The Rules

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.

The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them all into your life as a Velominatus is a never-ending struggle waged between form and function as we continue along The Path towards transcension.

See also The Prophet’s Prayer.

  1. // Obey The Rules.
  2. // Lead by example.It is forbidden for someone familiar with The Rules to knowingly assist another person to breach them.1
  3. // Guide the uninitiated.No matter how good you think your reason is to knowingly breach The Rules, it is never good enough.
  4. // It’s all about the bike. It is, absolutely, without question, unequivocally, about the bike. Anyone who says otherwise is obviously a twatwaffle.
  5. // Harden The Fuck Up. 2,20
  6. // Free your mind and your legs will follow.Your mind is your worst enemy. Do all your thinking before you start riding your bike.  Once the pedals start to turn, wrap yourself in the sensations of the ride – the smell of the air, the sound of the tires, the feeling of flight as the bicycle rolls over the road.
  7. // Tan lines should be cultivated and kept razor sharp.Under no circumstances should one be rolling up their sleeves or shorts in an effort to somehow diminish one’s tan lines. Sleeveless jerseys are under no circumstances to be employed.
  8. // Saddles, bars, and tires shall be carefully matched.3Valid options are:

    Match the saddle to the bars and the tires to black; or

    Match the bars to the color of the frame at the top of the head tube and the saddle to the color of the frame at the top of the seat tube and the tires to the color where they come closest to the frame; or

    Match the saddle and the bars to the frame decals; or

    Black, black, black

  9. // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.Fair-weather riding is a luxury reserved for Sunday afternoons and wide boulevards. Those who ride in foul weather – be it cold, wet, or inordinately hot – are members of a special club of riders who, on the morning of a big ride, pull back the curtain to check the weather and, upon seeing rain falling from the skies, allow a wry smile to spread across their face. This is a rider who loves the work.
  10. // It never gets easier, you just go faster.As this famous quote by Greg LeMan tells us, training, climbing, and racing is hard. It stays hard. To put it another way, per Greg Henderson: “Training is like fighting with a gorilla. You don’t stop when you’re tired. You stop when the gorilla is tired.” Sur la Plaque, fucktards.4
  11. // Family does not come first. The bike does.Sean Kelly, being interviewed after the ’84 Amstel Gold Race, spots his wife leaning against his Citroën AX. He interrupts the interview to tell her to get off the paintwork, to which she shrugs, “In your life the car comes first, then the bike, then me.” Instinctively, he snaps back, “You got the order wrong. The bike comes first.”21
  12. // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.While the minimum number of bikes one should own is three, the correct number is n+1, where n is the number of bikes currently owned. This equation may also be re-written as s-1, where s is the number of bikes owned that would result in separation from your partner.
  13. // If you draw race number 13, turn it upside down.Paradoxically, the same mind that holds such control over the body is also woefully fragile and prone to superstitious thought. It fills easily with doubt and is distracted by ancillary details. This is why the tape must always be perfect, the machine silent, the kit spotless. And, if you draw the unlucky Number 13, turn it upside down to counter-act its negative energy.
  14. // Shorts should be black.Team-issue shorts should be black, with the possible exception of side-panels, which may match the rest of the team kit.
  15. // Black shorts should also be worn with leader’s jerseys.Black shorts, or at least standard team-kit shorts, must be worn with Championship jerseys and race leadership jerseys. Don’t over-match your kit, or accept that you will look like a douche.
  16. // Respect the jersey.Championship and race leader jerseys must only be worn if you’ve won the championship or led the race.
  17. // Team kit is for members of the team.Wearing Pro team kit is also questionable if you’re not paid to wear it.  If you must fly the colors of Pro teams, all garments should match perfectly, i.e no Mapei jersey with Kelme shorts and Telekom socks.
  18. // Know what to wear. Don’t suffer kit confusion.No baggy shorts and jerseys while riding the road bike. No lycra when riding the mountain bike (unless racing XC). Skin suits only for cyclocross.
  19. // Introduce Yourself.If you deem it appropriate to join a group of riders who are not part of an open group ride and who are not your mates, it is customary and courteous to announce your presence. Introduce yourself and ask if you may join the group. If you have been passed by a group, wait for an invitation, introduce yourself, or let them go. The silent joiner is viewed as ill-mannered and Anti-V. Conversely, the joiner who can’t shut their cakehole is no better and should be dropped from the group at first opportunity.
  20. // There are only three remedies for pain.These are:

    If your quads start to burn, shift forward to use your hamstrings and calves, or

    If your calves or hamstrings start to burn, shift back to use your quads, or

    If you feel wimpy and weak, meditate on  Rule #5 and train more!

