The Rules

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.

The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them all into your life as a Velominatus is a never-ending struggle waged between form and function as we continue along The Path towards transcension.

See also The Prophet’s Prayer.

  1. // Obey The Rules.
  2. // Lead by example.It is forbidden for someone familiar with The Rules to knowingly assist another person to breach them.1
  3. // Guide the uninitiated.No matter how good you think your reason is to knowingly breach The Rules, it is never good enough.
  4. // It’s all about the bike. It is, absolutely, without question, unequivocally, about the bike. Anyone who says otherwise is obviously a twatwaffle.
  5. // Harden The Fuck Up. 2,20
  6. // Free your mind and your legs will follow.Your mind is your worst enemy. Do all your thinking before you start riding your bike.  Once the pedals start to turn, wrap yourself in the sensations of the ride – the smell of the air, the sound of the tires, the feeling of flight as the bicycle rolls over the road.
  7. // Tan lines should be cultivated and kept razor sharp.Under no circumstances should one be rolling up their sleeves or shorts in an effort to somehow diminish one’s tan lines. Sleeveless jerseys are under no circumstances to be employed.
  8. // Saddles, bars, and tires shall be carefully matched.3Valid options are:

    Match the saddle to the bars and the tires to black; or

    Match the bars to the color of the frame at the top of the head tube and the saddle to the color of the frame at the top of the seat tube and the tires to the color where they come closest to the frame; or

    Match the saddle and the bars to the frame decals; or

    Black, black, black

  9. // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.Fair-weather riding is a luxury reserved for Sunday afternoons and wide boulevards. Those who ride in foul weather – be it cold, wet, or inordinately hot – are members of a special club of riders who, on the morning of a big ride, pull back the curtain to check the weather and, upon seeing rain falling from the skies, allow a wry smile to spread across their face. This is a rider who loves the work.
  10. // It never gets easier, you just go faster.As this famous quote by Greg LeMan tells us, training, climbing, and racing is hard. It stays hard. To put it another way, per Greg Henderson: “Training is like fighting with a gorilla. You don’t stop when you’re tired. You stop when the gorilla is tired.” Sur la Plaque, fucktards.4
  11. // Family does not come first. The bike does.Sean Kelly, being interviewed after the ’84 Amstel Gold Race, spots his wife leaning against his Citroën AX. He interrupts the interview to tell her to get off the paintwork, to which she shrugs, “In your life the car comes first, then the bike, then me.” Instinctively, he snaps back, “You got the order wrong. The bike comes first.”21
  12. // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.While the minimum number of bikes one should own is three, the correct number is n+1, where n is the number of bikes currently owned. This equation may also be re-written as s-1, where s is the number of bikes owned that would result in separation from your partner.
  13. // If you draw race number 13, turn it upside down.Paradoxically, the same mind that holds such control over the body is also woefully fragile and prone to superstitious thought. It fills easily with doubt and is distracted by ancillary details. This is why the tape must always be perfect, the machine silent, the kit spotless. And, if you draw the unlucky Number 13, turn it upside down to counter-act its negative energy.
  14. // Shorts should be black.Team-issue shorts should be black, with the possible exception of side-panels, which may match the rest of the team kit.
  15. // Black shorts should also be worn with leader’s jerseys.Black shorts, or at least standard team-kit shorts, must be worn with Championship jerseys and race leadership jerseys. Don’t over-match your kit, or accept that you will look like a douche.
  16. // Respect the jersey.Championship and race leader jerseys must only be worn if you’ve won the championship or led the race.
  17. // Team kit is for members of the team.Wearing Pro team kit is also questionable if you’re not paid to wear it.  If you must fly the colors of Pro teams, all garments should match perfectly, i.e no Mapei jersey with Kelme shorts and Telekom socks.
  18. // Know what to wear. Don’t suffer kit confusion.No baggy shorts and jerseys while riding the road bike. No lycra when riding the mountain bike (unless racing XC). Skin suits only for cyclocross.
  19. // Introduce Yourself.If you deem it appropriate to join a group of riders who are not part of an open group ride and who are not your mates, it is customary and courteous to announce your presence. Introduce yourself and ask if you may join the group. If you have been passed by a group, wait for an invitation, introduce yourself, or let them go. The silent joiner is viewed as ill-mannered and Anti-V. Conversely, the joiner who can’t shut their cakehole is no better and should be dropped from the group at first opportunity.
  20. // There are only three remedies for pain.These are:

    If your quads start to burn, shift forward to use your hamstrings and calves, or

    If your calves or hamstrings start to burn, shift back to use your quads, or

    If you feel wimpy and weak, meditate on  Rule #5 and train more!

