The Rules

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.

The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them all into your life as a Velominatus is a never-ending struggle waged between form and function as we continue along The Path towards transcension.

See also The Prophet’s Prayer.

  1. // Obey The Rules.
  2. // Lead by example.It is forbidden for someone familiar with The Rules to knowingly assist another person to breach them.1
  3. // Guide the uninitiated.No matter how good you think your reason is to knowingly breach The Rules, it is never good enough.
  4. // It’s all about the bike. It is, absolutely, without question, unequivocally, about the bike. Anyone who says otherwise is obviously a twatwaffle.
  5. // Harden The Fuck Up. 2,20
  6. // Free your mind and your legs will follow.Your mind is your worst enemy. Do all your thinking before you start riding your bike.  Once the pedals start to turn, wrap yourself in the sensations of the ride – the smell of the air, the sound of the tires, the feeling of flight as the bicycle rolls over the road.
  7. // Tan lines should be cultivated and kept razor sharp.Under no circumstances should one be rolling up their sleeves or shorts in an effort to somehow diminish one’s tan lines. Sleeveless jerseys are under no circumstances to be employed.
  8. // Saddles, bars, and tires shall be carefully matched.3Valid options are:

    Match the saddle to the bars and the tires to black; or

    Match the bars to the color of the frame at the top of the head tube and the saddle to the color of the frame at the top of the seat tube and the tires to the color where they come closest to the frame; or

    Match the saddle and the bars to the frame decals; or

    Black, black, black

  9. // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.Fair-weather riding is a luxury reserved for Sunday afternoons and wide boulevards. Those who ride in foul weather – be it cold, wet, or inordinately hot – are members of a special club of riders who, on the morning of a big ride, pull back the curtain to check the weather and, upon seeing rain falling from the skies, allow a wry smile to spread across their face. This is a rider who loves the work.
  10. // It never gets easier, you just go faster.As this famous quote by Greg LeMan tells us, training, climbing, and racing is hard. It stays hard. To put it another way, per Greg Henderson: “Training is like fighting with a gorilla. You don’t stop when you’re tired. You stop when the gorilla is tired.” Sur la Plaque, fucktards.4
  11. // Family does not come first. The bike does.Sean Kelly, being interviewed after the ’84 Amstel Gold Race, spots his wife leaning against his Citroën AX. He interrupts the interview to tell her to get off the paintwork, to which she shrugs, “In your life the car comes first, then the bike, then me.” Instinctively, he snaps back, “You got the order wrong. The bike comes first.”21
  12. // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.While the minimum number of bikes one should own is three, the correct number is n+1, where n is the number of bikes currently owned. This equation may also be re-written as s-1, where s is the number of bikes owned that would result in separation from your partner.
  13. // If you draw race number 13, turn it upside down.Paradoxically, the same mind that holds such control over the body is also woefully fragile and prone to superstitious thought. It fills easily with doubt and is distracted by ancillary details. This is why the tape must always be perfect, the machine silent, the kit spotless. And, if you draw the unlucky Number 13, turn it upside down to counter-act its negative energy.
  14. // Shorts should be black.Team-issue shorts should be black, with the possible exception of side-panels, which may match the rest of the team kit.
  15. // Black shorts should also be worn with leader’s jerseys.Black shorts, or at least standard team-kit shorts, must be worn with Championship jerseys and race leadership jerseys. Don’t over-match your kit, or accept that you will look like a douche.
  16. // Respect the jersey.Championship and race leader jerseys must only be worn if you’ve won the championship or led the race.
  17. // Team kit is for members of the team.Wearing Pro team kit is also questionable if you’re not paid to wear it.  If you must fly the colors of Pro teams, all garments should match perfectly, i.e no Mapei jersey with Kelme shorts and Telekom socks.
  18. // Know what to wear. Don’t suffer kit confusion.No baggy shorts and jerseys while riding the road bike. No lycra when riding the mountain bike (unless racing XC). Skin suits only for cyclocross.
  19. // Introduce Yourself.If you deem it appropriate to join a group of riders who are not part of an open group ride and who are not your mates, it is customary and courteous to announce your presence. Introduce yourself and ask if you may join the group. If you have been passed by a group, wait for an invitation, introduce yourself, or let them go. The silent joiner is viewed as ill-mannered and Anti-V. Conversely, the joiner who can’t shut their cakehole is no better and should be dropped from the group at first opportunity.
  20. // There are only three remedies for pain.These are:

    If your quads start to burn, shift forward to use your hamstrings and calves, or

    If your calves or hamstrings start to burn, shift back to use your quads, or

    If you feel wimpy and weak, meditate on  Rule #5 and train more!