  21. // Cold weather gear is for cold weather.Knickers, vests, arm warmers, shoe covers, and caps beneath your helmet can all make you look like a hardman, when the weather warrants their use. If it isn’t wet or cold, save your Flandrian Best for Flemish weather.
  22. // Cycling caps are for cycling.Cycling caps can be worn under helmets, but never when not riding, no matter how hip you think you look. This will render one a douche, and should result in public berating or beating. The only time it is acceptable to wear a cycling cap is while directly engaged in cycling activities and while clad in cycling kit. This includes activities taking place prior to and immediately after the ride such as machine tuning and tire pumping.  Also included are cafe appearances for pre-ride espressi and post-ride pub appearances for body-refueling ales (provided said pub has sunny, outdoor patio – do not stray inside a pub wearing kit or risk being ceremoniously beaten by leather-clad biker chicks).   Under these conditions, having your cap skull-side tipped jauntily at a rakish angle is, one might say, de rigueur. All good things must be taken in measure, however, and as such it is critical that we let sanity and good taste prevail: as long as the first sip of the relevant caffeine or hop-based beverage is taken whilst beads of sweat, snow, or rain are still evident on one’s brow then it is legitimate for the cap to be worn. However, once all that remains in the cranial furrows is salt, it is then time to shower, throw on some suitable aprés-ride attire (a woollen Molteni Arcore training top circa ’73 comes to mind) and return to the bar, folded copy of pastel-coloured news publication in hand, ready for formal fluid replacement. It is also helpful if you are a Giant of the Road, as demonstrated here, rather than a giant douchebag. 5
  23. // Tuck only after reaching Escape Velocity.You may only employ the aerodynamic tuck after you have spun out your 53 x 11; the tuck is to be engaged only when your legs can no longer keep up. Your legs make you go fast, and trying to keep your fat ass out of the wind only serves to keep you from slowing down once you reach escape velocity. Thus, the tuck is only to be employed to prevent you slowing down when your legs have wrung the top end out of your block. Tucking prematurely while descending is the antithesis of Casually Deliberate. For more on riding fast downhill see Rule #64 and Rule #85.
  24. // Speeds and distances shall be referred to and measured in kilometers. This includes while discussing cycling in the workplace with your non-cycling coworkers, serving to further mystify our sport in the web of their Neanderthalic cognitive capabilities. As the confused expression spreads across their unibrowed faces, casually mention your shaved legs. All of cycling’s monuments are measured in the metric system and as such the English system is forbidden.
  25. // The bikes on top of your car should be worth more than the car. Or at least be relatively more expensive.  Basically, if you’re putting your Huffy on your Rolls, you’re in trouble, mister. Remember what Sean said.
  26. // Make your bike photogenic.When photographing your bike, gussy her up properly for the camera. Some parameters are firm: valve stems at 6 o’clock. Cranks never at 90 or 180 degrees. Others are at your discretion, though the accepted practices include putting the chain on the big dog, and no bidons in the cages.
  27. // Shorts and socks should be like Goldilocks.Not too long and not too short. (Disclaimer: despite Sean Yates’ horrible choice in shorts length, he is a quintessential hard man of cycling and is deeply admired by the Velominati. Whereas Armstrong’s short and sock lengths are just plain wrong.) No socks is a no-no, as are those ankle-length ones that should only be worn by female tennis players.
  28. // Socks can be any damn colour you like.White is old school cool. Black is cool too, but were given a bad image by a Texan whose were too long.  If you feel you must go colored, make sure they damn well match your kit. Tip: DeFeet Wool-E-Ators rule.
  29. // No European Posterior Man-Satchels.Saddle bags have no place on a road bike, and are only acceptable on mountain bikes in extreme cases.
  30. // No frame-mounted pumps.Either Co2 cannisters or mini-pumps should be carried in jersey pockets (See Rule #31). The only exception to this rule is to mount a Silca brand frame pump in the rear triangle of the frame, with the rear wheel skewer as the pump mount nob, as demonstrated by members of the 7-Eleven and Ariostea pro cycling teams. As such, a frame pump mounted upside-down and along the left (skewer lever side) seat stay is both old skool and Euro and thus acceptable. We restate at this time that said pump may under no circumstances be a Zefal and must be made by Silca. Said Silca pump must be fitted with a Campagnolo head. It is acceptable to gaffer-tape a mini-pump to your frame when no C02 cannisters are available and your pockets are full of spare kit and energy gels. However, the rider should expect to be stopped and questioned and may be required to empty pockets to prove there is no room in them for the pump.
  31. // Spare tubes, multi-tools and repair kits should be stored in jersey pockets.If absolutely necessary, in a converted bidon in a cage on bike. Or, use one of these.
  32. // Humps are for camels: no hydration packs.Hydration packs are never to be seen on a road rider’s body. No argument will be entered into on this. For MTB, they are cool.
  33. // Shave your guns.Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times. If, for some reason, your legs are to be left hairy, make sure you can dish out plenty of hurt to shaved riders, or be considered a hippie douche on your way to a Critical Mass. Whether you use a straight razor or a Bowie knife, use Baxter to keep them smooth.
  34. // Mountain bike shoes and pedals have their place.On a mountain bike.
  35. // No visors on the road.Road helmets can be worn on mountain bikes, but never the other way around. If you want shade, see Rule #22.
  36. // Eyewear shall be cycling specific.No Aviator shades, blueblockers, or clip-on covers for eye glasses.
  37. // The arms of the eyewear shall always be placed over the helmet straps.No exceptions. This is for various reasons that may or may not matter; it’s just the way it is.
  38. // Don’t Play Leap Frog.Train Properly: if you get passed by someone, it is nothing personal, just accept that on the day/effort/ride they were stronger than you. If you can’t deal, work harder. But don’t go playing leap frog to get in front only to be taken over again (multiple times) because you can’t keep up the pace. Especially don’t do this just because the person overtaking you is a woman. Seriously. Get over it.
  39. // Never ride without your eyewear.You should not make a habit of riding without eyewear, although approved extenuating circumstances include fog, overheating, and lighting condition. When not worn over the eyes, they should be neatly tucked into the vents of your helmet.  If they don’t fit, buy a new helmet. In the meantime you can wear them backwards on the back of your head or carefully tuck them into your jersey pocket, making sure not to scratch them on your tools (see item 31).
  40. // Tires are to be mounted with the label centered over the valve stem.Pro mechanics do it because it makes it easier to find the valve. You do this because that’s the way pro mechanics do it. This will save you precious seconds while your fat ass sits on the roadside fumbling with your CO2 after a flat. It also looks better for photo opportunities. Note: This obviously only applies to clinchers as tubulars don’t give you a choice.
  41. // Quick-release levers are to be carefully positioned.Quick release angle on the front skewer shall be an upward angle which tightens just aft of the fork and the rear quick release shall tighten at an angle that bisects angle between the seat and chain stays. It is acceptable, however, to have the rear quick release tighten upward, just aft of the seat stay, when the construction of the frame or its dropouts will not allow the preferred positioning. For Time Trial bikes only, quick releases may be in the horizontal position facing towards the rear of the bike. This is for maximum aero effect.9
  42. // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.If it’s preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run, it is not called a bike race, it is called duathlon or a triathlon. Neither of which is a bike race. Also keep in mind that one should only swim in order to prevent drowning, and should only run if being chased. And even then, one should only run fast enough to prevent capture.
  43. // Don’t be a jackass.But if you absolutely must be a jackass, be a funny jackass. Always remember, we’re all brothers and sisters on the road.
  44. // Position matters.In order to find the V-Locus, a rider’s handlebars on their road bike must always be lower than their saddle. The only exception to this is if you’re revolutionizing the sport, in which case you must also be prepared to break the World Hour Record. The minimum allowable tolerance is 4cm; there is no maximum, but people may berate you if they feel you have them too low.
  45. // Slam your stem.A maximum stack height of 2cm is allowed below the stem and a single 5mm spacer must always – always – be stacked above. A “slammed down” stack height is preferable; meaning that the stem is positioned directly on the top race of the headset.
  46. // Keep your bars level.Handlebars will be mounted parallel to the ground or angled slightly upward. While they may never be pointed down at all, they may be angled up slightly; allowed handlebar tilt is to be between 180 and 175 degrees with respect to the level road. The brake levers will preferably be mounted such that the end of the brake lever is even with the bottom of the bar.  Modern bars, however, dictate that this may not always be possible, so tolerances are permitted within reason. Brake hoods should not approach anything near 45 degrees, as some riders with poor taste have been insisting on doing.