  21. // Cold weather gear is for cold weather.Knickers, vests, arm warmers, shoe covers, and caps beneath your helmet can all make you look like a hardman, when the weather warrants their use. If it isn’t wet or cold, save your Flandrian Best for Flemish weather.
  22. // Cycling caps are for cycling.Cycling caps can be worn under helmets, but never when not riding, no matter how hip you think you look. This will render one a douche, and should result in public berating or beating. The only time it is acceptable to wear a cycling cap is while directly engaged in cycling activities and while clad in cycling kit. This includes activities taking place prior to and immediately after the ride such as machine tuning and tire pumping.  Also included are cafe appearances for pre-ride espressi and post-ride pub appearances for body-refueling ales (provided said pub has sunny, outdoor patio – do not stray inside a pub wearing kit or risk being ceremoniously beaten by leather-clad biker chicks).   Under these conditions, having your cap skull-side tipped jauntily at a rakish angle is, one might say, de rigueur. All good things must be taken in measure, however, and as such it is critical that we let sanity and good taste prevail: as long as the first sip of the relevant caffeine or hop-based beverage is taken whilst beads of sweat, snow, or rain are still evident on one’s brow then it is legitimate for the cap to be worn. However, once all that remains in the cranial furrows is salt, it is then time to shower, throw on some suitable aprés-ride attire (a woollen Molteni Arcore training top circa ’73 comes to mind) and return to the bar, folded copy of pastel-coloured news publication in hand, ready for formal fluid replacement. It is also helpful if you are a Giant of the Road, as demonstrated here, rather than a giant douchebag. 5
  23. // Tuck only after reaching Escape Velocity.You may only employ the aerodynamic tuck after you have spun out your 53 x 11; the tuck is to be engaged only when your legs can no longer keep up. Your legs make you go fast, and trying to keep your fat ass out of the wind only serves to keep you from slowing down once you reach escape velocity. Thus, the tuck is only to be employed to prevent you slowing down when your legs have wrung the top end out of your block. Tucking prematurely while descending is the antithesis of Casually Deliberate. For more on riding fast downhill see Rule #64 and Rule #85.
  24. // Speeds and distances shall be referred to and measured in kilometers. This includes while discussing cycling in the workplace with your non-cycling coworkers, serving to further mystify our sport in the web of their Neanderthalic cognitive capabilities. As the confused expression spreads across their unibrowed faces, casually mention your shaved legs. All of cycling’s monuments are measured in the metric system and as such the English system is forbidden.
  25. // The bikes on top of your car should be worth more than the car. Or at least be relatively more expensive.  Basically, if you’re putting your Huffy on your Rolls, you’re in trouble, mister. Remember what Sean said.
  26. // Make your bike photogenic.When photographing your bike, gussy her up properly for the camera. Some parameters are firm: valve stems at 6 o’clock. Cranks never at 90 or 180 degrees. Others are at your discretion, though the accepted practices include putting the chain on the big dog, and no bidons in the cages.
  27. // Shorts and socks should be like Goldilocks.Not too long and not too short. (Disclaimer: despite Sean Yates’ horrible choice in shorts length, he is a quintessential hard man of cycling and is deeply admired by the Velominati. Whereas Armstrong’s short and sock lengths are just plain wrong.) No socks is a no-no, as are those ankle-length ones that should only be worn by female tennis players.
  28. // Socks can be any damn colour you like.White is old school cool. Black is cool too, but were given a bad image by a Texan whose were too long.  If you feel you must go colored, make sure they damn well match your kit. Tip: DeFeet Wool-E-Ators rule.
  29. // No European Posterior Man-Satchels.Saddle bags have no place on a road bike, and are only acceptable on mountain bikes in extreme cases.
  30. // No frame-mounted pumps.Either Co2 cannisters or mini-pumps should be carried in jersey pockets (See Rule #31). The only exception to this rule is to mount a Silca brand frame pump in the rear triangle of the frame, with the rear wheel skewer as the pump mount nob, as demonstrated by members of the 7-Eleven and Ariostea pro cycling teams. As such, a frame pump mounted upside-down and along the left (skewer lever side) seat stay is both old skool and Euro and thus acceptable. We restate at this time that said pump may under no circumstances be a Zefal and must be made by Silca. Said Silca pump must be fitted with a Campagnolo head. It is acceptable to gaffer-tape a mini-pump to your frame when no C02 cannisters are available and your pockets are full of spare kit and energy gels. However, the rider should expect to be stopped and questioned and may be required to empty pockets to prove there is no room in them for the pump.
  31. // Spare tubes, multi-tools and repair kits should be stored in jersey pockets.If absolutely necessary, in a converted bidon in a cage on bike. Or, use one of these.
  32. // Humps are for camels: no hydration packs.Hydration packs are never to be seen on a road rider’s body. No argument will be entered into on this. For MTB, they are cool.
  33. // Shave your guns.Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times. If, for some reason, your legs are to be left hairy, make sure you can dish out plenty of hurt to shaved riders, or be considered a hippie douche on your way to a Critical Mass. Whether you use a straight razor or a Bowie knife, use Baxter to keep them smooth.
  34. // Mountain bike shoes and pedals have their place.On a mountain bike.
  35. // No visors on the road.Road helmets can be worn on mountain bikes, but never the other way around. If you want shade, see Rule #22.
  36. // Eyewear shall be cycling specific.No Aviator shades, blueblockers, or clip-on covers for eye glasses.
  37. // The arms of the eyewear shall always be placed over the helmet straps.No exceptions. This is for various reasons that may or may not matter; it’s just the way it is.
  38. // Don’t Play Leap Frog.Train Properly: if you get passed by someone, it is nothing personal, just accept that on the day/effort/ride they were stronger than you. If you can’t deal, work harder. But don’t go playing leap frog to get in front only to be taken over again (multiple times) because you can’t keep up the pace. Especially don’t do this just because the person overtaking you is a woman. Seriously. Get over it.
  39. // Never ride without your eyewear.You should not make a habit of riding without eyewear, although approved extenuating circumstances include fog, overheating, and lighting condition. When not worn over the eyes, they should be neatly tucked into the vents of your helmet.  If they don’t fit, buy a new helmet. In the meantime you can wear them backwards on the back of your head or carefully tuck them into your jersey pocket, making sure not to scratch them on your tools (see item 31).
  40. // Tires are to be mounted with the label centered over the valve stem.Pro mechanics do it because it makes it easier to find the valve. You do this because that’s the way pro mechanics do it. This will save you precious seconds while your fat ass sits on the roadside fumbling with your CO2 after a flat. It also looks better for photo opportunities. Note: This obviously only applies to clinchers as tubulars don’t give you a choice.
  41. // Quick-release levers are to be carefully positioned.Quick release angle on the front skewer shall be an upward angle which tightens just aft of the fork and the rear quick release shall tighten at an angle that bisects angle between the seat and chain stays. It is acceptable, however, to have the rear quick release tighten upward, just aft of the seat stay, when the construction of the frame or its dropouts will not allow the preferred positioning. For Time Trial bikes only, quick releases may be in the horizontal position facing towards the rear of the bike. This is for maximum aero effect.9
  42. // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.If it’s preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run, it is not called a bike race, it is called duathlon or a triathlon. Neither of which is a bike race. Also keep in mind that one should only swim in order to prevent drowning, and should only run if being chased. And even then, one should only run fast enough to prevent capture.
  43. // Don’t be a jackass.But if you absolutely must be a jackass, be a funny jackass. Always remember, we’re all brothers and sisters on the road.
  44. // Position matters.In order to find the V-Locus, a rider’s handlebars on their road bike must always be lower than their saddle. The only exception to this is if you’re revolutionizing the sport, in which case you must also be prepared to break the World Hour Record. The minimum allowable tolerance is 4cm; there is no maximum, but people may berate you if they feel you have them too low.
  45. // Slam your stem.A maximum stack height of 2cm is allowed below the stem and a single 5mm spacer must always – always – be stacked above. A “slammed down” stack height is preferable; meaning that the stem is positioned directly on the top race of the headset.
  46. // Keep your bars level.Handlebars will be mounted parallel to the ground or angled slightly upward. While they may never be pointed down at all, they may be angled up slightly; allowed handlebar tilt is to be between 180 and 175 degrees with respect to the level road. The brake levers will preferably be mounted such that the end of the brake lever is even with the bottom of the bar.  Modern bars, however, dictate that this may not always be possible, so tolerances are permitted within reason. Brake hoods should not approach anything near 45 degrees, as some riders with poor taste have been insisting on doing.
  47. // Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples.Cycling and beer are so intertwined we may never understand the full relationship. Beer is a recovery drink, an elixir for post-ride trash talking and a just plain excellent thing to pour down the neck. We train to drink so don’t fool around. Drink quality beer from real breweries. If it is brewed with rice instead of malted barley or requires a lime, you are off the path. Know your bittering units like you know your gear length. Life is short, don’t waste it on piss beer.
  48. // Saddles must be level and pushed back.The seating area of a saddle is to be visually level, with the base measurement made using a spirit level. Based on subtleties of saddle design and requirements of comfort, the saddle may then be pitched slightly forward or backward to reach a position that offers stability, power, and comfort. If the tilt of the saddle exceeds two degrees, you need to go get one of those saddles with springs and a thick gel pad because you are obviously a big pussy. The midpoint of the saddle as measured from tip to tail shall fall well behind and may not be positioned forward of the line made by extending the seat tube through the top of the saddle. (Also see Rule #44.)
  49. // Keep the rubber side down.It is completely unacceptable to intentionally turn one’s steed upside down for any reason under any circumstances. Besides the risk of scratching the saddle, levers and stem, it is unprofessional and a disgrace to your loyal steed. The risk of the bike falling over is increased, wheel removal/replacement is made more difficult and your bidons will leak. The only reason a bicycle should ever be in an upside down position is during mid-rotation while crashing. This Rule also applies to upside down saddle-mount roof bars.23
  50. // Facial hair is to be carefully regulated.No full beards, no moustaches. Goatees are permitted only if your name starts with “Marco” and ends with “Pantani”, or if your head is intentionally or unintentionally bald. One may never shave on the morning of an important race, as it saps your virility, and you need that to kick ass.
  51. // Livestrong wristbands are cockrings for your arms.While we hate cancer, isn’t it better to just donate some money and not have to advertise the fact for the next five years? You may as well get “tryhard wanker” tattooed on your forehead. Or you may well be a bogan.
  52. // Drink in Moderation.Bidons are to be small in size. 500-610ml maximum, no extra large vessels are to be seen on one’s machine. Two cages can be mounted, but only one bidon on rides under two hours is to be employed. Said solo bidon must be placed in the downtube cage only. You may only ride with a bidon in the rear cage if you have a front bidon, or you just handed your front bidon to a fan at the roadside and you are too busy crushing everyone to move it forward until you take your next drink. Bidons should match each other and preferably your bike and/or kit. The obvious exception is the classic Coca-Cola bidon which by default matches any bike and/or kit due to its heritage. Coca-Cola should only be consumed flat and near the end of a long ride or all-day solo breakaway on the roads of France.
  53. // Keep your kit clean and new.As a courtesy to those around you, your kit should always be freshly laundered, and, under no circumstances should the crackal region of your shorts be worn out or see-through.
  54. // No aerobars on road bikes.Aerobars or other clip-on attachments are under no circumstances to be employed on your road bike. The only exception to this is if you are competing in a mountain timetrial.
  55. // Earn your turns.If you are riding down a mountain, you must first have ridden up the mountain. It is forbidden to employ powered transportation simply for the cheap thrill of descending. The only exception to this is if you are doing intervals on Alpe d’Huez or the Plan de Corones and you park your car up top before doing 20 repeats of the climb.
  56. // Espresso or macchiato only.When wearing cycling kit and enjoying a pre or post ride coffee, it is only appropriate to drink espresso or macchiato. If the word soy/skim latte is heard to be used by a member wearing cycling apparel, then that person must be ceremonially beaten with Co2 canisters or mini pumps by others within the community.6
  57. // No stickers.Nobody gives a shit what causes you support, what war you’re against, what gear you buy, or what year you rode RAGBRAI.  See Rule #5 and ride your bike. Decals, on the other hand, are not only permissible, but extremely Pro.