  21. // Cold weather gear is for cold weather.Knickers, vests, arm warmers, shoe covers, and caps beneath your helmet can all make you look like a hardman, when the weather warrants their use. If it isn’t wet or cold, save your Flandrian Best for Flemish weather.
  22. // Cycling caps are for cycling.Cycling caps can be worn under helmets, but never when not riding, no matter how hip you think you look. This will render one a douche, and should result in public berating or beating. The only time it is acceptable to wear a cycling cap is while directly engaged in cycling activities and while clad in cycling kit. This includes activities taking place prior to and immediately after the ride such as machine tuning and tire pumping.  Also included are cafe appearances for pre-ride espressi and post-ride pub appearances for body-refueling ales (provided said pub has sunny, outdoor patio – do not stray inside a pub wearing kit or risk being ceremoniously beaten by leather-clad biker chicks).   Under these conditions, having your cap skull-side tipped jauntily at a rakish angle is, one might say, de rigueur. All good things must be taken in measure, however, and as such it is critical that we let sanity and good taste prevail: as long as the first sip of the relevant caffeine or hop-based beverage is taken whilst beads of sweat, snow, or rain are still evident on one’s brow then it is legitimate for the cap to be worn. However, once all that remains in the cranial furrows is salt, it is then time to shower, throw on some suitable aprés-ride attire (a woollen Molteni Arcore training top circa ’73 comes to mind) and return to the bar, folded copy of pastel-coloured news publication in hand, ready for formal fluid replacement. It is also helpful if you are a Giant of the Road, as demonstrated here, rather than a giant douchebag. 5
  23. // Tuck only after reaching Escape Velocity.You may only employ the aerodynamic tuck after you have spun out your 53 x 11; the tuck is to be engaged only when your legs can no longer keep up. Your legs make you go fast, and trying to keep your fat ass out of the wind only serves to keep you from slowing down once you reach escape velocity. Thus, the tuck is only to be employed to prevent you slowing down when your legs have wrung the top end out of your block. Tucking prematurely while descending is the antithesis of Casually Deliberate. For more on riding fast downhill see Rule #64 and Rule #85.
  24. // Speeds and distances shall be referred to and measured in kilometers. This includes while discussing cycling in the workplace with your non-cycling coworkers, serving to further mystify our sport in the web of their Neanderthalic cognitive capabilities. As the confused expression spreads across their unibrowed faces, casually mention your shaved legs. All of cycling’s monuments are measured in the metric system and as such the English system is forbidden.
  25. // The bikes on top of your car should be worth more than the car. Or at least be relatively more expensive.  Basically, if you’re putting your Huffy on your Rolls, you’re in trouble, mister. Remember what Sean said.
  26. // Make your bike photogenic.When photographing your bike, gussy her up properly for the camera. Some parameters are firm: valve stems at 6 o’clock. Cranks never at 90 or 180 degrees. Others are at your discretion, though the accepted practices include putting the chain on the big dog, and no bidons in the cages.
  27. // Shorts and socks should be like Goldilocks.Not too long and not too short. (Disclaimer: despite Sean Yates’ horrible choice in shorts length, he is a quintessential hard man of cycling and is deeply admired by the Velominati. Whereas Armstrong’s short and sock lengths are just plain wrong.) No socks is a no-no, as are those ankle-length ones that should only be worn by female tennis players.
  28. // Socks can be any damn colour you like.White is old school cool. Black is cool too, but were given a bad image by a Texan whose were too long.  If you feel you must go colored, make sure they damn well match your kit. Tip: DeFeet Wool-E-Ators rule.
  29. // No European Posterior Man-Satchels.Saddle bags have no place on a road bike, and are only acceptable on mountain bikes in extreme cases.
  30. // No frame-mounted pumps.Either Co2 cannisters or mini-pumps should be carried in jersey pockets (See Rule #31). The only exception to this rule is to mount a Silca brand frame pump in the rear triangle of the frame, with the rear wheel skewer as the pump mount nob, as demonstrated by members of the 7-Eleven and Ariostea pro cycling teams. As such, a frame pump mounted upside-down and along the left (skewer lever side) seat stay is both old skool and Euro and thus acceptable. We restate at this time that said pump may under no circumstances be a Zefal and must be made by Silca. Said Silca pump must be fitted with a Campagnolo head. It is acceptable to gaffer-tape a mini-pump to your frame when no C02 cannisters are available and your pockets are full of spare kit and energy gels. However, the rider should expect to be stopped and questioned and may be required to empty pockets to prove there is no room in them for the pump.
  31. // Spare tubes, multi-tools and repair kits should be stored in jersey pockets.If absolutely necessary, in a converted bidon in a cage on bike. Or, use one of these.
  32. // Humps are for camels: no hydration packs.Hydration packs are never to be seen on a road rider’s body. No argument will be entered into on this. For MTB, they are cool.
  33. // Shave your guns.Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times. If, for some reason, your legs are to be left hairy, make sure you can dish out plenty of hurt to shaved riders, or be considered a hippie douche on your way to a Critical Mass. Whether you use a straight razor or a Bowie knife, use Baxter to keep them smooth.
  34. // Mountain bike shoes and pedals have their place.On a mountain bike.
  35. // No visors on the road.Road helmets can be worn on mountain bikes, but never the other way around. If you want shade, see Rule #22.
  36. // Eyewear shall be cycling specific.No Aviator shades, blueblockers, or clip-on covers for eye glasses.
  37. // The arms of the eyewear shall always be placed over the helmet straps.No exceptions. This is for various reasons that may or may not matter; it’s just the way it is.
  38. // Don’t Play Leap Frog.Train Properly: if you get passed by someone, it is nothing personal, just accept that on the day/effort/ride they were stronger than you. If you can’t deal, work harder. But don’t go playing leap frog to get in front only to be taken over again (multiple times) because you can’t keep up the pace. Especially don’t do this just because the person overtaking you is a woman. Seriously. Get over it.
  39. // Never ride without your eyewear.You should not make a habit of riding without eyewear, although approved extenuating circumstances include fog, overheating, and lighting condition. When not worn over the eyes, they should be neatly tucked into the vents of your helmet.  If they don’t fit, buy a new helmet. In the meantime you can wear them backwards on the back of your head or carefully tuck them into your jersey pocket, making sure not to scratch them on your tools (see item 31).
  40. // Tires are to be mounted with the label centered over the valve stem.Pro mechanics do it because it makes it easier to find the valve. You do this because that’s the way pro mechanics do it. This will save you precious seconds while your fat ass sits on the roadside fumbling with your CO2 after a flat. It also looks better for photo opportunities. Note: This obviously only applies to clinchers as tubulars don’t give you a choice.
  41. // Quick-release levers are to be carefully positioned.Quick release angle on the front skewer shall be an upward angle which tightens just aft of the fork and the rear quick release shall tighten at an angle that bisects angle between the seat and chain stays. It is acceptable, however, to have the rear quick release tighten upward, just aft of the seat stay, when the construction of the frame or its dropouts will not allow the preferred positioning. For Time Trial bikes only, quick releases may be in the horizontal position facing towards the rear of the bike. This is for maximum aero effect.9
  42. // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.If it’s preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run, it is not called a bike race, it is called duathlon or a triathlon. Neither of which is a bike race. Also keep in mind that one should only swim in order to prevent drowning, and should only run if being chased. And even then, one should only run fast enough to prevent capture.
  43. // Don’t be a jackass.But if you absolutely must be a jackass, be a funny jackass. Always remember, we’re all brothers and sisters on the road.
  44. // Position matters.In order to find the V-Locus, a rider’s handlebars on their road bike must always be lower than their saddle. The only exception to this is if you’re revolutionizing the sport, in which case you must also be prepared to break the World Hour Record. The minimum allowable tolerance is 4cm; there is no maximum, but people may berate you if they feel you have them too low.
  45. // Slam your stem.A maximum stack height of 2cm is allowed below the stem and a single 5mm spacer must always – always – be stacked above. A “slammed down” stack height is preferable; meaning that the stem is positioned directly on the top race of the headset.
  46. // Keep your bars level.Handlebars will be mounted parallel to the ground or angled slightly upward. While they may never be pointed down at all, they may be angled up slightly; allowed handlebar tilt is to be between 180 and 175 degrees with respect to the level road. The brake levers will preferably be mounted such that the end of the brake lever is even with the bottom of the bar.  Modern bars, however, dictate that this may not always be possible, so tolerances are permitted within reason. Brake hoods should not approach anything near 45 degrees, as some riders with poor taste have been insisting on doing.
