Sprinting on the banked concrete at the conclusion of the ride is mandatory, but no ‘winner’ will be crowned, no trophy awarded except that of cold brews and a set of commemorative  V-Cards.

The next morning (Monday), lashings of Chimay, Duvel, mussels and frites en mayo will accompany the live viewing of the the main event at downtown Belgian bar Leuven. We implore the Welliminati to gather en masse, and encourage our Aussieminati to make the jump across the ditch and join in a weekend of V-based activities on and off 700 x 25s.

*In the light of the terrible events in Christchurch, we will dedicate the ride to those unfortunately affected by the earthquake, and donate V dollars (or more) each to a reputable appeal.

Good times, good people, good cause.

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173 Replies to “Velominati Cogal: Welli-Roubaix 2011”

  1. il ciclista medio:
    I had a vision of the bunch attacking on the gravy, may be with added frites literally riding in the brown stuff.

    If it rains, that could be just how it is!

  2. @mcsqueak

    One of my favorite local breweries put out a dark ale they called “Cascadia”, with a map of Oregon, Washington, and British Columbia on the bottle. Sounds good to me!

    Me too, even if it was just for the reason that Al Roker could stop saying, “AND RAIN IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST!” every fucking morning even though the sun is fucking shining.

    Fucking Al Roker.

  3. frank:
    @xyxax
    One thing’s for sure. Canada sucks at making music. Alanis Morissette is enough to merit a trade embargo.

    How “Ironic” that Alanis Morissette just came up on the iPod. And Rush don’t suck.

  4. Canadian music that doesn’t suck
    Neil Young
    The Tragically Hip
    Cowboy Junkies
    Wailin Jennys
    Rush
    Arcade Fire
    Be Good Tanyas

    Canadian Music that Sucks
    Brian Adams
    Allanis
    Nickleback
    Nickleback
    Nickleback

    Every time I hear a Nickleback song (which isn’t but once a year at most) I wonder if we shouldn’t invade. And I belong in Canada.

  5. @G’phant
    Understanding full well, of course, that categorizing music into what “sucks” and what doesn’t is about as useful as debating LA’s guilt or innocence on a Roadbike Review forum.

  6. @Marko

    Canadian music that doesn’t suck
    Neil Young
    The Tragically Hip
    Cowboy Junkies
    Wailin Jennys
    Be Good Tanyas

    Canadian Music that Sucks
    Brian Adams
    Allanis
    Nickleback
    Nickleback
    Nickleback
    Rush
    Arcade Fire
    Barenaked Ladies

    Fixed your post.

  7. @Marko
    Where do the Barenaked Ladies fall? I’m not too familiar with their work, but I know they’re Canadian.

  8. Looks like I picked the wrong day to try to get some work done. I would hasten to note that the Canadian music that sucks is the music that the American industry has picked up and Canadians have long since abandoned. How’s that for out-sourcing?

    To the good list, I would add Blackie & the Rodeo Kings.

  9. I loved playing soccer, er, uh, excuse me, football up in Canada bitd. I would sit back in front of my goal and just laugh to myself at their mid-play banter: Dreadful ball, eh! Rubbish! etc.

  10. @mcsqueak
    Damn! That is beautiful! I’m going to have to try to find me some of that. I once read that Cascadia was anywhere salmon could get to. I remember thinking that Cascadia must be shrinking. No more beautiful place on the planet. Now I’m homesick (and still trying to get over MAS4T0’s insight).

  11. Steampunk:
    @mcsqueak
    I once read that Cascadia was anywhere salmon could get to.

    I had salmon for dinner last night… better move the border south a few hundred miles… (PS we actually get salmon swimming of the coast of Santa Barbara too)

    Delenda est Alberto

    @frank
    Solution 1: Don’t watch Al Fucking Roker
    Solution 2: Move

  12. Isn’t Justin Bieber Canadian? I know he meets none of the criteria of music, sucking or otherwise but I did find the photos of him frolicking in the surf with K Kardashian hilarious.

  13. @sgt
    I’ll happily include northern California in my reading of Cascadia. I think the intent was upstream and the argument was that logging and damming in the PNW were destroying and shrinking habitat/spawning grounds. But point taken.