  58. // Support your local bike shop.Never buy bikes, parts or accessories online. Going into your local shop, asking myriad inane questions, tying up the staff’s time, then going online to buy is akin to sleeping with your best friend’s wife, then having a beer with him after. If you do purchase parts online, be prepared to mount and maintain them yourself. If you enter a shop with parts you have bought online and expect them to fit them, be prepared to be told to see your online seller for fitting and warranty help.
  59. // Hold your line.Ride predictably, and don’t make sudden movements. And, under no circumstances, are you to deviate from your line.
  60. // Ditch the washer-nut and valve-stem cap.You are not, under any circumstances, to employ the use of the washer-nut and valve-stem cap that come with your inner-tubes or tubulars. They are only supplied to meet shipping regulations. They are useless when it comes to tubes and tires.
  61. // Like your guns, saddles should be smooth and hard.Under no circumstances may your saddle have more than 3mm of padding. Special allowances will be made for stage racing when physical pain caused by subcutaneous cysts and the like (“saddle sores”) are present. Under those conditions, up to 5mm of padding will be allowed – it should be noted that this exception is only temporary until the condition has passed or been excised. A hardman would not change their saddle at all but instead cut a hole in it to relieve pressure on the delicate area. It is noted that if Rule #48 and/or Rule #5 is observed then any “padding” is superfluous.7
  62. // You shall not ride with earphones.Cycling is about getting outside and into the elements and you don’t need to be listening to Queen or Slayer in order to experience that. Immerse yourself in the rhythm and pain, not in whatever 80’s hair band you call “music”.   See Rule #5 and ride your bike.8
  63. // Point in the direction you’re turning.Signal a left turn by pointing your left arm to the left. To signal a right turn, simply point with your right arm to the right. This one is, presumably, mostly for Americans: that right-turn signal that Americans are taught to make with your left arm elbow-out and your forearm pointing upwards was developed for motor-vehicles prior to the invention of the electric turn signal since it was rather difficult to reach from the driver-side all the way out the passenger-side window to signal a right turn. On a bicycle, however, we don’t have this limitation and it is actually quite easy to point your right arm in the direction you are turning. The American right-turn signal just makes you look like you’re waving “hello” to traffic.
  64. // Cornering confidence increases with time and experience.This pattern continues until it falls sharply and suddenly.
  65. // Maintain and respect your machine.Bicycles must adhere to the Principle of Silence and as such must be meticulously maintained. It must be cherished, and when leaning it against a wall, must be leaned carefully such that only the bars, saddle, or tires come in contact with the wall or post.  This is true even when dismounting prior to collapsing after the World Championship Time Trial. No squeaks, creaks, or chain noise allowed. Only the soothing hum of your tires upon the tarmac and the rhythm of your breathing may be audible when riding. When riding the Pave, the sound of chain slap is acceptable. The Principle of Silence can be extended to say that if you are suffering such that your breathing begins to adversely affect the enjoyment of the other riders in the bunch, you are to summarily sit up and allow yourself to be dropped.10
  66. // No  mirrors.Mirrors are allowed on your (aptly named) Surly Big Dummy or your Surly Long Haul Trucker. Not on your road steed. Not on your Mountain bike. Not on your helmet. If someone familiar with The Rules has sold you such an abomination, return the mirror and demand a refund, plus interest and damages.
  67. // Do your time in the wind.Nobody likes a wheel sucker. You might think you’re playing a smart tactical game by letting everyone else do the work while you sit on, but races (even Town Sign Sprints) are won through cooperation and spending time on the rivet, flogging yourself and taking risks. Riding wheels and jumping past at the end is one thing and one thing only: poor sportsmanship.
  68. // Rides are to be measured by quality, not quantity.Rides are to be measured by the quality of their distance and never by distance alone. For climbing rides, distances should be referred to by the amount of vertical covered; flat and rolling rides should be referred to by their distance and average speed. For example, declaring “We rode 4km” would assert that 4000m were climbed during the ride, with the distance being irrelevant. Conversely, a flat ride of 150km at 23kmh is not something that should be discussed in an open forum and Rule #5 must be reviewed at once.7
  69. // Cycling shoes and bicycles are made for riding.Any walking conducted while wearing cycling shoes must be strictly limited. When taking a slash or filling bidons during a 200km ride (at 38kmh, see Rule #68) one is to carefully stow one’s bicycle at the nearest point navigable by bike and walk the remaining distance. It is strictly prohibited that under any circumstances a cyclist should walk up a steep incline, with the obvious exception being when said incline is blocked by riders who crashed because you are on the Koppenberg. For clarification, see Rule #5.7
  70. // The purpose of competing is to win.End of. Any reference to not achieving this should be referred immediately to Rule #5.11
  71. // Train Properly.Know how to train properly and stick to your training plan. Ignore other cyclists with whom you are not intentionally riding. The time for being competitive is not during your training rides, but during competition.
  72. // Legs speak louder than words.Unless you routinely demonstrate your riding superiority and the smoothness of your Stroke, refrain from discussing your power meter, heartrate, or any other riding data.  Also see Rule #74.
  73. // Gear and brake cables should be cut to optimum length.Cables should create a perfect arc around the headtube and, whenever possible, cross under the downtube. Right shifter cable should go to the left cable stop and vice versa.
  74. // V Meters or small computers only.Forego the data and ride on feel; little compares to the pleasure of riding as hard as your mind will allow. Learn to read your body, meditate on Rule #5, and learn to push yourself to your limit. Power meters, heart rate monitors and GPS are bulky, ugly and superfluous. Any cycle computer, if deemed necessary, should be simple, small, mounted on the stem and wireless.
  75. // Race numbers are for races.Remove it from your frame before the next training ride because no matter how cool you think it looks, it does not look cool. Unless you are in a race. In which case it looks cool.
  76. // Helmets are to be hung from your stem.When not worn, helmets are to be clipped to the stem and draped over your handlebars thusly.
  77. // Respect the earth; don’t litter.Cycling is not an excuse to litter. Do not throw your empty gel packets, energy bar wrappers or punctured tubes on the road or in the bush. Stuff em in your jersey pockets, and repair that tube when you get home.12
  78. // Remove unnecessary gear.When racing in a criterium of 60 minutes or less the second (unused) water bottle cage must be removed in order to preserve the aesthetic of the racing machine.13
  79. // Fight for your town lines.Town lines must be contested or at least faked if you’re not in to it or too shagged to do anything but pedal the bike.
  80. // Always be Casually Deliberate.Waiting for others pre-ride or at the start line pre-race, you must be tranquilo, resting on your top tube thusly. This may be extended to any time one is aboard the bike, but not riding it, such as at stop lights.15
  81. // Don’t talk it up.Rides and crashes may only be discussed and recounted in detail when the rider required external assistance in recovery or recuperation. Otherwise refer to Rule #5.
  82. // Close the gap.Whilst riding in cold and/or  Rule #9 conditions replete with arm warmers, under no circumstances is there to be any exposed skin between the hems of your kit and the hems of your arm warmers. If this occurs, you either need to wear a kit that fits you properly or increase the size of your guns. Arm warmers may, however, be shoved to the wrists in Five and Dime scenarios, particularly those involving Rule #9 conditions. The No-Gap Principle also applies to knee and leg warmers with the variation that these are under no circumstances to be scrunched down around the ankles; Merckx have mercy on whomever is caught in such a sad, sorry state. It is important to note that while one can wear arm warmers without wearing knee or leg warmers, one cannot wear knee or leg warmers without wearing arm warmers (or a long sleeve jersey). It is completely inappropriate to have uncovered arms, while covering the knees, with the exception of brief periods of time when the arm warmers may be shoved to the wrists while going uphill in a Five and Dime situation. If the weather changes and one must remove a layer, the knee/leg coverings must go before the arm coverings. If that means that said rider must take off his knee or leg warmers while racing, then this is a skill he must be accomplished in. The single exception would be before an event in which someone plans on wearing neither arm or leg warmers while racing, but would like to keep the legs warm before the event starts; though wearing a long sleeve jersey over the racing kit at this time is also advised. One must not forget to remove said leg warmers. 16
  83. // Be self-sufficient.Unless you are followed by a team car, you will repair your own punctures. You will do so expediently, employing your own skills, using your own equipment, and without complaining that your expensive tyres are too tight for your puny thumbs to fit over your expensive rim. The fate of a rider who has failed to equip himself pursuant to Rule #31, or who knows not how to use said equipment, shall be determined at the discretion of any accompanying or approaching rider in accordance with Rule #84.17
  84. // Follow the Code.Consistently with The Code Of The Domestique, the announcement of a flat tyre in a training ride entitles – but does not oblige – all riders then present in the bunch to cease riding without fear of being labelled Pussies. All stopped riders are thereupon entitled – but not obliged – to lend assistance, instruction and/or stringent criticism of the tyre mender’s technique. The duration of a Rule #84 stop is entirely discretionary, but is generally inversely proportional to the duration of the remaining time available for post-ride espresso.17
  85. // Descend like a Pro.All descents shall be undertaken at speeds commonly regarded as “ludicrous” or “insane” by those less talented. In addition all corners will be traversed in an outside-inside-outside trajectory, with the outer leg extended and the inner leg canted appropriately (but not too far as to replicate a motorcycle racer, for you are not one), to assist in balance and creation of an appealing aesthetic. Brakes are generally not to be employed, but if absolutely necessary, only just prior to the corner. Also see Rule #64.18
  86. // Don’t half-wheel.Never half-wheel your riding partners; it’s terrible form – it is always the other guy who sets the pace. Unless, of course, you are on the rivet, in which case it’s an excellent intimidation technique.22
  87. // The Ride Starts on Time. No exceptions.The upside of always leaving on time is considerable. Others will be late exactly once. You signal that the sanctity of this ride, like all rides, is not something with which you should muck. You demonstrate, not with words but with actions, your commitment. As a bonus, you make more time for post-ride espresso. “On Time”, of course, is taken to mean at V past the hour or half hour.
  88. // Don’t surge.When rolling onto the front to take your turn in the wind, see Rule #67, do not suddenly lift the pace unless trying to establish a break. The key to maintaining a high average speed is to work with your companions and allow no gaps to form in the line. It is permissible to lift the pace gradually and if this results in people being dropped then they have been ridden off your wheel and are of no use to the bunch anyway. If you are behind someone who jumps on the pedals when they hit the front do not reprimand the offender with cries of ‘Don’t Surge’ unless the offender is a Frenchman named Serge.
  89. // Pronounce it Correctly.All races shall be referred to by the name given in its country of origin, and care shall be taken to pronounce the name as well as possible. For Belgian Races, it is preferable to choose the name given in its region of origin, though it is at the speaker’s discretion to use either the Flemish or Wallonian pronunciation. This principle shall also be extended to apply to riders’ names, bicycle and component marquees, and cycling accoutrements.
  90. // Never Get Out of the Big Ring.If it gets steeper, just push harder on the pedals. When pressed on the matter, the Apostle Johan Museeuw simply replied, “Yes, why would you slow down?” It is, of course, acceptable to momentarily shift into the inner ring when scaling the 20% ramps of the Kapelmuur.
  91. // No Food On Training Rides Under Four Hours.This one also comes from the Apostle, Johan Museeuw, who said to @frank: “Yes, no food on rides under four hours. You need to lose some weight.” Or, as Fignon put it, sometimes, when we train, we simply have to go out to meet the Man with the Hammer. The exception is, of course, hard rides over two hours and races. Also, if you’re planning on being out for more than four hours, start eating before you get hungry. This also applies to energy drink supplements.
  92. // No Sprinting From the HoodsThe only exception is riders whose name starts with Guiseppe and ends with Saronni. See the Goodwood Worlds in 82.24
  93. // Descents are not for recovery. Recovery Ales are for RecoveryDescents are meant to be as hard and demanding as – and much more dangerous than – the climbs. Climb hard, descend to close a gap or open one. Descents should hurt, not be a time for recovery. Recovery is designated only for the pub and for shit-talking.25
  94. // Use the correct tool for the job, and use the tool correctly.Bicycle maintenance is an art; tools are designed to serve specific purposes, and it is essential that the Velominatus learns to use each tool properly when working on their loyal machine.
  95. // Never lift your bike over your head.Under no circumstances is it acceptable to raise one’s machine above your head. The only exception is when placing it onto a car’s roof-rack.