  47. // Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples.Cycling and beer are so intertwined we may never understand the full relationship. Beer is a recovery drink, an elixir for post-ride trash talking and a just plain excellent thing to pour down the neck. We train to drink so don’t fool around. Drink quality beer from real breweries. If it is brewed with rice instead of malted barley or requires a lime, you are off the path. Know your bittering units like you know your gear length. Life is short, don’t waste it on piss beer.
  48. // Saddles must be level and pushed back.The seating area of a saddle is to be visually level, with the base measurement made using a spirit level. Based on subtleties of saddle design and requirements of comfort, the saddle may then be pitched slightly forward or backward to reach a position that offers stability, power, and comfort. If the tilt of the saddle exceeds two degrees, you need to go get one of those saddles with springs and a thick gel pad because you are obviously a big pussy. The midpoint of the saddle as measured from tip to tail shall fall well behind and may not be positioned forward of the line made by extending the seat tube through the top of the saddle. (Also see Rule #44.)
  49. // Keep the rubber side down.It is completely unacceptable to intentionally turn one’s steed upside down for any reason under any circumstances. Besides the risk of scratching the saddle, levers and stem, it is unprofessional and a disgrace to your loyal steed. The risk of the bike falling over is increased, wheel removal/replacement is made more difficult and your bidons will leak. The only reason a bicycle should ever be in an upside down position is during mid-rotation while crashing. This Rule also applies to upside down saddle-mount roof bars.23
  50. // Facial hair is to be carefully regulated.No full beards, no moustaches. Goatees are permitted only if your name starts with “Marco” and ends with “Pantani”, or if your head is intentionally or unintentionally bald. One may never shave on the morning of an important race, as it saps your virility, and you need that to kick ass.
  51. // Livestrong wristbands are cockrings for your arms.While we hate cancer, isn’t it better to just donate some money and not have to advertise the fact for the next five years? You may as well get “tryhard wanker” tattooed on your forehead. Or you may well be a bogan.
  52. // Drink in Moderation.Bidons are to be small in size. 500-610ml maximum, no extra large vessels are to be seen on one’s machine. Two cages can be mounted, but only one bidon on rides under two hours is to be employed. Said solo bidon must be placed in the downtube cage only. You may only ride with a bidon in the rear cage if you have a front bidon, or you just handed your front bidon to a fan at the roadside and you are too busy crushing everyone to move it forward until you take your next drink. Bidons should match each other and preferably your bike and/or kit. The obvious exception is the classic Coca-Cola bidon which by default matches any bike and/or kit due to its heritage. Coca-Cola should only be consumed flat and near the end of a long ride or all-day solo breakaway on the roads of France.
  53. // Keep your kit clean and new.As a courtesy to those around you, your kit should always be freshly laundered, and, under no circumstances should the crackal region of your shorts be worn out or see-through.
  54. // No aerobars on road bikes.Aerobars or other clip-on attachments are under no circumstances to be employed on your road bike. The only exception to this is if you are competing in a mountain timetrial.
  55. // Earn your turns.If you are riding down a mountain, you must first have ridden up the mountain. It is forbidden to employ powered transportation simply for the cheap thrill of descending. The only exception to this is if you are doing intervals on Alpe d’Huez or the Plan de Corones and you park your car up top before doing 20 repeats of the climb.
  56. // Espresso or macchiato only.When wearing cycling kit and enjoying a pre or post ride coffee, it is only appropriate to drink espresso or macchiato. If the word soy/skim latte is heard to be used by a member wearing cycling apparel, then that person must be ceremonially beaten with Co2 canisters or mini pumps by others within the community.6
  57. // No stickers.Nobody gives a shit what causes you support, what war you’re against, what gear you buy, or what year you rode RAGBRAI.  See Rule #5 and ride your bike. Decals, on the other hand, are not only permissible, but extremely Pro.
  58. // Support your local bike shop.Never buy bikes, parts or accessories online. Going into your local shop, asking myriad inane questions, tying up the staff’s time, then going online to buy is akin to sleeping with your best friend’s wife, then having a beer with him after. If you do purchase parts online, be prepared to mount and maintain them yourself. If you enter a shop with parts you have bought online and expect them to fit them, be prepared to be told to see your online seller for fitting and warranty help.
  59. // Hold your line.Ride predictably, and don’t make sudden movements. And, under no circumstances, are you to deviate from your line.
  60. // Ditch the washer-nut and valve-stem cap.You are not, under any circumstances, to employ the use of the washer-nut and valve-stem cap that come with your inner-tubes or tubulars. They are only supplied to meet shipping regulations. They are useless when it comes to tubes and tires.
  61. // Like your guns, saddles should be smooth and hard.Under no circumstances may your saddle have more than 3mm of padding. Special allowances will be made for stage racing when physical pain caused by subcutaneous cysts and the like (“saddle sores”) are present. Under those conditions, up to 5mm of padding will be allowed – it should be noted that this exception is only temporary until the condition has passed or been excised. A hardman would not change their saddle at all but instead cut a hole in it to relieve pressure on the delicate area. It is noted that if Rule #48 and/or Rule #5 is observed then any “padding” is superfluous.7
  62. // You shall not ride with earphones.Cycling is about getting outside and into the elements and you don’t need to be listening to Queen or Slayer in order to experience that. Immerse yourself in the rhythm and pain, not in whatever 80’s hair band you call “music”.   See Rule #5 and ride your bike.8
  63. // Point in the direction you’re turning.Signal a left turn by pointing your left arm to the left. To signal a right turn, simply point with your right arm to the right. This one is, presumably, mostly for Americans: that right-turn signal that Americans are taught to make with your left arm elbow-out and your forearm pointing upwards was developed for motor-vehicles prior to the invention of the electric turn signal since it was rather difficult to reach from the driver-side all the way out the passenger-side window to signal a right turn. On a bicycle, however, we don’t have this limitation and it is actually quite easy to point your right arm in the direction you are turning. The American right-turn signal just makes you look like you’re waving “hello” to traffic.
  64. // Cornering confidence increases with time and experience.This pattern continues until it falls sharply and suddenly.
  65. // Maintain and respect your machine.Bicycles must adhere to the Principle of Silence and as such must be meticulously maintained. It must be cherished, and when leaning it against a wall, must be leaned carefully such that only the bars, saddle, or tires come in contact with the wall or post.  This is true even when dismounting prior to collapsing after the World Championship Time Trial. No squeaks, creaks, or chain noise allowed. Only the soothing hum of your tires upon the tarmac and the rhythm of your breathing may be audible when riding. When riding the Pave, the sound of chain slap is acceptable. The Principle of Silence can be extended to say that if you are suffering such that your breathing begins to adversely affect the enjoyment of the other riders in the bunch, you are to summarily sit up and allow yourself to be dropped.10
  66. // No  mirrors.Mirrors are allowed on your (aptly named) Surly Big Dummy or your Surly Long Haul Trucker. Not on your road steed. Not on your Mountain bike. Not on your helmet. If someone familiar with The Rules has sold you such an abomination, return the mirror and demand a refund, plus interest and damages.
  67. // Do your time in the wind.Nobody likes a wheel sucker. You might think you’re playing a smart tactical game by letting everyone else do the work while you sit on, but races (even Town Sign Sprints) are won through cooperation and spending time on the rivet, flogging yourself and taking risks. Riding wheels and jumping past at the end is one thing and one thing only: poor sportsmanship.
  68. // Rides are to be measured by quality, not quantity.Rides are to be measured by the quality of their distance and never by distance alone. For climbing rides, distances should be referred to by the amount of vertical covered; flat and rolling rides should be referred to by their distance and average speed. For example, declaring “We rode 4km” would assert that 4000m were climbed during the ride, with the distance being irrelevant. Conversely, a flat ride of 150km at 23kmh is not something that should be discussed in an open forum and Rule #5 must be reviewed at once.7