  47. // Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples.Cycling and beer are so intertwined we may never understand the full relationship. Beer is a recovery drink, an elixir for post-ride trash talking and a just plain excellent thing to pour down the neck. We train to drink so don’t fool around. Drink quality beer from real breweries. If it is brewed with rice instead of malted barley or requires a lime, you are off the path. Know your bittering units like you know your gear length. Life is short, don’t waste it on piss beer.
  48. // Saddles must be level and pushed back.The seating area of a saddle is to be visually level, with the base measurement made using a spirit level. Based on subtleties of saddle design and requirements of comfort, the saddle may then be pitched slightly forward or backward to reach a position that offers stability, power, and comfort. If the tilt of the saddle exceeds two degrees, you need to go get one of those saddles with springs and a thick gel pad because you are obviously a big pussy. The midpoint of the saddle as measured from tip to tail shall fall well behind and may not be positioned forward of the line made by extending the seat tube through the top of the saddle. (Also see Rule #44.)
  49. // Keep the rubber side down.It is completely unacceptable to intentionally turn one’s steed upside down for any reason under any circumstances. Besides the risk of scratching the saddle, levers and stem, it is unprofessional and a disgrace to your loyal steed. The risk of the bike falling over is increased, wheel removal/replacement is made more difficult and your bidons will leak. The only reason a bicycle should ever be in an upside down position is during mid-rotation while crashing. This Rule also applies to upside down saddle-mount roof bars.23
  50. // Facial hair is to be carefully regulated.No full beards, no moustaches. Goatees are permitted only if your name starts with “Marco” and ends with “Pantani”, or if your head is intentionally or unintentionally bald. One may never shave on the morning of an important race, as it saps your virility, and you need that to kick ass.
  51. // Livestrong wristbands are cockrings for your arms.While we hate cancer, isn’t it better to just donate some money and not have to advertise the fact for the next five years? You may as well get “tryhard wanker” tattooed on your forehead. Or you may well be a bogan.
  52. // Drink in Moderation.Bidons are to be small in size. 500-610ml maximum, no extra large vessels are to be seen on one’s machine. Two cages can be mounted, but only one bidon on rides under two hours is to be employed. Said solo bidon must be placed in the downtube cage only. You may only ride with a bidon in the rear cage if you have a front bidon, or you just handed your front bidon to a fan at the roadside and you are too busy crushing everyone to move it forward until you take your next drink. Bidons should match each other and preferably your bike and/or kit. The obvious exception is the classic Coca-Cola bidon which by default matches any bike and/or kit due to its heritage. Coca-Cola should only be consumed flat and near the end of a long ride or all-day solo breakaway on the roads of France.
  53. // Keep your kit clean and new.As a courtesy to those around you, your kit should always be freshly laundered, and, under no circumstances should the crackal region of your shorts be worn out or see-through.
  54. // No aerobars on road bikes.Aerobars or other clip-on attachments are under no circumstances to be employed on your road bike. The only exception to this is if you are competing in a mountain timetrial.
  55. // Earn your turns.If you are riding down a mountain, you must first have ridden up the mountain. It is forbidden to employ powered transportation simply for the cheap thrill of descending. The only exception to this is if you are doing intervals on Alpe d’Huez or the Plan de Corones and you park your car up top before doing 20 repeats of the climb.
  56. // Espresso or macchiato only.When wearing cycling kit and enjoying a pre or post ride coffee, it is only appropriate to drink espresso or macchiato. If the word soy/skim latte is heard to be used by a member wearing cycling apparel, then that person must be ceremonially beaten with Co2 canisters or mini pumps by others within the community.6
  57. // No stickers.Nobody gives a shit what causes you support, what war you’re against, what gear you buy, or what year you rode RAGBRAI.  See Rule #5 and ride your bike. Decals, on the other hand, are not only permissible, but extremely Pro.
  58. // Support your local bike shop.Never buy bikes, parts or accessories online. Going into your local shop, asking myriad inane questions, tying up the staff’s time, then going online to buy is akin to sleeping with your best friend’s wife, then having a beer with him after. If you do purchase parts online, be prepared to mount and maintain them yourself. If you enter a shop with parts you have bought online and expect them to fit them, be prepared to be told to see your online seller for fitting and warranty help.
  59. // Hold your line.Ride predictably, and don’t make sudden movements. And, under no circumstances, are you to deviate from your line.
  60. // Ditch the washer-nut and valve-stem cap.You are not, under any circumstances, to employ the use of the washer-nut and valve-stem cap that come with your inner-tubes or tubulars. They are only supplied to meet shipping regulations. They are useless when it comes to tubes and tires.
  61. // Like your guns, saddles should be smooth and hard.Under no circumstances may your saddle have more than 3mm of padding. Special allowances will be made for stage racing when physical pain caused by subcutaneous cysts and the like (“saddle sores”) are present. Under those conditions, up to 5mm of padding will be allowed – it should be noted that this exception is only temporary until the condition has passed or been excised. A hardman would not change their saddle at all but instead cut a hole in it to relieve pressure on the delicate area. It is noted that if Rule #48 and/or Rule #5 is observed then any “padding” is superfluous.7
  62. // You shall not ride with earphones.Cycling is about getting outside and into the elements and you don’t need to be listening to Queen or Slayer in order to experience that. Immerse yourself in the rhythm and pain, not in whatever 80’s hair band you call “music”.   See Rule #5 and ride your bike.8
  63. // Point in the direction you’re turning.Signal a left turn by pointing your left arm to the left. To signal a right turn, simply point with your right arm to the right. This one is, presumably, mostly for Americans: that right-turn signal that Americans are taught to make with your left arm elbow-out and your forearm pointing upwards was developed for motor-vehicles prior to the invention of the electric turn signal since it was rather difficult to reach from the driver-side all the way out the passenger-side window to signal a right turn. On a bicycle, however, we don’t have this limitation and it is actually quite easy to point your right arm in the direction you are turning. The American right-turn signal just makes you look like you’re waving “hello” to traffic.
  64. // Cornering confidence increases with time and experience.This pattern continues until it falls sharply and suddenly.
  65. // Maintain and respect your machine.Bicycles must adhere to the Principle of Silence and as such must be meticulously maintained. It must be cherished, and when leaning it against a wall, must be leaned carefully such that only the bars, saddle, or tires come in contact with the wall or post.  This is true even when dismounting prior to collapsing after the World Championship Time Trial. No squeaks, creaks, or chain noise allowed. Only the soothing hum of your tires upon the tarmac and the rhythm of your breathing may be audible when riding. When riding the Pave, the sound of chain slap is acceptable. The Principle of Silence can be extended to say that if you are suffering such that your breathing begins to adversely affect the enjoyment of the other riders in the bunch, you are to summarily sit up and allow yourself to be dropped.10
  66. // No  mirrors.Mirrors are allowed on your (aptly named) Surly Big Dummy or your Surly Long Haul Trucker. Not on your road steed. Not on your Mountain bike. Not on your helmet. If someone familiar with The Rules has sold you such an abomination, return the mirror and demand a refund, plus interest and damages.
  67. // Do your time in the wind.Nobody likes a wheel sucker. You might think you’re playing a smart tactical game by letting everyone else do the work while you sit on, but races (even Town Sign Sprints) are won through cooperation and spending time on the rivet, flogging yourself and taking risks. Riding wheels and jumping past at the end is one thing and one thing only: poor sportsmanship.
  68. // Rides are to be measured by quality, not quantity.Rides are to be measured by the quality of their distance and never by distance alone. For climbing rides, distances should be referred to by the amount of vertical covered; flat and rolling rides should be referred to by their distance and average speed. For example, declaring “We rode 4km” would assert that 4000m were climbed during the ride, with the distance being irrelevant. Conversely, a flat ride of 150km at 23kmh is not something that should be discussed in an open forum and Rule #5 must be reviewed at once.7