Posts related to The Rules may be found here.

Submit your suggestions in the posts, or via email here.

Credits

1 Thanks to Geof for this submission.
2 Stijn Devolder on Rule #5, in defense of staying in Belgium when his teammates went off to train in sunny Spain: “It is not so cold that you freeze on to your bike. You go from a temperature of zero (Celsius) to minus one and you’re not dead; It hardens your character.”
3 It is possible for experts to mix these matching guidelines successfully without breaking The Rules.  This is a very risky undertaking and can yield unpredictable results.  Proceed carefully and, if in doubt, run your configuration by the Keepers for approval.
4 Famous quote by Greg LeMond, hardman and American Cycling legend. Greg Henderson quote courtesy of Neil. (Incidentally, it does not matter how fast you go, but you may never give up.)
5 Thanks to James for his sound input on modifying this submission from it’s original draft which read, “An exception to wearing a cap when not riding is: If you have a soigneur (you don’t) and he places the cap on your head after you’ve just won a mountain top finish or soloed into the velodrome (you haven’t).”
6 Thanks to Rob for this submission.
7 Thanks to Rob (different from Rob in 6) for this submission.
8 Thanks to Saul at Speedy Reedy for this submission.
9 Thanks to BarryRoubaix for the astute observation regarding Time Trial Bikes.
10Thanks to Souleur for the astute observation regarding the Principle of Silence.
11 Thanks to Charlie for this addition.
12 Thanks to Jarvis and Steampunk for their tidy ways.
13 Thanks to Cyclops for this sensibly aesthetic addition.
15 Thanks to SupermanSam via our friends at CyclingTipsBlog.
16 Thanks to Rusty Tool Shed and Reid Beloni for assistance in helping craft the language of this Rule.
17 Thanks to Karim for this most accurate contribution.
18 Thanks to SterlingMatt for this most accurate contribution.
21 There are variants of this story, including one which is more likely to be the actual way this story unfolded, which goes that Sean Kelly is met by his wife after a the ’84 Amstel Gold Race and they get in his Citroen AX: “Ah, Sean” says his beloved wife, “in your life the car comes first, then the bike, then me.” “You got the order wrong,” Kelly scowls, “the bike comes first.” Thanks to Oli Brooke-White for helping sort out the details of the story.
22 Thanks to David Ezzy for this excellent contribution and fantastic ride out to Kaupo and back.
23 Thanks to Donnie Bugno for this most accurate contribution.
24 Thanks to Robert Millar – yes the Robert Millar for filling this most glaring omission.
25 Thanks to @urbanwhitetrash for the submission.