  69. // Cycling shoes and bicycles are made for riding.Any walking conducted while wearing cycling shoes must be strictly limited. When taking a slash or filling bidons during a 200km ride (at 38kmh, see Rule #68) one is to carefully stow one’s bicycle at the nearest point navigable by bike and walk the remaining distance. It is strictly prohibited that under any circumstances a cyclist should walk up a steep incline, with the obvious exception being when said incline is blocked by riders who crashed because you are on the Koppenberg. For clarification, see Rule #5.7
  70. // The purpose of competing is to win.End of. Any reference to not achieving this should be referred immediately to Rule #5.11
  71. // Train Properly.Know how to train properly and stick to your training plan. Ignore other cyclists with whom you are not intentionally riding. The time for being competitive is not during your training rides, but during competition.
  72. // Legs speak louder than words.Unless you routinely demonstrate your riding superiority and the smoothness of your Stroke, refrain from discussing your power meter, heartrate, or any other riding data.  Also see Rule #74.
  73. // Gear and brake cables should be cut to optimum length.Cables should create a perfect arc around the headtube and, whenever possible, cross under the downtube. Right shifter cable should go to the left cable stop and vice versa.
  74. // V Meters or small computers only.Forego the data and ride on feel; little compares to the pleasure of riding as hard as your mind will allow. Learn to read your body, meditate on Rule #5, and learn to push yourself to your limit. Power meters, heart rate monitors and GPS are bulky, ugly and superfluous. Any cycle computer, if deemed necessary, should be simple, small, mounted on the stem and wireless.
  75. // Race numbers are for races.Remove it from your frame before the next training ride because no matter how cool you think it looks, it does not look cool. Unless you are in a race. In which case it looks cool.
  76. // Helmets are to be hung from your stem.When not worn, helmets are to be clipped to the stem and draped over your handlebars thusly.
  77. // Respect the earth; don’t litter.Cycling is not an excuse to litter. Do not throw your empty gel packets, energy bar wrappers or punctured tubes on the road or in the bush. Stuff em in your jersey pockets, and repair that tube when you get home.12
  78. // Remove unnecessary gear.When racing in a criterium of 60 minutes or less the second (unused) water bottle cage must be removed in order to preserve the aesthetic of the racing machine.13
  79. // Fight for your town lines.Town lines must be contested or at least faked if you’re not in to it or too shagged to do anything but pedal the bike.
  80. // Always be Casually Deliberate.Waiting for others pre-ride or at the start line pre-race, you must be tranquilo, resting on your top tube thusly. This may be extended to any time one is aboard the bike, but not riding it, such as at stop lights.15
  81. // Don’t talk it up.Rides and crashes may only be discussed and recounted in detail when the rider required external assistance in recovery or recuperation. Otherwise refer to Rule #5.
  82. // Close the gap.Whilst riding in cold and/or  Rule #9 conditions replete with arm warmers, under no circumstances is there to be any exposed skin between the hems of your kit and the hems of your arm warmers. If this occurs, you either need to wear a kit that fits you properly or increase the size of your guns. Arm warmers may, however, be shoved to the wrists in Five and Dime scenarios, particularly those involving Rule #9 conditions. The No-Gap Principle also applies to knee and leg warmers with the variation that these are under no circumstances to be scrunched down around the ankles; Merckx have mercy on whomever is caught in such a sad, sorry state. It is important to note that while one can wear arm warmers without wearing knee or leg warmers, one cannot wear knee or leg warmers without wearing arm warmers (or a long sleeve jersey). It is completely inappropriate to have uncovered arms, while covering the knees, with the exception of brief periods of time when the arm warmers may be shoved to the wrists while going uphill in a Five and Dime situation. If the weather changes and one must remove a layer, the knee/leg coverings must go before the arm coverings. If that means that said rider must take off his knee or leg warmers while racing, then this is a skill he must be accomplished in. The single exception would be before an event in which someone plans on wearing neither arm or leg warmers while racing, but would like to keep the legs warm before the event starts; though wearing a long sleeve jersey over the racing kit at this time is also advised. One must not forget to remove said leg warmers. 16
  83. // Be self-sufficient.Unless you are followed by a team car, you will repair your own punctures. You will do so expediently, employing your own skills, using your own equipment, and without complaining that your expensive tyres are too tight for your puny thumbs to fit over your expensive rim. The fate of a rider who has failed to equip himself pursuant to Rule #31, or who knows not how to use said equipment, shall be determined at the discretion of any accompanying or approaching rider in accordance with Rule #84.17
  84. // Follow the Code.Consistently with The Code Of The Domestique, the announcement of a flat tyre in a training ride entitles – but does not oblige – all riders then present in the bunch to cease riding without fear of being labelled Pussies. All stopped riders are thereupon entitled – but not obliged – to lend assistance, instruction and/or stringent criticism of the tyre mender’s technique. The duration of a Rule #84 stop is entirely discretionary, but is generally inversely proportional to the duration of the remaining time available for post-ride espresso.17
  85. // Descend like a Pro.All descents shall be undertaken at speeds commonly regarded as “ludicrous” or “insane” by those less talented. In addition all corners will be traversed in an outside-inside-outside trajectory, with the outer leg extended and the inner leg canted appropriately (but not too far as to replicate a motorcycle racer, for you are not one), to assist in balance and creation of an appealing aesthetic. Brakes are generally not to be employed, but if absolutely necessary, only just prior to the corner. Also see Rule #64.18
  86. // Don’t half-wheel.Never half-wheel your riding partners; it’s terrible form – it is always the other guy who sets the pace. Unless, of course, you are on the rivet, in which case it’s an excellent intimidation technique.22
  87. // The Ride Starts on Time. No exceptions.The upside of always leaving on time is considerable. Others will be late exactly once. You signal that the sanctity of this ride, like all rides, is not something with which you should muck. You demonstrate, not with words but with actions, your commitment. As a bonus, you make more time for post-ride espresso. “On Time”, of course, is taken to mean at V past the hour or half hour.
  88. // Don’t surge.When rolling onto the front to take your turn in the wind, see Rule #67, do not suddenly lift the pace unless trying to establish a break. The key to maintaining a high average speed is to work with your companions and allow no gaps to form in the line. It is permissible to lift the pace gradually and if this results in people being dropped then they have been ridden off your wheel and are of no use to the bunch anyway. If you are behind someone who jumps on the pedals when they hit the front do not reprimand the offender with cries of ‘Don’t Surge’ unless the offender is a Frenchman named Serge.
  89. // Pronounce it Correctly.All races shall be referred to by the name given in its country of origin, and care shall be taken to pronounce the name as well as possible. For Belgian Races, it is preferable to choose the name given in its region of origin, though it is at the speaker’s discretion to use either the Flemish or Wallonian pronunciation. This principle shall also be extended to apply to riders’ names, bicycle and component marquees, and cycling accoutrements.
  90. // Never Get Out of the Big Ring.If it gets steeper, just push harder on the pedals. When pressed on the matter, the Apostle Johan Museeuw simply replied, “Yes, why would you slow down?” It is, of course, acceptable to momentarily shift into the inner ring when scaling the 20% ramps of the Kapelmuur.
  91. // No Food On Training Rides Under Four Hours.This one also comes from the Apostle, Johan Museeuw, who said to @frank: “Yes, no food on rides under four hours. You need to lose some weight.” Or, as Fignon put it, sometimes, when we train, we simply have to go out to meet the Man with the Hammer. The exception is, of course, hard rides over two hours and races. Also, if you’re planning on being out for more than four hours, start eating before you get hungry. This also applies to energy drink supplements.
  92. // No Sprinting From the HoodsThe only exception is riders whose name starts with Guiseppe and ends with Saronni. See the Goodwood Worlds in 82.24
  93. // Descents are not for recovery. Recovery Ales are for RecoveryDescents are meant to be as hard and demanding as – and much more dangerous than – the climbs. Climb hard, descend to close a gap or open one. Descents should hurt, not be a time for recovery. Recovery is designated only for the pub and for shit-talking.25
  94. // Use the correct tool for the job, and use the tool correctly.Bicycle maintenance is an art; tools are designed to serve specific purposes, and it is essential that the Velominatus learns to use each tool properly when working on their loyal machine.
  95. // Never lift your bike over your head.Under no circumstances is it acceptable to raise one’s machine above your head. The only exception is when placing it onto a car’s roof-rack.