  69. // Cycling shoes and bicycles are made for riding.Any walking conducted while wearing cycling shoes must be strictly limited. When taking a slash or filling bidons during a 200km ride (at 38kmh, see Rule #68) one is to carefully stow one’s bicycle at the nearest point navigable by bike and walk the remaining distance. It is strictly prohibited that under any circumstances a cyclist should walk up a steep incline, with the obvious exception being when said incline is blocked by riders who crashed because you are on the Koppenberg. For clarification, see Rule #5.7
  70. // The purpose of competing is to win.End of. Any reference to not achieving this should be referred immediately to Rule #5.11
  71. // Train Properly.Know how to train properly and stick to your training plan. Ignore other cyclists with whom you are not intentionally riding. The time for being competitive is not during your training rides, but during competition.
  72. // Legs speak louder than words.Unless you routinely demonstrate your riding superiority and the smoothness of your Stroke, refrain from discussing your power meter, heartrate, or any other riding data.  Also see Rule #74.
  73. // Gear and brake cables should be cut to optimum length.Cables should create a perfect arc around the headtube and, whenever possible, cross under the downtube. Right shifter cable should go to the left cable stop and vice versa.
  74. // V Meters or small computers only.Forego the data and ride on feel; little compares to the pleasure of riding as hard as your mind will allow. Learn to read your body, meditate on Rule #5, and learn to push yourself to your limit. Power meters, heart rate monitors and GPS are bulky, ugly and superfluous. Any cycle computer, if deemed necessary, should be simple, small, mounted on the stem and wireless.
  75. // Race numbers are for races.Remove it from your frame before the next training ride because no matter how cool you think it looks, it does not look cool. Unless you are in a race. In which case it looks cool.
  76. // Helmets are to be hung from your stem.When not worn, helmets are to be clipped to the stem and draped over your handlebars thusly.
  77. // Respect the earth; don’t litter.Cycling is not an excuse to litter. Do not throw your empty gel packets, energy bar wrappers or punctured tubes on the road or in the bush. Stuff em in your jersey pockets, and repair that tube when you get home.12
  78. // Remove unnecessary gear.When racing in a criterium of 60 minutes or less the second (unused) water bottle cage must be removed in order to preserve the aesthetic of the racing machine.13
  79. // Fight for your town lines.Town lines must be contested or at least faked if you’re not in to it or too shagged to do anything but pedal the bike.
  80. // Always be Casually Deliberate.Waiting for others pre-ride or at the start line pre-race, you must be tranquilo, resting on your top tube thusly. This may be extended to any time one is aboard the bike, but not riding it, such as at stop lights.15
  81. // Don’t talk it up.Rides and crashes may only be discussed and recounted in detail when the rider required external assistance in recovery or recuperation. Otherwise refer to Rule #5.
  82. // Close the gap.Whilst riding in cold and/or  Rule #9 conditions replete with arm warmers, under no circumstances is there to be any exposed skin between the hems of your kit and the hems of your arm warmers. If this occurs, you either need to wear a kit that fits you properly or increase the size of your guns. Arm warmers may, however, be shoved to the wrists in Five and Dime scenarios, particularly those involving Rule #9 conditions. The No-Gap Principle also applies to knee and leg warmers with the variation that these are under no circumstances to be scrunched down around the ankles; Merckx have mercy on whomever is caught in such a sad, sorry state. It is important to note that while one can wear arm warmers without wearing knee or leg warmers, one cannot wear knee or leg warmers without wearing arm warmers (or a long sleeve jersey). It is completely inappropriate to have uncovered arms, while covering the knees, with the exception of brief periods of time when the arm warmers may be shoved to the wrists while going uphill in a Five and Dime situation. If the weather changes and one must remove a layer, the knee/leg coverings must go before the arm coverings. If that means that said rider must take off his knee or leg warmers while racing, then this is a skill he must be accomplished in. The single exception would be before an event in which someone plans on wearing neither arm or leg warmers while racing, but would like to keep the legs warm before the event starts; though wearing a long sleeve jersey over the racing kit at this time is also advised. One must not forget to remove said leg warmers. 16
  83. // Be self-sufficient.Unless you are followed by a team car, you will repair your own punctures. You will do so expediently, employing your own skills, using your own equipment, and without complaining that your expensive tyres are too tight for your puny thumbs to fit over your expensive rim. The fate of a rider who has failed to equip himself pursuant to Rule #31, or who knows not how to use said equipment, shall be determined at the discretion of any accompanying or approaching rider in accordance with Rule #84.17
  84. // Follow the Code.Consistently with The Code Of The Domestique, the announcement of a flat tyre in a training ride entitles – but does not oblige – all riders then present in the bunch to cease riding without fear of being labelled Pussies. All stopped riders are thereupon entitled – but not obliged – to lend assistance, instruction and/or stringent criticism of the tyre mender’s technique. The duration of a Rule #84 stop is entirely discretionary, but is generally inversely proportional to the duration of the remaining time available for post-ride espresso.17
  85. // Descend like a Pro.All descents shall be undertaken at speeds commonly regarded as “ludicrous” or “insane” by those less talented. In addition all corners will be traversed in an outside-inside-outside trajectory, with the outer leg extended and the inner leg canted appropriately (but not too far as to replicate a motorcycle racer, for you are not one), to assist in balance and creation of an appealing aesthetic. Brakes are generally not to be employed, but if absolutely necessary, only just prior to the corner. Also see Rule #64.18
  86. // Don’t half-wheel.Never half-wheel your riding partners; it’s terrible form – it is always the other guy who sets the pace. Unless, of course, you are on the rivet, in which case it’s an excellent intimidation technique.22
  87. // The Ride Starts on Time. No exceptions.The upside of always leaving on time is considerable. Others will be late exactly once. You signal that the sanctity of this ride, like all rides, is not something with which you should muck. You demonstrate, not with words but with actions, your commitment. As a bonus, you make more time for post-ride espresso. “On Time”, of course, is taken to mean at V past the hour or half hour.
  88. // Don’t surge.When rolling onto the front to take your turn in the wind, see Rule #67, do not suddenly lift the pace unless trying to establish a break. The key to maintaining a high average speed is to work with your companions and allow no gaps to form in the line. It is permissible to lift the pace gradually and if this results in people being dropped then they have been ridden off your wheel and are of no use to the bunch anyway. If you are behind someone who jumps on the pedals when they hit the front do not reprimand the offender with cries of ‘Don’t Surge’ unless the offender is a Frenchman named Serge.
  89. // Pronounce it Correctly.All races shall be referred to by the name given in its country of origin, and care shall be taken to pronounce the name as well as possible. For Belgian Races, it is preferable to choose the name given in its region of origin, though it is at the speaker’s discretion to use either the Flemish or Wallonian pronunciation. This principle shall also be extended to apply to riders’ names, bicycle and component marquees, and cycling accoutrements.
  90. // Never Get Out of the Big Ring.If it gets steeper, just push harder on the pedals. When pressed on the matter, the Apostle Johan Museeuw simply replied, “Yes, why would you slow down?” It is, of course, acceptable to momentarily shift into the inner ring when scaling the 20% ramps of the Kapelmuur.
  91. // No Food On Training Rides Under Four Hours.This one also comes from the Apostle, Johan Museeuw, who said to @frank: “Yes, no food on rides under four hours. You need to lose some weight.” Or, as Fignon put it, sometimes, when we train, we simply have to go out to meet the Man with the Hammer. The exception is, of course, hard rides over two hours and races. Also, if you’re planning on being out for more than four hours, start eating before you get hungry. This also applies to energy drink supplements.
  92. // No Sprinting From the HoodsThe only exception is riders whose name starts with Guiseppe and ends with Saronni. See the Goodwood Worlds in 82.24
  93. // Descents are not for recovery. Recovery Ales are for RecoveryDescents are meant to be as hard and demanding as – and much more dangerous than – the climbs. Climb hard, descend to close a gap or open one. Descents should hurt, not be a time for recovery. Recovery is designated only for the pub and for shit-talking.25
  94. // Use the correct tool for the job, and use the tool correctly.Bicycle maintenance is an art; tools are designed to serve specific purposes, and it is essential that the Velominatus learns to use each tool properly when working on their loyal machine.
  95. // Never lift your bike over your head.Under no circumstances is it acceptable to raise one’s machine above your head. The only exception is when placing it onto a car’s roof-rack.