12,462 Replies to “The Rules”

  1. @Red Ranger

    thankfully we can’t see Gregory’s neck veins in this one…

    guns > Guns of Navarone +4 – I assume the steaks in France are even more charged than the Spanish ones

    you’ve got to take your chapeau off to these guys – they do nearly the same speed as the descenders on the road (okay, no furniture to hit), only on the flat, whilst leaning over at 40 degrees, and 30cm off the wheel in front – not sure I’d want to crash into Big G

  2. for those who didn’t see this one the first time around – most amazing of all, he got back on and finished the race – took several hours in theeatre to remove – right next to the popliteal nerves, so pretty serious – he was racing Sir Chris above at the time
    the pic of Sir Chris H is at the start, once they get going, its all pretty sedate with all the track standing stuff before they let rip – shame they have all the restrictions on track stand duration nowadays, but pretty cool stuff (…if your a brit or aussie) anyway

  3. @Dr C

    A massive amount of Rule #5 required to get up and finish with a chopstick from the local sushi take out place sticking out of his leg but loses a few Rule #9 points for riding indoors!

  4. That photo of Awang is sweaty-palm inducing.

    And check out this clip of Bauge’s recovery when Kevin Sireau goes over. Amazing skill and power. If you haven’t see it, wait for the slow-mo replay. Incroyable.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-z0Kh0pvNM

    Who said we don’t talk about Track ;-)

  5. Oli Oli Oli oi oi oi! When the man’s right he’s right.

    And while I ride a road bike if I had to choose I’d ride track over the road any day. Sir Chris’s standing start is a moment of perfection on a bike and to be honest I shudder to think what he does to the frames he rides. And sprint track bike fit isn’t really similar to road bike fit, so there’s not a lot to extrapolate there.

    @ChrisO

    I think this is behind the fad from a few years ago for triathletes to drill cleat holes well back from manufacturer’s standards to fit cleats under the foot arch. Saves the lower legs (can’t ankle at all) and you use the muscles you DON”T use during the run.

  7. On the Rules front (forgive me if this is repetition), but shouldn’t there be something in there to outlaw the Butch Cassidy style knees out anti-aesthetic stroking abomination which seems to be rather too common where I ride

    Surely the knee joints should only be premitted to rise and fall in a vertical plane in line with the pedals, save for those recovering from vasectomy or awaiting a total knee replacement….

  8. @ Oli

    I was trying to be diplomatic and give you the downstroke and avoid really jumping into the debate but since you keep insisting… you’re just wrong man… and on a couple fronts at that. I hardly want to debate “studies” but… someone turning perfect circles in a lab may not do much on the upstroke but the reality on the road is far different. If you’re shifting around in the saddle specifically because you’re trying to save the quads, you arent going to be spinning your ‘normal’ circles… You’re going to be easing into the downward push and letting the hammies take most of the load. Likewise, those studies also do nothing to take into account the effect upon cadence and the requisite reduction in pedal speed which necessarily accompanies a shift rearward.

    Also, the strongest muscle in the human body is actually either the tongue if we’re talking stregth to size or, more applicable here, the rectus femoris (one of several muscles which make up your quadriceps) in terms of just raw strength… While the gluteus maximus does warrant some mention for it’s strength, it’s also notable that the vast majority of that strength is dedicated to skeletal stabilzation. In terms of athletic output and glycogen storage capacity, the quads are untouchable.

    Given that the glutes offer minimal additional wattage on the bike in even the best scenarios (and that any additional wattage they generate requires additonal energy from the quads and other legs muscles for skeletal stabilization), we’re left with the hammies… By shifting back, you do produce a slight increase in the effective lever length similar to the effect of raising your saddle which would technically allow additional hamstring involvment (and I think this is whats got you confused actually)… HOWEVER, they can still only pull up or assist your leg in the last portion of extension and sweeping through the bottom of the stroke. In pulling up or in sweeping through the stroke, you’d effectively be pulling yourself back forward in the saddle and really be “fighting” yourself and just wasting energy from a number of muscle groups. That same rearward saddle position when used to engage the quads though, much like a leg press or squat, now has you positioned behind your knees to get maximum leverage out of your quads through the extension… this also has the benefit of continuing to push you back in the saddle relieving load from other skeletal stabilzation muscles, rotating the pelvis rearward and relieving perianal pressure thereby increasing comfort. THIS is why pro’s favor slacker seat angles, to produce power with the quads while climbing and because it’s biomechanically the most efficient.

    Now, on the other side, if you shift forward you actually decrease the leverage available to the quads because you’ve moved your hips further over your knees and (just as the hammies did when we were back) forcing the additional power would effectively push you out of position and leave you fighting yourself the whole time. Conversely though, while we’re in that forward position with our hips further over our knees, we’ve now moved the point at which our legs begin to straighten out forward in relation to the axis of pedal rotation… meaning that our hamstrings can begin to fire sooner and our position actually means that the ‘pull’ from the hammies will now keep us in our forward position. It’s also commonly acknowledged that this shift forward comes with a requisite reduction in power because the quads are less able to contribute but the effective decrease in saddle height from the shift forward allows for a higher cadence.

    In TT’s, a forward position in prefered because it allows the rider to conserve the maximum energy and substitute a higher cadence in place of the lost wattage while spending less calories overall for the same speed. In a Tri, the caloric conservation is still a consideration but, as someone else pointed out, it’s primarily to save the quads for the run.

  9. @G’phant

    @Oli Gents, I hesitate to wander into this potential battelfield when the combatants have more firepower, experience and armour than me. However … isn’t the engagement of glutes relative to hams a function of the degree of back arch? If your back is arched, your glutes work harder (relative to the quads). I find that sitting back certainly engages my glutes much more – but I think that is because I flatten my back more in that position (as a natural consequence of having to reach further forward). Correspondibgly, when I am further forward, my back is more arched and so glutes load up less relative to hams.
    Then again, I may be biomechanically untypical. (My physio gave me a new exercise for my left shoulder rehab last week. “Why does it hurt my right clavicle?” I asked. “It shouldn’t, you’re weird, ignore it” was his reply.)

    You’re actually right on the money g’phant… Think of it like doing a squat; the glutes get you moving and make a significant contribution through to just past 90 degrees of knee bend where the quads take over fully before the hammies kick in just before full extension. The rotation of the hips forward is effectively the same as squating down but, since it’s so inefficient (and unhealthy) to have a saddle low enough that you’re generating any power at or above 90 degrees of knee bend, the glutes can only ever minimally contribute to the pedaling motion without drastically rotating the hips forward which would typically come with a reduction in the muscles available for breating and would be counterproductive.

  10. @G’phant
    (My physio gave me a new exercise for my left shoulder rehab last week. “Why does it hurt my right clavicle?” I asked. “It shouldn’t, you’re weird, ignore it” was his reply.)

    I like your physio – happy to dish out some V when indicated

  11. @Leroy
    Your diplomacy aside, you’re wrong and I’m not “confused” at all. If you’re going to try and tear me down at least don’t misrepresent what I said. What I said was that Rule #20 was wrong, and I stand by that entirely.

    I never said anything about “shifting around in the saddle specifically because you’re trying to save the quads”, what I said was that you need to find a middle ground between a forward position that loads up your quads and a rearward position that loads up your glutes and hammies, which is the reverse of Rule #20. I didn’t bother going into specifics about exact muscles, because I wasn’t anticipating writing all day and the Rules are as general as I was being.

    Your reasoning for the rearward positioning of the pros is a part of the reason, but the effective production of power is the main reason.

    Lastly (and this time I do mean lastly), try pedalling a bicycle with your tongue and see how well it goes!

  12. Yikes, what have I walked in on here?

    While photos like the splinter-through-leg normally give me the shivers, that one is so crazy it just stuns me.

    Spent the weekend in Vermont at a wedding. The entire time I found myself wishing I had a road bike and being jealous of all the folks I saw out riding.