Posts related to The Rules may be found here.

Submit your suggestions in the posts, or via email here.

Credits

1 Thanks to Geof for this submission.
2 Stijn Devolder on Rule #5, in defense of staying in Belgium when his teammates went off to train in sunny Spain: “It is not so cold that you freeze on to your bike. You go from a temperature of zero (Celsius) to minus one and you’re not dead; It hardens your character.”
3 It is possible for experts to mix these matching guidelines successfully without breaking The Rules.  This is a very risky undertaking and can yield unpredictable results.  Proceed carefully and, if in doubt, run your configuration by the Keepers for approval.
4 Famous quote by Greg LeMond, hardman and American Cycling legend. Greg Henderson quote courtesy of Neil. (Incidentally, it does not matter how fast you go, but you may never give up.)
5 Thanks to James for his sound input on modifying this submission from it’s original draft which read, “An exception to wearing a cap when not riding is: If you have a soigneur (you don’t) and he places the cap on your head after you’ve just won a mountain top finish or soloed into the velodrome (you haven’t).”
6 Thanks to Rob for this submission.
7 Thanks to Rob (different from Rob in 6) for this submission.
8 Thanks to Saul at Speedy Reedy for this submission.
9 Thanks to BarryRoubaix for the astute observation regarding Time Trial Bikes.
10Thanks to Souleur for the astute observation regarding the Principle of Silence.
11 Thanks to Charlie for this addition.
12 Thanks to Jarvis and Steampunk for their tidy ways.
13 Thanks to Cyclops for this sensibly aesthetic addition.
15 Thanks to SupermanSam via our friends at CyclingTipsBlog.
16 Thanks to Rusty Tool Shed and Reid Beloni for assistance in helping craft the language of this Rule.
17 Thanks to Karim for this most accurate contribution.
18 Thanks to SterlingMatt for this most accurate contribution.
21 There are variants of this story, including one which is more likely to be the actual way this story unfolded, which goes that Sean Kelly is met by his wife after a the ’84 Amstel Gold Race and they get in his Citroen AX: “Ah, Sean” says his beloved wife, “in your life the car comes first, then the bike, then me.” “You got the order wrong,” Kelly scowls, “the bike comes first.” Thanks to Oli Brooke-White for helping sort out the details of the story.
22 Thanks to David Ezzy for this excellent contribution and fantastic ride out to Kaupo and back.
23 Thanks to Donnie Bugno for this most accurate contribution.
24 Thanks to Robert Millar – yes the Robert Millar for filling this most glaring omission.
25 Thanks to @urbanwhitetrash for the submission.

12,445 Replies to “The Rules”

  1. @Chris

    @ChrisO

    If you really want an argument I have a teenage son who can endlessly debate who would win a fight between a wolf and a leopard (or maybe it was a cheetah). I think you two would get on very well.

    Apparently the answer depends entirely on whether you’re talking Real World or Minecraft.

    On Minecraft I believe the eternal debate is “Who would win a fight between Yoda and Gandalf?”

    It’s a good question, I have to admit.

  2. Ok I got way off topic and I see what you’re saying but what about

    Rule #29: I’ve read the whole site in an attempt to find out how to carry 3 tubes and their co2 canisters. As yet I find that as long as you aren’t racing, a saddle bag is a good way to avoid stretching your expensive jersey. On one solo century ride I managed to finish in the last of those 3 tubes. This may not be a problem elsewhere, but in E. Tennessee our roads are built by people whose crowning life achievement was graduating 8 th grade. Anyhow I think small saddle bags ( I.e the Pedro’s single tube) are a good idea. Does anyone have any better ideas?

  3. @Mikael Liddy

    @GogglesPizano

    @ChrisO

    We’re old enough and well paid enough to do what the fuck we like – we can dress like pros on carbon-fibre race machines or we can wear gorilla suits and do charity events on hybrids.

    Right Fucking on! you just pretty much summed up my entire life

    granted, but which bit resembles you?

    We’re old enough and well paid enough to do what the fuck we like – we can dress like pros on carbon-fibre race machines or we can wear gorilla suits and do charity events on hybrids

    The underlined bit covers me off, Don’t mind throwing on a gorilla suit from time to time but I’ll pass on the last bit …

  4. @Fausto Crapiz

    Ok I got way off topic and I see what you’re saying but what about

    Rule #29: I’ve read the whole site in an attempt to find out how to carry 3 tubes and their co2 canisters.

    Going on the posts and threads around this site, I’d say this is the rule with the least committed following, so you’re in good company.

    This may not be a problem elsewhere, but in E. Tennessee our roads are built by people whose crowning life achievement was graduating 8 th grade.

    Ha, nicely put.

    Anyhow I think small saddle bags ( I.e the Pedro’s single tube) are a good idea. Does anyone have any better ideas?

    For three tubes? Not from me.

  5. @Fausto Crapiz 1 tube and a patch kit.

    Try some different tires.

    You are checking the tires for sharp things poking through them when you make the change, right?

  6. @Fausto Crapiz

    Ok I got way off topic and I see what you’re saying but what about

    Rule #29: I’ve read the whole site in an attempt to find out how to carry 3 tubes and their co2 canisters. As yet I find that as long as you aren’t racing, a saddle bag is a good way to avoid stretching your expensive jersey. On one solo century ride I managed to finish in the last of those 3 tubes. This may not be a problem elsewhere, but in E. Tennessee our roads are built by people whose crowning life achievement was graduating 8 th grade. Anyhow I think small saddle bags ( I.e the Pedro’s single tube) are a good idea. Does anyone have any better ideas?

    If you feel that you must carry 3 tubes, then your jersey has 3 pockets. Spread out the load and you won’t worry about stretching that expensive jersey that your parents bought you. (Winky-face.)

    However, I agree with @Nate. If you’re getting that many flats, you might want to think about some new/different tires.