Posts related to The Rules may be found here.

Submit your suggestions in the posts, or via email here.

Credits

1 Thanks to Geof for this submission.
2 Stijn Devolder on Rule #5, in defense of staying in Belgium when his teammates went off to train in sunny Spain: “It is not so cold that you freeze on to your bike. You go from a temperature of zero (Celsius) to minus one and you’re not dead; It hardens your character.”
3 It is possible for experts to mix these matching guidelines successfully without breaking The Rules.  This is a very risky undertaking and can yield unpredictable results.  Proceed carefully and, if in doubt, run your configuration by the Keepers for approval.
4 Famous quote by Greg LeMond, hardman and American Cycling legend. Greg Henderson quote courtesy of Neil. (Incidentally, it does not matter how fast you go, but you may never give up.)
5 Thanks to James for his sound input on modifying this submission from it’s original draft which read, “An exception to wearing a cap when not riding is: If you have a soigneur (you don’t) and he places the cap on your head after you’ve just won a mountain top finish or soloed into the velodrome (you haven’t).”
6 Thanks to Rob for this submission.
7 Thanks to Rob (different from Rob in 6) for this submission.
8 Thanks to Saul at Speedy Reedy for this submission.
9 Thanks to BarryRoubaix for the astute observation regarding Time Trial Bikes.
10Thanks to Souleur for the astute observation regarding the Principle of Silence.
11 Thanks to Charlie for this addition.
12 Thanks to Jarvis and Steampunk for their tidy ways.
13 Thanks to Cyclops for this sensibly aesthetic addition.
15 Thanks to SupermanSam via our friends at CyclingTipsBlog.
16 Thanks to Rusty Tool Shed and Reid Beloni for assistance in helping craft the language of this Rule.
17 Thanks to Karim for this most accurate contribution.
18 Thanks to SterlingMatt for this most accurate contribution.
21 There are variants of this story, including one which is more likely to be the actual way this story unfolded, which goes that Sean Kelly is met by his wife after a the ’84 Amstel Gold Race and they get in his Citroen AX: “Ah, Sean” says his beloved wife, “in your life the car comes first, then the bike, then me.” “You got the order wrong,” Kelly scowls, “the bike comes first.” Thanks to Oli Brooke-White for helping sort out the details of the story.
22 Thanks to David Ezzy for this excellent contribution and fantastic ride out to Kaupo and back.
23 Thanks to Donnie Bugno for this most accurate contribution.
24 Thanks to Robert Millar – yes the Robert Millar for filling this most glaring omission.
25 Thanks to @urbanwhitetrash for the submission.

12,462 Replies to “The Rules”

  1. @pakrat
    The Sock Length Paradox. Sheeee-it. My Velomihottie is in sharp disagreement on my choice of sock length. I feel is it to be “just right”. This is where Golidlocks comes into play and makes it an ongoing issue at our household. I have held my ground, and she hers. I sneakily laid out a pair of longer-than-she-likes socks for her to slip into yesterday morning. She didn’t catch on until they were already on her feet, but she proceeded to fold them over such that they met the high restrictions she places on these things.