  14. sgt:

    @frank
    Solution 1: Don’t watch Al Fucking Roker

    This. Seriously. Why do you watch that guy? Even the local hack weather people here are better than him.

  15. @minion
    Yes. And Avril Lavigne. But Jeebus, people! You’re the ones who made and bought them into stardom. Do you really need me to list Americans to the suck list here? Even at a per capita basis, I suspect the Great White North is doing okay.

  16. frank :
    @minionWithout knowing anything about that nuckfuckler, I feel comfortably assuming he is a piece of shit based on that photo alone.

    Nailed it.

  17. Watching Al Roker to get information on weather is like watching ESPN to find out what’s happening at the TdF.

  18. @frank
    @Cyclops
    I once heard someone say that the things listed by Alanis in “Ironic” were merely a series of unfortunate events. That song makes me want to drive a screwdriver into my amygdala.

    @Steampunk
    Absolutely. A list of American music that sucks might cause the server to crash. Particularly as I am in a phase where anything that is not Sonic Youth sucks.

    Best Canadian band name from a popular on-line dictionary: “July Fourth Toilets”.

    And don’t get me started on French “rock” music.

  19. mcsqueak :

    sgt:

    @frankSolution 1: Don’t watch Al Fucking Roker

    This. Seriously. Why do you watch that guy? Even the local hack weather people here are better than him.

    I love Dave Chappelle’s skit when the reparations for US slavery are being paid out and his parady of Al Roker. Too funny!

  20. @frank
    Al Roker was the local weather guy in Cleveland in the late ’70s-early ’80s when I was going to college in that area. Buffoonery.

  21. Anybody see that old MTV commercial with the greasy taxi driver tlaking about A.M. and he says “Isn’t it ironic when you find the girl of your dreams and she’s only five?”

  22. @xyxax
    Check out Lucero. You’ll thank me. Former punk musicians who decided to put together a country band to piss of punks. Replacements meet Springsteen meet other stuff. Ben Nichols’ voice grabs you.

    @frank
    Is a double insult the same as a double negative? That would be a no-no.

  23. @frank
    Hilarious! Wait, I resemble that. Sucks for me.

    Don’t worry, Buck Rogers. San Antonio and the rest of the Hill Country do not suck.

  24. @mcsqueak

    This. Seriously. Why do you watch that guy? Even the local hack weather people here are better than him.

    Look, it happens, OK? Just like you guys leaving dangling BLOCKQUOTE tags around in the posts that I have to go back and clean up. But you don’t hear me judging, do you? Maybe there’s a lesson that.

  25. @Marko

    Your new avatar makes you look fat.

    It’s not the avatar that does that. But thanks, I feel better with my old avatar back. It’s kind of like the internet equivalent of makeup sex.

  26. @frank

    Ah, sorry mate. I’ll supply you with a bottle of Portland’s finest if I ever meet you to make up for it.

    In the mean time, please stop staring at my dangling blockquotes. I can’t help it, I was born that way.

  27. frank :
    @Marko

    Canadian music that doesn’t suckNeil YoungThe Tragically HipCowboy JunkiesWailin JennysBe Good Tanyas
    Canadian Music that SucksBrian AdamsAllanisNicklebackNicklebackNicklebackRushArcade FireBarenaked Ladies

    Fixed your post.

    Ha!

    Arcade Fire, how to make music that sounds like Bruce Springsteen (first album) trying to be indie…and badly. Never been able to work out what all the hype was about?

  28. @Steampunk
    I have a friend that’s all about Lucero. Speaking of old punks who do country well, John Doe and the Sadies. Good shit, eh?

  29. Hey! Hey! If anybody sucks it’s us Americans. A fatter, lazier, dumber group than us, you won’t find them.

    Brett, I’m jealous you have a track in Wellington. I’d kill for a track. Another reason the US sucks, hardly a velodrome to be found anymore. That Welli ride sounds like big fun.

    Feeling bad for my Kiwis in Christchurch and Lyttleton (the port town, which also got F’ed). I’ve had too much fun in both places. These are two of the nicest towns anywhere, ’tis a shame they get shaken down when there are so many places that almost need it. I’m looking at you, Midland, Texas.

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