  7. My tires are rubino pros. And there was nothing in the tire that was poking through the tube. Generally, though, when you hit a hole that some scientists thought was caused by a meteor. ……

    My real problem isn’t just stowing the tubes on a long ride, but managing the nutrition and multi tool and hydration. Unlike Europe, every town doesn’t have a fountain and if you go into the mountains, you can ride 60 miles without seeing a town:-)

  8. @Fausto Crapiz

    My tires are rubino pros. And there was nothing in the tire that was poking through the tube. Generally, though, when you hit a hole that some scientists thought was caused by a meteor. ……

    My real problem isn’t just stowing the tubes on a long ride, but managing the nutrition and multi tool and hydration. Unlike Europe, every town doesn’t have a fountain and if you go into the mountains, you can ride 60 miles without seeing a town:-)

    Just how much do you try to carry?  We’ve been through this a short while back but I can have 2 tubes, patch kit, multitool in a small pouch that goes in my centre pocket along with pump. Leaving 2 pockets for food, phone with cash and if needed light rain jacket.  Plenty for an imperial 100 without stopping with 2 bottles on the bike.

  9. In general, I need to carry a third bottle in the summer. Temps. Average 90-95 with really high humidity therefore; at least 3 bottles are needed.

  10. @Fausto Crapiz A few observations and some questions, just to help me understand your issues:

    …when you hit a hole that some scientists thought was caused by a meteor.

    I’ve never actually seen a hole created by a meteor but I would imagine they could be quite large. Could you not just ride around them?

    …but in E. Tennessee our roads are built by people whose crowning life achievement was graduating 8 th grade….

    You write quite well for a 7th grader. Do you have a banjo?

    Seriously though, @Nate is absolutely spot on. You really don’t need three tubes if you take the time to learn to patch your tubes.

    It’s all about self reliance and loads of tubes won’t help you if punctures = t+1 where t is the number of tubes.

    Take a patch kit, something to use as a tyre boot/sleeve and a small pump and it doesn’t matter how many punctures you get – take 3 tubes and CO2 cannisters and potentially you’re going to be fucked at some point.

    It also frees pockets for the other stuff.

    As for the multi tool have a think about what you’re really going to need to do with it if you’ve maintained your bike properly. Then get the smallest one with the tools you’re going to need on it.

    Rationalise your kit properly and there’s enough room for that third bottle.

  11. @Fausto Crapiz

    My tires are rubino pros. And there was nothing in the tire that was poking through the tube. Generally, though, when you hit a hole that some scientists thought was caused by a meteor. ……

    My real problem isn’t just stowing the tubes on a long ride, but managing the nutrition and multi tool and hydration. Unlike Europe, every town doesn’t have a fountain and if you go into the mountains, you can ride 60 miles without seeing a town:-)

    Rubinos are pretty ordinary. Try some other tires.  Maybe some Vittoria Paves.  If you are getting pinch flats, latex tubes and pump to an appropiate pressure before each ride.  Better yet, find a local Sensei who has been on your roads a while, and ask their advice.

  12. @Nate

    @Fausto Crapiz

    My tires are rubino pros. And there was nothing in the tire that was poking through the tube. Generally, though, when you hit a hole that some scientists thought was caused by a meteor. ……

    My real problem isn’t just stowing the tubes on a long ride, but managing the nutrition and multi tool and hydration. Unlike Europe, every town doesn’t have a fountain and if you go into the mountains, you can ride 60 miles without seeing a town:-)

    Rubinos are pretty ordinary. Try some other tires. Maybe some Vittoria Paves. If you are getting pinch flats, latex tubes and pump to an appropiate pressure before each ride. Better yet, find a local Sensei who has been on your roads a while, and ask their advice.

    Vittoria Paves are the business : 3000k through the winter, no punctures.  If you’ve seen the bomb craters that are the country roads in Wiltshire and Gloucestershire, that is some achievement. Mind you, after leaving them a couple of months and them slowly going flat, the valve came away from the latex and required a bit of unstitch / glue / stitch.  Perhaps I should have kept them inflated… live and learn.

  13. @Teocalli  Yup. My name actually is Fausto. My dad’s from Italy so I’ve had a chance to stay with family and train in north east Italy

  14. @Fausto Crapiz

    …..but in E. Tennessee our roads are built by people whose crowning life achievement was graduating 8 th grade..

    I find it peculiar and interesting when people want to talk shit about the state they live in.  “…Oh, Tennessee, a bunch of dumb ass red necks who can’t fix anything without duct tape….”   Yet it is home to some of the most intelligent scientists in the world, has arguably the most advanced research labs, as well as being home to the fastest computer on the face of this planet.  But to the uninformed, let them have their own.

    East Tennessee, outside of its asshole drivers, is a fantastic place to live and ride (the living part you’ll figure out when you move out on your own, and are paying taxes).

    If you carry three tubes to survive the rides you post on Strava, you’re either riding the wrongs roads, of off the side in the shoulder and debris.

    Stop taking the rules so seriously, and find the fun in them that is intended.

    By the way, if you think you’re the climbing badass junior of Tennessee….  you might want to check around before piping off at the mouth about out climbing people “by minutes”.

  15. @Chris

     

    I’ve never actually seen a hole created by a meteor but I would imagine they could be quite large. Could you not just ride around them?

    Excellent.

    It’s all about self reliance and loads of tubes won’t help you if punctures = t+1 where t is the number of tubes.

    Take a patch kit, something to use as a tyre boot/sleeve and a small pump and it doesn’t matter how many punctures you get – take 3 tubes and CO2 cannisters and potentially you’re going to be fucked at some point.

    Agreed. With a patch kit and pump you’re not fucked until punctures = p+1 where p is the number of patches in your kit. This should be lots, and if punctures > 6 then it might be time to call la voiture balai.

    For tubs, t=1, p=0. This is the reason I don’t ride tubs.

  16. @ChrisO

    If I was trying to digest the Rules for someone it would probably look something like this.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/active/recreational-cycling/10846828/How-not-to-be-a-fish-and-chips-cyclist.html

    Apart from his No.9 which I would rate as occasional and No.17 which he can stick up his ass.

    Not bad, #7 was the one that made me say ‘fuck off’ out loud. He does come across as a bit of a cock, the article might be better entitled ‘how not to present some helpful advice to beginners’. Saying he was reasonably fast 15 years ago (but you’ve probably never heard of him, so he has to tell you that) doesn’t lend his piece any authority.

    The problem with it is that all these middle-aged middle-managers he seems to be aiming at are all old enough and well paid enough to do what the fuck they like – and not give a toss what he thinks of them.

  17. @ChrisO

    Agree, these are a good start for the uninitiated.

    Why, out of curiosity, are you so down on helmets? 

  18. @VeloSix

    @Fausto Crapiz

    …..but in E. Tennessee our roads are built by people whose crowning life achievement was graduating 8 th grade..

    I find it peculiar and interesting when people want to talk shit about the state they live in. “…Oh, Tennessee, a bunch of dumb ass red necks who can’t fix anything without duct tape….” Yet it is home to some of the most intelligent scientists in the world, has arguably the most advanced research labs, as well as being home to the fastest computer on the face of this planet. But to the uninformed, let them have their own.