  2. Sock height is for the athesete a proportional calculation as follows:
    Euro shoe size x your big ring to the hundreths divided by the circumfrence of your calf and it should always come up to 7cm

    The paradox is color

  3. Of course we are not going to get into rules for recumbents or such nonsense, but mountain biking and cyclocross are more than worthy of some Rule acknowledgments, and as such are already included.

    If I was told that I could only own one bike, shit, I think it would be my mtb. Or at least a cross bike so I could get off road in some capacity. That’s where the fun is.

    Rule #14 amended.

  4. @Guy @steampunk @geof @rob
    cheers, from me and my Velomihottie. First and last by the way. there is a pretty high chance that I’ll be off the radar for a while, but I intend to participate when I have the chance, if nothing more than sticking in my VSP predictions. The hardest bit is keeping up with all the input here.

    And if we compared those multiple breaches to a breach of Rule #42 occasioned by doing, say, the Kona Ironman in under ten hours and being unable to stand for three hours afterwards, we might be tempted to conclude that, although Rule #42 has been seriously breached, Rule #5 has not been, so the overall level of offending might not be regarded as seriously as the kids swim / hill reps / stair run.

    In this situation, the greater offence is Rule #42 rather than adherence with Rule #5. The person did a triathlon for fucks sake.

    I am in agreement with Rob and David, I have felt since starting on here that The Rules should be about participation in the road cycling. Dilution to include other branches weakens the influence of The Rules.

    However I utterly disagree about only wearing baggies on mountain bikes. In winter lycra is required, because wearing knee/leg warmers with baggies is wrong. But I digress, even discussing this here is wrong. Mountain biking and cyclo-cross need their own set of rules.

  5. @ Steampunk: oh contrare my friend. Here are a few reasons I like to run counterculture on this pervasive issue of ‘socks’

    -my first experience as a snotty nosed 20 something that brought the point home of not picking on old men was the following. I was on my usual training ride and off on the horizon was a lonely rider. Of course in my nievete’ I pursued. I drew in from probably 700m to around 100m and thought the pass would happen w/ease and I could pop some ole coot comment…but he looked back and saw me. His posture didn’t change, he never jumped he just leaned into the bike a bit. I noticed he was rather unassuming, lean, and had legs the bulked up the silloutte shadows that evening, and his socks were black and 7cm up the ankle. Well, my speed which was hovering in chase speed around 35-40kph wasn’t cutting it at all. So I bore down a bit more and was running easily 45kph most of the time on the rolling terrain but he was slowly leaving…ever so gently, quietly, black socks and all. After 20k of chase, and after my eyeballs were bleeding, I commenced to giving in, turning around and going home whipped. It never happened since.

    I later had the honor of meeting the old wrench, he was training for Paris-Brest-Paris and was in fantastic shape riding 600-700k/week at the time. His legs were rock solid. From then on I learned black sock were ok. Up 7cm were ok. They don’t really mean anything and nobody really expects anything from them either, but oftentimes they produce and whip ass.

    If however you ride in silver shoes, low white socks you better damn well be ready to either beat my ass to every single stop sign or take the whipping over and over again. Wherever we have a gentlemans agreement on where our little race will be going, silver shoes call for it, BECAUSE silver and white DO require race speed and do announce it at the start line whereever that may be that ‘they are fast’ or at least they think so.

    I just choose the unassuming way and let my legs do the rest of the talking and yes w/7cm high socks preferred.

    Assos surely wouldn’t lead one astray on that, right??

  6. I’ve been thinking on this “sock” issue. I realised last year that white socks should never be worn with silver shoes if you don’t have a PRO tan. It is only in this situation – wearing of silver shoes and not possessing a PRO tan – that the wearing of black socks is acceptable

  7. @Souleur
    I’ll allow the exception, but I’ve found that most folks wearing >5cm socks are hiding pretty spindly lower legs. Under the circumstances, it’s an understandable fashion choice, but just sayin’. Silver shoes/white socks: asking for a drubbing.

  8. @frank
    of course white socks and white shoes are a great combination. While black socks and black shoes should never be worn.

    Talking of white shoes. The original Time shoes were such a statement.

  9. @Jarvis
    Oh MAN!! Those shoes were SO cool. Our own KRX-10 loves them so much he has yet to move on beyond his cherished pair. For questions, review the below photo and tell me which shoes are the best looking pair?

  10. @frank
    nice drop from seat to handlebars – suggest a rule about riding deep dish rims at anywhere other than a race (ie. it is prohibited)?

  11. @Marcus
    This has been suggested before and the notion has been considered seriously by the Velominati. It has been met with divided responses. Of course, for a racing cyclist, this proposed Rule makes lots of sense. Train on something slower and heavier, and you will be set free when you switch to them on Race Day.

    That said, I submit my personal reasons to ride deep-dish wheels outside a race:

    1) They are gorgeous
    2) I enjoy riding them
    3) They are more comfortable
    4) They sound soooooo sweet
    5) I am nearly peaking
    6) They are my only set of campy-compatible wheels (that don’t belong to my woman) until I convince Jarvis to sell me his rims and I build up a set of 3-cross Ambrosios, at which point I might consider riding them on my R3 but probably won’t because of items 1-5.
    7) I am not presently racing

    And that’s without me even trying. I just made those up off the top of my head, and I think they are as good as any reason not to ride them in training. And I would also submit that riding deep-dish wheels when not racing is better than leaving your race number on your bike during training. In fact, Rule #75 added.

  12. Damn it. Rule #14 was perfectly sound before this recent change. “Team-issue shorts should be black, with the possible exception of side-panels, which may match the rest of the team kit.” Even for someone like myself not so keen on canonizing aesthetic preferences, that is a sensible rule, and I’ve never broken it. Besides making good sense, it pays homage to the traditions of the sport of ROAD cycling. Now the perfectly good rule has been butchered with the addition of “Lycra bibs only for the road, baggies only for the mountain bike.” What does that have to do with road cyclists wearing black shorts and the culture, history, and traditions of ROAD cycling? Nothing at all. The new Rule #14 is an ugly chimera.

    If MTBers want to make up a list of rules of etiquette, let them do so on their own terms, among their own kind.

    Rules #18 and #19 do not tell MTBers what to wear. They tell road cyclists what to wear and not wear. Rule #14 sets a really bad precedent on two counts. 1. At the arbitrary whim of a Keeper, such a chimera of a Rule is canonized, threatening to make the Rules simply the expression of the arbitrary preferences of some or another people. 2. A rule governing folks outside the road cycling community has now been canonized. Why stop there? Let’s add 20 more rules for MTBers. For that matter, let the commuters, of which I am one, have their say too.