    I kind of feel bad about it, but I would have rather been out cycling than at the wedding, even though I had lots of friends in attendance.

    Do we have a name for this condition? La Vie Velominatus? I pretty much would rather be riding than doing anything else and aside from work/time with the VMH I think I’d be happy spending all my time cycling. Maybe I’ll grow out of this when I get older?

  13. @Ron

    I pretty much would rather be riding than doing anything else and aside from work/time with the VMH I think I’d be happy spending all my time cycling. Maybe I’ll grow out of this when I get older?

    Nope. Won’t happen.

    Oh, and Yikes indeed.
    My 2 cents as follows.
    My road bike of long ago was set up as per Rule #20, plenty of setback, just like I saw the pros doing it.
    In the past year I have been experimenting with my position on the mountain bike.
    Suffice it to say that it used to be set up with lots of setback. It is now set up about neutral, if not a bit forward of dead centre of the rails.
    The first thing I noticed when shifting it forward was that I suddenly had fuck all power when climbing or pushing a gear. This slowly improved over a period of 6 or so weeks.
    My belief is that by moving my position forward, I ceased recruiting my glutes to the degree previously because I was no longer biomechanically able, and was forced to use my quadriceps and vastus medialis more so. It took about 6 weeks for me to adapt.

    *ducks*

  14. @mouse

    @Ron

    and was forced to use my quadriceps and vastus medialis

    Damn, my tautology filter wasn’t working just then.
    It should read ‘and was forced to use my quadriceps more so.’

  15. Pingback: Rule #24 | Tour de France or bust

  16. @frank

    Another example might be Rule #42, which has caused confusion and made us look like even more calloused assholes than we really are:
    Have a look over them, and if you feel we missed something or misrepresented a Rule, please let us know, as always, we welcome your feedback. Also bear in mind we’ve added a few new ones, like Rule #13 and Rule #43.

    Damn, I’m gone for 5 days and we’ve become the kinder, gentler cycling site. What the hell? I thought we WERE calloused assholes. Hell, I even took a little pride in it. And besides, we’re taliking about offending TRIATHLETES here. They’re a bunch of pussies anywyas, who cares! (coming from a cyclist background who went to the darkside of TRI and then was able to fight my way back to the light :)

  17. @Buck Rogers
    The rules got a Hari Krishna make over. But I can live with that.

    As for the Hoy photo, I’m not saying anything about track riding. It is just that photo that really offends my senses to the point of me gagging.

  18. @Ron
    I pretty much would rather be riding than doing anything else and aside from work/time with the VMH I think I’d be happy spending all my time cycling. Maybe I’ll grow out of this when I get older?

    I’m older, and no, you don’t grow out of it, it just gets worse (or better depending on your perspective).

  19. @Oli

    @LeroyYour diplomacy aside, you’re wrong and I’m not “confused” at all. If you’re going to try and tear me down at least don’t misrepresent what I said. What I said was that Rule #20 was wrong, and I stand by that entirely.
    I never said anything about “shifting around in the saddle specifically because you’re trying to save the quads”, what I said was that you need to find a middle ground between a forward position that loads up your quads and a rearward position that loads up your glutes and hammies, which is the reverse of Rule #20. I didn’t bother going into specifics about exact muscles, because I wasn’t anticipating writing all day and the Rules are as general as I was being.
    Your reasoning for the rearward positioning of the pros is a part of the reason, but the effective production of power is the main reason.
    Lastly (and this time I do mean lastly), try pedalling a bicycle with your tongue and see how well it goes!

    Actually… what you said was that Rule #20 is an “arse backwards biomechanical fail”… which is why you’re wrong. Please explain where exactly you’ve been misrepresented… You’re simply wrong and refusing to admit it, first to Frank, then to someone else, and now to me… Since you were somehow unclear, Rule #20 deals with shifting around in the saddle specifically because you’re trying to save the quads… Likewise, you never said a word about ‘middle ground’ till now. So, for the guy throwing about ‘bio-mechanical’ fail awards, you either don’t understand biomechanics or you’re just being argumentative at this point. Pedal a bike with your tongue or whatever you want… the facts and the physics prove you’re wrong. I’ll just leave it at that, if you wanna stick with what you’ve been believing it’s not gonna hurt my riding but you are most definately incorrect.

  20. @Buck Rogers
    it’s just a clarification on the intent of the Rule – not in any way intended to make think Try-athletes are any less inferior. Which obviously they are. After all, rather than being mediocre at just one sport like I am, they’re mediocre at THREE sports. That makes us cyclists 66% less mediocre.

  21. @frank

    After all, rather than being mediocre at just one sport like I am, they’re mediocre at THREE sports. That makes us cyclists 66% less mediocre.

    This is pure gold and needs to be added to the rule!

  22. @frank

    @Buck Rogersit’s just a clarification on the intent of the Rule – not in any way intended to make think Try-athletes are any less inferior. Which obviously they are. After all, rather than being mediocre at just one sport like I am, they’re mediocre at THREE sports. That makes us cyclists 66% less mediocre.

    Whew, thought the site had gone all nancy on me or something.

    “Swim, Bike, Run … We’re good at None”

  23. @Leroy

    You’re a bit confused about at least one thing.

    My post about Tri bikes said : “Triathlon bikes (sorry) have a bigger seat tube angle (i.e. the seat is further forward in relation to the BB) with the aim being to use the quads more and hamstrings less, ahead of the running leg.”

    i.e. going forward saves the Hamstrings, which is the OPPOSITE of what Rule #20 says, and the point Oli was making.

    Somehow you have interpreted this as meaning that the forward position “In a Tri, … as someone else pointed out, it’s primarily to save the quads for the run.”.

    That’s the complete opposite of what I actually said. Triathletes are taking pressure off the hamstrings for the run, not the quads.

    So, misquotes aside, we agree triathletes go forward.

    The question then is whether they go forward to save their quads or hamstrings.

    If it is Quads you agree with Frank and Rule #20, and believe that Quads are the most important in running.

    If it is Hamstrings you agree with Oli and believe that Hamstrings are more important in running. Which I believe is a commonly held view.

  24. @Ron

    Spent the weekend in Vermont at a wedding. The entire time I found myself wishing I had a road bike and being jealous of all the folks I saw out riding.
    I kind of feel bad about it, but I would have rather been out cycling than at the wedding, even though I had lots of friends in attendance.

    I was camping this weekend at a pretty remote place in Washington that takes about 4 hours to get to… and on the ride out, especially when we were way out in the country, I was thinking about how fun it would be to ride on some of the rolling roads out there. Then when we got to the end of the dirt road and had to 4×4 out to the campsite on a friend’s truck, how awesome it would have been to have a cross or mountain bike available.

    I love to camp, but sometimes sitting around ALL DAY drinking and eating gets to me. I mean, I’m an American so I do both pretty well, but after a few days of that I start to feel like I need to actually do some physical exercise outside of lifting a beer can to my face.

  25. Apologies Chris, I did mistake your original statement.

    I’m saying they go forward to save the quads as Frank and Rule #20 suggest. In fact, if you see a rookie Triathlete who’s strength is the bike, they often ride further back sacrificing the quads in the hope of making up time they know they’ll lose in the run. Here’s the thing… the hammies simply cannot compete with the quads in terms of athletic potential. Think about how often you hear about a runner pulling a hammie compared to a quad and that gives you an idea of the overall strength and durability of the muscle. The quads are far more powerful with significantly more endurance available to them physiologically speaking. They can also engage power through a longer range of motion whereas the hamstring can only produce significant power for a much shorter range of leg motion near complete extension and pulling through past full extension. That’s also why the hamstring contributes far more to running than it can to cycling, because the legs are further extended than they are when cycling and forward motion can be generated through that ‘sweeping’ motion at full extension. You could say that running mimics sweeping through the bottom of the pedal stroke in that regard. If you watch the position of a runner’s hips in comparison with the center of rotation of their stride you’ll see that their hips are directly above or ahead of that rotation and that they end their stride with their rearward foot well behind their hips. This is why the hamstrings are further engaged in running, your hips are naturally ahead of your axis of rotation when running… this is what you try to replicate in shifting forward. In either running or cycling though, the quads are more important than the hamstrings as they’re simply a bigger muscular ‘engine’ driving you whichever sport it is.