    East Tennessee, outside of its asshole drivers, is a fantastic place to live and ride (the living part you’ll figure out when you move out on your own, and are paying taxes).

    If you carry three tubes to survive the rides you post on Strava, you’re either riding the wrongs roads, of off the side in the shoulder and debris.

    Stop taking the rules so seriously, and find the fun in them that is intended.

    By the way, if you think you’re the climbing badass junior of Tennessee…. you might want to check around before piping off at the mouth about out climbing people “by minutes”.

    Chapeau.

  19. @Rob

    @ChrisO

    Agree, these are a good start for the uninitiated.

    Why, out of curiosity, are you so down on helmets?

    Oh god, well you asked and Frank hasn’t installed a Private Message system – but I’ll just assume everyone disagrees and I’m wrong, OK?

    1. They do very little. Most people wear them under the misapprehension they will save their lives, but I guarantee about 1% of helmet wearers have actually looked up the safety design specification. They are not designed to save your life in the same way that water wings are not designed to save you from drowning. They have some uses, but life-saving is beyond their design limitation.

    A classic part of this misunderstanding is the belief that it’s OK not to wear one down to the shops but it is a good idea going down a mountain. Totally arse-about. They are designed for collisions with stationary objects up to 12-14 mph – going down the shops is exactly what they are for. After that energy increases at the square of speed so if you are going twice as fast it is one quarter as effective, or one ninth as effective (i.e. bugger all to use the technical term) once you get at a respectable speed.

    2. They send the wrong message. They say that cycling is a dangerous activity for which we need special equipment and protection. You are more likely (in Britain anyway) to have a head injury in a car accident but does anyone wear helmets in cars? You could easily wear full protective helmets in cars but nobody does. The pressure to wear helmets is not based on rational risk assessment.

    I actually view this as part of a campaign to marginalise cyclists. It’s an exercise in victim blaming. Instead of focusing on dangerous driving and behaviour or encouraging road sharing any incidents become questions about why the cyclist didn’t do everything he/she could to avoid the injury. It’s no better than the “She was asking for it” attitude to sexual assault crimes in my view. And these questions are increasingly being raised in courts and compensation cases where dangerous, even fatal, inattention while driving a tonne of metal at high speed is regarded as merely unfortunate, but not wearing a helmet is contributory negligence.

    3. As more and more people wear helmets automatically or “obviously” as that journalist put it, pressure increases for them to become compulsory. There is good evidence that this reduces the number of people actually cycling, which in turn increases the accident rates – because there are fewer people on bikes there is less safety in numbers.

    The reason places like Holland and Denmark are both the safest places to ride bikes and also where very few people wear helmets is because it is an everyday activity where cyclist numbers and presence have passed critical mass and are part of the transport culture, not an obstacle to ‘real’ traffic.

    So I don’t wear a helmet unless I am forced to because I want to provoke thought in people about why they wear it, what they expect from it and what it is doing in a broader sense. If they still want to wear it then fine.

    I am not anti-helmet. Anyone who wants to wear one, go ahead. I’ve never tried to persuade anyone not to wear one. I only wish the helmet-evangelists showed the same respect and would save me their stories about how their lives were saved  or the really quite unpleasant comments I frequently get about how I shouldn’t expect them to clean up my brains from the road and why I should think about my loved ones seeing me as a brain-damaged vegetable. (For the record, any drivers running over me have standing permission from my wife to back up and make sure I’m properly dead, not permanently comatose. I’m well-insured.)

    I simply stand up for my right not to wear one and not to be told to wear one.

  20. @ChrisO So question for you, and this is not meant to be argumentative at all. A few years ago I was on a group ride, went down fairly hard, road work that was not pointed out + somewhat on the rivet. Didn’t have time to react so landed squarely on my left shoulder, broken collarbone, now I’m a real cyclist, yay. I also hit my head, fairly hard, behind my left ear. Cracked my helment and certainly hit my head, was somewhat woozy, in retrospect probably had a concussion of some sort. I’m thinking had I not been wearing a helmet it would have been bad news, but perhaps I’m wrong about that. Can anybody shed some light? Quite frankly I’d prefer to go riding without a helmet more often, but it just doesn’t seem like a great idea considering past experience.

  21. @Fins

    @ChrisO So question for you, and this is not meant to be argumentative at all. A few years ago I was on a group ride, went down fairly hard, road work that was not pointed out + somewhat on the rivet. Didn’t have time to react so landed squarely on my left shoulder, broken collarbone, now I’m a real cyclist, yay. I also hit my head, fairly hard, behind my left ear. Cracked my helment and certainly hit my head, was somewhat woozy, in retrospect probably had a concussion of some sort. I’m thinking had I not been wearing a helmet it would have been bad news, but perhaps I’m wrong about that. Can anybody shed some light? Quite frankly I’d prefer to go riding without a helmet more often, but it just doesn’t seem like a great idea considering past experience.

    I had a similar experience in a crash long ago (with the early helmets with cloth covers). In the crash my head wipped onto the tarmac loud enough for people to hear it in a car 100m away with the windows up (they claimed). To me it felt like a hitting a pillow (no fooling). There was a nice compression mark inside. No headaches, no wooziness, no nothing headwise (skin et al, not so much). Since then, I’ll take any protection I can get. Nothing will protect us fully (except maybe the Gary Bussie Helmet’s Helmet’s Helmet from SNL).

    ChrisO is 100% corrrect in his points, but what kills a number of people are the freak events. We have to wear helmets in the US at a race whenever we are moving on the bike because 2 master racers were killed in slow speed falls tooling around a parking lot without helmets (separate events, both in New Jersey). That said, a racer was killed near me in a crit while wearing his helmet; again a freak event, slow speed crash, just hit his head “just right.”

    I wear my helmet whenever I’m on the bike, even just checking the gears while in the driveway after working on the bike. It’s all a personal choice.

  22. @Fausto Crapiz

    Hmmmm……I break so many rules. Over the next few days I will explain to everyone why I do what I do. (I.e. piss everyone off) Try your best to reason with me but I’m a junior do don’t expect me to listen.

    I like this guy. Obnoxious. Brash. Unafraid. And apparently, a hell of a rider.

  23. @ChrisO I’ve never been entirely convinced that road helmets offer substantial protection at “achievable” cycling speeds but I generally wear one. Probably out of the laziness of not having to explain myself.

    There was an interesting article in the Telegraph a few days ago on the subject. By coincidence, the author of the article you linked above also wrote this in response.

  24. @Chris

    @ChrisO I’ve never been entirely convinced that road helmets offer substantial protection at “achievable” cycling speeds but I generally wear one. Probably out of the laziness of not having to explain myself.

    There was an interesting article in the Telegraph a few days ago on the subject. By coincidence, the author of the article you linked above also wrote this in response.

    A helmet is certainly useless if you wear it like the guy in the picture at the top of the article. I rode the UPAF event in Mke last Sunday. Helmets are mandatory, but hells bells, so many folks don’t have them adjusted at all. Forwards, backwards, tilted waaaay back, I saw it all.

  25. @VeloSix dDuct take is COOL!  Are you going to the race this weekend?  It looks like you’re Knox velo. If you’re east Tennessean then you’ll probably know what I’m talking about. …..