    Further, XC MTBers train and race in full lycra kit all over the world at all levels. I mean, . . what the fuck? It’s not even a sensible rule for MTBers, for Christ’s sake.

    The MTB culture, I’m told, is a very, very different than the road cycling culture. So, the list of Rules, now, does not attempt to mark out one road cycling culture, which is hard enough. Now, it’s also about a completely different MTB culture as well as the road culture. Jesus Christ.

  13. @david
    While I am in support of said adjustment, you make good points and perhaps the placement of the baggies is in the wrong Rule. That said, baggies have no place on the road and, for non-racers, lycra has no place off the road. For those reasons, it has to be stated. Upon more careful study of the possible placement, I agree with your assertion. Rule #14 is restored to it’s previous state, and Rules #18 and #19 have been amended to also make statements about where baggies belong.

  14. @frank
    Frank: I think I can cut you some slack here (well played on bringing in Jens to back you up). Your lower leg is longer than I am. In that case, a huge calf is impossible, and the slightly longer sock makes some sense. I go with a shorter sock, not more than 2cm above the top of the ankle bone.

  15. @frank
    Aaaah Frank, thank you for your considered response. I agree with you on so many things, but on this point I must beg to differ.

    My reasoning on not riding deep dish rims in training is twofold:

    1.I get a little worried whenever I end up in a bunch with riders on deep dish wheels as they are invariably signs of either:
    a) a cashed up douche who spent up big at the bike shop and who will not be able to handle the wheels in any sort of breeze, or
    b) a good rider who is going to hand out the hurt.
    Am sure you fall into the latter category.

    2. They are expensive to replace – better off on a bomb-proof set of training wheels so you don’t end up trashing those Zipps when a rider in category 1(a) above brings you down on a training ride.

    But I can see that this is a matter of personal preference – and they undeniably look and sound good.

    I am now a subscriber to the tubeless tyre movement. Am pretty sure that is breaking some rule somewhere.

  16. Marcus :@frank
    I am now a subscriber to the tubeless tyre movement. Am pretty sure that is breaking some rule somewhere.

    What tubeless do you run? I like tubeless on my MTB (when I ride it, which is not that often these days), but have been a bit suspicious of whether they can handle the higher pressure on the road. Pretty unenthusiastic about popping one at 50kph carving around a corner …

  17. @Geof
    Lucky that you never hit 50kmh or carve around corners then…

    You’re right though Geof, where tubeless is the only way to go for MTB, I’m a bit sceptical about the high pressures too. But, I’m sure there’s no way they would be released to the public without extensive testing and posing the threat that they could explode and fail catastrophically… oh wait, Mavic R-sys!

  18. Use Campy Shamal 2-ways with Hutchison tyres (Atoms mostly) and Stan’s No Tubes for a training/racing combo. Initial installation was nowhere near as hard as it was reported to be.

    Have been going for almost 6 months on them and only had one flat when a piece of glass cut a 3cm rip in the tyre – whacked a tube in there with a 5-dollar note over the cut and got home fine. Replaced the tubeless with a clincher tyre for a few weeks as I didn’t have a spare tubeless tyre. So the “2-way” functionality has already been useful.

    Other than that one (understandable) flat they have been great – got through a half a season of (moderately paced!) crits so no problems found on cornering. There was a slight psychological reluctance to begin with (ie. what the fuck is my tyre holding onto!) but that has disappeared.

    I got them mainly for the asserted reliability, comfort of riding (fast!) on lower tyre pressures (contrary to what most roadies think, the benefit of lowering rolling resistance by increasing tyre pressure is very very marginal) and a very light but robust wheel.

    I am a convert. Will better be able to assess reliability after a year – but so far so good.

  19. Stans are releasing their own road rims/wheelsets soon too, if they are as good as their MTB stuff they will be awesome. But I guess there’ll always be people who will cry foul because of the MTB connection (although it hasn’t hurt Ritchey or SRAM).

  20. @frank

    The correct answer is Pedro Delgado’s shoes. I had a pair of the original Time shoes with the white soles, bought just before they brought the above version out so i was a little miffed. For a while I was a subscriber to the Greg Lemond school of adding a toe-strap between the two velcro straps. As Far as I could tell it made fuck all difference, but it made me look like I knew what I was doing, even if I was crap.

    I saw a pair of second generation Time shoes on ebay the other day. For shoes that were used and close to 20 years old, they were immaculate, they still had the small gold size sticker on the sole at the toe end.

    Once I’m back on the bike I’m lining a pair of the new Time shoes up as an early purchase.

    Frank is clearly wrong about running deep-section carbon wheels while not racing…or is he? While I think it is offensive to be running them on a training ride, unless you are close to peaking and are testing equipment prior to a race in a couple of days, it is only acceptable if you dish out a world of hurt as well otherwise you look like a douche (or a “knob” or a twat, if you’re British). As of a couple of years ago I returned to racing after a break of a few years and rightly found my self at the back of the easiest races. What I did notice was a general inability of a lot of people to ride a bike safely in a group. It was at this point I pondered the decline in cycling club culture, but also was thankful that I was riding a bike that was a 10 year-old frame with nothing better than 105 hung on it and a nice pair of Ambrosio tub wheel that if anyone put a skewer into could be repaired easily. It was then that I decided that if I was ever in a position to own a very nice, expensive bike – for instance Frank’s – I would only use it for riding around the countryside where I could enjoy it rather than have The Fear that some twat wouldn’t hold their line and take out a bike I couldn’t afford to replace. Case in point, at the end of one of the races I did last year, bringing up the rear of the bunch having completed my lead-out duties, two idiots sprinting for 27th, got together and ended up on the floor in front of me. One of said idiots was on a Giant TCR top-of-the-range frame with SRAM Red gear, the bike was a couple of weeks old and now had a hole in the frame and a bent front brake.

    I think that it is perfectly acceptable to ride all your nicest gear while out on training rides, but you still have to be able to carry the kit off with style.

  21. Marcus :I think a Campy wheelset removes the MTB concerns!

    Yeah, no doubts there mate! But I was referring to the new Stans road wheels not being accepted within the road scene because of their MTB heritage.

  22. @brett
    road scene has a big enough issue adapting to any change – the whole idea of tubeless (regardless of brand) will be slow if it happens to any large extent at all. Less flats seems like a pretty good idea to me…

  23. @ steampunk: thanks for the ‘elbow room’ on my socks and shoes of choice. I appreciate your concern that others in the peloton are hiding something. By the way, my calves have 3 chisled V’s, and 7cm doesn’t hide that.