    This is simple as I can try to explain it:
    Think of the knees rotating around the hips like a clock, with your knee being the “hour hand”… your quads can make tremendous power from about 3:00 all the way down through to about 6:00… The hamstrings can really only make power from about 5:00 through to about 6:30. If you’re fitted with the traditional tibial notch over pedal axle position and you’re back in the saddle then even when your cleat is at 6:00 in relation to the pedal stroke, it’s only barely reaching the 4:30 position in relation to your hips… So, when you’re back on the saddle the pedal stroke reaches the end of it’s effective “power band” just as the hamstrings are beginning to get into their ‘power band’, leaving a signifiant portion of the already small range over which the hamstrings develop power completely unable to contribute to the pedal stroke. Now, if we shift forward on the saddle and position our hips more directly above the pedal stroke, we begin to synchronize the two rotations and 5:00 on the pedals is 5:00 on our hips and our hamstrings can then engage earlier in the pedal stroke and they can then contribute to more of the pedal stroke, thereby saving the QUADS through moving FORWARD in the saddle.

  26. @Ron

    Spent the weekend in Vermont at a wedding. The entire time I found myself wishing I had a road bike and being jealous of all the folks I saw out riding.
    I kind of feel bad about it, but I would have rather been out cycling than at the wedding, even though I had lots of friends in attendance.
    Do we have a name for this condition? La Vie Velominatus? I pretty much would rather be riding than doing anything else and aside from work/time with the VMH I think I’d be happy spending all my time cycling. Maybe I’ll grow out of this when I get older?

    No kidding. I was in VT this last weekend as well. Up in North Ferrisburg (30 min south of Burlington) and dying without my bike! So beautiful there. I cannot wait to move back to VT in nine years!

  27. My cross to bare is having to ride in the N Ferrisburg area almost daily. Nice huh?

  28. @Targo

    My cross to bare is having to ride in the N Ferrisburg area almost daily. Nice huh?

    Really? How often do you ride Philo? :) I’ll be back up in North Ferrisburg a week from tomorrow for 9 days. We have a camp down on Long Point that has been in my wife’s family for around 100 years. Soooo beautiful.

  29. @Oli, @Leroy, @ChrisO, @MrLowell

    This has been a really interesting discussion, I’m disappointed I missed the bulk of it yesterday. I really do think as someone pointed out the truth is somewhere in the middle. I’ve worked in Science and research for long enough to know that accepted truths and conventional wisdom are often wrong; doing a study the right way is a very, very difficult thing to do and the best thing any of us can do is continue to question and raise ideas that challenge the accepted ways of doing things. Sometimes your right, sometimes your wrong. It’s nothing personal; it’s what we refer to as “progress”.

    I, for one, have read many of the books on sports science (for a while I was studying to become a Sports Doctor, after my doctor who looked exactly like Super Man repaired a knee injury that seemed utterly hopeless) and have digested everything I have ever been able to find on positioning. If I believed the conventional wisdom on bike fitting, I’d be riding a 66cm frame with 250mm cranks and riding in the sit up and beg postion, wondering why cycling sucks so much. So I’m inclined to question it, no matter how credible the source is.

    Setback is not a result of too small bikes (although they do go hand in hand), it’s a result of discovering that riders derive more power from using their femur as a lever and recruiting the awesomely powerful glutes (and hamstrings) to their best effect by pushing maximum power through the lever during the power stroke.

    Had a chat with some folks whose associate with the medical field makes me believe them, but whose credibility can’t be verified beyond the proverbial, “I have it on the excellent authority of the man down the pub…” The glutes might be very well leveraged by sliding back, but a hamstring is paired with a quadricep and as such one is used for pushing, one for pulling – it’s impossible, or at least counter-productive, to use both at the same time.The consensus was:

    1. Assuming a round chainring, no matter how creative you get with positioning, you cannot physically use your quad for any more than 50% of the stroke, and the same goes for your hamstring.
    2. How much use you get from your quads in which part of the stroke depends on your physiology and technique; you can’t (shouldn’t?) put people in a box and say it’s better to be back farther. That only applies to people with a certain physique – characteristics which may or may not be prominent among cyclists.
    3. Regardless of where you’re sitting, shifting forward or back in the saddle will stress slightly different muscle groups and relieve others.

    Rule #20 doesn’t discuss the use of your glutes and really just has to do with relieving whatever muscle groups you’re stressing. The wording might need some work, but I think despite our lengthy discussion here, we’ve still not determined with any certainty which position stresses which muscle groups, and it probably depends on your riding style and physiology.

  30. @ Frank
    @ Oli

    I’d definately agree that it’s personally and positionally dependant to an extent but the position of the hips’ axis of rotation in relation to the axis of pedal rotation is what will ultimately determine the muscle groups engaged. Sticking with just one rider in their usual position though, regardless of where that position begins, moving back favors quads while moving forward favors hamstrings.

    The body just wasn’t meant to drive power with the legs ahead of the hips and ever since mankind started walking on two legs, the body has evolved to generate power from the legs with our ankles under or slightly behind the hips. Sliding forward allows the body to more accurately replicate that geometric relationship for which the leg muscles as a group have evolved to support. Isolating the quads by moving further back gives better access to the most powerful muscle group in the legs which provides better power output but that isolation also reduces access to the faster twitch muscle groups which assist in maintaining a higher cadence and also forces a larger muscle to work harder which effectively burns more fuel than would engaging additional muscle groups at a lower overall intensity. I really reduce it any further than the clock example except to say… go ‘sit’ against a wall with your legs just above 90 degrees, put your feet as far out ahead as you’d like to replicate your rearward saddle position, and sit until something burns then come back and tell me if it was your quads or your hammies that lit up.

    All that set aside… I promise you, I am absolutely sure that Rule #20 is entirely accurate. In terms of the science, the biomechanical kinematics of the human body, it’s just fact.

  31. I was in Bennington for the wedding, then we camped on the Battenkill River. I’m dying to get back to VT with a bike. Pretty funny a few of us were all camping or in VT this weekend.

    Oh no, it only gets worse? (this sole devotion to cycling). I have gotten it a bit from my VMH lately. “All you do is work all day and then you want to ride all evening and night. We never spend time together. Don’t you want to do anything besides ride your bike? Don’t you want to go to dinner with friends? Or go see the dance festival?”

    The problem is that the answer is no. I’m working a lot lately and if I only have a few free hours a day, all I want to do with that time is cycle. Yes, the VMH is fun to be with, but aside from that, I could just work, eat, cycle…

  32. @Ron

    I was in Bennington for the wedding, then we camped on the Battenkill River. I’m dying to get back to VT with a bike. Pretty funny a few of us were all camping or in VT this weekend.
    Oh no, it only gets worse? (this sole devotion to cycling). I have gotten it a bit from my VMH lately. “All you do is work all day and then you want to ride all evening and night. We never spend time together. Don’t you want to do anything besides ride your bike? Don’t you want to go to dinner with friends? Or go see the dance festival?”
    The problem is that the answer is no. I’m working a lot lately and if I only have a few free hours a day, all I want to do with that time is cycle. Yes, the VMH is fun to be with, but aside from that, I could just work, eat, cycle…

    Damn, Dude. I hope your VMH does not read this site or you’ll be doing the pre-race Kelly routine for months (i.e. No bed time exercise)!

  33. @Ron
    The problem is that the answer is no. I’m working a lot lately and if I only have a few free hours a day, all I want to do with that time is cycle. Yes, the VMH is fun to be with, but aside from that, I could just work, eat, cycle…with you on this Ron, but relationships, be it with VMHs or your job, are about compromise, but also make the thing you really do want to do all the more of a joy…

    ….so that’ll be Sean Kelly for me then too! (but I’ll be too knackered after 6 hours of Eurosport each day after work for the next month to worry about that!)