    To everyone else; thanks for the advice, looked at some latex tubes today. I just got out of bombproof tires and am enjoying the speed and stickiness of my new ones so I’m not changing those.@Chris No I don’t have a banjo but I do play fiddle as an alternative to classic. (Mountain vs. Road?)

  26. Can there please be a new rule posted that one may not raise arms in celebration unless they have actually won the race?

  27. @Fins (and anyone else) Not being rude and I understand you’re not being argumentative but this sort of thing can go on forever so I’m not going to fuel a helmet debate beyond what I’ve already said.

    Would insert smiley face if I was allowed.

  28. @Fausto Crapiz

    Rule #29: I’ve read the whole site in an attempt to find out how to carry 3 tubes and their co2 canisters. As yet I find that as long as you aren’t racing, a saddle bag is a good way to avoid stretching your expensive jersey. On one solo century ride I managed to finish in the last of those 3 tubes. This may not be a problem elsewhere, but in E. Tennessee our roads are built by people whose crowning life achievement was graduating 8 th grade. Anyhow I think small saddle bags ( I.e the Pedro’s single tube) are a good idea. Does anyone have any better ideas?

    Why on earth do you need three tubes? Ever heard of patches and a mini pump? The point here is don’t carry stuff you don’t need. Same applies to the large biddon rule.

    We have some of the worst roads on the planet around here and I ride 350kms a week. One tube, one co2, one mini pump and a pre-glued patch kit is all I need and fits nice and flat in a zip-lock in my centre pocket. The pump is the only thing that pertrudes out of the pocket and the package is only as thick as the tube… say 20mm. Get one, flat – Co2, new tube. Get another, patch it (they are just stickers, no glue and rasp) reinflate. I can do this up to 10 times as there are 10 patches.

  29. @Fausto Crapiz

    In general, I need to carry a third bottle in the summer. Temps. Average 90-95 with really high humidity therefore; at least 3 bottles are needed.

    Well after I have put the tube/co2/glue less patches/minipump neatly into one pocket, there is still room for a third bottle in the middle pocket which I do from time to time. I live in the tropics after all and that will get me the 60miles to the next tap as you mentioned in an earlier post. Three hours also doesn’t require any food, but if I wanted to it would be by adding multodextrin to the biddons and a couple of muslie bars. Still room in the pockets and still not looking like a pack animal.

  30. @Fausto Crapiz

    @VeloSix dDuct take is COOL! Are you going to the race this weekend? It looks like you’re Knox velo. If you’re east Tennessean then you’ll probably know what I’m talking about. …..

    To everyone else; thanks for the advice, looked at some latex tubes today. I just got out of bombproof tires and am enjoying the speed and stickiness of my new ones so I’m not changing those.@Chris No I don’t have a banjo but I do play fiddle as an alternative to classic. (Mountain vs. Road?)

    I quite like running latex tubes but one thing I have found is they don’t tollerate cuts in the tyres like butyl does. What happens is because they are softer, they will push out through the cut and bust. To stop this when I get a cut of sufficient size I patch the tire with a standard tube patch. This stops any undue wear and tear on the tube at that point.

  31. @Puffy

    @Fausto Crapiz

    @VeloSix dDuct take is COOL! Are you going to the race this weekend? It looks like you’re Knox velo. If you’re east Tennessean then you’ll probably know what I’m talking about. …..

    To everyone else; thanks for the advice, looked at some latex tubes today. I just got out of bombproof tires and am enjoying the speed and stickiness of my new ones so I’m not changing those.@Chris No I don’t have a banjo but I do play fiddle as an alternative to classic. (Mountain vs. Road?)

    I quite like running latex tubes but one thing I have found is they don’t tollerate cuts in the tyres like butyl does. What happens is because they are softer, they will push out through the cut and bust. To stop this when I get a cut of sufficient size I patch the tire with a standard tube patch. This stops any undue wear and tear on the tube at that point.

    You put the tube patch on the inside of the tyre – like a boot?

    Hadn’t thought of that but will give it a go – I’ve also had problems with the latex herniating through larger cuts.

    For this reason I carry a butyl tube as my spare, even though I run latex in the tyres normally.

    Have you tried or had success with patching latex tubes or do you just get rid of them?

  32. @ChrisO

    Have you tried or had success with patching latex tubes or do you just get rid of them?

    Use a old latex tube and cut it up for patches. Use contact adhesive or can get a latex adhesive.

  33. @sthilzy

    @ChrisO

    Have you tried or had success with patching latex tubes or do you just get rid of them?

    Use a old latex tube and cut it up for patches. Use contact adhesive or can get a latex adhesive.

    Same here, I’ve patched a latex tube just using a section of old latex tube and some ordinary rubber adhesive out of a standard patch kit, and it seems to be holding up fine.

  34. @Jabroni03

    Can there please be a new rule posted that one may not raise arms in celebration unless they have actually won the race?

    Penalty is doubtless that a force field directs your front wheel into the nearest bank and you faceplant into said bank with the whole being recorded and posted on the internet?

  35. @ChrisO thanks for the thorough explanation.

    I remember fondly my years of no helmets and would love to go back.

    What holds me back is the accidents I have had starting with sliding at 45 kph on my hairnet in a race. Imagine body at 45 degrees, feet up, and head scraping along the road. A cousin whose fall would have killed him but the early Bell mushroom saved him with some mild brain trauma. Lastly the really nice, wheelchair bound, guy in my building who was popped into a curb by a car in 1998, no helmet.

    So while not buying your reasoning about them not doing the job, although they obviously are not perfect, it is better than nothing.

    It really goes to personal risk. Like motorcyclists here in Florida if you want to go no helmet that is fine.  I think I take enough risk just riding in traffic but ironically the head injury I do not want is the stupid slow speed one. The one that seems to sneak up on you once in a life time no matter your skill level. At best a broken wrist, next a hip but the one that gets little press is head injury.

    I know I sound like a big pussy but come ride with me and I think you might change your mind. The reason I picked up on your dislike is that it seems to me your attitude is fine for you because you are very experienced. It’s the newbie that we both know will go down sooner than later that I think should be encouraged to wear a helmet. So my thought is that you might keep a lower profile where they may be influenced.

    Having said all the obvious above (for both of us, because it has all been said) I too am not pointing a finger and don’t really care because risk is relative and my risk may be way above or below yours and it is up to each in the end.

  36. Helmets…

    Bicycling Magazine had this fantastic article on the main problem with the current state of helmets. The “too long, didn’t read”, although everyone here should read the article, is that the standard all helmets must meet only addresses mitigating catastrophic injury and not the more common concussion injuries, a la @piwakawaka

    @Fins concussion is your brain bashing your skull.

    It’s essentially the same as the improvements in combat medicine – fewer fatalities, but more “walking wounded”.

  37. Seriously? This many posts on helmets & no Assos Girl? WHAT THE FUCK HAS BECOME OF THIS PLACE?

  38. Sure it’s no Assos Girl, but here’s a free lesson from @FYXO about how to wear the Denim Shit Kit…

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