Too low and too short. Photo: Montreal Gazette

Riding Ugly: The Spider

Riding Ugly: The Spider

by / / 191 posts

There are lots of things to like about Vroomie Froomie, like his willingness to accept the fact that people are inclined to question his performances. Aside from me resenting him for leading a Tour which everyday becomes a little less exciting, he seems quite a likable guy; he is polite, respectful of the sport, wears team-issue bibs with his yellow jersey, his bike is only subtly yellow’d out, and he hasn’t publicly called anyone a c*nt that I’m aware of. That last point alone represents a refreshing change from last year.

When KRX10 and I worked together during the Dot-Bomb, we used to keep a miniature bike in our office, which we would use to do 6-corner time-trials around the office floor. I’m assuming someone must have made videos of those races and that they must have gone viral in Kenya, because it appears Froome modeled his position after ours on those tiny bikes.

I haven’t seen anyone ride in a position like his since Sean Kelly, except Sean always Looked Fantastic. His saddle is too low, his reach is too short, his back is too hunched, and his heels and elbows are pointed out like he’s trying to stomp on a Smurf. And, from the looks of his shoes, it appears he has been successful. I would very much appreciate it if he would sort himself out and attain a more pleasant position on the bike. I don’t care that he can make it go like a nutter; it’s an affront to my sense of aesthetics to see him hunched up like a spider humping a lightbulb.

And everyone knows that Science has proven spiders to be icky on account of having too many appendages.

// Etiquette // Look Pro // Riding Ugly // Tradition

  1. @TBONE

    Brother, that’s funny as FUCK!!!  Killed me!  Love the expression!

  2. @frank

    @Nate

    Beyond awesome:

    More here: http://www.pavedmag.com/featured/5-reasons-why-he%E2%80%99s-greg-lemond-and-you%E2%80%99re-not/

    BEST PHOTO EVER.

    What is LeBoy holding there?  I’m guessing its a pair of tubulars he won as a prime.  Also, mad props to him for properly repping his sponsor/framebuilder, who is still in the biz after all these years.

  3. @Nate yeah, a pair of tubulars.  Best thing to win when I was a kid racing as they cost about 50 plus bucks even back in the ’80’s.  Expensive for a 16 year old kid for sure!

  4. @wiscot

    @Buck Rogers

    @frank

    @Buck Rogers

    @PeakInTwoYears

    @starclimber

    Speaking of Hinault, I often wish he’d stuffed Lemond and taken his sixth tour. Everything would have changed, everything. Hinault would be The Prophet. Well, no, but closer to, and he was fucking awesome enough to warrant consideration. Lemond wouldn’t have been shot, and might have won 7 Tours clean, and COTHO would have known that no amount of perfect doping would have sufficed to better this unassailable tally. He probably would have kept eating cycling shit sandwiches, the perfect fate for him.

    I say Lemond wouldn’t have been shot because losing to Hinault for the final time would have been akin to the butterfly’s wingbeat in Brazil. All history for him would have been altered. He wouldn’t have gone rabbit hunting because he’d have realized the degree of commitment necessary to truly be the best. He’d have turned himself into a cannibal badger to win, because the taste of betrayal, losing yet again despite the promise, would be something he could never again stomach.

    Wow. This is counterfactual history at its best. Chapeau!

    Great conjecture but I believe it has one major flaw: The assumption that Hinault LET LeMan win in ’86. No way, Brother. Hinault was attacking and trying to beat LeMan that entire tour and said as much himself.

    Seconded. Hinault never let anyone win shit. But if you suspend disbelief…

    Also, I think LeMond was too much about work/life balance to ever give up golfing etc.

    Golfing and hunting. He loved/loves them both.

    And since this is a bit of a cycling history cite, he was shot while turkey hunting with his brother-in-law, not rabbit. But, totally splitting hairs there and I see your point. Sorry, is my OCD showing?

    No, turkey hunting has credibility, rabbit hunting does not.

    Fact is, Italians can not like French riders.

  5. @Pedale.Forchetta

    Comes down to style.

  6. @Buck Rogers

    And since this is a bit of a cycling history cite, he was shot while turkey hunting with his brother-in-law, not rabbit. But, totally splitting hairs there and I see your point. Sorry, is my OCD showing?

    You’re totally splitting hares and talking turkey there mate…

  7. Defending flights of fancy isn’t my style, but careful re-reading of my beery-dreamy pre-apocalyptic words leads me to these new, even beerier words: where, exactly, did I say/suggest/imply/hint or assume that Hinault ‘let’ Lemond win? I said I wish he’d ‘stuffed him’, as in the dumpster, or possibly as a lesser…um…yes…’turkey’. He failed, and I think cycling paid for this failure in the long run. For this, I believe even Merckx weeps.

  8. @starclimber

    Wait, are we supposed to read your posts before snapping to conclusions?

  9. Well, no, not if they’re posted here, for merckxsakes…get a grip, man!

  10. @frank

    @starclimber

    Wait, are we supposed to read your posts before snapping to conclusions?

    @starclimber

    Well, no, not if they’re posted here, for merckxsakes…get a grip, man!

     

     

    Yeah, seriously, I always stop reading after about the second sentence of any post so you need to make your point up front or I am not responsible for anything I say about what you said after that point.

    You really expect anyone to read more than two sentences???

    Although, in your defense, I just reread your first two sentences and you never actually did saw anything about “letting” LeMan win.  Oh well, fuck it, how else are we supposed to gets things worked up around here!

  11. @brett

    @Buck Rogers

    And since this is a bit of a cycling history cite, he was shot while turkey hunting with his brother-in-law, not rabbit. But, totally splitting hairs there and I see your point. Sorry, is my OCD showing?

    You’re totally splitting hares and talking turkey there mate…

    Jesus, death by puns!  But I give you credit, they were very well played and I deserved that!

  12. @Steampunk the gear was 38*28

  13. @flyfly

    Thanks! That is a small gear compared with what Kelly was talking about.

  14. @frank

    @Pedale.Forchetta

    Comes down to style.

    You talk about Italian style and you don’t offer a single picture of Coppi?

  15. @Steampunk

    @frank

    @Pedale.Forchetta

    Comes down to style.

    You talk about Italian style and you don’t offer a single picture of Coppi?

    Italians are just “different” aren’t they? (And I mean that in a good way.) I mean, You’d never get a Scot or an English rider even attempting that level of sartorial daredevilishness and be able to carry it off.

  16. Curiously, Coppi and I share the same look of ‘I’ve got your contrition right ‘here’, bitches!’. You really need the imperious visage to pull off dressing like shit.

  17. @starclimber

    dressing like shit.

    Like what?

  18. I was referring primarily to my own dodgy apparel, but the rugby shirt with breast pocket look is less than pure gold. Maybe it’s because I can’t help seeing a floppy eared dog caricature in the collar region.

  19. And speaking about style:

    “Yesterday Chris Froome illustrates why you should have never acted like a stroppy little prick last year when Brad was in trouble…”

  20. its not what you wear but how you wear it that counts, the same for riding a bike, some quote from some obscure book some where, I forget now, some thing like, “we are cyclists the rest of the world merely rides a bike!”

  21. All of the photos posted on this page are to die for. Seriously. Coppi’s contempt would kill me if he ever shot me that gaze.

  22. Funny, I’ve always thought the guy in the coat on the left was a journo based on the pad type thing in his left hand…but looks like he’s the one in the background offering some ‘advice’ here as well so might have been one of Coppi’s entourage.

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