  34. Ron, I somewhat agree with you. My problem is that most of my friends don’t cycle, and always want to do the same thing (go out to drink and eat). And while that is all fine and dandy, I (like everyone else on this site) have this very STRONG urge to want to be out on the bike. Even if I’m having an “off” day and don’t really feel like riding, if I manage to get myself out there I feel better almost immediately.

    So I have to make a choice. I live with my VMH, so I see here before work, after work, before and after each ride… every day, unless one of us is out of town. But often I have to choose to either see my friends, or ride my bike.

    Sometimes between work, life stuff, hanging out with the VMH, etc. I may only get in three good rides during the week. So if a night comes up where I had already planned a ride after work, and some friends call to say they are going out and to see what I’m doing, 99% of the time I stick with my original plan and go on my ride.

    Sometimes I feel bad about this, and I love my friends dearly, but the basic choice is between doing something I have a passion for, or sitting on my ass at the bar with a porter, talking about the same stuff we always talk about. Cycling is an adventure, and each time has something new to offer up – wish more of my friends were into it.

  35. Regarding seat position and setback, it really more depends on your pedaling style. For instance, my style uses my hamstrings more than most of the other riders I’ve know which has been proven in the weight room many times with many different people.

    While they are doing leg extensions with massive amounts of weight, I’m struggling with half the weight.
    While I’m doing leg curls with massive amounts of weight, they are struggling with half the weight.

    This has always been the case with me vs. other people of similar racing category/ability.

    I’ve got a good friend who does fits for a living (again this doesn’t mean they can’t be wrong) but works in wind tunnels and with all kinds of pros and bike manufacturers and since I’ve been recently squashed as well as my bike, I’ll be getting a new bike, so I’ll be visiting him soon to discuss all these things.

    The thing you have to remember about position is that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING (but pelvis anatomy vs saddle interface) has been studied properly. You can test your saddle setback in the lab and show that moving it around helps create more power in one position vs another, but that is in the lab on that day, what about after weeks of training in that position? You would need multiple subjects with very consistent training and tracking of their training over time etc. Not really practical nor will it ever offer true proof. So set your seat back as much as you like or not.

  37. @mcsqueak
    Join a club. You’ll make a bunch of new friends, you’ll have a reservoir of clubmates who a) ride more than you, b) ride harder than you, or c) both, giving you constant opportunities to ride, train and hang out with friends, simultaneously!

    And you can keep your old friends if you want.

  38. Yeah, I do like my VMH a whole lot & I also like seeing my friends who don’t cycle. I’d be sad without them. It is a compromise, for sure. But, when the VMH asks me if all I want to do is ride my bike, it’s hard to say no. If I woke up tomorrow with no friends and no bike, I would be sad for sure. However, a few hours out on the bike is always guaranteed to make me happy & I’d choose it over a lot of other stuff. If I can cycle plus those other things in the same day, awesome, but when I can only do one or the other, I feel deprived if I can’t get a ride in.

    sgt/others –
    Cycle club/team. Mentioned the other week I have been invited to join one. Still up in the air.
    PROS:
    – good dudes, small squad, road rides, cross races, rides to cx races, only need to show at one ride per week (others happen, Ths. ride a must if can make it), only have to wear kit when racing, support local cycling…team deal on parts
    CONS:
    – kit is kind of ugly
    – they go on weekend riding trips every few weeks – I like the dudes, but do I like enough for 72 hours of team time? Riding should be great, but 72 hours in a row? (maybe I’m overthinking it AND being a dick.)
    – Went to first team meeting and things got kind of intense. “What is the direction of our team?” I ride for fun, exercise, but also to exercise The V. I wonder if this is too serious and could drain the fun of it.

    Anyway, feedback appreciated on joining a team.

  39. @Ron
    Do it. The kit can always be changed next year.

    As for joining a club. It is something I really want to do but then I think about the 40 hours of school and part time job I will have it is hard to see having time for a club. But maye I will. Won’t know till I start school.

  41. @Ron
    Like red ranger, I say do it. But (and I have no idea where you live), those conditions seem a tiny bit steep. Is there another club around that you just haven’t engaged with yet?
    When I started riding, then racing, I met a lot of great guys (and some real asshats), and jumped teams every year or so till I found one that fit. Might sound like a lot of trouble up front, but very worth it in the long run.

  42. @Buck Rogers

    @Ron

    I was in Bennington for the wedding, then we camped on the Battenkill River. I’m dying to get back to VT with a bike. Pretty funny a few of us were all camping or in VT this weekend.Oh no, it only gets worse? (this sole devotion to cycling). I have gotten it a bit from my VMH lately. “All you do is work all day and then you want to ride all evening and night. We never spend time together. Don’t you want to do anything besides ride your bike? Don’t you want to go to dinner with friends? Or go see the dance festival?”The problem is that the answer is no. I’m working a lot lately and if I only have a few free hours a day, all I want to do with that time is cycle. Yes, the VMH is fun to be with, but aside from that, I could just work, eat, cycle…

    Damn, Dude. I hope your VMH does not read this site or you’ll be doing the pre-race Kelly routine for months (i.e. No bed time exercise)!

    Should we perhaps consider a new Lexicon entry?
    Pre-Race Kelly: A prolonged abstinence from sexual activity.
    to wit;
    The VMH tells me that she is close to peaking and keeps complaining about her guns. I have been Pre-Race Kelly for weeks now, and am getting very frustrated.

  43. @sgt

    Yeah, I joined a club last year and ride with them when I can. Unfortunately all their weekday rides are at 10 am, when I’m at work. I do their Saturday ride when I can, and I’ve met a few folks but no one I ride with outside of club rides.

    I should probably try to find another group that has evening club rides…

  44. @mcsqueak
    Yep, find a club that matches your aspirations. It took me a few years riding solo and checking out my options.

    @RedRanger

    @Ron
    Do it. The kit can always be changed next year.

    +1

  45. @Oli

    @LeroyYou sound at times like you know what you’re talking about; it’s a shame that you are so wrong about Rule #20.

    Wow… I’m over it believe whatever you want, but reality remains reality regardless of your beliefs. Like they say, you can’t teach what someone doesn’t want to learn.

  46. @sgt

    Yeah, I hear ya there… I think I need to find a club with less people, actually. The club I joined, while full of nice people, can have over 100 riders show up on Saturdays. They are then broken into smaller groups, so you may ride with some people one week, then with different people the next. Hard to trust the guys in your paceline not to fuck up when you’ve known them for 1 hour, and you don’t get the chance to grow with them on a weekly basis.

  47. @Sprider
    sheesh…….i have just wasted 10 mins of my life skimming through the rules……cyclists are such wankers. Latte sipping wankers……..

  48. @Leroy
    Wow Leroy, it’s not that I don’t want to learn, it’s that I think you’re wrong. Wow, I’m sorry if my opinion differs from yours. I hope that you don’t think you have the monopoly on reality though, as I’m quite certain that there are plenty of experienced cyclists and bike-fitters in the world who looks at bike fitting the same way as I do, i.e. that you don’t shift forwards to stop quad burn or back to ease the load on your hammies.

  49. Most important thing about joining a club is wearing the same kit as others when you turn up at an open event, as much as when you are doing the legwork club rides – I’ve been to a couple of events well outside our area, and instantly had a bunch who have welcomed me as their own, even though I didn’t know them, because I was wearing the same ludicrous pink lycra – these seem to be the more committed guys who appreciate your efforts, and you get to know them better than the club ride crew who chnge constantly
    Defo more fun than riding alone
    Then talk you mates into taking it up (requires the greatest tact and diplomacy, keep the V in it’s cage for that!)

  50. @real man

    @Sprider
    sheesh…….i have just wasted 10 mins of my life skimming through the rules……cyclists are such wankers. Latte sipping wankers……..

    Actually that’s espresso or macchiato sipping wankers to you (check Rule #56).

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