I wonder if Rule #43 should be sublimated on our bibs too. It might be my most favorite Rule. Don’t be a jackass. But if you absolutely must be a jackass, be a funny jackass. Always remember, we’re all brothers and sisters on the road. As a Keeper on the Velominati site, it irritates me…
For those of you with an interest in the subtle art of Paying Attention, you may have noticed a few things about my writing technique: apart from the inescapable fact that it is untrained and terrible, I make a habit of overusing the semicolon, a practice I started when I heard my third grade teacher tell…
Why do we love the cycling equation here? For me, applying equations to deal with the passion we feel for cycling is just always funny. Reducing one’s love to some numbers and square root signs doesn’t work but the attempts to quantify always bring a smile. So sharpen your pencils and break out the slide…
My dog greets every dog on the street as though it were her long lost best friend. As soon as the customary butt-sniffing has been sorted out, the two dogs will wrestle each other endlessly, stopping only after an owner-forced separation. Any human that falls within her gaze is a viable candidate for a new home…
There is a disturbance in the V. I have felt it for some time, and I suspect many of you have as well. The matter has to do with the ever increasing length of bibshorts and socks, approaching the knee like two lionesses stalking their prey in the savanna. Tracing back to the origin of this trend,…
Can you feel that? That itchy, twitchy feeling… that’s anticipation, it’s expectation, it’s Belgian fucking racing fever! You know you’ve got it, and you can’t fight it, you don’t want to fight it, you need it bad because it’s been way too long. Some may call it Spring Fever, Cobblebone, or Kassientitis. It manifests itself deep in…
I’ve been doing fasting rides on the weekend, before breakfast and maybe also before lunch, depending on how long the ride is. The longer the ride, the lower the intensity. Also the more likely I am to meet my old friend, the Man with the Hammer. I might bring an Emergency Gel, in its glass tube, but I…
Mudguards (fenders) and saddlebags are two subjects that are sure to get our collective ire up as Cyclists. When I wrote in one of my columns for Cyclist that saddlebags should never be used, my editor told me that he received a record number of emails threatening to cancel their subscription on the basis that my column was a…
Without the workstand, where would we be? Working on a bike while it leans against the wall is no way to work. Yes, we all put off even buying the first poor excuse for a stand for much too long because those Campagnolo upgrades came first. That would have been another benefit of working in…
Some riders lose before they even arrive at the start line, questioning their form or their health, or allowing themselves to be demoralized by the weather or the distance of the day’s racing. Other riders win the race just by showing up. Jan won the moment he threw his woolly jumper over his flowery, collared shirt, and casually…
I never used to get injured. I could ride all day on hardly any water or food, under the Australian sun with nary a squirt of sunscreen, drink four beers directly after and then go and DJ and dance til the wee hours of the next morning without stretching or any form of ‘warming down’. To me,…
As I write this, Rule #33 is being hammered on over in The Rules. This is a hell of a Rule, demanding legs be kept shaven at all times. I believe for most Velominati “at all times” is a tough ask. No one is saying you have to shave the guns everyday, unless you have…
Suffering is part of Cycling the way alcohol is part of liver failure: they are obviously connected but it’s too much fun to stop and think about why you do it. Grace finds us through La Volupté, but her touch is rare and we generally are far better acquainted with her husband, The Man with the…
I love working on my bikes. I feel closer to them, like a samurai sharpening their blade or a soldier cleaning their pistol; this simple act of preparation prepares us for the suffering that is to come, with the notable distinction that a Cyclist chooses this suffering with no tangible consequence while the warrior faces probably…
Where to begin with this Guest Article? When you start talking about a person who makes Fiorenzo Magni sound like, maybe he wasn’t so tough, that is saying a lot! Who needs an inner-tube? On the sliding scale of Hardmen there are a few outliers, a few data points way out past the crowd. Mick…
A true leader rarely asks someone to do something for them; the best leaders inspire through their own example those around them to follow suit and join them in their cause. The leader is fueled by something that is not externally driven, it is born from within and appears in this world as passion and conviction. These…
Motherfucker. I honestly don’t like swearing in an Article, much less using such a word to open an article, but seriously. Motherfucker. A motor discovered in an U23 rider’s bike at the Cyclocross World Championships has to be the lowest of the low that anyone can go. I’m so pissed off, I’m rhyming. Which itself makes me…
Points-of-contact, these are three areas of scrutiny and argument for Velominati; saddles, chamois creme, shoes, socks, handlebar tape so why not gloves? Picking grit out of your palms is bad. Yes, it is very bad. The fear of this might be the number one reason people get into the habit of wearing gloves, and it…
It is well known that knee warmers look better than leg warmers. Which isn’t to say leg warmers can’t look the business as well, but they will never look as good as knee warmers. The science is very clear on this. Nevertheless, I’ve been enjoying wearing full leg warmers even when the weather doesn’t necessarily require them. Something about…
@RobSandy has done us a real favor with this article. The old gits among us remember Ms. Burton as a force-of-nature cyclist. She loved her bikes, she loved keeping her bikes working perfectly and she loved hauling ass on her bike. What’s not to love? VLVV, Gianni There is a lot talked on this website…