    @ frank: I conceded wholeheartedly that white on white is fast, that is why I currently ride black, my expectations are low for now. Being of the Cognoscenti, and a Puritan on top of that, I recognize the implementation of Golden Rule, expecting from others what you would expect that they would expect of you. I will perhaps pick up my first set of whities next riding season, hoping then to jump up to a respectable place in the local racing scene. I however refuse to ride like a pussy in white shoes allowing others to repeatedly rape me on each and every hard effort and training ride. Black seems to retard that to some degree.

    and in terms of your very nice Velomahottie, my complements with respect. very nice indeed, you should be proud.

    @bikenerd: thanks, but I must be honest that ‘aesthete’ is a term I am not the originator of, for I am not nearly as original as that, and someone else within the Cognoscentia gets credit for that. It is only a term in my lexicon thanks to someone else whom I am the kind benefactor of.

    Now, in terms of deep dish or carbon rims and daily riding. I am conflicted in this for the following reason.

    a. I use to think it was something to be used race day only, and that it is of limited utility for daily riding due to the fact that daily riding is not ‘racing’.

    b. However, it shows a deep commitment, and all out assault and a daily demonstration to only riding the best and is a valuable ambassador for those around to see and appreciate.

    c. For that reason I can see this being an open interpretation of ones choosing.

    I personally ride zipp tubulars at races, but trade them out for training w/my mavic open pro custom built up clinchers for training and nasty riding due to their broad utilitarian application. I just cannot stomach flatting out tubulars too often and regluing.

  24. @Jarvis Here may be one way to put the point. If you run deep-dish carbon fiber wheels on a training ride, you had better take a solo flier at some point, and really make the pack work to catch you.

  25. Rule #68/74 conundrum; on a climbing ride how does one calculate the total metres ascended? I have a theory that map my ride, say, is pretty rubbish for working out climbed metres and also gradients. As an example, the 96km loop I’m doing tomorrow has 550m vertical metres and a max gradient of 5%. I’ve done this route with a garmin before and that has said its more like 1.5km and the gradient is more like 10-12%, at least on the first 500m of the climb.
    I take this to mean that either the altimeter in the garmin is out or map my ride/google maps is just not accurate enough (and its totally mapmyride thats wrong). I would say that map my ride is out (dependent on length of route) by 2 to 4 times, worked out from comparing the two systems.
    i’d rather use a garmin to work out vertical metres, therefore breaking Rule #74. I’d never use it to work out where I’m going (see; Rule #5) but I do use to to see where I’ve been and data associated with that (gradients, accelerations and whatnot). So i guess my point is that gps units do have their uses and if I use it right would help me in my quest to peak in two months. And I feel bad about breaking Rule #74 but not that bad.

  26. I hope that made sense, I’ve spent the whole of today trying to work out if my rear triangle is bent (I’ve still got no idea if it is, but something’s not right) and I’m fried.

  27. With respect to Rule #74 (pretty sure it wasn’t there last time I looked). My uni team have been given money in order to hire Power Meters… the logic being that we never gauge our training efforts well, and also can’t see how we progress… hmm… rule breaking

  28. @andy: I have never worried about meters ascended…

    We all just talk about the climbs when we get in. I have an altimeter on my cpu, but just don’t use it that much.

  29. So if (as per Rule #9) riding in bad weather means you are a badass. Period. What are you if you are doing intervals in bad weather and you just got done pouring five yards of concrete?

  30. Obviously I didn’t read all 521 comments but I may have found a glaring oversight in the rules:

    NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! run anything other than Campagnolo on an Italian bike.

  31. @Cyclops
    Didn’t you mean to say, “NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! run Campag”?

    @Nathan Edwards
    Two questions:
    1) Are you doing a sport science degree that requires the measurement of power?
    2) Is the sports science department using the cycling club to do research that requires measuring power?
    If the answer to these questions is, ‘No’, then you do not need a power meter and so are able to adhere to Rule #74, which is perfect by the way. Also you are at university and therefore should spend most of the time in the bar.

  32. I’d like to propose a new rule.

    There are no excuses to drop litter and this includes bottles and gel wrappers. It may be common sense to most people, but with PRO’s like Motoricus doing it when two-minutes clear in Roubaix, it’s quite clear that this pointless habit is stopped and if that requires a Rule, so be it.

    Last night the Velomihottie and myself went to watch a crit in the local town. Road races don’t happen very often around these parts, I think in a season there are only four races that you don’t have to drive over an hour and a half to reach. At about three-quarters of the way through the hour-long feature race one rider decided that he’d throw his gel wrapper at my feet. Delighted I picked up the wrapper, suggested that he’d dropped something and then went and put an official complaint with the race officials. Hopefully he was disqualified, but somehow I doubt it.

    There is another issue other than the littering, why would you need a gel in an hour-long race?

  33. @Souleur @andy
    I believe that when it comes to a velominatus, there is never be the need to quantify things such as metres climbed and kilometres ridden. Weather conditions, how the ride felt, terrain and how many hours you were out for, by all means. For example: yesterday I was out for six hours over three mountain passes in the piss-pouring rain, and finished off with three laps of a local circuit that includes a 20% climb. As Souleur says, the climbs can be discussed when you get it – how you dropped so and so at this point, to which they are then able to reply that they are peaking in two months time and so let you go as otherwise they might peak too soon.

    If you want to anal-ise the ride to the nth degree, please do it in the confines of you bedroom.

  34. @Jarvis
    1) No
    2) No
    … but I must disagree with the idea of being in the bar all the time… I’m at uni, more time to be on the bike. I must agree, I don’t think we’re good enough to require Power taps but it’s not my decision.

  35. @Geof
    Rule #5 failure obviously. His girlfriend argued with me, the outcome of which was that she (and probably he) are under the illusion that he is on his way to being a PRO…

  36. @Nathan Edwards
    Rule #5. Mon-Thurs: Study. Ride Bike. Go to Bar. Sleep. Repeat. Fri Eve-Sun: Go to Bar. Ride Bike. Go to Bar. Race. Sleep.

  37. @Jarvis
    @Geof

    The sugar in your blood starts thinning out at 30-45 minutes after you start riding. You want sugar in your blood. It’s a good thing. You will go faster using sugar from the blood as well as stored sugar. That’s why energy drinks, bars, gels, etc, in a one hour crit.

    Complying with Rule #5 does not require being dumb.

  38. No, you do need more sugar than what one bottle of a drink can provide in a one hour crit, even if you eat something before hand. 30-45 minutes, the sugar in your blood is drastically reduced. This is science, man. But, good for me the more people think like that. Spread your word as wide and far as possible.

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